


The Little Artist and the Alcoholic.

by mrdarcy_writes



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Artists, Car Sex, Depression, Drunk Sex, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Porn Watching, References to Depression, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Separations, Sex, Shyness, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2020-09-26 21:09:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 142,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrdarcy_writes/pseuds/mrdarcy_writes
Summary: Penelo, a young artist, moves out to Stardew Valley to escape the city life hoping to find time for some creative freedom. Unsurprisingly, she is confronted by a wall of responsibilities with her overgrown grandfather's farm she had inherited. Without proper plumbing, broken windows and doors that don't lock, her hopes for her bank account to get past two digits becomes a number one priority.With rarely any time to focus on expanding her art from a hobby to a potential career she is lucky to make friends in the small village that begin to help her. Along the way, she meets a troubled but handsome Shane who is facing depression and alcohol addiction on his own. Finding comfort in one another they soon grow close after finding out they worked in the same office in the city.After some flirting here and there, Penelo and Shane wonder if a relationship would really be good for either of them and if they can make it work.





	1. Chapter One - Scruffy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, glad you came to visit my story. This is just written for fun but do keep in mind this text does cover the obvious struggles of mental health and suicidal tendencies as well as alcohol addiction. Please be considerate of these issues if they are sensitive to you. If you're also not a fan of explicit adult content then this text isn't for you. I hope you're all keeping safe and drinking water and taking proper care of yourselves!
> 
> Some things to my cannon:  
Jas (Jasmine) is Marnie's daughter.  
Shane is Marnie's nephew.  
There are hints of another character showing interest in the protagonist.  
Certain characters are bi.

Summer was always Penelo’s favourite season of the year. All her best memories were set under a cloudless sky where her skin was glimmering with sweat and the people around her were running around in damp tank tops. But crouching in front of her rusted sprinkler system as the sun bore down on her back and neck was making her start to second guess herself.

She might’ve craved a tan after years in the office back when she was in the city but she wasn’t sure if it was worth the hard work and labour to have switched professions into becoming a full-time farmer. She was running into more problems that weren’t escapable by clocking out at 5 pm anymore. Her current issues were starting to pile up and felt as if they were chasing her around. Half the time her toilet didn’t flush and her entire house didn’t have hot water. Life was only tolerable because all her problems were softened by the hot weather which she happened to enjoy. The wind that came through her house was surprisingly comforting when sleeping at night but she knew with Winter nearing every day it would be a different story.

“God, _please_ fucking work, I only have fifty fucking dollars.” She begged as she screwed in another bolt hoping it would do something to the sprinklers. She never knew what the issue was with them but tinkering with them for an hour every morning made them eventually work.

After a few tears and smacking the on button with her tools it finally whirred into action. She collapsed as the water sprayed her face. The watermelons that surrounded her small paddock seemed to almost glitter with freckles of drops of the glistening water. She wanted to put her face in her hands but her gardening gloves were always itchy so she stayed put as she let herself cry for a moment in relief.

Her income was depending on these melons. She didn’t have to pay for anything like rent like back in the city but she was surviving off what food her friends in the village managed to gather for her considering she was only was dirt broke. She was running low on quality of life items like toothpaste which she sadly couldn’t afford which made her feel lacking in regards to living a good life.

“Morning cowgirl.” She slowly flicked her head around to see her friends Leah and Elliott walking out of Leah’s Ute. They had brought her morning tea and she almost felt like crying again at the sheer thought of food. She was always on the verge of starvation and she was beginning to consider eating her own arm at times.

Getting up and ripping her gloves off she dragged herself over to the front steps of her small cottage where her friends were setting up a small picnic.

“You look absolutely ravished,” Elliott smirked. His strawberry blond hair was put into a high bun exposing his freckled neck in the hot sun. The three of them all wore tank tops and shorts which filled Penelo up with a fluttering feeling that she could only comprehend as nostalgia.

“I was prying at the sprinklers for a whole hour.” Penelo sagged.

“Well, lucky we’re here to save you. We went scavenging this morning. We knew you wouldn’t be able to make it this time but we managed to make you some jam with the berries we found. Some of the housewives also tipped in and gave you some food you might like.” Leah took out a loaf of bread and some other oddities like tea and cookies.

“God, I really should introduce myself to them and thank them.” Penelo brushed some loose hair strands out from her face.

“You’ve been busy, they understand," Elliott said smiling as he took his notebook out. Penelo always admired the fact that her friends found time to be creative. She moved to the countryside hoping she could paint again and find a career set for her with her hobbies but she never found the time with trying to survive.

“No, it sucks. You two are the only people I really know here. I’ve met only a few others like Robin the carpenter and the Mayor. I’ve forgotten everyone else’s names. _Oh_, except that Willy guy. Every time he sees me at the beach he offers me some stuff that hasn't sold. It’s been a lifesaver but I’m tired of eating _fish_.” She grimaced, her throat clenching at the thought.

“Well, I met you at the beach.” Elliott shrugged. “It’s Summer now, you can meet a lot more people if you came out to my cabin sometime.” Penelo was sometimes jealous of her friend living so close to the beach while her farm was a thirty-minute walk. Even so, she didn’t have time to reflect on those thoughts with the melons and her run-down cabin keeping her busy.

“I barely have the time. Everyone must go out there while I’m working anyways.”

“We’ll help you out around the farm. Not like we have full-time jobs or anything.” Leah shrugged.

“But you two depend on your art and writing to get by. I don’t want to pull you away from that.”

“You don’t have any time for your painting Penelo. We’re friends, we’ve got you.” Leah rubbed her friend’s back and smiled reassuringly.

“Thanks.” She muttered, lips wavering.

“Have you managed to draw anything?” Leah asked leaning into her friend.

“Only a few sketches. Nothing big.”

“Let us see.” Elliott smiled.

“My art book is inside.”

“Well go get it, tiger.” Leah laughed.

Penelo walked in and out of her house where she sat next to her friends pointing at some small scenery paintings and portraits of people she saw in her dreams. Her friends seemed to love them and talked about having an art show but Penelo grimaced. She didn’t have anything to show even if she wanted that for herself. After eating her friends told her to come around to Elliott’s beach cabin around 2 pm to get some fresh air but Penelo wasn’t so sure she could make it. She wanted to clear some weeds out since a lot of the farm was left still overgrown from when she had come to take over her grandfather’s farm. She expressed her doubt but her friends still smiled at her convinced she would turn up.

“_Hey, girl. Sorry, you couldn’t come this afternoon. Elliott and I went swimming for a little bit. Nothing extravagant. Come with us for dinner at the saloon. We’ll shout, meet some locals._”

Penelo read Leah’s text just as she had sat down on the couch. She was sore and tired with cuts on covering her arms and dirt and mud caking her legs and arms.

She was exhausted. She didn’t want to leave the house and socialise, but she knew she had been making that excuse ever since she had arrived in Stardew Valley for about a month now and she was _always_ starving. If there was free food she had to go.

She forced herself up to head to the shower before her body cooled down. With her house only running cold water she didn’t want herself freezing to death.

The pipes in the house always seemed to squeal and whine every time she decided to use the shower which she happily ignored to reduce some stress. She decided to try to look nice. She loved dressing up in the city — everyone always looked so nice in the city which she missed but it was also a relief to take it easy on the way she looked since moving. She didn’t have to get her hair done with how faded the ends were and she didn’t have to spend money on expensive foundation to hide her acne scars.

She knew no one would care in Stardew Valley with the population being just under forty people but she found some therapy in feeling pretty. She put her hair in twin braids and put a denim skirt on with a large white shirt tucked in. Putting a cap on and gathering her keys into a small pouch, she hopped in her shitty little car that always took a jarring amount of time to ignite and drove down the dirt road into the village.

Shane hated how the air conditioning in Jojomart was always just a little too cold. He also hated how blue everything was, it was depressing. The signs and the walls and the outfits were all blue and grey and white. It made everything feel lifeless and robotic.

He missed working in an office strangely enough and craved that much more than stocking the shelves in a grocery store for what seemed like forever. He wasn’t making a wage as big as he once had for management and advertisement at Jojo headquarters but he did have the potential to save more by living with his Aunt and his little cousin with no rent to pay. That didn’t mean that he was good with his money though, a majority going to canned beer to keep him sane.

It was a bad habit and he knew it. He always found himself belittling and poking at himself for it. He hated looking in the mirror too, he hated looking at the mess in his room, he hated thinking about what he was doing with his life.

Wiping his forehead and shivering for a moment he got up and looked at the clock. His shift was nearing completion. He wished he felt excited knowing it was Friday, his usual day to head to the saloon for a drink but he just felt tired turning his hat in. Before leaving he gathered himself, washing his hands which felt grimy from putting cans away for the last two hours and looking at himself to see if he looked okay. He grimaced, quickly looking away and heading out of the grocery store at top speed to get away from the creature on the other side of the glass. He didn’t know why he still cared about the way he looked. No one ever talked to him and that was the way he liked it. No one really looked at him except Emily the waitress at the saloon who somewhat felt like his friend but he’d never admit that to her knowing she’d never leave him alone if she knew that’s how he felt. He was scruffy, a mess with no fashion sense.

Nothing really mattered. Not anymore now that his life was to waste away in a small village an hour out from the city where life was once hopeful. It wasn’t good there, but he was hopeful in returning.

He just wanted to rest easy knowing he had the rest of the weekend off to waste his time however he wanted to.

“Well, if it isn’t Shane,” Emily with short dark blue hair seemed as cheery as ever. She was wearing a necklace made from childishly colourful beads with triangular earrings that dangled around as she moved. “Beer?”

Shane tried not to smile. “That sounds good.”

“Right! Coming up.” She pranced behind the counter getting a glass as Shane got comfortable in his usual corner near the fireplace. Placing his glass atop a coaster she leaned against the counter and tried meeting his eyes which made his gaze dart down to his hands. “How was work?”

“Same as always.”

“Hm, how interesting.” He knew she was teasing but he was thankful she learned to press him further. “Want anything to eat too?”

“Chicken wings would be good.”

“Extra spicy?” She tilted her head with a cheeky glare.

“Yes please.” She was already starting to tire him out now.

Familiar faces walked inside the saloon. He always saw that pompous fool come in to get wine with that girl that lived in the forest he spent time with. He hated their whole aura, their free spirit, their stress-free smiles - he couldn't grasp it. He felt as if they’d never understand his world view with how energetic and cheery they always seemed to be. How everything was ultimately meaningless and that spending your time trying to find meaning in things like art was a waste of time, it didn’t get anything done.

They sat down in a little booth against the far wall laughing giddily as they leant across the table to one another. Emily strutted over where they politely waved her off.

“That was strange,” Emily said as she returned, pressing her weight on the counter next to Shane. Without having to answer she finished her sentence. “They said they were waiting for someone.”

“What?” It was hard to think of who they would be waiting for. Everyone had their own circles in the Valley and it wasn’t like Elliott or Leah purposely chose to spend time with anyone else. It hurt to try to guess or if anyone had a recent birthday. He knew Sam’s had just passed but they would have celebrated it then.

Shane spotted the newcomer immediately. It was hard to miss someone new in the village and many eyes followed in the same direction as his. His chest felt tight which almost made him choke. He felt his face begin to burst into flames and he was thankful that no one was paying him any attention to look over at how sheepish he felt. He hated staring but he couldn’t stop himself.

The girl was of average height but she was leaning on the shorter side. Her hair was brown that faded into an old dyed blue. Only girls from the city ever seemed to dye their hair except for a couple of the Village girls such as Emily. It was a rare sight and it was a welcome one. A view that reminded him of the city.

Confused, he couldn’t seem to tell who she was or why she was in the village. He never really did pay attention to the news and gossip of the village. Word always seemed to go around as quickly as it got out but people were quick to learn that Shane hated all of it.

“Who is that?” He asked awkwardly.

“I’m guessing the girl who took over that old abandoned farm that Mr Blackbear left. She’s cute! And her hair is blue too. I’m going to go over and introduce myself.” She smiled giddily. Emily sauntered over in her waitressing dress and leaned over the counter past Gus the chef and almost immediately embraced the woman. Shane watched tentatively as well as the others in the saloon. He didn’t catch her name or the sound of her voice over the music but Emily was always loud and spoke clearly. He hoped he could get some information out of her later since she wasn’t giving away anything from a distance.

He noticed how fashionable she was. He felt instantly ugly compared to her with his stained work hoodie and old sneakers. He hadn’t shaved in about a week and he never seemed to do anything to his hair. He realised how he should’ve looked in the mirror a little longer before leaving work.

She definitely left an impression. She seemed to put effort into how she displayed herself and he couldn’t deny that he liked what he saw.

“So glad you made it.” Leah smiled as Penelo smooched over into the booth.

“Everyone is so nice.” She blushed as she took her bag off onto the table.

“You’d hope so in a small town like this.” Elliott shrugged.

“What do you want to eat and drink? We haven’t ordered anything yet.”

“Oh, what do they have?”

Elliott and Leah both seemed to point out their favourites but the word pizza made her jump in her seat. “God, I could really go for some pizza.” She exclaimed.

Shane glanced over at the sound of the new woman’s voice and watched as her friends giggled in response. He could tell it was soft.

He tried not to look over in their direction too much but he couldn’t seem to deny how curious he was. After about six months of being in the valley, he had grown comfortable with everyone in the village and what they were like. He didn’t like _not_ knowing someone who lived in the village.

“Hey, Shane.” Sam, a blond boy a little younger than him strutted over. He already felt his body sag. “Want to play pool with us?” Glancing over he saw Sam’s two best friends, Sebastian and Abigail. Sebastian was always wearing black and Abigail always looked like she wanted to introduce him to some new religion. They asked him to join almost every Friday making him start to reconsider coming to the Saloon on another day. He used to play pool in bars across the city before moving but now it just felt weird with Sam’s small group of friends always waiting on him.

“No, I’m good.” He looked away hoping it would shut down the conversation.

“Alright.” Sam sighed, turning around visibly disappointed. He stopped in his tracks when he spotted Penelo and quickly walked over without a care in the world. Shane almost wanted to stop him - to tell him not to go up but he knew he had no reason to. He was jealous of how open the fool was and how confident he was. A part of him wished he could go up just like him and say hello.

“Hey, you’re new. I’m Sam.” Penelo looked up at the skinny man in front of her. He looked young with his hair jelled up with the childish grin spread across his face.

“Penelo.” She shook his hand.

“You dress well. I should get some tips from you. I’m trying to get an aesthetic for the band I’m in.”

“You’re in a band? What kind?” Penelo asked attentively.

“We haven’t really decided. We keep switching names. But you should come over one day and listen to us. But hey, me and my friends are playing pool on the other side of the saloon if you three wanted to join. We’ve always got room.”

“Of course we will.” Leah smiled. “How have you been Sam?”

“Good as always.”

“How’s your father? Any news?” Elliott brushed his long hair behind his ear.

“No word.” He frowned. “Thanks for asking. But I’ll leave you guys to it.” Penelo could sense the visible sadness that stirred from the topic of his father and leaned over to ask what happened.

“His father is in the war right now,” Leah explained. “It’s been a long time. Neither of us have met him since we moved here.”

“Oh.” Penelo frowned. The topic changed to art over time as they waited on their drinks and meal and soon they headed over to Sam and his group where Penelo felt eyes on her. She glanced over to see a scruffy man with visible facial hair growing in. He was intimidating with wincing dark eyes and a standoffish aura. She only looked over for a second but she already didn’t want to do a second take.

“Who’s that?” She asked leaning closer to Elliott who looked down at her.

“Shane. Best to stay clear of him. I think that’s what he wants anyways. That’s him with his happy face.” Leah sipped her wine nonchalantly at her friends. Penelo’s eyebrows furrowed, visibly worried. She decided not to dig any further.

After finishing their meal and talking about their art projects, the three went over to the pool table to accompany Sam and his friends. It didn’t take long for her to get comfortable around them which was reassuring to Penelo who never seemed to get a grip on socialising. They were all around her age and all very easy to talk to. She met a man who seemed to tower over her who always wore black and a beautiful girl with purple wavy hair.

She was starting to settle and she was enjoying life for once even if it might be temporary. She never got to spend time with more than one or two of her friends at a time even when she was in the city. Being able to joke around and have fun with people was making life feel a little better even if she was barely getting by. Things were looking just a little hopeful.


	2. Chapter Two - City Reminders

Penelo sat on her front porch waiting in the morning sunlight. She was nervous. Her hands clasped tightly around her cup of coffee with eyes that felt somewhat dry.

Blinking profusely she stared at the dirt road until Leah and Elliott drove up beside her house. Placing her cup down on the wooden porch she stood up wrapping her arms around her torso as she stepped closer to the Ute.

“You okay?” Leah asked stepping out. Her hair was put into a side braid today. She was dressed to work wearing her thick brown pants Penelo was familiar with as her wood carving pants. Elliott never seemed to have sturdy clothes but it seemed he wore something casual which was his effort to dress for the occasion with a basic t-shirt and khaki shorts.

“I’m just not very...I don’t know, good with this whole _ business _ thing?”

“Don’t worry. It’s your first time. They’ll sell. This is just the beginning.” Elliott smiled. “We better get started if we want this done today.”

They got to work. They began collecting the ripe watermelons going to and fro from the back of the car. After countless hours and lots of water breaks, Penelo’s harvest was fully collected. She looked at the mess she knew she later had to clean up with loose vines and weeds to prepare for Autumn’s next crops but she was satisfied looking out across the field knowing she had done all of this work herself.

“We should celebrate.” Elliott expressed. “Go to the city!”

“Uh, right, we don’t really have enough to get there and back even if we put all our money in.” Leah laughed. “Let’s just go to the saloon maybe?” She giggled.

“Or maybe celebrate by getting my plumbing fixed. Or some insulation in the house. An air conditioner?” Penelo frowned.

“Come on, not even Elliott or me have all those things and we’re fine.” Leah waved her off with a chuckle. Elliott frowned in response which made Penelo raise her eyebrows.

“To be fair Leah, you did build a lot of your own house,” Elliott mumbled. “And I’m okay with living with spiders and everything but it gets very chilly in the Winter. I’d kill for air conditioning. Maybe we can sit down and look up some companies who will come here to do her house up.”

Penelo frowned. “I’ve barely been able to pay for electricity. I’ve legitimately only got two dollars in my account.”

“Alright, alright. Once she gets paid we’ll look through the phone book. But for now, I’ll shout.” Leah shrugged. “I’ve got a commission for an art sculpture anyways so I’ll be okay.”

“Really?” Elliott smiled.

“Yeah, I finally got around to starting an online profile. It’s some crazy old lady in her fifties who wants a giant wooden cat. I didn’t think my artwork was as much as she offered to pay. She’s willing to pay up to three hundred dollars.”

“Wow, that’s incredible.” Penelo scoffed and putting her friend into a tight embrace. “I’m happy for you. That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, I guess we’re all succeeding now aren’t we?”

Elliott smirked. “Yes, we are. I’ve actually been greenlit for an opportunity to publish my poems for a magazine in the city too.”

“Woah, Elliott. That’s amazing!” Both girls exclaimed.

“Maybe I should look into proper insulation too to celebrate. I’m not getting paid anything but it’s been two years I’ve survived Winter by huddling under itchy blankets.”

“It’s like camping as a kid all over again except it never ends.” Penelo smiled with a wince. “You could stay here if you’d like if I get it first?”

“Are you implying you’ll get proper heating first?” Elliott crossed his arms and leant in a little too close. Penelo brushed his face away as her palm met his face. She giggled face flushing. She always considered her friend handsome but she didn’t want to give him the wrong impression with a friendship so young.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get these big boys to Mayor Lewis.” Leah smiled sweetly with her lip gloss shimmering. They slapped the car in rhythmic patterns and all hopped in. The car took a while to get started but eventually they were off to the village.

“Shane?” He didn’t want any attention right now. He was laying in bed clinging onto his smelly blankets in hopes he could stay there forever. His aunt knocked on the door quietly which he appreciated. His head was throbbing and booming with the sound of his blood pumping He no longer felt the hangover but his mouth was dry and he needed to take a piss.

Parting the door open slowly she looked at the mess that had built up in his room. There were empty beer cans spread across the room and dirty clothes covering a majority of the floor. “Shane…” Her voice hinted sadness and he felt his whole body collapse in itself. “Jasmine said she wants you to take her to the park. I told her this afternoon if you were awake. It’s 2 pm now. She’s getting upset.”

He absolutely didn’t want to take his little cousin to the park. He barely wanted to get out of bed. But he could sense the disappointment that would be in his near future if he didn’t do it. Maybe some fresh air would be good. He could make it up to himself by going to the saloon even though it was a Saturday. It wasn’t like he had work in the weekends. He knew he had a whole day to get better tomorrow after a solid drink and sulk around doing nothing.

“Can you give me like half an hour or an hour?” He asked then cleared his throat.

“I’ll tell her an hour just because I know you.” Marnie smiled as sweetly as she could. “I love you. Make sure you drink some water.” She closed the door.

He felt a tang of pain as he was left alone but he was thankful he could be at peace with his own chaotic mind. He sat up pressing his bony feet against the carpet. He reached over for some bottled water which tasted horrible but his throat thanked him for it.

He let his mind wander. He couldn’t get that new girl out of his head. He found it strange that anyone wanted to spend time with the art freaks of the village. He even heard the likes of Sam complain how tired he got trying to talk to them sometimes and that was coming from the young man who complained about wanting to be in a band for years who just finally learned how to play the guitar. He knew that Leah and Elliott were relatively new just like him. He had been there for about eight months now while they had been in the valley for about a year or two. He was just thankful he had a warm room to sleep in while the likes of them lived in some wooden shacks in the middle of the forest and by the beach.

He was also thankful for a stable income compared to them even if his job sucked the soul right out of him. Stocking shelves didn’t exactly spice his life up. At least back in the city, there were things to do to excite him to come home most workdays like socialising with girls in bars and going to the arcade. He remembered how much easier it was to meet people beforehand but now living in the village where everyone knew each other and information flew across the radar he felt so nervous. He knew if he was back in the city he could talk to her. He wanted to.

God, she was like an old memory that reminded him of everything good about his past. No one dressed like her except the shallow Haley, Emily’s sister who was already dating some jock guy. The new girl was radiant. She was probably halfway through her farmer’s work by now considering the time of day it was. He felt ugly and sluggish just at the thought of it. He never intentionally got out of bed early even when he had days to work. He wished he had her ambition and work ethic. She probably enjoyed working out in the sun more than he ever could under the grocery store white lights of Jojamart.

He wished he was like her. She brought everything good about the city with her. Hopefulness, cheeriness and actual effort into the way she put herself out there.

Surprised by the growing bulge growing between his legs he felt somewhat embarrassed and disrespectful. He sighed, letting his mind drift selfishly away to Penelo as he lay back down in the dark reaching out to release himself.

“So all the produce will end up in the market in the city. You’ll receive payment as soon as I get it. Probably around Wednesday.” The mayor was a man in his sixties with a big grey moustache who always seemed to have time to put on suspenders. Penelo thought it suited him well but she could never shake this feeling off like she didn’t quite like him.

“And you’ll just put it in my mailbox?”

“Yep. I’ll make sure to add receipts and proof of the cut-offs.”

“Alright, thanks so much.” She smiled politely. “You’ve really helped out a lot. Understanding this whole farmer process has been really stressful.”

“No problem. I’m just glad there’s a farmer around again. Your grandfather would be so proud of you.”

Penelo winced at the mention of her grandfather. Forcing herself to smile again she thanked him and trotted back to the Ute into the backseat where she collapsed laying down.

“So when are you getting paid?” Leah asked nonchalantly.

“Probably Wednesday.”

“Did he say how much?”

“Probably in the thousands he thinks.” Her friends made satisfied expressions to one another. “I think I’ll get a plumber first. I think insulating the house costs more than what I’ll get.”

“And air conditioning too. My parents were rich bastards back in the city. I saw the bills once air conditioning really became a thing.” Elliott frowned. “Plumbing sounds good for now. Especially for those sprinklers. It’ll save you more time so you can be more productive with your farm.”

“Then you’ll finally be able to start painting. How about buying an easel? Wait, even better, Robin the carpenter can help build you one. I doubt I could make a good functioning one for you.”

“That actually sounds like a really good idea.”

“Alright then, why don’t we have a picnic out in the park? I’ve got crackers and dip. Then we’ll get ready to get drunk tonight. I think we all need to de-stress.” Elliott smiled widely.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Shane.”

“Yes, Jas?” Shane watched as his little cousin with dark hair continued to climb up the stairs to the slide again.

“Ms Penny taught us about family stuff today.”

“Hm?”

“Yeah, we didn’t know the word for brothers and sisters. It’s siblings.”

“Yep, it is.”

“Anyways, I told Vincent I was going to marry him and he got really mean.”

“Marriage is a big commitment.”

“I know.” She scoffed as she placed her skirt carefully together preparing to slide down. Shane crossed his arms watching her pigtails fly past her shoulders. “But I was serious. I thought he felt the same way.”

“Well, you don’t know unless you talk to them about it.”

“I thought he knew.”

“Did you tell him though?”

Jas pouted. “I guess _not_. But I think we’re still getting married even if he said it was gross.”

“It is a little gross.” Shane bit his lip.

“Shane!” She grumbled. “How is it gross?”

“It’s just a piece of paper and love is just a figment of our imagination.” Jas stared wide-eyed at him like her whole world was shattering. “B-but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” He swallowed hard.

“You’re as dumb as Vincent.” She pressed her lips together and turned away to climb up to the top of the slide again. Shane felt his whole body droop. He wished he learned to shut up. Jas had a bright future and he was ruining it.

Shane glanced over at movement coming up the hill and almost yelped in surprise as the new girl was walking towards them with Elliott and Leah. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He wished he had dressed better. He hadn’t done the washing in weeks, he was sure he looked like a wreck. Scratching his growing facial hair he turned around hoping to ignore them. Glancing over pathetically he watched as they set up their picnic things under a tree. Taking a deep breath he did his best to keep all of his attention on Jas.

“I didn’t know he was a dad.” Penelo felt a sudden rush of heat go to her cheeks as she set up some cheese onto a cracker.

“He’s not.” Leah pointed out glancing over to Shane pushing Jas in the swing. “That’s Marnie’s daughter Jasmine. They’re cousins.”

“He lives with his aunt. I’m not sure on the family situation but he’s the last person to move here before you.” Elliott explained. “He’s never been big on talking. He’s made it clear to everyone he doesn’t want anyone getting close.”

“That’s sort of sad.” She frowned. “Is he okay?”

Leah giggled. “You’re awfully nice. I’ve never considered that.”

“He’s clearly a tortured soul,” Elliott said seriously. Leah shoved him lightly with a giggle. “I mean it. He seems it. He looks exactly like a tortured soul. Acts like one too with that frown of his that never comes off. His mind must be in chaos.”

“Please lighten up, I’m not entirely prepared for sensitive topics right now or your weird poetic talking.” Leah frowned. “I want to celebrate. I mean, we barely know him. No one knows him. Let’s just get back to snacking on these—might I add—great crackers. Thank you, chef Elliott.”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

“Yeah thanks, Elliott. I’m no chef at all. I’m glad to have you guys keeping me alive.” Penelo said as she brushed her hair out of her face.

“No problem.” They smiled in response.

Penelo glanced over at Shane while the three of them had a chance to sit in silence to gather their thoughts. Their eyes met and she held her breath, unsure of what to do. She looked away quickly then slowly looked back. He was still staring but this time his eyebrows furrowed together like he was judging her. She tried to smile but he just glanced away with a rough grimace. He said something to his cousin who seemed to have a giant grin on her face. She nodded enthusiastically.

Penelo jumped as she felt something cold on her face.

“What was..?” A gust of wind made Leah quickly place her hand on the edge of the picnic blanket. Rain began to spit down on them. It was still warm and bright, the rain falling like little droplets of sunlight.

“A sun shower. How perfect.” Elliott smiled.

“I love sun showers.” Leah snorted. “But not cold and wet food that’s not supposed to be wet and cold.” She quickly began packing up the food into her basket.

Elliott took the chance to reach out his hand to Penelo which she took happily. They both stood up and began twirling in the rain. With loud giggles Elliott became more dominant with his movements, rocking his friend side by side. Their long hair seemed to swirl around them.

Shane felt jealous watching the trio have fun despite finding it childish and embarrassing. He wished he had something similar. Maybe with a certain someone.

Penelo looked beautiful he had to admit. Her blue dipped hair seemed to shine in the light. Her clothes were getting wet and felt his face flushed at the thought of what it would be like to cling to her like her clothes.

“Shane!” Jas took his hand as they began to head home. “Bet you can’t catch me.” She was already on his feet. Before he could call out his voice fell flat in hesitation. Chasing after her he already felt out of breath. He felt horrible, he knew he should really start to work out. He knew for certain the new farmer would probably be right behind Jas if she were chasing him. _ God_, he was embarrassed.

Penelo decided to wear a cute little dress with a white shirt underneath. She thought to herself the dress made her feel a little like a piece of toast with the yellows and browns but she was damn sure she was the cutest piece of toast she could be.

Driving in her beat-up small car that felt much too like an upsize of a toy, she rattled her way into the small car park next to the saloon which just happened to be a small paddock of flat grass.

Stepping out, she noticed the dark-haired man she met a while back when she played pool in the saloon from last time. He was smoking out the back with a watchful eye. She fuddled with her small pouch checking if her cards and keys were all there and began heading towards the main entrance.

“Hey.” He said with an exhale of smoke.

“Hey, it’s been a hot second. Sebastian, right?”

“And you’re Penelo. Like off Final Fantasy. Or is Penelo short for Penelope?”

“It’s just Penelo thankfully. You play Final Fantasy?”

“I play a lot of things. I actually help make video games.” He dropped his cigarette and stomped it out with his black boots. “I’m a freelancer of sorts. I’m hoping to make a portfolio good enough to get a job in the city.”

“Wow, that’s incredible. I actually moved out here to paint but I haven’t had the time with trying to survive and all.” She nervously laughed.

The tall man smiled in response. She couldn’t help but notice he was quite charming and beautiful despite all of his clothes being black, causing him to seem haunting. He had somewhat of a tan but he still looked pale in the lamp lights. “It’s a good thing I have my mother then. Even if I’m living in the basement.”

“God, I couldn’t live in a basement.”

He shrugged. “I guess I’ve gotten used to it since I moved here.” Penelo’s eyes widened at the sound of someone having moved to the Valley. Feeling not alone she felt her hands clench with excitement. Sebastian picking up on this quickly opened his mouth. “Oh, my family moved here a long time ago. Like ten years ago. Sorry, it looked like I gave you a bit of a fright there.”

Relaxing she smiled in response. “Gosh, sorry. It’s just nice knowing there are people who are new to the place too. I think ten years is enough to make me feel a little better about being the recent addition.”

“Yeah, don’t be too open around here though. Especially around the mums.”

“I can imagine.”

“Or Sam for that matter.”

“Right, the one you’re in a band with. Have you guys done anything?”

“Nah, just messing around. Nothing really set in sound. We’re still deciding on a sound _ and _ a name.”

“Hey, we should share some music together. I listen to a lot of stuff. Maybe it’ll help you out.”

The got out their phones as Penelo showed her playlists and the different types of media she liked to listen to things to. Sebastian seemed impressed with the amount of time she used while working to music.

Eventually, they began to talk about their dreams and their old memories of the city even though Penelo’s were most recent. She admitted she was looking forward to having an easel with the plan to ask Robin, Sebastian’s mother about making one.

“Hey, girl.” She turned her head as she watched Leah wave from down the path.

“Oh, got to go. It was nice talking to you. You’re really cool.” Penelo smiled.

“You are too—and hey, come around. I could probably sneak a good word in to my mum about that art stuff if you wanted that easel.”

“Gosh, thanks so much.” She placed her hand softly on his arm. Sebastian nodded lightly brushing his long strands of hair from his face.

Walking into the saloon, Shane noticed her immediately. God, he was too drunk to gather himself. He went overboard and Emily was beginning to frown and fret after him.

“Shane, here.” Emily offered a glass to him. “Have some water.”

He ignored the waitress as he placed his hand up to his forehead. It was like it was rocking back and forth as if it couldn’t stay still. He closed his eyes but spots of white still haunted him even with the darkness. The music seemed to scratch at his ears. It was much too upbeat for his liking.

Elliott was waiting at a round table with three glasses of wine. “My, my…” Leah smirked. “Are you paying for these?”

“You said you were shouting.” Fear struck his face. Penelo scoffed as she leant against the table surface, her hair falling past her shoulders.

“I am, just checking. Did you get us any food?”

“Fish and chips are today’s special. I hope you all didn’t mind I ordered ahead of time.”

“Not at all.” They agreed in unison. Penelo watched as she noticed Sebastian come inside. They waved to one another which made Shane feel like screaming. Sebastian ordered something at the counter and Emily was quick on her feet.

“Here you are.” Gus the owner who was a round and tan man nearing his fifties came up to them with a tray of food. All of their eyes grew large and Elliot expressed his thanks.

“It looks great.” Elliott clasped his hand on the man’s back.

“Enjoy your meal you three.” His smile was like sunshine.

“Hey, I’ll see you around.” Sebastian came up to the table with a coffee cup to go.

“You’re drinking coffee this late?” Penelo tilted her head.

“Yeah,” He blushed, placing a hand at the back of his neck. “I have work to do at home. It’s going to be a late night. But come around some afternoon.”

Once Sebastian had left Elliott’s eyebrows squirmed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up in the afternoons.”

“You’re probably right.” Penelo admitted.

“He works?” Leah asked while cutting through her crumbed fish.

“He’s a freelancer. Makes video games.”

“That’s fascinating. I did take him for someone who enjoyed that type of work. Good on him for doing something he loves.”

“Yeah, true,” Penelo mumbled. After a good meal, the three decided to get wasted on cheap wine. Penelo was the lightweight of the group but her high didn’t stick around too long after a couple of glasses of water. Some of the other villagers were dancing. Most of them were a little older but it was all innocent fun. She got to talk and meet some of the others in town which she enjoyed even if it was shallow talk about how things were going and what they had been up to. She was happy she was building bridges. The hopeless feeling she had felt for a while was starting to disappear the more people seemed to offer their kindness to her with invites to dinner and sharing of phone numbers.

Soon Elliott was snoozing in the corner while Leah began to sober up reassuring Penelo that she’d let Elliott sleep on her couch for the night just to be careful. Penelo decided to sit up at the bar counter on a stool and ordered an iced tea when Shane walked over almost tripping on a chair.

She blinked for a moment in surprise. She didn’t know where to look or what to do with her hands. His rough nature was something she had grown to like after years of working in the office. Everyone was always so clean-cut and kept everything under their skin. She liked the tired eyes and the scruff around his face. She liked the idea of having your heart on your sleeve and not faking feelings. He was like a harsh reality of brutal honesty.

“Hello.” She cursed herself for sounding too formal.

“Why would you move here?” His voice was dark and deep. She felt electricity shoot through her body. She liked his voice but she was starting to get nervous with the way his eyes seemed to bounce around.

“W-… Pardon?”

“Who would ever want to come _ here? _” She opened her mouth but she couldn’t find words. Shane sat beside her. It seemed they were left alone at that moment with everyone else having fun on the dance floor. “I loved the city.”

“You came from the city too? What did you do?” She leant in. She could see how long his lashes were and how dimples formed every time he skirmished to find words.

“Worked for Joja management.”

“Really? Me too. We might’ve been in the same department.”

“I doubt I would have seen you if I did. I was an idiot back then.”

“Well, whys that?”

“God, I don’t need to tell you.” He said harshly. Placing his head in his hands, he began to sway making Penelo much too aware that he could fall. She didn’t want to scare him but she was ready to catch him if he were to. “You’re too good to be here. You should leave.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about but I like it here in the Valley. It’s quiet and I can actually think straight for once. I also get to actually be in the sun.”

“Well, I don’t. I still have to deal with those stupid bright lights.”

“Where do you work?”

“Jojamart.”

“Ah…” She nodded. “At least you’ve got a reliable income. Elliott and Leah and I never seem to get by without struggling. We actually have to forage for dinner. I’m actually relying on a lot of kindness from people around the village for meals.”

“Then _ go back_. There’s nothing here.”

Penelo was afraid to speak her mind but watching Shane’s delirious eyes try to adjust to the view of her face gave her some courage. “You know, the sound of your voice is somewhat beautiful but I wish I could make you stop saying stuff. I enjoy it here, okay?”

His face scrunched up. “No, you’re beautiful.” He stammered. Penelo wasn’t sure if she was in a dream or not but she stood up from the stool and placed the back of her hand against his forehead. He was burning up it gave her a fright with how hot it was. She couldn’t help but feel a little flattered but she knew it was just a drunken response to rising arguing between them.

“Where’s your house? How do I get you there? I can drive you.” She knew she was tipsy and some of the alcohol might still be kicking in despite drinking water but she was starting to worry.

“No, don’t… No.” He waved her off.

“He lives near the forest, near Leah’s house.” Emily walked over with a frown and her iced tea order. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him today. Sometimes he’s like this but it hasn’t been this bad in a while. Maybe something new has popped up. Something at home?”

“Alright, thanks. I think I’ll find it.” She downed her drink and went to help Shane.

“Just make sure he gets home safe and you get home safe.” Emily frowned but she seemed genuine with the softness in her voice. Penelo did her best to herd the man into her car where he sat in the front seat refusing to put his seatbelt on. Unwinding his window just in case he was to vomit she started driving.

She felt nervous with a handsome man in her car. His eyes were dark and his hair was grown out just enough to seem like he didn’t care about it. He sort of reminded her of someone who listened to rock and went to some of the music shows she used to enjoy on Friday nights after work when she used to live in the city. She would never approach someone like him because they always tended to be intimidating but this man seemed to have his true self out in the open and was entirely vulnerable.

She felt a little special to be there for someone. It was always something she wanted to have real relationships even if she wasn’t friends with the person next to her in the car. She looked over in the corner of her eye and froze up at the sight of him.

Shane groaned as she drove down the road. “Are you okay?” She muttered as she nervously glanced at the bright clock numbers in her radio. It was nearing midnight.

“When am I ever?”

“Like, what’s up? I know we barely know each other but I’ll listen. I’ll keep it to myself.”

“Fuck off.” He burped as his head swung out the window. He sounded sickly.

“Fine then.” She sighed. After a few minutes of hearing his stomach rumble and moans, she noticed the big farmhouse after driving down the rural street. “Is this it?” There looked to be a barn and a big lot of grass for some big animals. She was clueless of this place that just seemed a few minutes down the road from Leah’s house. She imagined there to just be more forest. She often went for walks and to have the farm just a few minutes down felt like the world opened up just a little more.

“No, I don’t want to go home.” His head rested back in the seat as he hugged his torso.

“Look, Shane—I’m not responsible for you. I have a lot to do tomorrow. Will you be okay?”

“I don’t want to go home.” He repeated. He looked as if he was close to tears. She stopped for a moment so he could gather himself before carefully picking her next few words.

“I’m sure everything will be okay. We live in a nice place. We’ve got all the time in the world to get ourselves together. I mean, I sure am taking my sweet time. I feel like a wreck every day. I don’t even have proper hot water in my house.”

“You don’t get it.” Shane’s eyes began to water. “I look at you and you remind me of everything I liked about the city. I’ve ruined my own life. I don’t have anyone in my life. I have no reason to live.”

“You don’t need someone to live. Live for yourself.”

“No, it’s all pointless. Just fucking… Just give me up for science.”

Penelo knew she was fighting for a something she couldn’t win right now but she knew she could make things a little easier. “I guess I still look like a city girl. It’s only a false image though. I learned how to put a perfect image up. I don’t think it’s perfect but I guess it’s close. It’s all fake. I’m just struggling to survive like any of us. It doesn’t matter where you are when you’re getting it together. You’re still stuck with you.”

Shane covered his face with his hands.

“I don’t want to go home.” He muttered. Penelo thought about bringing Shane home for a moment then quickly decided against it. She barely knew him and he was unstable. She always tended to give people the benefit of the doubt but this time it was serious.

“I’ll walk you to the door.” She got out and walked around to the other side of the car. Shane put his arm around her neck as he swayed, unable to walk with one foot in front of the other. Penelo was surprised by how light he was. He was a little squishy and clearly not very fit but he was still very much a skinny guy of average height.

She found his keys in his jacket pocket and opened the door for him placing the keys back in her pocket. The house was dark but she thought it was very cosy. The furniture looked very much like somewhere her grandma would live with cute wall decorations and floral wallpaper.

“Will you be okay?” She mumbled.

“Fine.” He wobbled to through to the kitchen. She wasn’t quite sure if she should say bye but she remained silent as she slowly shut the door and double checked if it was closed properly. Heading to the car she sat in silence for a moment in the dark. The forest looked beautiful and haunting at the same time. She felt an urge to get out of the car and scream running around with her bare feet pressing against the wet grass but she remained still.

She reflected over the interactions she had with Shane.

They didn’t properly introduce themselves which ultimately got them talking straight to the point. It was a strange and confusing experience. She wanted to romanticise him in her head with how beautiful he was but she saw his reality much too clearly. He was a sick and sad man and she could only feel worried.


	3. Chapter Three - Never but the Possibilities

Penelo couldn’t get Shane out of her head. Of course, she was curious about him, she was curious about a lot of people in the village and she understood it wasn’t just because he was handsome but because she was worried. She saw something in his actions that reminded her way too much of how she felt as a teenager. She was hopeless and lost and failing with her grades. Becoming an adult was a rocky process and a long road that led her to the city just like she wanted.

Now she understood that holding onto a single dream was silly if it started to hurt you. She wasn’t sure what she was doing anymore but she was glad to be away from the stress of boxy offices and recycled air.

She could understand how the village could drive someone crazy. It was small with barely any people to choose to spend your time with. You couldn’t get much peace if you spent most of your time in the village amongst everyone and it could feel like there was nothing there. But she liked it, she liked the quiet and the isolation – at least for now. She had even imagined retiring early even if it meant alone somewhere out in the rural forest area out by the city in a nice cosy home surrounded by books and painting. She knew with a good thirty years in the management industry she could do it. But she didn’t want twenty-seven more years feeling closed off wearing tight skirts and blouses. She wanted her freedom back.

“Maybe he feels trapped.” She mumbled as she held her coffee cup. She sniffled, it was beginning to get chilly but at least now she had warm water with the plumbing on her farm fixed. She looked down at her budgeting book and her laptop full with tabs about what was affordable for the next season. She decided to grow at the very least a field of pumpkins. Maybe she could do one of those walk-in sales where people travel all the way to the valley to save a buck for carving.

After some thought, she decided on a variety of things to plant. Most of what she picked were things she knew she could eat and come in by the plenty like carrots and lettuce. Despite being a farmer she still didn’t come in with fresh food as much as she hoped when she planted watermelons by the hundreds.

Sipping her cup she heard her phone vibrate on the table. Pressing the main button she saw Sebastian’s name pop up. She had forgotten their small interaction with drunken Shane on her mind.

“_You free?_”

She could hardly hide her surprise. Downing the last of her drink she placed her elbows on the table and pressed the call button. After about thirty seconds of ringing, she heard loud shuffling. “Uh, hello?”

“Yeah, hey. I am free, just need to pick some seeds up actually.”

“Wait, you called on purpose?”

“Hm? Is that a problem?”

“Just didn’t know you were a caller type.” He groaned.

“Work habits from the city. Are you in bed right now?”

“Well, yeah actually.”

“Sorry, I should have texted.”

“It’s not a problem.”

“No, seriously, sorry. I know what it’s like to wake up early. Fucking office jobs and all.” She felt herself cringe.

“Nah, I guess talking is a lot easier this way. I’m just used to emails from work.” Sebastian went quiet for a moment then started up again. “Did you want to come around? You can play video games with me. I know it’s like eight in the morning but the family is busy today and they won’t annoy us. I’ve got a bunch of books I actually thought you’d like that you could borrow. We talked about fantasy stuff a little when we talked outside the saloon. Have you actually read ‘_Lord of the Rings_’?”

“I’ve never got round to it. Seems like a bit of a commitment.”

“It’s no problem. It’s not like I’ll take them to the city whenever I go. You can actually keep them. Well, if I’m still here I want them back but once I move, you know…”

“We’ll see. They are your things. But I can come around. Robin’s place up on the hill right?”

“Yeah, come over past ten. No one will know that you were here if you do. I prefer it that way. The parents won’t let you escape otherwise.”

“Yup, sounds like a plan.”

Shane was starting to hate the smell of metal from the tins he always put away. Jojamart in Pelican Town barely got any visitors except that one other woman who seemed to get beer just like him with the curly afro like hair and permanent scowl who came in every day. He was afraid of ending up like her after another thirty years but he knew he still had thirty years to fix that.

His cap barely kept his head warm which he hated. It was Summer and he was freezing in the store. Sam seemed to be working today, he guessed that he wanted more hours to save up for something but all he ever did was sweep the same spot over and over again. His boss never seemed to notice or care as long as everything got done in time.

“Hey.” He jolted, almost spilling his box of cans everywhere. He looked up with a flushed face to see the bare legs of Penelo which only made his eyes lock onto her eyes even more. They were a golden brown. They were common but they were big and round with lashes curled so they touched her eyelids. He thought she looked very pretty today with cut overalls and a golden chain around her neck.

“What do you need?” He never did seem to get the hang of sounding polite at work but it never really mattered.

“Well, actually… You told me you worked here so I came to see how you were doing.”

“Why?”

Her face couldn’t hide the hurt. She shot her view away from him. She felt like an idiot—of course he didn’t owe her anything. Just because she was being nice didn’t mean he had too. She really did give him the benefit of the doubt when it came to attitude.

“Well, I mean I drove you home and walked you to the house and everything. You didn’t say goodnight. It made me sort of worried.”

Shane didn’t remember anything of what she just said. He had imagined he drunkenly and magically ended up in bed when he woke the Sunday morning. His own anger at himself seemed to brim at the edges as fiery eyes latched onto her. “Well don’t worry about me. It won’t happen again.”

She swallowed, eyes watering. ‘Right. Well, I hope so… That is- You not having to walk home drunk or anything. Or you getting that bad—or whatever. I just hope you’re okay.” She tried not to freak out. “Right, I’m going to go buy seeds.” She clenched her fists and bent her knees. “Sorry.” She trailed off leaving Shane to stare wide-eyed at her back. He couldn’t believe he hurt her feelings. Usually people would just walk off disappointed or without a care, but she actually looked like she was about to cry.

He wanted to throw the cans across the store but he just sat there with his giant hands shaking. He really did mess this up. He couldn’t believe how much hope he had in forming anything with this new girl, he wasn’t aware how much it meant to him but it clearly did. He knew for certain now that he wouldn’t go anywhere near her now. She deserved better. She was always so cheery, clearly the complete opposite of him.

Shaking his head he accepted his fate. He was doomed to be alone forever. He scared everyone away, even the best people who willingly took care of him when he couldn’t even remember it.

He knew now that this was his fate. Everything would go back to being the same. It was time to snuff out the growing feelings he had for this girl and go back to his normal life.

“Hey.” Her voice came out almost in a whimper. Her hair was tied into a messy bun. She felt like a fool hoping keeping her hair down would make her look prettier when she went to see Shane. It was Summer, it wasn’t practical. Sebastian frowned at her from the doorway. He always seemed to wear black even in the bad heat. He wore basketball shorts and a perfect fit shirt with a metal band logo she wasn’t familiar with.

“You okay?” He wanted to reach out and touch her but he knew it wasn’t his place.

“Yeah…” She sighed walking inside. “Do you know that Shane guy?”

“Yeah, of course.” Sebastian shook his head with a smile. His eyes trailed upwards as he thought back to some memories. “Sam asks him to play with us some Fridays. He’s always there when we go. Always says no. He’s never really been nice. Did he do something?”

“I drove him home last Saturday. Didn’t remember it. He sounded really mean when I brought it up.”

“I’m not surprised. But hey, I’ve got a bunch of games you can borrow to make you feel better. Come, I’ll take you to my cave.” She followed quickly took off her sandals at the door which he assured he wasn’t necessary but she ignored him as she trailed after him. The steps to his room were made of carpet which she found comforting but the basement had a wooden floor with big fluffy mats to make up for the cold touch against her bare feet near the bed and desk area. He had a couple of monitors and a round working area scattered with books to write in. His bed had a big purple blanket which was neatly done and some light came from the windows which were at ground level. She could even spot a few flowers growing up at the windows which brought in some coloured rays of sun such as red and green.

“It’s really nice in here.”

“Yeah, surprisingly cosy. Lots of room too.”

“Yeah, I’d love to have this much room to dance in.”

“You have a whole farm.” Snickered Sebastian as he went to tie his longer strands of hair back. She watched, almost startled at how pretty he looked.

“Yeah, but anyone could come and see me.”

“Do your friends come over uninvited or something? I’ve taught Abigail and Sam not to do that anymore. I have a messy schedule anyway and work but no one ever takes it seriously.”

“They’ve always told me when they’re coming. I guess I’m just anxious. Always had apartment neighbours who would complain if my TV was too loud.”

“Well, hey, I’m sure you could leave your door unlocked and it would be okay out here.”

“To be honest the locks haven’t been working since I got here except the bathroom door.”

Sebastian laughed. “Then dance all you like.”

“Maybe I will.” She felt her cheeks raise as she smiled.

“Anyways, do you play on PlayStation?”

“Actually… I sold all that stuff before I moved here. I needed the money. I’m sorry, I can’t borrow your games.”

“Man, that sucks. I’d let you borrow it if I didn’t play it as much as I did.” He exhaled loudly. “But you can still borrow my books. Want to look?” He pointed out the usual typical book series most nerds have read which she admittedly told him that she had read a majority of them. Bringing out his boxes of comics she told him that she wasn’t so used to comics.

“My dad let me read Conan when I was a teenager but we don’t talk anymore.”

“Not close with your dad?” Sebastian asked softly.

“Not really. I think he thinks we’re okay but I haven’t really had a decent conversation since I stopped going for weekly visits growing up. I thought I didn’t want a relationship with him and I still would never purposely reach out but I get sad at the thought of him.”

“Parents not together I assume?”

“No, he started a new family when I was little.”

Sebastian’s eyes trailed to the floor. “That’s pretty much my life but I live in it. My mum remarried when I was like eight or something and we moved here when I was ten. My sister is about to graduate high school from online courses. It’s always been hard to get to – I don’t know… Like, be close with her when my stepdad always says things like, ‘_don’t be like your brother_’.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “I love her, but I can barely talk to her. She’s weird anyways but I know what it’s like. Broken family and all.”

“But you’re okay with your mum?”

“Yeah, she’s a little clingy. Doesn’t shut the door properly half the time. I’ve gotten a lock now though. I think she doesn’t want me to move to the city even though she complains about me still being home. She’d probably miss me. I mean, I’m twenty-one now. Isn’t that your prime of your twenties? The golden age?”

Penelo grimaced. “I’m twenty-three and I still feel like I’m lagging behind. I didn’t even graduate high school. I spent a lot of my time growing up making mistakes and not making money until I finally started working in an office at twenty. Being an adult is just trying to get by and survive really.”

“Guess I’ll be okay then.” Sebastian smiled. “I think you’re doing great by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“You can borrow these comics if you want. Just make sure to put them back in their plastic bags when you’re done with them. They break really easily.”

“Thanks. Do you buy them in the city?”

“Nah, I’ve got a motorbike so I can’t really carry big loads when I visit. I buy them all online. Shipping costs a lot so I buy in bulk every month or so when I get paid.”

“It did cost a bit to get a plumber out here a week ago. It’s sort of stupid.”

“The perks of living out in the middle of nowhere.” Sebastian smiled.

Penelo sat in her swimsuit out on a beach towel with her sunglasses on her head. She flipped through the comic carefully as she heard the village children scream and giggle. Elliott was scribbling away in his notebook beside her in a do-up chair enjoying the shade of the rainbow coloured umbrella that arched above them.

“How have you been enjoying waking up not having to tend to plants anymore by the way? I never did ask you.” He scratched the growing facial hair that was starting to show.

“I still have a lot of cleaning up to do. Only about a sixth of the farmland I actually own has been tidied up. I just need to fertilize and I’ll be okay. But I’m in no hurry. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and planning though. So no breaks sadly.”

“The life of an artist is still a busy one it seems.”

“There’s no days off for artists.” Penelo chuckled. She placed the comic carefully back in its plastic wrap when she turned to him. “Hey, how’s the book? How did he magazine poems thing go?”

“Still brainstorming with my book ideas and I’m not sure. They got published. I received a copy but I haven’t got any feedback or anything from anyone. A bit of a dud.”

“Someday people will be digging it up like it’s a relic once you’re famous surely.”

“Maybe.” Elliott scratched his head. “I’m starting to think that I won’t succeed.”

“Of course you will.”

“There’s a difference between a passion project and a job. This isn’t making me any money. I’m actually starting to run dry on my savings. I’m not big on asking my parents for things. I’m a grown man. Maybe I should apply for the gas station like some of the other adults in this village.”

“I mean, part-time surely? Enough to eat and pay for the electricity. Emergencies too.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He squinted his eyes as he looked out to sea.

“Hey, I’m going to get in the water.” Penelo raised her hand to point. “Will you be okay?”

“Of course, I’ll just sit here and think.” His eyes wandered away into a place she couldn’t reach. Getting up onto her knees she leant in and kissed his cheek which made his face light up.

“It’ll be okay. Everything will work out because I’ve got you no matter what.”

“Thanks, Penelo.”

She gave him her big round black hat as she trotted down to the darker and wet sand. The waves were cold but it felt nice against her hot skin. It didn’t take long for Shane’s cousin and her friend who was a boy to race up to her and talk to her about seashells. She decided to go along with it following the children as she picked up pretty round shells with colourful and shiny insides.

After about ten minutes, she decided to leave them to their antics and hopped into the water deciding to swim where the water reached her waist. She liked the waves crashing into her pushing her back to the beach again. After a few rounds, she decided to let it bring her back to shore where she lay with the wet sand in her hair looking up at the cloudy sky.

“Hey there.” She saw a head popping up in her vision. Wincing up the man helped her out by shielding her eyes from the sun with his bright expression. He had short brown hair almost the same colour as his skin with eyes a nice light green that were alluring. The man was quite handsome and very fit. She could see the tanned abs right above her. She felt a little intimidated.

“Hey.”

“I’m Alex.” He gestured to his side where Penelo’s eyes followed to a beautiful blonde girl who looked very much too perfect with her white skirt and big breasts busting against her bikini top. “This is Haley.”

“I love your swimsuit.” The girl’s voice was sweet but Penelo had met a lot of girls who looked and sounded similar that she felt the urge to be a little more quiet than usual. She was almost spot on a perfect image of a girl in high school she’d never dare talk to in fear her reputation would get tarnished.

“Thank you. I got it on sale.” She got all her clothes through sales but she wasn’t going to admit that.

“You’ve got great taste in fashion. I’ve seen you around. I’m so happy to know someone in this town has some sense in them. My sister may like fashion but it’s not exactly...” She didn’t finish but her sour expression spoke where words couldn’t.

“Thank you.” Penelo actually felt flattered as she sat up and flattened her hair. “It took me a while to find what I liked. The city is sort of big on the way you look and everything—especially when you work in an office.”

“Right, maybe it’s a good thing we live here because then Haley wouldn’t get any competition.”

“Sod off.” She shoved him leaving Alex giggling like a little boy. Penelo smiled at how close the two seemed. She could see herself in them when compared to how she enjoyed Elliot’s closeness.

“Anyways, we wanted to introduce ourselves since it’s been a few months. You haven’t been to the beach in ages. We spotted you last time but we weren’t sure if you were a tourist.” Alex explained.

“Yeah, we didn’t think it would be cool if we just showed up at your house. Not even I want people I know to show up uninvited.”

“Right, that’s cool. Thanks though, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, I live pretty close to the local store. You know, Pierre’s not Jojamart or whatever. Haley lives with Emily. I’m sure you know Emily. Just down the street near the river.”

“Yeah, the waitress with blue hair. We have that in common.”

“Right, you should come over though. Just, you know, invited or with a warning.” Haley flicked her hand as she spoke.

“Maybe, I’ve been pretty busy. Make sure you invite me to something so I can fit it in my schedule.”

“Sure.”

“Not to sound overbearing but how do you guys survive out here? Where do you work?”

“Oh, I take photos.” Haley smiled. “It doesn’t make me much but I’m getting my image out there. It’s sort of my dream job. There’s a lot you can find out here especially with the forest. But we both work at the gas station. Pam’s the manager but she barely comes in so we get to mess around. You’ll probably know her as the lady who goes to the saloon every night. Not to sound mean of course.” She added. “A lot of truckers come by but that’s about it unless there’s a festival happening here.”

“Do you guys need anyone else working there?”

“Do you want a job?” Alex kneeled down to talk to her easier where Haley followed along with him a little more carefully trying her best not to stain her skirt.

“No, but my friend Elliott needs something part-time.”

“Oh… Elliott.” Penelo watched as Haley tried not to show her judgement.

“We can get him a job easy,” Alex assured her. “Part-time is nothing. We always need more people working at the gas station. Most afternoons it's left for self-service once it’s 6 pm.”

“That’s a bit unsafe.”

“It’s Stardew Valley. It's pretty safe here.” Haley tried not to scoff as she cleared her throat and put on a sweet smile.

“So I keep hearing.”

“Anyways, I’m starving. But we’re going to go. You’re really nice. We should go shopping one day. I’ll help with gas if you’re driving. I don’t really own a car, so I’m willing to help with travel costs.”

“No, we should.” She smiled.

“Great, we’ll see you around.” Haley grabbed onto Alex’s arm affectionately which was enough for Penelo to know that they were dating and there were obvious boundaries being set for Penelo. She stood up and watched the couple stride up the sandy steps above the dunes and turned to head back into the water for one last dip.

She floated breathing in the salty air. She hadn’t learned to swim until she was an adult and took classes after work. She wanted to bask in the sensation she had missed out throughout her childhood. She felt she was so slow with everything in life and now that she was away from forty hours a week of work she was free to catch up whenever she felt like it.

The ocean was calm even with the itchiness of the sand between her thighs and the water in her ears. Her hair was tangled but she knew it was all worth it just to feel what she was feeling then—solace.

Shane hated how hot the sun made him feel. He never really liked Summer. Winter was more his thing where he had an excuse to stay home and wrap himself up in warm clothes. No one ever judged you if you were trying to stay warm even if what you were wearing was ugly. His jandals flicked the backs of his feet as he headed down the sandy steps walking past both Alex and Haley who always made him feel ugly with their presence. They were smitten and polite as they walked around him but he still felt fat and gross wearing his $4 second-hand polo shirt.

He almost slid on his ass when he spotted Penelo wearing a giant green shirt over her swimsuit sitting at the edge of the water building a sandcastle by herself. He looked around to see if she had come with anyone and was disappointed when he spotted Elliott reading a book and writing in his journal under a big umbrella.

Scowling he spotted his little cousin with her friend Vincent building their own sculptures decorating their strange-looking tower with seashells.

“Hey princess.” He kneeled down where Jasmine turned with a smile.

“Hi, Shane. Look, we built a castle. It looks better in our heads though.”

“I see you two are doing fine.”

“We’re always fine.” Vincent was a cheery boy with reddish-brown hair. It was always messy but Vincent was always scruffy in nature just like Shane.

“I thought you two fought over getting married?”

“We’re already married. We have kids too.” Jasmine said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“When? I wasn’t invited.”

“In the forest. I was jumping with my rope and we made rings with flowers.”

“Ah, I see.” Shane watched as Vincent nodded as seriously as he could. “It’s a shame the flowers wither.”

“It’s okay. We planned on replacing them with lolly rings.”

“Good idea. How about I buy you one on the way home at Pierre’s?”

Jas gasped and quickly got on her feet. “Yes please!”

“Will you be okay Vincent? Where’s your brother?”

“Sam said he’ll come get me at five. I don’t know the time.”

Shane looked down at his watch. “He’ll be here in another five minutes. Want me to wait with you?”

“I’ll be okay. If anything happens I’ll just go to Elliott or Ms Penelo Blackbear.”

“Ms Penelo helped us pick shells before. She found really good ones. They’re my favourite. I put them up here.” Jas pointed to the top of the sculpture.

“Why didn’t you invite her to build with you?” Shane raised a brow.

“She said she wanted to be alone before. Plus she’s not in our secret club.”

“Yeah, no one can be in our secret club.” Vincent added.

“Right, sorry,” Shane muttered. “Anyways, your mum is cooking you spaghetti tonight. I’m tired from work so you better hop in the car if you still want that lolly ring.”

“Okay, let me just get my bucket.” Shane took the chance to sneak a look at Penelo who waved her friend Elliot over. The tall man with long hair carefully sat down on her sculpture where they showed visible disappointment. He wasn’t sure what they were doing but he wished he knew what was going on. Jas reached out her arm and Shane took her hand as he stepped up.

“Sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yup.” Vincent nodded with his usual childish obliviousness playing with the rest of the seashells when Shane headed off the beach with his little cousin.

Penelo had taken a nice warm shower and decided to go for a stroll through the forest with the sunny evening. Everything was set afire with orange and yellow light which was beautiful. The sun was at the perfect height to be blinding but she was smart and wore her pink cap.

It was a little chilly but she was dressed in a nice woollen jumper. Walking with her arms crossed she stopped to inspect certain plants she had never seen before and took pictures of flowers whenever she came across them.

She felt a little silly knowing she always judged people taking photos in the city in public places. They were shameless with their poses with so many people around to witness. She knew if anyone were to see her taking photos she might look a bit like that but being by herself among the trees made her feel secure and a little giddy.

A branch snapped alerting her to feet. Her mind screamed at her to crouch and hide but she spun around looking to see if there were any animals. She had been assured there was nothing dangerous in the forest with the exception of deer in Spring but other than that there shouldn’t be anything.

“Oh.” Shane met her eyes as they stood staring at each other.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She shyly brushed her hair behind her ear.

He didn’t say anything as he turned on his heel and began to walk away.

“Wow, okay.” She raised her eyebrows and sighed. She got the message. He wanted to be alone.

Hearing all the stories from her friends she knew he could have been a lot meaner but it still hurt her feelings to be ignored. Being ignored or having questions unanswered was one of her pet peeves with her mother always being one to give the silent treatment for a sourly long amount of time that stretched days to even months.

Feeling like crap she decided to drag herself back to her farm cottage to try to distract herself from the awful encounter.

Shane told himself it was for the best to be rude so she wouldn’t pay him any notice. From what he could remember of her she was always nice to him and he was always making her feel sad with the glances and the way he talked. He didn’t want someone who was only ever sweet to him to be in pain especially someone he felt like he cared for.

He knew it was silly considering he barely knew her but by first impressions, he felt like maybe he understood her a little bit.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets he told himself that he did something good in the long run. He stopped as he reached the cliffs near the rocky parts of the ocean a small distance away from the beach below. He sat down with a groan feeling a little sore from work. He watched the sun begin to set feeling a hollowness in his chest.

It hurt too much to feel that way so he selfishly decided to imagine a life with Penelo. What it would be like to dance around a city apartment with her and make her a morning coffee with her hair dyed a different colour like purple. He wanted to see her wear his work shirts, specifically the ones he used to wear in the office that were now in a box at the back of his wardrobe.

How nice would it be to have his life perfectly the way he wanted, that’s what he wondered as his eyes dryly stared at the dark waves crashing into the cliffs.

It was impossible to imagine the process of getting to such a state in his life of pure happiness but it was still nice to think of what could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya folks!  
Rereading some of these chapters I've come to realise I haven't even given a warning to some of the slang or the way I write.  
I don't live in America but I will change the seasons in the story to fit the USA's seasons. It may come off as jarring to mix some of my own country's way of writing with the Western way.  
For example, jandals are what Australians call "thongs" and Americans call "flip-flops".  
I write mum with obviously a "u" instead of an "o".  
Just a heads up for future readings :)


	4. Chapter Four - Ledge

The Autumn breeze was starting to kick in now which was worrying Penelo. She might’ve got hot water running but her house was getting unbearably cold at night. Even Elliott was starting to complain about his cabin becoming chilly. Leah had little to complain about but the other two couldn't help judge her knowing she had built a majority of her home.

The weather always made Penelo unsure whether to dress warmly or loosely with the sun beating down met with a hauntingly cold wind. She decided it was always best to tie a jersey around her waist just in case, especially now that she was starting to go scavenging with her friends early in the morning for berries and other wild fruits and veggies.

She trotted behind Leah and Elliott letting them take the lead since she had no clue what she was doing. She held onto her basket watching her step with the leaves and branches that cluttered the forest floor.

“You’re quiet. What’s on your mind?” Elliott turned to glance over at her. He had his hair put in a tidy bun today. He wore a striped plaid shirt which she thought suited him well. His pecks stuck out with his always perfect posture which made her a little jealous of his physique.

“It’s nothing.” She shook her head quickly.

“It has to be something. You’ve been like this for a while? Are you worried about your crops?”

“No, well... I’m always worried about that.”

“Then what is it?” Leah asked caressing down the loose strands of her ginger hair that escaped from her braid.

“It’s about Shane. No one seems to worry about him. I just find it strange how there’s someone who’s obviously in some pain and no one is reaching out.”

Her friends looked at each other for a long moment before stopping. She glanced up at them feeling a little intimidated by the sudden cessation of motion. “Penelo...” They both started before Elliott cleared his throat and took over. “Everyone’s always reaching out to him. Sam and his friends always invite him to pool and Emily and Gus always acknowledge their worries when he goes over to the restaurant. His aunt probably talks to him every day. There’s no lack of trying.”

“Yeah, people have always tried. We just don’t want to put him under more stress. There’s boundaries – limits. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. I know you’re empathetic. Like, you sense these things long before any of us could but you have to understand that some things aren’t your responsibility. Some things you should consider leaving because they really aren’t your problem.”

Penelo sagged. “It’s just hard watching it and not doing anything.”

Leah sighed and placed her arm on her shoulder. “We love you for that but he’s got a lot going on and so do you. Focus on yourself first. I’m sure there’s a time and place if you really want to do something. But we don’t want you hurting over someone who probably wouldn’t do the same for you. Does that make sense?”

“It does. Thanks, guys.”

“We just want you to be careful.” Elliott came up and kissed her on the head which made her smile.

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

  
  


  
  


Shane felt like the music in the store was hammering him in the head trying to drive him crazy with the old tunes he knew were meant for people like his Aunt Marnie. His hands felt clammy and his chest ached with every wheezy breath. It was getting harder and harder to breathe as his vision started to blur. His skin was started to feel hot and cold at the same time, overwhelming him. He decided to sit down in the aisle to try to calm himself but it was taking a long time for him to become aware of his surroundings again.

Finally calming down he looked around to see if anyone was near but he was all alone sitting on the floor. He felt lonely knowing he had just had a panic attack with no one around to help but at the same time, it was comforting. The whole town would gossip and talk about it and he really didn’t want that. He just wished he had someone else to depend on that wasn’t just him alone.

He started to wonder what got him so worked up completely forgetting about the radio noise that seemed to drown out his chain of thought and the awful air-conditioning that made his skin prickle. Sucking in air that seemed to sting his throat, he shook his head and began mindlessly stocking the shelves again and making them look pretty.

He could barely focus on where his hands were going as his brain flooded with words. He felt awful - like there was a weight at the bottom of his stomach that would make it impossible to get back up on his feet. He missed the city, missed having friends. He missed going to the break room in the office to talk about what he had gotten up to in the weekend to his co-workers. He missed making plans and going out to places that were actually_nice_. He missed having opportunities and events to go to.

Now all he had was a little cousin that would nag him whenever he wanted to stay home and an aunt who always seemed to look disappointed in him. He wanted to be by himself, truly by himself. If only he saved money by not buying canned alcohol to get by then he knew he could actually move back to the city.

He refused to ask any of his family for money. He hated talking to his parents, they were always asking him for money back when he lived near them in the city. He groaned. He was stuck and he knew it would be a painful process to get out of the mess he was in – a long and awful process.

_Maybe I should just give up._

Life already sucked as it was, maybe it would be better if he just left so no one would worry about him or annoy him.

  
  


“_Come over._”

Penelo scrunched her face in response to the text. She had driven past Sam’s house a few times but she had never gone inside or was invited over before. Maybe once or twice she talked to him outside while he was skating but that was about it.

“_Like now?_”

“_Yeah. Come over._”

“_I planned to clear up some of the farm today before it rains_.”

“_It’ll be worth your time_.”

She winced. “_Are you flirting with me?_”

“_What?_

_Lol, no_.”

She blinked at her phone for a brief moment before a wall of spam began to appear.

“_No, I was trying to surprise you._

_I’m not flirting with you._

_Omg, I just wanted to invite you to band practice._

_Please don’t think I’m interested._

_I’ve got a crush on someone else._

_Please come over_.”

She snorted and decided to get up completely ignoring to respond. After packing some small things she got in her car and began to head over. She parked outside on the street on a patch of grass and headed down the stone driveway. The driveway was long with a range of different trees outlining it. The house was only one floor but it was pretty with a small paddock that was nicely decorated with birdbaths and other garden trinkets. She thought it was cute and homely and it reminded her a little of her family when things were nice as a child.

She climbed a few steps up onto the porch where she knocked on a wooden door with coloured glass. She heard someone race to the door when a loud bang emerged from the other side.

“Ow...” She heard as the door swung forward. “Did you get my texts? I didn’t know if you were coming.” Sam’s hair wasn’t styled today but instead left untouched. She thought he looked a lot better with his hair naturally left long and covering his ears but she decided against saying anything knowing he preferred to put some effort into it.

“I mean, I was driving so maybe I didn’t get some of the texts.” She reached down to look at her phone seeing a notification for five new messages.

“I like Penny okay.” He quickly said. “Penny teaches the kids. My brother and Jas... You know Penny right?”

“I mean, I know the kids.” She shrugged. “I might have seen Penny around? I’m still getting used to living here...”

“Sorry if saying come over made you freak out.” He scratched his face. “Anyways, Abigail and Sebastian are here. We’ve been messing around. Sebastian said you could help us. It’s sort of hard to hear what you’re doing wrong when you’re inside of the whole thing. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.” She smiled. “And don’t worry. I was teasing.”

“Great. But sorry, seriously. I can be a bit _in your face _sometimes.”

“No, me too.” She reassured him as they shut the door and walked down the wooden floor hallway. The ceiling was tall and slanted with family portraits hanging neatly at face height. She saw Sam when he was young sitting politely near his mother who Penelo had never seen before. She felt a little embarrassed knowing that Sam’s mother had helped feed her in her first months and she hadn’t actually met her. She was a beautiful lady who dressed nicely in long tops and big waist-high pants. Penelo felt her cheeks heat up as she turned to look away hoping staring at Sam might make her thoughts turn elsewhere.

She followed him to his room which was quite big and spacious. There were drums set up in the corner and a keyboard where Sebastian was playing on his phone. Abigail the purple-haired girl was lying atop his bed patting her knees until she turned to see Sam and Penelo coming in.

“Hey.” She said sitting up, her bed hair sticking up in places.

“Hey.” Penelo’s voice came out shakily.

Sebastian smirked. “Nice to see your girlfriend made it Sam.”

“Guys, seriously.” Sam moaned. “Penelo, I really didn’t mean to come off that way.”

“I was just joking.” She giggled as she headed towards his computer chair. “So how’s the music stuff going?”

“We have a few variants of sounds we’ve been testing out but we aren’t sure which one to really go for.” Sebastian explained.

“Why not all of them?” Penelo bit the inside of her cheek.

“We would if they all weren’t so different from one another. It gets a bit jarring.” Abigail explained as she settled near her drums.

“Okay, we’ll play three songs and you tell us what you think afterwards, okay?” Sam placed his guitar around his neck and set his hands where they needed to be. Penelo nodded as she got comfortable. Abigail counted down from three when they started up. The first song was heavy rock orientated where Abigail and Sam screamed and sang lyrics that were angry and dominating which Penelo thought was really good despite a few jarring moments when they switched to the chorus and guitar solos.

The next song was very techy and ambient orientated with Sebastian being the main focus with his keyboard with very little lyrics. The last one seemed to be a love song where Abigail did very little on the drums but sang about liking someone who seemed to feel uncomfortable with your advances.

“So, what do you think?” Sam asked looking a little embarrassed. Sebastian took the chance to sit down again from performing.

“I liked all of them.” She admitted. “Of course they do need a bit of cleaning up but I can hear what you’re going for and I really love it.” She crossed her arms and thought for a little moment. “I see what you mean about them all being very different. Maybe you could figure out how to make them transition a little better or maybe have different sections of your album vary.” She shrugged.

“We were thinking of doing those things.” Abigail shrugged. “But we weren’t really sure where to start.”

“You could have three parts to your album and name them different things or something? Or maybe add the techy stuff into every song. I loved the cute little tunes the keyboard made in the love song. I wouldn’t know how that would fit in something like the first rock song though...”

“I’m sure we can test some stuff out and we’ll invite you back over.” Sebastian said fidgeting with her fingers.

“Yeah, I agree.” Abigail nodded. “I like the soft tech sounds too.”

“Anyways, we wanted to ask you something.” Sam placed his guitar down on his guitar stand. “We know you do some art stuff. We wondered if you wanted to our song art covers. Like, album cover stuff?”

She was taken aback for a moment. “I mean, of course, I would. I just... I need to make some money.”

“We’ll pay you of course. We can talk about prices and stuff later we just wanted to know.” Sebastian quickly verified.

“We can send you some stuff to you online of what we are going for. We want something really colourful and bright. Something that looks alien-like.” Abigail explained.

“Very abstract,” Sebastian added.

“I’ve got an idea.” Penelo nodded.

“Great. It’s sorted then.” Sam smiled. “But did you want to stay and watch a movie or chill with us?”

“Actually, I have to get back to the farm.” She checked her watch. “I heard there’s random chances of rain and I really need to start redoing the farm layout. I’ve still got stuff to plant. I have all these different seeds and stuff that need different care and it’s all very confusing.”

“Do you need any help?” Abigail frowned.

“I don’t want to burden anyone. I’ll be okay.”

“Hey, we can come over and help if you need to. You just have to ask.” Sebastian’s face was soft which was reassuring but also seemed to make her face heat up just a little.

“No, no, seriously I’m okay.” Penelo got up and put her jersey over her arm. “But thank you for the invite. I’m glad I got to hear your stuff. You guys really do sound good.” Everyone seemed to smile and blush at the compliments. “Plus, I’ve got Leah and Elliot who seem to love helping out whenever they come over. You guys focus on this.”

“Alright, but know we’re here. It was good to see you.” Sebastian walked over to give her a hug. She was surprisingly flattered by his expanding arms since they never really touched or anything beforehand. Sam came over to hug her too but Abigail simply waved considering they weren’t as close.

“I’ll see you guys later. Keep me up to date and send me some stuff and I’ll get working on the art.” She waved goodbye as she made it out of the house and back to her car. Halfway down the driveway, it started to spit down with water.

Growling she let out a big sigh. “For fuck’s sake.”

  
  


  
  


Shane’s legs felt like liquid once he got onto his feet. He had slept in for a couple of hours after work and it was getting close to dinner time. Walking out and coming into the kitchen with sweatpants on and a shirt he knew he should throw out considering it was ripped and covered in stains, he noticed little Jas sitting at the kitchen table writing in a paper booklet.

“Hiya kid.” His voice was thick with phlegm. Clearing his throat he headed to the fridge. He knew they already had dinner so he was going to get some leftover pizza from the saloon to heat up in the microwave.

“Can you help me with my homework?” Her legs were kicking under the table. He glanced over at her and eyed her large writing.

“What is it?”

“We have to write about family.”

Shane’s lips turned downwards. “Are you sure you need me to help with that?”

“You’re family so you can help.” She looked at him as if he were stupid which made him feel a sting of anger. He swallowed it down and took a deep breath.

“Fine, I’ll help.” Once his pizza was done he took a seat next to her. Her hair was left down in curls around her shoulders and she wore her sleeping gown with big rabbit slippers. You could tell purple was her favourite colour since she was dressed head to toe in only that one colour which was a bit of a sore to Shane’s eyes.

Jas let Shane read what she had written. The questions were simple enough but big enough to leave answers where you had to explain a lot.

She saw questions like what are you mum and dad like which made Shane only seem to feel sad. Shane didn’t like talking to either of his parents and he knew Jas’s father wasn’t really a reliable man. He wanted to reach out and tell her everything was okay but Jas already looked happy enough with her legs dangling excitedly.

“Well, what did you need my help with?”

“I want you to tell me about my dad. I don’t really know anything about him so I want you to tell me so I can write about it.”

“I think you should ask your mum about this stuff Jas.”

“But mum never talks about dad.”

“Have you ever wondered if it was for a good reason?” He asked before having a mouthful of pizza.

“Why would it be bad to talk about my dad. This is for homework.” 

Shane sighed as he talked and ate. “Look. I think he was some sort of mechanic or something. I don’t know. Machines or plumbing, I really can’t recall. He was a little older than your mum. He’s probably like fifty or something.” He shrugged looking up at the ceiling in thought. “A bit fat. Thought he was funny. Talked too much. Was a bit of an idiot.”

Jas’s face made Shane stop talking. Her eyes were wide and her lips were pressed into a thin line. Blinking profusely and looking away he gathered himself. “Look, let’s just be glad he isn’t here and you don’t know him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s not that great of a guy.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’ve met him and you barely remember him,” Shane said loudly. “He sucks, okay? He’s shit.”

“Shane.” Aunt Marnie stood at the kitchen door frame with a look that could kill. He froze up as she strutted over in her robe. She was a short but big woman and Shane knew she could pound him to the ground if she wanted. “That’s enough. Why are talking about this?”

“Jas wanted me to help with her homework. I told her to talk to you but she didn’t want to.” Shane explained knowing Jas wasn’t going to talk with her mother looking frightening.

“What homework?” She grabbed the booklet and began reading. Both Shane and Jas seemed to look at the floor waiting for Marnie to speak. “Honey, I can help with this. Shane, just go to your room.”

“What? I didn’t mean to sound like that. I can help.”

“You’ve done enough.” Marnie’s face was tense but her eyes were shaking. Shane knew he had said something that had hurt his aunt deep down and felt incredibly guilty. He took a deep breath and stood up. He wanted to say sorry but he looked at Jas knowing that she didn’t understand what was going on. He stayed silent and went down the hallway where he got ready for a shower.

  
  


  
  


Shane sat in a lightly lit room with just his nightstand lamp on. He was cleaning his room knowing he was enough of a disappointment. At least he could be a tidy disappointment. He began folding his clean clothes and setting them properly in his drawers. He heard a knock at the door knowing it was his aunt. He turned around closing the drawer quickly and sat down at the edge of his bed.

“Come in.”

Marnie came in with her soft brown hair put in a braid. She walked in with her hands underneath her chest. She was silent and staring hard at the floor that needed to obviously be vacuumed with bits and pieces scattered everywhere. Shane watched her cautiously knowing her words were going to hit him hard and he had to mentally prepare for whatever would come out her moth.

“Shane.”

“Auntie, please. I didn’t mean to come out sounding like that. I just remember him being such an asshole. He used to make you cry. I remember the way he made you feel. I don’t want Jas to feel bad for not having him in her life.”

“I know, but it’s not for you to say. You weren’t in love with him like I was. You met him like five times._I lived with him_. I wish you had came to me about this.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice was weak and small.

“Look, I think you need to consider talking to doctor Harvey about how you’ve been feeling.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Are you sure though?” His aunt’s voice had risen leaving him to shut his lips. “You’re drinking every night. You have nothing in your savings, I know you don’t because I see your bank statements in the trash. We can sort something out. I know you came here wanting to get away from your mum and dad and I get that. My sister isn’t really someone you want talking to you every day. But you’re not happy here. We can find you a job in the city again. You don’t have to tell your mum that you’re back.”

“Rent is so expensive there. I don’t have anything to pay to move back.”

“You have to do something with your life. You’re halfway through your twenties. You’ve got a degree, you should use it.”

“A degree in communications and business is nothing in a city where all those jobs are taken. I was lucky to get that job at Joja because the university helped me. I can’t do this alone. I’m only capable of some shitty job at a grocery store.”

“You’re more than that.” She tilted her head with pleading eyes.

“I’m nothing.” He raised his hands up. “Look, I’m just here hurting you and Jas. I’ll just find my way. I’ll live in my car or something.”

“What? No.” Her voice was sharp but Shane wasn’t listening.

“All I do is hurt you. Maybe I should just_not be here_ anymore.”

“Stop.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“What’s wrong with you Shane?” She was starting to sound desperate but nothing was getting through to him. His brain was foggy and he felt like erupting. He knew Marnie was happy and fine without him. All he ever did was mope around while she took care of him. He was as bad as his parents who always asked to borrow money from him. He was nothing but a leech.

“You make me so worried.” She continued. “I just want to help you make a plan. Do you have a plan? You have to realise that time doesn’t wait for you.”

“I don’t want to be around any more to make a plan.” He shouted, face fuming. Looking down for a moment they were both stayed put without saying anything. He wondered if it was worth saying but he decided to not care any more. His voice came out quiet but everything was so jarringly silent that it felt loud as the sounds escaped his lips. “I should just kill myself.”

Both of them jumped as they heard a gasp at the doorway. Little Jas stared wide-eyed at Shane with tears forming and streaking down her face. “Oh god, Jasmine.” Marnie’s voice shook. She went to go hold her but Jas quickly ran away. Marnie stopped and slowly turned to him. “Go to bed and calm down. You don’t mean that. You’re going to make it up to Jas in the morning. Alright?”

Marnie stormed out of his room and slammed his door. He covered his face and began to dig his nails into his skin. He wanted to throw something or scream. He collapsed onto the floor and growled deep within his throat.

That was it. He knew it most definitely. There was no hope for him. He was an idiot to have moped around this long hurting them. He always made Jas sad, this wasn’t a first time or even a second. This happened almost every week. He didn’t understand why she always looked to him, he only ever said awful things to her. He was a big lazy idiot with no future.

He was going to do it for real this time.

  
  


  
  


Penelo couldn’t seem to fall back to sleep. All she wanted to do was sleep in. She woke most mornings to get things done even despite staying up to plan and get in some time to sketch. It was about five in the morning but it was strangely bright despite the grey that covered the sky.

She decided it was best to just get up and have a nap later that afternoon even though she felt groggy leaving the bed. She got dressed and ate a little before heading out to go scavenging. She had always planned to go adventuring in the forest early in the morning and what better time than now considering she wouldn’t purposely go planning to get up so early any time soon.

She swung her basket with one earbud in. She danced with every step and boogied as she picked the wild apples and berries she came across. It was starting to get easier identifying stuff after reading articles online and the books she had got out of the village library about plants and all thing wildlife related.

It would spit every now and then but she wore lots of layers knowing the mornings were always cold. She had her raincoat tied around her waist tightly but she had to keep fastening it which was beginning to get annoying.

“Should have brought an umbrella.” She muttered to herself then instantly regretting that idea knowing she’d have no hands to pick things with.

She had spent a good half hour walking closer and closer to the other end of the forest where it was nearing the edge overlooking the ocean. She had been close to the cliffs a few times with Leah and Elliot but she had never watched the sunrise or had gone by herself. She thought it would be a good idea to see if the sun would come out from behind the blankets of clouds so she began following the path she was familiar taking with her friends.

She took her headphones out comfortably listening to the rustle of the leaves and the occasional rain. A strong smell made her choke on her breath for a moment. She stopped and covered her mouth to cough. It took her a moment to realise it was alcohol.

“God, what...?” She was getting scared now. She wasn’t sure who would be there if anyone. Maybe it was the sewer smell or something.

She came into the clearing near the cliff when she noticed the beer cans and beer boxes scattered across the grass. She was careful to hide behind some of the trees. She walked quietly, eyes searching for anyone nearby.

Penelo’s heart dropped in a second once she was Shane’s feet tipped off the edge of the cliffs. She almost didn’t believe what she was seeing. It didn’t feel real. She started racing towards but quickly stopped in her tracks knowing she was getting into something dangerous. She had to prepare herself.

His whole body seemed to sway in the wind making her dizzy just watching him. She tried to be as silent as she could as she carefully walked around the dead leaves that were scattered across the forest floor. She swerved past the wild trees hoping her breath wasn’t too loud. It felt like the whole world was tilted or swaying as she got closer. Her vision of him was starting to blur the more she tried to focus on him.

“_Shane._” Her voice was so small she worried about whether or not he heard her. Swallowing she almost screamed when she stepped on an empty beer can. There were more littered near his feet along with vodka bottles. She was all too aware that the way the wind stung her and the soreness in her throat was all to existent which made the situation begin to heavily sink in.

“Shane.” Her voice was firm almost like how a boss would talk to a misbehaving worker. She wasn’t sure being soft was going to work this time. “Shane.”

“No.” He spat without turning around which startled her in her tracks. “I don’t want you to see this.”

She breathed heavily from her mouth. “Then come here. Please.”

“God, why did you have to come?” His words slurred together. “Why did… I wanted this but I didn’t mean it.”He took a step back and kneeled down to cradle and hold himself. She took the chance to rush forward grabbing a hold of his wrist making sure she had some control over him before he could tip over the rocky ledge. His eyes were swollen from crying and he reeked of alcohol and smoke. Those dark and tired eyes looked through her making her heart thump loudly inside her chest.

“Look, let’s take things slow. We can stay here as long as you want.”

“I didn’t mean it when I wished you’d come.” His voice shook her to her core. The way he shivered uncontrollably and the way his lips wavered she couldn’t help feeling the urge to cry along with him. Sniffing he tried to turn away from her but she stayed close with her arm tightly around him still. “Look, I can’t do this any more. Please just go. You can call someone to come get me or whatever after but please leave me alone because I need to do this.”

“But why? Why would you need to fucking do this?”

“Because I’m not fucking doing anything. I’m just here existing and I’m fucking tired. I’m so fucking tired of living. Like, what does any of it matter? Everything is pointless. There’s no real meaning in life. God, I wish I was just used for science or something because then I’d actually be useful. I’m just a fucking slave to this world. All I do is stack cans all day. I can’t even be a good cousin because all I do is make her cry. My aunt looks at me all disappointed all the time. Everyone I ever love chooses to leave me. What’s the point?”

“Look, I get it. It’s hard and living isn’t easy. But if I could make you understand how beautiful the world is then I would. The world doesn’t need a universal meaning. The good thing about being human means we can control our own destiny even if we can’t control everything around us. We have to accept things for the way they are just like we have to accept ourselves with all our flaws and ugliness. We just need to_ calm down_ and gather our thoughts.”

A loud disgusting burp that sounded close to a vomiting sound escaped his lips. He groaned painfully squeezing himself into an almost fetal position.

“Look, how much have you drank? Do you have any water?”

“I didn’t bring water here to help me kill myself.”

“You’re really going to give me attitude right now?” She felt like crying. “Can you walk? We have to get you to the doctor.”

“I’m so sick and tired of seeing Harvey in that stupid white clinic room.”

“Shane, please.” She begged. “I’ve been here.” Her voice was tightening and it was becoming difficult to talk and breath. “I was in this same spot in high school. It felt like... Like there was nothing to look forward to. I dropped out and I moped around for like - two years. You realise there’s responsibility when you’re adult but that’s what makes it so good. You’re capable of anything and can do anything you want but you just have to _try_.”

“I’ve tried all time. I’m trying constantly and I’m still the same person.”

“Look, maybe you should take some time off work. Stay home, work on your hobbies.”

“There’s nothing here for me!” He sat in a fit of coughs for a moment where Penelo rubbed his back the best she could. “I used to play gridball. There’s no one here to do that with. I don’t even think I want to do that anymore. There’s nothing I enjoy doing. I play video games all day but there’s nothing for me there.”

“We can sit down with Sebastian. He does programming. He makes video games. He’s planning of moving to the city actually.”

“I’m not living with that fucking goth freak.”

“Wow, do you even know him?” He could hear he struck a chord with her. He felt like hiding but he knew he could barely even move compared to getting away from her. “He’s a great musician. He’s ambitious and kind and even though he has bad habits like smoking and sleeping in all the time he’s doing his best. Why can’t you try as well? He’s so sweet. You should get to know him.”

“I don’t want to be friends with anyone, okay?” He turned away from her. “This town is just a hive mind.”

“Where is this coming from? I’ve been here like three months and I’ve met maybe a third of the town but everyone is different and everyone is their own person and all beautiful in their own way.” He remained quiet. “Why don’t you try to make friends here?”

“Because it’s not the same.” His voice rumbled. “In the city I had this huge group of friends. I used to go out and I loved it. I actually enjoyed going to work, I enjoyed getting up on Mondays. But it’s all shallow. No one really cares. I’m tired of it. Everyone leaves. I had no one and the only people who ever messaged me were my mum and her husband asking for money or my dad asking how I am but it was never really deep. It was just a ‘_hey, how are you?_’ And that’s it. Not a, '_have you been eating okay __or__ what have you been doing_ 'or anything. I just deleted my online stuff because it made me feel so lonely. Half of the people I was close with in high school stopped talking to me once I began studying in university and they’ve all got houses and kids. I wasn’t even invited to my best friend’s wedding. Like we used to hang out every day after school and then they just stopped talking to me. You’d think you’d be the best man or something. You imagine it. Like, did I even matter? Am I just a stepping stone?”

“I didn’t even have friends growing up. During high school, I had no one. I didn’t know how to properly talk to people until I started working. I wasn’t lucky enough to have the good grades to get into university. I went into everything blindly. It’s true I think a majority of relationships while working are shallow. But it’s really up to you to take steps to make relationships with people you see something within. It might be meaningless and it might not work out but your whole life is just going into relationships blindly. You can’t really escape it. I know it’s hard but I see so many people trying to help you and be there for you and you always decline it. It’s up to you.”

Shane tried to rub his thick tears away but they kept coming down his sickly toned face.

“Shane... Do you really want to do this?” Penelo frowned. “I can only help you so much. I don’t like forcing you to do things or force anyone to do anything. I want you to be okay.”

Shane sniffled, struggling to breathe while brushing his tears with his wet hands. She softly touched his face with her sleeve drying his face. He couldn’t help but think it felt nice as he looked up at her focusing on his tear stains. He wished he could look up at her like this but they were both happy. He felt stupid for feeling a little hopeful for a future like that for a split second but he selfishly kept that thought in his head.

“Can we head to the doctors now?” She met his eyes which made him quickly shut his eyes. He suddenly felt aware of how disgusting he felt.

“Okay...”

“Okay, good.” She stood up and took out her hand. It took some effort to pull him up. He was surprisingly lighter than she expected. She put his arm around her shoulders. His feet swayed in front of each other as they turned away from the cliffs. She had to stop quickly as he dropped to the floor to vomit. It smelled disgusting but she kneeled down and stroked his hot and sweaty back.

It took a good half hour to walk back to the village and no one seemed to be outside considering how cold and early it was. Penelo felt a little comforted by this knowing how Shane would feel if anyone else were to see him. She had to press the house button over and over for about three minutes before the young doctor with a big moustache opened the door in his pyjamas.

“Oh, not again...” Doctor Harvey took over for Penelo and helped guide Shane into the clinic. She hadn’t been in the clinic before but Shane was right to say that everything was sickly white. She closed the door lightly reflecting on the ‘_again_’ part.

She felt right to worry despite what Leah and Elliott had said. Her friends were right but deep down she sensed something wrong when it came to leaving Shane alone.

“Will he be okay?” She asked weakly trailing behind them. Her shoulders felt a lot better without the weight of another person depending on her. She strangely felt sick with some rain seeping into her shirt and sneezed with her whole body shaking.

“Knowing him we will need to pump his stomach.”

“Wait, what?”

“And you’ll probably need some stuff considering you’re catching a cold. Let me get him lying down first.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Sadly you won’t be able to stay. Only family is allowed in the same room and no one else is allowed in while we’re getting his body cleaned up. But it would be great if you could call up Maru. She’s my assistant. Sebastian’s sister. Ugh... Where’s my phone?”

“Don’t worry, I have Sebastian’s number and I can just call him to get his sister. He might actually still be up from work.” She shakily went to grab her phone. She could barely feel her fingers as she tapped on her screen. It took a few calls to get him to pick up but he didn’t sound angry, just tired.

“You okay?” His voice was groggy.

“Hey, I know it’s super early. I’m so sorry but can you get your sister?”

“What? Have you even _met_ my sister? What happened?”

“I mean... No, not really but we need her over at the clinic?”

“What happened? Are you okay?” His voice suddenly boomed from her phone which startled her for a moment.

“Shane has what I assume alcohol poisoning. I mean it’s actually kind of obvious but we need her over to help pump out his stomach and stuff.”

“Wait, Shane?”

“I don’t think I can say anything more but can you please get your sister over here.”

“Yeah, she can’t drive yet. I’ll bring her over on my motorcycle.”

“Thank you so much. By the way, dress warmly. It’s sort of raining.”

“We’ll be there in fifteen or less.”

The phone went quiet after an ending beep of the call. She felt as if her arms and legs weren’t existent with how numb they were. She was frightened and worried and not sure what to think about or focus on.

She trotted into the doctor’s room with all the equipment she couldn’t name when Harvey lied down the groaning man. “I’ll have to ask you to step out sorry. It’s protocol.”

“Will I be able to visit?”

“Sadly no. He’ll probably need some extra care for a couple days considering his mental health. I have to forcefully write a report to send him to get help now. This is the final warning for him.” He began to unlock some drawers and collecting some clear bags of liquid and needles which made Penelo’s eyes widen. “I can get you some things for your upcoming cold in a minute but you’ll have to wait in the waiting room. You haven’t actually transferred your medical things for me considering you’re new to the village. I can’t prescribe you anything till then but I can give you some over the desk things.”

“I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

“Trust me, you’re getting sick. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Penelo stepped back after a few seconds of watching doctor Harvey circle around drunken Shane before walking out and walking into the waiting room which was full of plastic chairs that were stuck together by metal legs that had ugly square cushions. Her leg tapped as she squeezed her hand on her basket handle. She was starving but she felt like vomiting so she kept her hands away from her foraged items.

Sniffing and sneezing she heard the house alarm go off. She rushed to the door where Sebastian came through with his darker-skinned and shorter sister. They barely looked as if they were even related but from what she knew of Sebastian and his family she could tell they were obviously half-siblings.

“Woah, you okay?” Maru ran towards the hallway and pushed through the doors without saying a word.

“I’m just... I’m waiting.” She rubbed her arms nervously.

He put his hand against her cheek and hissed. “You’re getting sick. I’ll drop you home okay?”

“Okay. I just have to... I gotta wait for Harvey.”

“Don’t worry.” Sebastian shook his head. “I’ll buy you some soup and things once you’re in bed.”

“No, don’t worry-”

“Penelo.” His voice stopped her. “I care about you. Let me help you out.” She pressed her lips together and nodded. They sat down together and Sebastian wrapped his arm around her leaning into her. She found this comforting knowing that he wasn’t so affectionate as her friend Elliot or even Leah. She could tell he was trying to comfort her and she greatly appreciated it. Shutting her eyes all she could think about was how lucky she was that she couldn’t fall asleep that morning so she could save Shane’s life.

It was jarring and scary and the darkness left her with images that frightened her but she knew he’d be okay and that was enough to calm her down.


	5. Chapter Five - Hope in You

Sebastian had decided to stay over at Penelo’s as she got better. He mostly sat at her kitchen table tapping away on his laptop while scribbling in a notebook. She had spent her first two days mostly in bed with maybe a few hours sitting on the couch watching TV before feeling exhausted and heading back into her room to lie down.

It was hard to breathe at times making it impossible to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. Sebastian would come in and pick up all the tissues she had thrown on the ground that had missed the bin and helped her take liquid medicine and pills.

She had gotten round to finding her documents and called into her old doctor with the help of Sebastian so now she could actually get prescribed medicine to help with her cold. He was good company and pretty company too.

She poked fun at him for always wearing black but he simply smiled. He couldn’t help buy metal band t-shirts when he saw them so his wardrobe just became flooded in a dark abyss. He slept in her spare room for the most part on a shitty old mattress that was left behind when Penelo had moved in. She was sure it was the mattress her grandfather had slept on before he died and had lived in the cottage but Sebastian said it was fine.

Sniffling on the couch covered with a cotton blanket she huddled up cradling herself as she watched a horror movie on her small rectangular TV. “Do you want some tea?” Sebastian asked as he got up from the table. She felt embarrassed with having him in her living space. All her kitchen chairs didn’t match and it was always cold in the house. The wallpaper was falling off at the corners and all her furniture was probably as old as they were. She shook her head without saying a word.

“I’ll make you some medical drink stuff anyways.” He said as he looked through her cupboards.

“I’m feeling better. You don’t have to stay here.”

“Nah, you’re still sick. Even my mum won’t leave me alone when I’m sick. I couldn’t imagine being alone when I feel like shit.”

With a frown, she cautiously spoke softly. “Do you think Shane is okay?”

“I’m sure there’s a lot of eyes on him,” Sebastian said casually with a shrug. “He’ll be going to therapy groups soon in the city. He’ll be fine.”

“Everyone says that but no one actually talks to him.”

“What do you mean no one talks to him? Everyone talks to him.”

“But no one really digs down. No one brushes past the surface.”

“I’m sure his aunt does. We can’t force anyone to say anything, you know?”

Penelo sighed. “It’s hard to know where the line is to this stuff. I’ve been there and even I don’t know where the line is for when I felt like that.”

“Everyone is different. I’m sure you can check up on him when you’re better.” Penelo remained quiet as her eyes turned back to her TV.

Shane felt awful knowing he had leave off work. His boss wasn’t exactly the nicest guy but he couldn’t fire him because of his contract. Shane knew Sam would have to take over some of his hours as the only other worker with the exception of the cashier worker at Jojamart which made him feel obligated to the outgoing fool.

He watched the trees fly past as Marnie drove down the empty roads. It was too early for him and he wasn’t used to getting up even at 8 am for work. His eyes felt dry but he had rubbed them enough.

“This will be good, don’t you think?” His aunt said sweetly. He didn’t respond. His head rested in his hand with his elbow at the window.

“I just want you to know that I love you and I’m happy you’re still here.” Marnie started. Shane knew she was about to do a speech and all he wanted to do was shut it down but he didn’t want to be rude. One way or another she would say what she wanted to so he firmly pressed his teeth together so his jaw locked in place. “You’re an amazing and handsome young man. You’ll get through this I know.”

Despite not caring for her words he still felt emotional with his throat tightening up and his eyes stinging.

“Whatever happens we’ll get through this. I’m sure that talking about everything with others will be good. You can make friends and maybe find someone who will help you move back to the city. You were so happy when you worked there. It won’t be the same but that means it can be better.”

“Yeah, thanks, Auntie.”

“I really do love you.” She repeated. “I’m happy that Penelo girl found you when she did.”

Shane felt a weight put onto him at the sound of her name. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every minute she popped in his head to the point of insanity. All he did was wonder what she thought of him. His memory was still hazy from the time she found him at the cliffs but the moments he could recall were vivid. He still felt her sleeves brush across her face and her hands rubbing his back. She smelled good. She smelled like grass and fruit. You’d expect that from a farmer but it was one of those smells you could never get sick of.

“How is she?” Shane let the words fall about before they could swirl in his head.

“I’m not sure. I heard she’s sick.” Marnie explained putting some of her hair behind her ear before putting her hand back on the wheel. “She sure has gotten popular. I’ll have to invite her for lunch one day.”

Shane wanted to tell his aunt not to but he knew she would question why and do it even against his wishes.

He hoped that the conversation was over but his aunt began talking again. His whole body sagged in his seat when she started up again.

“She sure is pretty. Dresses nicely too. Gosh, you should really thank her next time you see her. Well, thank her for me because_I know you._”

“Yup.” He said quickly.

“Her grandfather was a nice man. It’s a shame that his farm got overgrown like it has over the decade. Poor girl has to clean it up by herself. I wonder how she’s doing financially.” Marnie pouted. “I’ve heard she needed help with eating and food so maybe she’s struggling. Maybe you can make it up to her by helping her out with her farm.”

Shane pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maybe.”

“Anyways, you two could be good friends. You’re both around the same age. It would be good for you. She’s new to Stardew just like you so it should be easy enough. I heard she worked in an office just like you.”

Shane’s eyebrows furrowed. “I think we actually used to work in the same office. I heard she worked at Joja in the city.” He didn’t recall where he had heard it and it was strange that he even remembered despite not talking to anyone in the village. He wondered if the hazy information was even real.

“What? Really? Did you two ever talk?”

Shane blinked at the cloudy sky taking a moment to think back to the days of suits and computer screens. “I don’t think so.”

“You two should get some coffee one day and talk about it. Maybe you two will remember.”

Shane squinted. “Maybe...” Shane hoped so even though he knew it would be hard at first. He imagined how nice it would be if they grew comfortable with one another. He imagined what it would be like to be close to her with her back pressed up against a wall and her hands against his chest. Her brown eyes looking up meeting his and her lips parting to say something with a panting breath.

He gathered himself feeling stupid wishing as he blinked away the image out of his mind returning his thoughts to the therapy group he’d be going to once they reached the city.

Sebastian headed towards the door after hearing a knock when Leah opened it and looked inside to see who was there. “Oh, you’re still here. How’s she feeling?” She plopped some newspapers and mail onto the table.

Sebastian shrugged. “She’s getting better but she’s been struggling to sleep.”

“Guess it’s a good a time as ever to get sick with shitty weather like this.”

“I don’t know, it gets pretty cold here,” Sebastian admitted.

“Shit, she really should get insulation soon then. She’ll need help on the farm at this rate.”

Sebastian and Leah sat down at the table where he closed his laptop. “She’s planted the pumpkins so she’ll do okay when Autumn comes around. She told me she wanted to do one of those walk-ins where people come in and pick them out for carving.”

“I could actually help with that,” Leah said pointing her finger excitedly. “I’m really good at carving.”

“Then I’m sure she’ll be alright before Winter.”

“We can only hope. Otherwise, Elliott and I will be searching through our pockets to get her stable.”

“She could stay over at my house if she wanted.”

Leah winced for a brief moment. “She could really stay at anyones. She’s sweet and considerate. Anyone would be lucky to have her over.”

“Hey.” Penelo’s voice was audibly down in the dumps. It was an obvious strain to speak and what came out was raspy.

“Wow, you sound like a Jazz singer. Maybe you should be a singer for Seb’s band while you sound like that.”

“You know that wouldn’t be such a bad idea.” Sebastian snorted.

“Ha-ha.” Penelo rolled her eyes sarcastically.

“You seem to be doing better.”

Penelo closed one eye and gave a look that screamed, ‘_Really?_’.

“I mean it. Anyways, I came to check on you. You’ve got mail too. One is from the mayor. Anything from him should pretty much be read immediately if you ask me.”

“How come?” Penelo sat down with her friends where they both seemed baffled.

“I mean, whatever he says goes,” Sebastian explained.

“It really is like that. He could sell my land in a heartbeat.” Leah explained.

“Why? Aren’t there like - laws?”

“And he knows them well,” Sebastian said seriously. “He’s sort of slimy dude.”

“I thought Mayor Lewis was nice. He helped me move in. He was good friends with my granddad.”

“It’s a good thing you’re on his good side then.” Sebastian’s lips moved to the side while Leah seemed to glance over at a wall with a frown.

“Alright...” She leant over to pick up the envelope. Ripping it open she took out a folded piece of paper and started to read quietly. “It’s just an invitation to some jellyfish thing. What is that?” She raised the paper up where Leah quickly grabbed to read it.

“It’s a yearly thing. At the end of Summer, we get together to watch the jellyfish come close to the shore. It’s really pretty.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“I mean, Stardew isn’t really known for its popularity. The most people we get coming here is for the festival in Spring which we might get like three hundred visitors. It’s like how the news never talks about countries suffering but they’ll talk about how KFC ran out of fucking chicken.”

Sebastian laughed. “I remember that.”

Penelo scrunched her face.

“It’s actually a shame. You missed the Luau which happens really early Summer. You moved in probably like a week or two after that.” Leah said picking an apple out her fruit bowl and taking a bite.

“I never liked the Luau.” Sebastian frowned. “Who wants to eat a giant soup thing where you don’t know what people put in it?”

“What?”

“It’s this beach dance thing,” Leah explained. “I personally like the dancing. We make this big soup where the neighbouring mayor of the big town next door comes to visit. Mayor Lewis forces everyone to attend and contribute. I liked it because of the free food. I don’t care what it tastes like, I’m trying to survive and if I get to dance on the beach with everyone too then _hell yeah_ I say.”

“I don’t know. That would have been intimidating to be welcomed too.” Penelo fidgeted.

“Then I guess it was a good thing you came when you did.” Sebastian smiled sweetly. Penelo thanked him as Leah looked at the two with a blank expression and an apple held in the air between her fingers.

“Have you heard anything about Shane?” She turned to Leah who quickly met her eyes.

“No actually,” Leah said softly. “I don’t think anyone has. I don’t think it’s my place to snoop. Maybe when you get better you can go visit him.”

“I don’t know. I think I’d bring up some bad memories for him.”

“It’s up to you,” Sebastian added.

“Yeah, who’s to say?” Leah pressed her lips together. “But hey, can’t wait for the moonlight jellies am I right?”

“It is beautiful.”

Penelo shrugged. “It does sound nice.”

“Right, well I think it’s time Sebastian and I left.” Leah stood up. “I think she can handle herself now.”

Sebastian was taken aback. He glanced over at Penelo who seemed speechless too. “She probably needs her space. We can help her out on the farm sometime but she should get some rest.”

“Well, I guess I have overstayed my welcome.”

“You haven’t.” Penelo insisted.

“No, I’ve been here for like four days now. I should get back to my mum, she worries.”

“I can’t disagree with that.” Penelo frowned.

“I’ll drop you off,” Leah added.

“I actually brought my motorbike. Let me get my stuff.” Sebastian headed down the hallway where Leah raised an eyebrow.

“He has a motorbike?” She whispered.

Penelo nodded wanting to clarify a little to her friend but Sebastian was quick to come back with a backpack stuffing some clothes in then zipping it up.

“Call me if you need anything.” He said as he headed next to Leah at the door.

“Hey, get excited for the jellyfish. Get some rest and cheer up okay. I’m sure that idiot is okay.”

It had been a week and Penelo was feeling a lot better. She had been way too busy sorting her garden and cleaning up the farm to check in with anyone. Of course, Elliott and Leah would call in and bring her some food and sometimes Sam or Sebastian would call her on the phone and send her some art inspiration but nothing crazy.

She would ask everyone if they had seen Shane but all she got was Sam saying he had to take more hours at Jojamart because Shane was taking some leave off work for a while. She wondered if he was getting some help but she knew if she asked doctor Harvey she wouldn’t get anything out of him.

The lack of gossip was disappointing especially from what she had been warned about when it came to word gets around fast in the valley. Shane really was good at getting out of the spotlight. It was starting to drive her crazy.

There was something about the hopelessness Shane expressed that Penelo understood and felt. Everyone else in the village had it together most of the time but they never really seemed to understand what it was like to completely give up. They all had something to lean on in some way which made feel Penelo feel a little insecure. She was still figuring herself out.

Without finding her grandfather’s letter saying she owned his farm since his passing she would have still been living in the circular life of the shitty office job. Even working on the farm and trying to get by she still didn’t feel like she had settled in. Farming wasn’t her passion but it did make her feel good. It was a lot better than sitting in a box in front of a screen but she wanted to paint and draw. She wasn’t sure if she wanted that to be her career but it was all she had to look forward to in the near future.

Everyone else knew what they were doing; Elliott with his writing, Sebastian with his programming and video game design and Leah with her sculptures and her own art. It was intimidating when all the people around her were happy with what they were doing. Sam might’ve been working at Jojamart but he enjoyed his music in his free time.

She barely had the time to sit down and draw when she was so tired from chopping trees and tidying up her farm. She was exhausted and she wished she had someone to talk to about it. Of course, Shane was mentally ill and clearly depressed but she knew she could handle some of his weight as long as he listened and understood her considering everyone was always so optimistic. She just needed to get some things off her chest.

“You look so handsome.” Marnie covered her mouth and embraced her nephew who groaned in response. “And you finally properly shaved. It’s like you’re a new man.” Shane’s nose crinkled but Marnie simply smiled up at him. “By the way, Mayor Lewis is coming over for a drink in half an hour. Can you take Jas early to the event?”

“What? You still have that thing with the mayor?” Shane winced.

His aunt gave him a glare that quickly shut him up. “He’s sweet.”

“When he wants to be – and that’s literally only with you.”

“Let me have this please Shane.” Shane sighed and nodded quietly.

“I’ll get Jas.” Shane walked through the house before stopping in front of a mirror in the hallway. He glanced at himself with his hair freshly chopped a little shorter so it didn’t hang near his ears or reach down the back of his neck. He wore a casual suit with a white dress shirt and a proper coat that wasn’t his ugly work jersey. He felt a little better about himself but he still felt strange looking at someone he wasn’t familiar with across the mirror.

“Come on Jas.” He called nearing her room.

“Okay, let me just find my butterfly clips.”

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Okay.” She said cheerily.

Shane headed to his room which was now a little cleaner than what it was usually like. He headed to his nightstand where he opened a drawer to find his medication. He had to go to the group therapies every week to continue to receive them which drove him crazy because the pills actually helped his mind calm down but he absolutely hated listening to everyone around him talk about their addictions and their problems. He never shared and shot down every question his way unless it was someone asking his name but all he could do was wait for the hour to go by without going crazy. Everyone was much older than him with those mainly being middle-aged.

Shane wasn’t allowed to take alcohol with his medication which drove him crazy. It was stuck into his daily routine and clung so tightly with his schedule he would be close to having panic attacks if Marnie didn’t set a boundary down for one beer a night with two on Friday. He really did appreciate his aunt helping him but all he think about was how he was still pathetic. He wished he was good enough and secretly deep down he knew he only thought that way because he could tell he liked Penelo.

He barely knew her and he had been fighting it for a long time but after the week of reflection he couldn’t help but admit to himself how he thought she was pretty and radiant and every time he looked at her he felt hopeful. She was new and from the city like him. Maybe there could be something. Maybe she was right in saying it was up to him to start relationships.

Jas came through the doorway wearing a pink and frilly dress with a long coat on that was just a little too big for her. She blinked at him as he put his pills away. She frowned. “Do you have cancer?”

“_Woah,_ what?” Shane asked standing up from his bed.

“Only people with cancer take pills. Right?”

“Uh... No Jas.” He said approaching her. “A lot of people take pills for different reasons. Sometimes if they have a headache and sometimes if they have something wrong with them like I don’t know, acne or hay fever.”

“Why do you take them?” She said looking up at him.

He thought for a moment. Ever since he got yelled at by Marnie when he helped Jas with her homework he knew to think before speaking when it came to his cousin. He kneeled down and folded her sleeves for her and brought her collar out. “They help me be a little happier.”

“What?”

“They help me not be so sad.”

“Oh... I guess that’s good. They sound like magic.”

“I guess it sort of is like magic.” Shane giggled. “Come on. I know you love seeing the jellyfish.” Jas gasped and began jumping on the spot. “Give me your hand. We’re going a bit early before your mum okay?”

“She’s still coming, right?”

“Right.” He smiled. “Let’s go.”

“Wait.” She said urgently.

“What is it?” Shane leant down to her level and she began to dig through her pockets. Bringing a butterfly clip out she put one in his hair.

“There.”

Ever since her friends finally convinced her of the safety of the valley Penelo had decided to go for more nightly walks. When she grew up in a moderately sized town during her youth she never thought to leave the house once it got dark and when she lived alone in the city she always made sure to go where there were lots of people or places known to be safe. Out in the wilderness, she could never tell. The trees were all so intimidating under the moonlight and the silence made her fearful. But she had been living with broken locks for a few months and she seemed to comfortably dance alone on her farm without anyone coming to intrude.

She was walking to the moonlight jelly event by herself in the dark. Her eyes had grown comfortable with the dark lately and she was familiar with the streets enough to find her way and watch her footing. It took a good twenty to thirty minutes to get through town and to the beach but she had made it safe and sound.

The wind was coming in stronger by the day considering Autumn had come early but it was still warm enough to get by wearing a couple of layers on a nice night. She headed down the river path which lead to the docks. There were little lanterns that were lined up perfectly along the wooden outlook. She thought it was beautiful.

Everyone was dressed so nicely she felt a bit silly wearing her jeans and a stuffed in long sleeve red top. She played with her dyed hair nervously as she approached the crowds.

“Hiya Penelo.” She was greeted by Willy the fisherman first. He seemed to be dressed the same as always in thick browns and blues with his beard scruffy and his long hair tidily kept away with a beret.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” Penelo opened her arms up which he chuckled accepting the hug. He was a little taller than her which admittedly wasn’t very tall but he was starting to go into his old age. “I know you’ve heard this a million times but thank you so much for helping me out when I just started here. The free fish really did stop me from starvation.”

“It’s not a problem. It’s always nice to help out someone from the Blackbear family. Your grandfather and I used to fish all the time. Maybe you can come to visit me one day and I teach you.”

“I’ve been so busy.” She sighed. “But I’d love to some time.”

“No rush.” He waved her off. “Anyways, I’ll leave you to it.”

“I’ll catch up with you later.” She assured him but the old man told her to go have fun and that he’d be fine. She turned and began walking down the pier where she saw someone waving. She wasn’t familiar with who it was until she remembered Sam’s family pictures. She instantly blushed knowing that it was Sam’s beautiful mother. She was a little intimidating with how nicely she dressed. She seemed to be almost perfect.

“We finally meet.” She gave her a cheeky smile.

“Yeah.” She could barely get the words out. She reached her hand out for a handshake but Jodi embraced her. Penelo felt her breasts push against her own and froze upholding her breath.

“I’m Jodi if you didn’t know.”

“I know your name.” Penelo smiled nervously.

“This is Caroline and her husband Pierre who I think you know.”

The man with glasses nodded to her. “I’m sure everyone has come into the store at least once.” Penelo knew Caroline and Pierre to be Abigail’s parents. It felt a little strange staring at them. She couldn’t see how Pierre was her father with how square his jaw was and how skinny his frame was considering that Abigail and her mother seemed to be curvy and somewhat chubbier. Caroline had dark green hair that almost seemed too perfectly dyed.

“Wow, I love your hair.” Penelo pointed out.

“Oh, thanks.” Caroline played with it with a smile.

“How do you get it like that? I actually need to re-dye my hair.”

“Oh, it’s a family secret.”

“Ah. Abigail does have good hair too.”

Pierre winced at the topic before clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses. “It’s good to see you here. A lot of talk is about you but we’ve never really met.”

“I really don’t get away from my farm unless Elliott or Leah come get me to escape. There’s a lot to be done.”

“It is a lot of land. It’s a shame it got so overgrown.” Jodi shook her head.

Penelo shrugged. “There’s not much you can do except deal with it.”

“You should have dinner with us sometime.” Jodi touched her arm softly.

“I’d have to check my schedule. I’ll give you my number though.”

“That would be great.” After exchanging numbers with the parents of the village she noticed Elliott and Leah waving her over at the edge of the docks. She politely said goodbye before jogging over to them.

“You look nice.” Leah said with admiration in her risen eyes.

“What are you talking about? Everyone is wearing dresses and suits. I didn’t know this was so formal.” Penelo tugged at her hair and inhaled deeply.

Elliot smile and put his arm around her. “It’s not often the people here get to be fancy.”

“That’s true. There are only so many events in the year.”

“It’s just so intimidating.” Penelo covered her face.

“I’m sure everyone’s intimidated by you too. You dress nicely all the time.”

“It’s just normal city fashion. I’m not a model.”

Leah and Elliott’s faces winced for a moment. “I mean you could be,” Elliott said bluntly.

“Uh, no.” Penelo quickly said in a monotone voice. “So when do the jellyfish appear?”

“Around eight according to Demetrius. We’ve got a little while.” Leah said. “Usually we all chat before it happens. Catch up with everyone while we’re all free.”

“Gosh, I wish I knew that. I would have came later.”

“You really don’t want to talk to anyone?” Elliott snorted.

“I’m just really tired. Sorry, that sounded rude of me. I’m just trying to make up for getting sick.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Leah frowned.

“But it still happened and I have to _survive._”

“Just call us if you need help. We’re just writing and making stuff. It’s not exactly time-consuming.” Leah said as she placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder. Penelo remained silent knowing everyone was kind as to offer their help but she always had the mentality to be independent and face things alone. She only ever accepted help in the past few months because she needed to. Now that she could forage and was starting to get the hang of things all she wanted to do was be alone and work by herself.

Glancing around as her friends talked she spotted Sam who waved enthusiastically at her. She could never understand how he always had so much energy but now she was starting to understand why people seemed to complain that he could be a bit much. She told her friends she was going to go say hi and walked slowly around the docks to where Sam was.

“How have you been?” Her voice came out quiet.

He towered above her with his hair heavily styled up. She really did wish he would leave it alone after seeing him with it untouched but she wasn’t going to say anything. She could see parts of his mother in his features with the way they smiled similarly and the way they both had freckles. She thought it was a little crazy how two people could look so similar even when they were related. It was a little jarring especially compared to how Sebastian looked nothing like his half-sister.

“I’ve been alright. I heard you were sick. Must have been annoying with Sebby over for so long.”

Penelo only shrugged. “Not really. He’s a good friend.”

Sam eyed her for a moment without saying a word which made Penelo glance up in confusion. “What?”

“Nothing. But hey, want to meet Penny?”

“Oh, the _girl._”

“Right, but don’t say anything about it.”

“You mean your friends haven’t told her already?”

“Somehow yes. Come on, she’s over here. Oh, and also. Don’t ask her about her family.”

“What? Why?”

“She lives with her mum in one of those houses you can move around. Gosh, I forgot what they’re called - but her mum is that crazy lady who drives the bus and manages the gas station. The one who drinks at the saloon every night. Big hair, puffy, kind of angry looking.”

“Wait, shit... Really?”

“Yeah. It makes her sad. Don’t talk about drinking too.”

“Okay,” Penelo said a little taken aback. “By the way, it’s a trailer home.”

“The one with wheels?”

“I assume it has the same name?” Penelo wasn’t so sure but the topic didn’t seem to matter once they approached a small pale woman with strawberry blond hair much like Elliott’s put into two beautifully done low buns with some braiding.

“This is my friend Penny. Penny this is Penelo.” Sam put his arm casually around Penny as if they were already a couple. Penelo smiled trying to act normally.

“Our names are quite similar.” Penelo reached her hand out which Penny took politely. Penelo couldn’t help notice how different she was compared to her mother with her great mannerisms. Her handshake was firm and her smile was sincere and soft. Her eyes were a beautiful forest green similar to Alex’s the fit guy she had met that one time at the beach. They were hypnotising.

Penelo noticed how pale she was compared to her which was strange considering a lot of the residents seemed to be tan like Sebastian who was in his basement most of the time. Penny dressed like an old woman which was a little strange when she looked at Sam who seemed to be someone who tended to go with the recent fashion trends.

“Yes, our names do almost sound identical.” Penny’s cheeks rose as she smiled. She was beautiful in her own way with her freckled face and nose pink from the cold.

“You teach the kids here?”

“Yeah, I do. Someone’s got to do it with the city and nearby towns far away.”

“How old are you?” Penelo tilted her head.

“I’m twenty.”

“Wow, that’s... You look younger. What’s it like?”

“Being a teacher? I love it.” She looked like she actually meant it which made Penelo feel out of place. She couldn’t imagine being a teacher and being responsible for anyone, especially children.

“I guess you’re pretty close with Sam considering you teach his brother.”

“Of course.” She looked up at Sam who seemed to be blushing. “I can’t say the same for Shane though. Jas is a sweet girl but I always talk to her mother.”

_Shane._ She wondered if he was going to come. She didn’t want to make it obvious to look around but she felt the need to leave despite how nice the conversation seemed to be.

“Yeah, I wonder how he’s doing. It’s so nice to meet you but I’m just going to walk around for a bit if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem,” Sam said with a cheery smile.

Penelo turned and looked around the docks with no Shane in view. She sighed. Alex and Haley the beautiful couple smiled at her from where they sat along the edge of the dock in their own little world and she waved back making sure not to linger too long when it came to eye contact. She was sure the two of them wanted their space.

She was a little jealous of their companionship as well as Sam’s and Penny’s. She hadn’t really thought about being romantically involved with anyone until then being surrounded by married couples and couples in general. She felt a little childish knowing she didn’t have much experience when compared to adults her age. She was actually very insecure about it and never talked about it if it were ever brought up in conversation – always making sure to talk about other people and not herself.

She scratched the back of her neck and played with her sleeves. She didn’t seem to watch where she was going with her eyes firmly on her moving feet. Lost in thought she was brought into small chatter with people here and there where she was sure she had met everyone from the village.

She met the blacksmith Clint who was nearing his thirties and was a little on the big side through Emily who he obviously had a big crush on with the way he kept glancing at her. Penelo couldn’t help but feel a little iffy about him.

She met Sebastian’s stepfather, Demetrius, where she could now understand why he didn’t seem to like him. He came off as a bit of a know it all with authority issues the way he kept interrupting his wife Robin. Robin was too nice to say anything about it which made Penelo think she was a bit defeated by it. She could definitely see the dynamic there but kept it to herself.

She saw a few older men on the beach where she was told they were from the miner’s guild and the local homeless man from Sebastian. “Apparently the dude with purple hair is some wizard but I swear he’s just a cool looking dude with great fashion sense.” He explained.

Penelo watched the men from where she stood for a little too long but no one seemed to notice. Not until she saw Shane coming down from the sand dunes. Her voice caught in her throat. She was all too aware of her breathing.

She wondered if it would be a good idea to talk to him. His hand was tightly around little Jasmine’s which she couldn’t help think was cute. He was nicely dressed which made her feel a little ugly in her casual clothing. He was nicely shaven too which she had never seen before but his hair looked shorter which she couldn’t help feel a little disappointed about. She secretly liked him with longer hair.

She decided to take the leap and walked over to him once little Jas ran to her best friend Vincent who clung onto his mother Jodi’s sweater. Shane stood by Willy’s fishing shack with his hands in his dress pants looking out to the water with his mind lost in thought.

“Hey.” Shane looked over with wide tired eyes that bore into her. She was instantly intimidated. He wasn’t particularly a tall man but he did stand a good head above her and with that tough look in his eyes with the scary silence she was starting to feel small. “Uh, sorry. Did you want to be alone?”

It took a second for her words to process. He wasn’t sure if it was the medication kicking in or that he was still adjusting to them or the fact that she was standing there in front of him. He breathed loudly through his nose before carefully speaking.

“Hi.” He wanted to apologise or say anything to her – thank her or tell her she looked pretty or anything but he couldn’t seem to decide or find the courage.

“How are you feeling? I haven’t been able to hear anything about you since what happened. I... I was sick and I didn’t know if it was my place to check in on you.”

“I’m doing better.” Shane swallowed. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m just glad I was there when I was.”

“It wasn’t something anyone should see.”

“But it was necessary.” She quickly added. “I know you’ve probably heard this a million times by now since what happened but I’m glad you’re here. I was really worried.”

He wanted to ask why but he knew that would come out sounding harsh when he wanted to be as welcoming as he could be despite struggling to do so. He looked away from her then to her and away again.

“I’m doing okay now. So... Don’t. Don’t worry.” He wanted to pinch himself for sounding like an idiot.

“I heard you were getting some outside help. Something about it being compulsory.”

Shane wanted to groan. He didn’t want her knowing what he was going through but he guessed it was too late to hide things now. He didn’t want to give too much away but the more times he stole glances at her it was becoming harder and harder not to give her what she wanted.

“I have to go to group therapy is the city.”

“Gosh, how do you get there? How often is it?”

“Once a week. My aunt usually drops me off. I would drive there myself but she says she wants to. She likes going exploring for the hour I’m there.”

“Is it doing anything? How is it?”

He felt a little like a science project the more she seemed to ask questions. He wasn’t much of a talker and he couldn’t seem to understand how she kept finding things to ask. Usually, his conversations would end almost immediately. It had been like that for a few years now and it was a little jarring to actually have a full conversation that wasn’t about his work performance or duties.

“I don’t think it’s doing much. I don’t really want to talk about my problems in front of strangers.” _Let alone anyone._

“I get that. But if it’s compulsory then you gotta go.”

“Three more months and I’ll be off it.”

“Three months isn’t really that long. Hopefully, they’ll still have help and stuff for you afterwards.”

Shane didn’t respond. All he wanted was to be left alone. He didn’t know what would help but people nagging him sounded like a nightmare if that was the case after finishing the group therapy.

“But you’ve been okay?”

Shane blinked down at her. She couldn’t seem to look at her and he wasn’t sure if it was because she hated him or if she was simply just looking away.

“I don’t know.” He instantly regretted saying. He wished he had said something like he was doing just fine so she would leave it alone.

“I mean, I don’t think about how I’m doing either if that’s what you mean.” She said. He knew she was going to get into a story which somewhat excited him. He liked the sound of her voice. It sounded familiar compared to how everyone spoke in the village. “People always ask me how I’m doing and I always try to be truthful. Usually, I don’t know and most times I don’t even think about it. I guess I’m just here and I’m doing things and you can try to guess how I’m doing by that.”

“And what have you been doing?” Shane asked boldly.

Her eyebrows rose. “Well... The farm is a fucking mess if I’m honest. Like a big fat mess. There’s a lot of land which must be a lot of money but it’s my granddad’s so I’m not going to sell it or anything even though I have almost nothing. I think I focus too much on making my garden look tidy that I actually don’t get much done. I just like things in order. It’s sort of weird. I like being tidy. It sort of makes me feel like I’m cleaning my mind and not just my house or farm.”

Shane always had a messy room even when he put effort into cleaning it. He never thought of cleaning as something that helped clear his mind. He saw it as more of a meaningless chore. He suddenly felt like racing back to his room with a newfound motivation to clean. He probably still had beer cans under his bed from months ago despite the sudden lack of drinking.

“I’m sort of messy but I think I’ll try to see it from that perspective.”

“I don’t know. It helps me,” She shrugged. “Gosh, sorry. I got into a bit of a tangent there.” She nervously put some hair behind her ear before regretting it and letting it slide to cover her face again. He watched her somewhat entranced by the way she fidgeted. She always looked like she had it together it was nice seeing her with a guard down. “I should leave you alone.”

Shane inhaled sharply. He wanted to shout at her not to go but he could understand why she felt it was best to go. All he ever did was tell people to go. She watched as she began to walk away. His mouth parted and noise escaped. “N-n....” God. His face heated up and he was sure he looked like an idiot.

He didn’t. Penelo simply stopped with her head over her shoulder. She could barely read him as his eyes bore into the wooden flooring.

“You can stay if you want.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you want to be alone?”

He felt his entire body shake. No. No, he didn’t.

“I don’t mind.”

She couldn’t understand or figure him out but she knew she wanted to be near him. She wanted him to be okay and if she could help him then she was going to stay. She knew her friends would be okay and that she had all the time in the world to become well acquainted with the rest of the townsfolk - but standing there next to Shane felt like the best place to be.

She wondered what he was thinking about as they stood in awkward silence. He wondered if he wanted to say anything or if he wanted her to say something. She wasn’t sure if she was doing a good job but she was just happy considering it as an invitation to be friends.

She felt her cheeks flush the more she became aware she was standing so close to him. He was sober and quiet and mysterious and handsome and dressed so nicely.

_God, why did I have to wear fucking jeans?_

She wasn’t sure where to put her hands so she crossed her arms._Do I look intimidating or uninviting?_

She quickly put them to her side. _Now do I look like a soldier __or something__?_

It was getting hard to breathe but the sound of his voice made her jump to attention. “Look.” She glanced up and spotted glowing lights in the water. Her eyes widened at the sight of it. It was almost magical.

She stepped closer to the water and bent down to sit on her shins. She forgot about everything that seemed to worry her at that moment. It was like the world was disappearing or she was being transported somewhere better and more beautiful. Somewhere that didn’t have offices that were small and box-like and somewhere that didn’t involve a lonely childhood. Maybe this world didn’t have broken families or houses without proper heating.

She smiled to herself watching as the jellyfish started to become clearer. The children seemed giddy at the sight and she could fully understand why.

Shane sat down next to her with his feet dangling. She was comfortable next to him now. She wished she could lean into him and rest her head against her shoulder but she remained still and within her own space.

She wanted to cry. She felt as if she understood the entire universe in that moment. She knew why she escaped the city when she did. She knew this was the place for her. At least for a while.

She felt at peace. She realised she had all the freedom in the world now. She didn’t have schedules to follow, she could do whatever she wanted.

She didn’t have to deal with her psycho mum knocking on her door or her dad trying to make small talk about his new family. She didn’t feel guilty for trying to run away from her problems.

She knew now that it was okay to drop everything because she was fine now. She was actually happy and felt a sense of stability even with so much to worry about.

Shane looked over at her wondering what seemed to make her feel so at peace. Her expression was soft with her lips in an innocent smile. He wanted to lean in and kiss her cheek but he just stared at her with wonder.

Looking down at the jellyfish he wasn’t sure what to feel but he knew it wasn’t bad. He was too aware of his body and his big hands compared to her pretty thin ones. He wished he could hold them and compare the differences. He was ashamed to think of her in that way when she was right beside him but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

She was pretty and nice and perfect and he knew he wanted to get to know her or be close to her. A voice screamed at him to stay away from her knowing he was such a burden and an awful guy to be around but for a moment he let that voice fade into oblivion. He wanted to be selfish and sitting next to her he knew it was time to really focus on what he wanted. She even told him that with her hand tightly around his wrist at the cliff’s edge where he could barely focus on her eyes.

He turned to her wanting to look into her brown eyes for real this time where he could actually focus on them without blurring or his vision turning dark but her eyes remained to the waters. He could hear Jas laughing and tugging onto Vincent’s shirt. He glanced over and saw the little boy trying to cope with his little cousin’s annoying nature and actually smiled. He found it hard to smile at times but the moment felt perfect and surreal.

He looked at all the villagers who were just as entranced by the water and found a new appreciation for them. They might all be crazy gossipers but they were always nice to him. He wished he hadn’t been so mean to everyone or assumed so many things about them. From what Penelo had spoken of them he was starting to see it all. Sebastian wore only black and had this unique hair but that didn’t mean he wasn’t someone he couldn’t relate to. Sam always offered Shane to play pool with him. At least he kept trying to be his friend.

Blinking at Penelo again he wanted to thank her. He wanted to say so many things to her but he truly didn’t know where to start. He knew he had the sudden courage to say it all but he just couldn’t figure the words out in his mind.

“This is so beautiful.” She whispered. She didn’t look up but she knew he was there listening to her. Shane frowned at the fact he couldn’t tell her all that he felt but he opened his mouth to say, “Yeah.”

“You always forget how beautiful the world can be until you see something like this. Like when you feel like the whole world is crumbling around you and everything is shit and then you look out the window and you see how pretty the clouds are or hear that bird singing in the tree with a cute little puffy chest and it’s like, ‘_That’s right. I live on earth and it is so big and beautiful and I still have so much to see and do._’ Like why do you even worry about filing in a report on time? Like why does any of that matter when this all exists? You see this and you remember that everything will be okay.”

Shane was still finding it hard to see the world from her point of view but he was starting to understand and freckles of what she saw were starting to sink into his mind. He looked at the glow that came from underneath the waves and the calm of the water and he could completely grasp the concept that she spoke of.

The world really did have a lot to offer but it was scary and it made him feel small and limited. It made him nervous knowing he’d only live by doing a fraction of the things the world had to offer. It was all so much but the more he looked at Penelo and how calm and content she was the more he tried to reassure himself that if she could see that as beautiful than maybe it wasn’t so bad as his mind made it out to be.

Penelo took a chance and looked over at him and with a surprised laugh she reached out almost startling him. His eyes widened as her fingers brushed near his face and something pulled at his hair. "A butterfly clip. How pretty." She giggled as she held the pink hair accessory in her hand. She boldly reached out again putting it in properly so some lose hairs stayed out of his face. "It suits you." Her voice was soft and made his whole body feel warm. Smiling in response, Penelo felt enamoured watching as dimples creased his face. She knew for a fact that she thought he was alluring and it was starting to scare her.


	6. Chapter Six - Green at the Station

Shane had his arms crossed tightly around his torso as he fiddled harshly with his jacket zipper. He was over listening to other people’s problems and he hated the smell of the room and how bright the sun was against the ugly light brown walls. The old man next to him looked like he had just come off the side of the street with dirty hands and the scent of cigarettes.

It was jarring to be in the same position as everyone else in the circle. He wondered if he really was that bad? Was drinking even that much of crime?

Aching to groan loudly he went to chewing the inside of his cheek to try remedy himself for the next five minutes until the group therapy meeting was over.

With his mind drifting he kept coming back to Penelo with her gentle nature and long pretty hands touching him from the jelly event at the beach. He could still feel her hand pressed against his shoulder through his suit and he could still hear hints of her giggles from when he walked her home. She was nice to listen to and he hoped he didn’t make her feel insecure with how much he didn’t talk in comparison. He wasn’t much of a talker anymore and he didn’t see that changing any time soon.

He wondered what she was doing.

After a long last minute rant from a single mother about her gambling addiction the meeting was over. Many of the middle-aged others tended to flock near the free snacks and instant coffee with many of the older grumpy looking men quickly grabbing their medication and getting out as soon as possible. Shane assumed it wasn’t their first time coming to these therapy sessions before. Shane usually took his time leaving. The meetings tired him and he was sure his aunt was having fun shopping and exploring the city anyhow. She wasn’t one to be on time so it helped to be patient. He couldn’t wait to stop coming and anticipated the last few weeks of freedom he had left over to remain in Stardew Valley before going back to work. There was no joy in it being surrounded by these people and listening to how they have ruined their lives. He wanted to have hope in himself and looking to be the youngest he hated looking at the others as if he was looking at himself in the next twenty years.

All he wanted was to be alone and he didn’t want to be criticised for the way he lived. And if that meant being alone with someone like Penelo who never seemed to judge him, that would be alright too.

“Mr Roberts,” He had his hands in his pockets when he turned around to see the councillor. Shane‘s lips remained firmly together as the man chuckled in response. “You’ve been here for almost two months now. A few more weeks away from finishing. I know you haven’t talked since coming here. Do you mind telling me your progression with just the two of us over here?”

The man was nicely dressed and Shane had forgotten his name since day one of coming. He looked clean, a little too skinny with a nice watch that made Shane feel as if he was a bit of a stereotype when it came to someone who had been privileged their entire life.

Shane was sure someone like him would never truly understand him.

“Do I have to?”

The man smiled softly. “I’m afraid so.”

“How long will this take?”

“Not too long.”

“But how many minutes?”

“About five to ten.” The man seemed to be forcing a smile now or that was at least what Shane thought. They moved over to a fold-up table and Shane crossed his arms again as the councillor began preparing his clipboard.

“Have you been drinking since you’ve been told to come to therapy?”

Shane drank a beer a night except for Fridays and he wasn’t entirely sure whether to be honest or not. He wasn’t supposed to be drinking, especially considering he was taking medication. His eyelashes fluttered as he considered the options. “Sometimes. One a night occasionally.” A half-truth.

“Not too bad. Has it been affecting you?”

Shane looked down. _Had it?_

He missed the dizziness, the lack of control. He missed the liquid courage and the opportunity to forget. He felt as if the hangovers were what he deserved. He missed waking up knowing he needed the pain to keep him grounded.

“Usually no. Sometimes I miss drinking like before.”

“Understandable. I’m glad that’s you’re taking steps to your recovery. I want you to know I’m proud of you. I know it’s not easy.”

He tried not to cringe at the support. It didn’t feel real. He was being paid to say these things to Shane, how was he to know if it was genuine?

After a few more questions about how he had been, he was told he was okay to stop coming to the therapy groups considering they weren’t doing anything for him and he seemed to have a handle on his situation. Shane didn’t like being told he was okay to be on his own but it felt like manacles had come off of his wrists and neck and he was finally able to move freely and breathe.

Walking out while having one last glance at the others of the group who were much older or looked to be doing much worse than him, he walked out of the building deciding to take the stairs instead of the lift back down to the city streets feeling just a little heavier than usual.

After a brief text from his aunt about how she was waiting by the docks overviewing the boats, he took a walk to meet her. Walking through the familiar city streets between the towering buildings he almost felt like he was his own shadow of his former self who often had to jog to work after a traffic jam or to meet up with friends at a bar. He remembered what it was like to go on dates and plan to play gridball with the other guys in the office during the weekends. He wondered what they were all doing. All married probably. And they probably forgot to invite him to the wedding too just like the person he considered his best friend. He shook his head. Marnie was sipping on a takeaway coffee cup wearing a decorative striped top on a little wooden bench.

“I was let off early,” Shane announced as he got close.

“Hm?”

“They let me go so I don’t have to go anymore. I can just get my medicine from Harvey back home now.”

“Oh, really?” She bit her lip. Shane knew she was disappointed but by the way she quickly lit up he felt reassured as he sat next to her. “Well, I guess that’s a good thing, right? I don’t think it helped you much anyhow.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You’re doing good now. I love you Shane.” She put her hand on his back and rubbed her hand up and down. He looked down at her and smiled to himself.

After some time relaxing they decided to head back home to tend to the farm. Shane promised he would help out more considering he had a month off before work. He wasn’t going to go in to tell them he could start earlier even if he had no money. Jojamart was a hell on earth and he was glad to be free of that place or anything like it for the time being.

Once they were back on the road Marnie move giddily with her own thoughts which worried Shane. He was starting to enjoy the silence but by her fidgeting, he couldn't help but prepare for her to start talking. “Do you think Penelo knows about the fair coming up?” Marnie glanced over as Shane peeled his eyes away from the view out the window.

“Why do you keep bringing her up?”

“I’m just asking.” Marnie’s voice rose. “She’s got a farm too. I heard she was planning some pumpkin event, that might be good.”

Shane knew she was right. They were both farmers, it made sense to wonder. He just didn't get why she always had to talk to him about it when they were in the car where he couldn't escape the conversation. “I’m sure Mayor Lewis told her.”

Marnie winced. “I’m not sure about that. We should stop by her farm and see how she’s doing.”

“Do we have to?” Shane felt his back heat up, his body threatening to sweat.

“What are you? A little boy? It’ll be a little visit.”

Shane grimaced, he couldn’t relax anymore with the anticipation on his mind. He hadn’t talked to her since the moon jelly event and he was enjoying the fantasies he had created in his head. Actually confronting her and getting to know her was something that felt scary and foreign and he was afraid that his small key to happiness would be shattered.

He could be hopeful though even if his mind told him otherwise.

“Ugh, might have to stop at the petrol station when we get home. Can you pay for me while I fill the tank?”

“Yeah.” Shane sighed loudly, his lips pursing.

Marnie turned into the station near the entrance to the village where Shane took his Aunt’s card and started walking into the shop. He was psyching himself up for talking with Penelo. He knew for a fact he wasn’t much of a conversation’s man and hadn’t been for a while but he worried that because he didn’t talk she might start to dislike him like everyone else.

As the door beeped open he stopped in his tracks almost tripping on the doormat as he spotted her at the counter with newly dyed green ends. Trying to seem casual he decided to walk up to the counter where Haley was.

“Hey.” He said glancing over at her quickly then turning to Haley who was pressing some buttons on the screen and pointing to the card machine when it was available for him to pay.

“Oh, hey.” She smiled widely.

“What are you doing here?” He swallowed.

“Elliot started here recently. Just checking in during my lunch break.” Shane looked and saw Elliott wave lightly at him with his strawberry blond hair put into a braid. It was strange to see Elliott working a normal job but he couldn’t judge. Money was money.

“You dyed your hair.”

“Oh, yeah... Leah helped me. She’s been coming over a lot lately.”

“For the pumpkin carving?”

“Yeah... I was just told about the fair just now. I wish I had been told about it earlier.” She groaned.

“We were sure the Mayor would have sent her a letter or told her on day one of her moving here,” Elliott explained. “But it’s Lewis, so...”

“I was thinking of just selling pumpkins at the festival. After some thought, I think I like my privacy on the farm. I mean, my doors don’t even lock properly so I’ll go from feeling safe to not so much with so many people knowing where I live." Shane glanced at her with a raised brow at the mention of her doors not locking. Was she really living without doors that even did their job? "I don’t know... There’s some people who I know I’d like not knowing anything about me right now and if they were to turn up... I don’t know.” She forced a chuckle. “Ugh, sorry, that got a little uncomfortable. But yeah, that’s my plan.”

Shane looked at his feet. “Yeah, I feel the same sometimes.”

“But hey, how have you been?”

Shane’s face wrinkled under the pressure of thinking about his mental state. “Uh, I got sent off early so I don’t have to go to the city anymore.” He didn’t want to say he used to go to therapy in front of Elliot or Haley but by the way Penelo smiled up at him he knew she was safe to understand that.

“That’s good!”

“So I’ll have about a month off before going to work.”

“That sounds like heaven.” She crossed her arms. “We should hang out or something.”

“Ah, sure.”

Elliott and Haley glanced at each other, expressing their surprise with wide eyes.

“My aunt actually wanted to check on you to see if you knew about the festival but I guess you know now.”

“That’s nice of her, tell her thanks for me.”

“She’s just in the car.”

“Oh, I guess I’ll leave now and say bye to her on the way.” She smiled at her friends in their work uniforms and followed behind Shane who wasn’t sure if he should walk ahead of her or beside her. Opening the side door he waited for the two of them to talk before getting inside.

“Hey, darling.” Marnie leant over to get a better look at Penelo. “Your hair is beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Penelo brightened. “I heard you were coming to visit.”

“We were wondering if you were told about the fair. It’s great for farmers like us.”

Penelo’s body sagged. “I was just told a few minutes ago by Elliott inside. It’s a bit inconvenient because now I have to rearrange things but I’ll be okay. It’s still something to look forward to.”

“If you need any help just call or come visit. Shane isn’t doing anything for two weeks so he can help you out on the farm.” Shane widened his eyes at his aunt who happily ignored him.

“Oh, that’s nice of you but I’ve been figuring a lot of things out on my own. I’ll still call if I need you though. I’m just heading home now.”

“Let us drop you off.” Shane raised his brows at his smirking aunt.

“Oh, that would be nice of you.”

  
  


Shane felt much too aware of his body with Penelo sitting behind him in the car. His aunt liked having small talk with her asking her about the little stuff like how she was doing and if she had spent time with anyone lately. She talked about how she had just finished reading some comic books she had borrowed off of Sebastian and how Leah would come over almost every day for coffee just to check in with her. Things seemed content other than her workload and waiting on the weather most days so she could work on her farm and continue cleaning up the overgrowth.

“Shane, you should help her.”

“That’s nice of you to offer but I can’t afford to pay him.” Shane’s face wrinkled. He wasn’t the one offering himself up but it wasn’t like he was going to argue in front of Penelo.

“It would be good for him. He’s been sitting in his room all day.”

“Doing what?”

“Playing on his Xbox or whatever.”

“It’s a Playstation, Aunty.”

“They’re all the same.” Shane wanted to say they weren’t but he kept his mouth firmly shut as they drove down the beaten dirt road.

“Sebastian has a Playstation too,” Penelo added. Shane wanted to cross his arms. He knew he was jealous, he wasn’t going to deny it. He wanted clarity if whether or not they were growing to have feelings for one another so he could make up his mind on whether to shatter his fantasies or not but glancing over at his smiling aunt he didn’t dig any deeper. It wasn’t his place to ask anyhow.

“His mother actually just made me an easel for painting. I’ve never actually owned one before so I’m excited. I only ever used them in high school. I’ve been pretty slow working on a piece but it’s a lot better standing up and adjusting angles and stuff instead of sitting on the floor.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful of her. Robin is such a sweety.”

“She really is.” Shane glanced up in the mirror and saw Penelo frown. He wondered what had made her sad. Maybe it was the talk of family or maybe it was because she emotional over her art but he wasn’t sure. He wanted to know everything but he knew they weren’t exactly friends and it wasn’t a good time so he sagged feeling sorry for himself.

“Thank you so much for the ride. Did you want a cup of tea?” Penelo leaned out from the back seat holding onto the door.

“Oh, maybe another time dear. We’ve got work to do on the farm.”

“I totally get that.” She laughed. “Alright, I’ll see you soon. Thanks again.”

“See you.” Marnie smiled. With a loud shut of the door, they watched as she walked up towards her little cottage. Shane thought he had seen the farm before at least a few times but the image he had in his mind didn’t meet up with what he was looking at. The cottage looked almost like a drug dealer’s house with the peeling house paint and the broken wooden steps. The barn and garage had parts missing and despite her attempts to make her farm look tidy there was a sense of cheapness with no wooden paths or concrete.

He felt sorry for her. He couldn’t imagine living in a place like that or having so many responsibilities in his hands. He could barely get up most mornings. He really couldn’t help himself admiring her and feeling awful about himself in comparison.

Marnie started trying to convince him of helping her out but he felt it would be too awkward even if he wanted to. He wanted to lie around, he wanted to daydream and de-stress. It was better imagining helping her then knowing how he would be if it was a reality.


	7. Chapter Seven - Friends

Penelo hated wearing her big green raincoat but it was the only way to get things done with the Autumn rain that would spit out of nowhere. Willy insisted she spends some time with him fishing since it was perfect weather for it but she was starting to worry about the oncoming Winter the closer it was getting.

Her best friends were busy anyways so it was a good time to focus on what she felt was needed. She could never tell what was in dire need of attention or not. She cleaned the sheds and patched up the holes in their roofs and started to cover the boxes with tarpaulins in the barns full of her grandfather’s old memories. She never really took more than five minutes to investigate what was inside them but she knew for a fact she wasn’t emotionally ready for it.

She still got sad over the letter she found that entrusted the farm to her and she still didn’t know why he really gave it to her. They weren’t that close after childhood and the last time she saw him was when she was starting to find herself feeling isolated among her father’s new family when they would come to visit.

She wondered if she ever came across the others her age in the village when she was younger and visited but from talking with everyone it seemed that the village took its time to grow to the small population it had to this day so it didn’t seem very possible. She did remember Willy though but he looked a lot more different than her memories told her otherwise. He was a clean man with short to shaven hair most of the time during her childhood. To see the old fisherman with wrinkling skin, a shrinking height and scruffy hair it felt as if he did a whole 180. She recalled Stardew Valley just being a place for farming but now it was a functioning little area to socialise with events and stores. It barely got by but it was sort of like a secret little piece of the world she was happy to be apart of. Well, at least for now. At least until she figured herself out.

Sniffling, she blew her faded green ends from her face and scratched her brow. A throaty cough escaped her lips and she groaned in response. “Fuck this weather.” She kicked the dirt and began walking out of the shed.

Elliot was growing comfortable with work and the gas station but he admitted to her over an after-work dinner that it was taking an effect on his creativity. That having work and getting ready for it on his mind always made it hard for his mind to go as wild as it used to. Penelo worried about his mental health but she was all too familiar with how he felt when she was in the city. She barely drew anything and her only easy escape was just to spend her money on things she didn’t really need. Her wardrobe was big but she only ever wore certain same outfits.

Leah was beginning to grow her platform online giving her a stable income and had intentions of setting in a solar panel system. She herself was working on her small garden before Winter and preparing for the festival creating sculptures and landscape artworks to sell to visitors.

Penelo sagged with disappointment for herself. She couldn’t help but feel jealous over her friend being able to paint while she was busy preparing to survive for the colder climate. She didn’t know if cancelling the walk-ins for pumpkins on her farm was a good idea. She knew it would be a success with no doubt if she went through to it but now limiting it to one day at the festival made her worried about what money she could pocket for the upcoming cold.

She blamed her newfound comfort for the quiet of the farm. How no one ever just happened upon it and she was always told when someone was coming to visit. She had so much space to be herself. Yards of it. And she didn’t want to give that up just so she could stay warm for three months or more.

Shaking her head she headed inside and opened up her laptop. She opened up a packet of crunchy snacks and began scrolling through the band group chat to see if there was any progress on the recordings. The art was starting to get touched up by Abigail digitally and they were starting to refine everything to a final product but it seemed they were at a standstill for the time being.

She didn’t mind that. It was less to worry about.

Blinking a little at her reflection she couldn’t help wonder if Shane had social media. She was sure he had told her at some point that he didn’t like it. She didn’t know his last name but she wrote Shane in and checked the locals friends lists with no luck.

“Not surprising.” She tsked. She admired the fact he could live without it. It wasn’t like Penelo was addicted but it was an unfortunate necessity to talk with some of her friends – especially the ones she caught up with on a monthly basis from her past.

Tapping her hand on the table, the voice inside her head was starting to scream at her. She wanted to spend time with Shane and figure him out. He was like a one thousand piece puzzle with the parts so small it was hard to even find the edges to create the borders to fill it in.

“Fuck it.” Penelo stood up and put on her raincoat. She threw her phone into the back pocket of her track pants and headed down the trail into the forest.

Shane had spent all his time playing video games without any time to consider eating or to take bathroom breaks. His body was left screaming at him until he reluctantly got up to take care of himself. He never took the time to put on proper pants and the only time he used his vocal cords was when Jas would storm in to talk about her day at school or to complain about her best friend Vincent.

He loved his cousin but he was starting to crave a lonely apartment life where he could be by himself the more he heard her squealing in his ear.

“Hello?” He heard a singsong voice from inside the house but it wasn’t his aunt or his little cousin. Checking the time on his phone he saw it was 2pm and quickly went to put on some pants and a hoodie that would cover his wrinkly and stained shirt. Running towards the door he made an effort to look collected as he peered through to the front of the house where the shop was. His aunt never seemed to be at the front desk when people came to buy something.

He saw Penelo looking much like a lost sheep dressed in a dark green raincoat. He was sure it was sunny but he had to second guess himself just looking at her.

“Did you need my aunt?” Penelo turned to meet his gaze. She always looked him right in the eyes which was something he hated from people. He even hated it at work in the city despite his job involving talking to lots of people throughout the day. It scared him but he didn’t seem to mind it with her. He couldn’t stop himself from looking away or down at his hands or feet but it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable as much with her.

“Uh, no, I came to see you.” Shane furrowed his brow and bit his bottom lip to stop himself from saying something stupid. Penelo picking up on his usual silence continued to speak. “This may sound super weird but I was wondering if you wanted to help me on my farm and just like - chill? I know you don’t do much and sometimes I get bored when it’s like that. I just wanted us to be closer as friends.”

Shane didn’t give himself a chance to hesitate. “Let me put something proper on and we can go.”

Penelo forced herself not to show her shock and excitement. “Right, I’ll wait here.” She sat down at the kitchen table and took out her phone to play with.

Shutting his bedroom door he felt the sudden need to vomit. His throat ached, was he nervous?

She had asked to be friends. Did she just want to be friends or was he overthinking it?

Rushing to clean up the mess around his room he opened up his curtains fully and went to save his game then turning off his appliances. Looking through the pile of clothes he put onto his bed and shuffled through his tops. What was a good mixture of farming gear and clothes that looked good? How did Penelo manage to look good while managing both?

Putting on a long sleeve plain shirt and some baggy jeans he folded at the ankles he headed back out. Penelo stood up once seeing him and smiled. “I walked here. Did you want to walk back with me? I don’t really trust the weather though, do you have a coat or something?”

Shane grimaced. “I think I’ll be alright. We can walk.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” He could hear his aunt yelling at him to grab a coat in his head but he shook it off and followed her out. He admired how she always seemed to take control of the conversation which was something he lacked nowadays. She talked about the little stuff like how she was enjoying the sun when it was out and how she was stressed with the festival coming up. She didn’t talk much about her friends in the valley which was reassuring because he didn’t care – or at least he just wanted to be in the moment with her.

His chest felt like it full of helium with how light his steps seemed to be and how he felt as if he was going to fly. It was like a dream to think that Penelo would actually come to ask him to spend time with her. He fantasied the idea but now that it was turning real the lines seemed to blur in just the right way.

The walk was long but it didn’t feel like it with how much he enjoyed listening and talking with her. Nothing ever hit too deep and all the notes were touched perfectly with the way the conversation leant. Nothing about families or his depression or other people. It was just things that made them smile.

Penelo at some point complained she didn’t have his number but he had hers and that he never got around to texting her. He became aware of how he could have taken the first steps but didn’t and tried his best to hide the guilt but it stuck a little longer than he wanted it to. He wanted to make it up to her, he was sure he would text her at some point.

“So, the pumpkins are doing well... Surprisingly...” She shook her head. “But I’ve made been making plans on redecorating. After the harvest, I want to make the parts I’ve cleared up wider so cars can get around. I wanted to make a little car park on that patch along the fence.” She pointed over near the gate entrance. “I was looking at how I was planting everything so close to where the cars come in that it was a little bit of an inconvenience. I don’t know... I also need to fix any leaks for all the buildings.”

“Is your house leaking?”

“Not that I know of but it needs a serious makeover. The floorboards and the entire house creaks. There’s no insulation and the doors don’t even lock. I got the plumbing done but that’s only a temporary fix if I’m going to redo the entire house. Ugh, I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry.” Shane frowned. Penelo raised a brow at him making him begin to sweat nervously. “It’s just a very complicated situation. I can’t believe you’re living like this.”

“I’ve lived in worse. Actually, ugh, not really. I prefer my druggy roommates back in the city to this.”

“Must be nice being alone out here though.”

“It really is. It’s sort of what I’ve always wanted but you know, the off-brand version with all these responsibilities.”

“Yeah.” He curled his lips. “Where do you need help?”

“Ugh, I want to make progress on clearing up the front so I can start making a sort of hub or whatever but I’m just being impatient. I have a little patch over here where I’m growing some stuff for myself but it’s not looking so bright. I need to keep the plants warm for the winter so they don’t die. I hear it snows here. It was stupid of me to start planting them now.” Shane watched her think to herself. “I should have thought this through. I had a plan before I swear.”

Shane wanted to say it was alright but he stood there hoping his quite nature would help her with gathering herself.

“I uh... God.”

“Do you know how to keep the plants warm?”

“I was researching stuff. There’s nets stuff you cover the dirt with which I have in the barn.”

“Then let’s start with that.”

“Yeah, but since it’s not so cold yet they’re still growing so I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“It’s worth doing now to get it out of the way.”

“Yeah, okay.” The clouds ran across the sky as they began to work. They looked through the instruction sheets and began to plan their work of action when it came to caring for her little garden. They talked about different plants and the way that Penelo expressed her choices of plants made it easier to admire her more than he already did. She planned on easy meal-type foods and plants that were bountiful, it just was unfortunate most of it seemed to struggle with the bad Autumn weather.

They began to pad up the dirt patches and covered the more bushy plants with large white nets that reminded Shane of the blinds in his bedroom. Over time they began to stack some wood scattered around the overgrown parts of the farm from where Penelo cut down some trees and put them into the recently repaired sheds. They talked over coffee where Penelo found out Shane was a coffee addict just like her although where she refrained from having a maximum of two a day he was a bit more reckless.

Shane couldn’t stop the nabbing curiosity in his mind about how they had worked in the same place. It was strange to think that someone so close to him before was someone who was starting to become so special now when he probably only spoke five words to her when they were in the city.

“Penelo...” She liked the sound of her name coming from his lips. His voice was deep and dark but it was so soft she wanted to reach out just to show how much it made her feel. She hummed in response as she raised her cup to her lips. He found that cute. “I still find it hard to believe that we worked together.”

“Me too.” She boomed with giggles. “Although, I wasn’t very social. I mean, sure I made friends there and all of that but I think my life was very boring. I could never live like that now. Just sitting at the office desk and coming home and doing nothing. Like sure I work my ass off here just like I did there but it’s different. I have to keep moving or I get stressed. I have to make progress and actively better myself here. There it was normal to just go into a pattern. It’s dehumanising.”

Shane frowned. “I was quite happy working there. I had lots of friends and I went out a lot.”

“Was it good for you?”

“I’m not sure. But I was okay then.”

Penelo’s face lightened. “I’m sure you can find something like that again. Take this time as an opportunity to find out where you want to be or what you want to do. You’re in a transitioning period.”

“I’ll try.” And he meant it. He trusted her strangely. The way she seemed to listen and the way she seemed to sincere with every response made him feel like he could put his life in her hands. His life once was in his hands and she had saved him. He didn’t understand why and he still wished he hadn’t found her a lot of the time but he was still grateful.

“I’m sure I have a photo album somewhere, wait here.” He didn’t know what she meant by that but after a few minutes, she came back into the kitchen. The album was dark blue and big. It had loose papers of letters from friends or drawings and pictures of work. She flipped through and he watched the pages flicker seeing how plain she was before. Long hair that stayed brown put into a tidy ponytail. He could see why he barely noticed her, she was different. It was a good different, she looked more in her element with peeling dark nails and dyed hair. Instead of clothes that fit her perfectly, she wore things that were baggy or a bit out of place which was something he liked about her.

“Look, here it is.” She pointed at a photo of the whole office together. There must have been about eighty or so people in that A4 sized picture but he spotted the younger her straight away.

“That’s you.” She looked a little shorter in the picture. Shy with a polite and controlled smile. She wore a skirt that was tightly wrapped around her thighs which showed her curves nicely and she wore a blouse that was light against her frame. She didn’t have the biggest chest but she showed her collar with that outfit which was alluring. She stood among the other office workers in her section at work. They all looked a lot more content than the coworkers he worked with bright smiles. He couldn’t help think that their smiles were fake. It was their job to sell ideas and products to others. It was their job to be charismatic. He wished he knew how fake they were when he was there but then again he wouldn’t have been as happy without the illusion at the time.

She gasped. “Is that you.” She pointed at him in the picture. He had a clean-cut and wore a white dress shirt and black pants. He had a big grin. “I’ve never seen you smile like that before. I’m a little jealous.”

“I think my smiles mean more now.” He frowned.

“But you look so happy.” She whined. “Maybe one day I’ll get you to do that.”

“I’m sure you can.” He said with a curve of his lips. They talked about work for a little while but neither of them seemed to find any connections to talking with one another in their past. They could recall being in the staffroom together or walking past each other but it was nothing more than that. Penelo talked about how her job was a lot of work. She had to make appointments and clear up a lot of data coming through while Shane was a people’s person and often went to meetings and talked through new ideas for Joja and their marketing team.

She thought that the job sounded a lot more fun but she didn’t like the sound of the people that Shane worked with. Shane liked his coworkers at the time but now he realised it wasn’t as real as he wished it to be forming friendships with them.

He knew for a fact it meant more to him to be around them and to be friends with them compared to how they felt about him. He was sure they had forgot about him.

Shane agreed to help mow her lawns while she worked on planning out the farm more sitting on her cottage steps. He could see her scratching away at her notebook which made him feel a little at home. He liked doing the work with her and for her. He felt a little weak from being away from work so much and staying in his room but he could feel healthier breathing in the fresh air and getting his body to move.

After an hour of them working separately, they went back to clearing some loose weeds hiding around the pumpkins. It was easy to talk to her now. He even opened up a few times about the things he liked like metal music which she seemed excited about. She said she only ever listened to the classics. They then talked about their favourite philosophers. Admittedly, Shane knew a lot more than her about philosophy but it gave her a chance to listen to him more.

Shane’s eyes lingered on Penelo even when she went to look away to focus on her work and where her hands were. Her smile was entrancing and for a moment he wondered if he was under a spell. He wasn’t sure if it would be considered an exaggeration to think that she was the perfect image of his type. Sure, he probably wouldn’t have imagined someone who looked exactly like her before meeting her but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was the one.

Almost choking as he sucked in his breath he looked down feeling a sweat break out against his shirt where his back was. _The one?_ He barely knew her.

Frowning, he told himself that she would never want anything romantic with someone like him. He could barely take care of himself and most of the time he didn’t want to. Some days he just wanted to lie in bed and wait to die. She had so much going for her.

“I know you probably don’t remember,” She started, catching him in mid-thought. “But when you were drunk I remember telling you something along the lines of how your voice was beautiful. Gosh, that was so random of me. Thinking back to it I wonder if I even was me in that moment. But I do think your voice is beautiful still. Talking to you for this long just reminded me of that.”

Penelo couldn’t help feel like she had something wrong with the way he looked at her in response. It was almost as if she had run over a critter or something right in front of him or said that she was a murderer.

“Was that creepy?” She quickly blurted feeling a sense of dread wash over her. She had just become friends with the guy and now she was scaring him off with bold compliments? She wished she kept it to herself.

“No, no. That was really sincere.”

“Sincere?” She squealed.

“It was beautiful.” He corrected. “I mean, I’ve never had anyone say something like that to me and mean it.”

“Why would I say anything I don’t mean?”

He shrugged. “It’s hard to imagine you saying something you don’t mean. That’s why I referred it to being sincere. Because it’s easy to believe you.” It was just hard to believe himself.

“Ugh, sorry.”

“No, thank you.” Shane’s chest ached. He wanted to say something just as sweet back. Maybe about how much he adored her coloured hair and how he was enamoured when he first saw her blue dipped hair. Maybe about how he admired the fact she could smile at everything or seemed to be so accepting of everyone. How she seemed to have fought through a lot of things and still made it out long enough to feel satisfied even in a dire living situation.

She was a wonderful woman and a person who seemed comfortable bearing with him in his own chaotic mess. She cared about him and it was deeper than anything he had ever known.

Before he could even express a word of gratitude to her Penelo winced and asked him if he heard something. Keeping an ear out he could hear a rumbling noise, it was definitely a vehicle with a good engine.

Penelo rose to her feet and looked to the entrance of the farm where a man wearing a brown leather jacket rode on a motorbike with a satchel and backpack. Shane didn’t know who it was but knowing it was a man made him feel like he was tipping off some sort of scale.

“Sorry, give me a second Shane.” Penelo jogged over in the most feminine way Shane had ever seen with her hair brushing over her shoulder and her hands close to her chest. He thought it was pretty and a crack in her image she usually put up.

Shane’s mood instantly dropped once he saw Sebastian take off his helmet.

“I’ve never seen you wear brown.” Penelo tried to joke but quickly shut her mouth once she saw Sebastian’s expression. He planted his helmet on the edge of the motorbike’s handles and exhaled loudly. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just... Ugh.” Sebastian glanced over staring at the skinny Shane wearing gardening gloves and something other than his work jersey. They both looked at each other with the same discomfort that Penelo didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m sorry, did you call? I haven’t checked my phone. I’m just catching up with Shane but I can make time out.”

“Um...” Sebastian fiddled with his bag straps. “Can I have like five minutes to talk to you inside?”

“Of course. Let me just talk to Shane.”

“Okay, I’m going inside.”

“Okay.” She pouted watching her best friend storm inside her cottage. Running back to Shane she slumped down next to him. “I’m sorry, I’ll be five minutes. Something seems up. I’ll come back out.”

“I can leave.”

“No. No.” She said sternly with a sour expression. “I invited you here. Let me sort this out and we can get back to this.”

“Alright.” Shane tried to smile. Penelo appreciated the effort and rested her hand on his shoulder momentarily.

Penelo walked quickly down the dirt path and up her steps almost tripping as one of the planks went in a little more than she expected. Parting the door open she saw Sebastian rummaging through his backpack on his couch with piles of his typical black clothes on the cushions next to him and around his socked feet.

“What’s wrong?” Her lower lip seemed to stick out as her eyebrows creased downwards.

“Is it okay if I stay here for a few days?”

“Of course, what’s up?” She brought a kitchen chair over and went to sit on it the opposite way to rest her arms on the backrest.

“I had a fight with Demetrius at home.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I forgot my fucking toothbrush.”

“It’s cool, we’ll get you one.”

“I’ll buy it.” He reassured her. “Fuck, he’s just such a jerk. I wish mum would just divorce the guy. The guy makes me contemplate marriage and having kids and it’s just toxic.”

“You don’t want to get married and have kids?” Penelo asked with a careful tone.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I just don’t want to be in a relationship like the one my mum is in. Imagine marrying a guy who doesn’t get along with your kid and doesn’t want a relationship with him. Imagine actually signing yourself up for a package but you can’t get rid of the extra stuff away from the main deal.”

“Okay, slow down.” She smiled. “I love you Seb and you can stay and we can talk about this. I just planned to hang out with Shane for a little. I have to get back to him. Will you be okay? Do you want me to stay longer?”

Seb sagged. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” Penelo rushed to reassure.

“I’ll set up in the spare room and cool off. Is it cool if I make myself a drink.”

“Sebastian, this is your home too. I don’t care just don’t take a shit on the floor or something like that.”

Seb managed a chuckle making Penelo rest easy. “I’ll try not to.”

“Sorry if I take long. I’ll be here to listen to everything after, okay?”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

She leant over and kissed him on the temple then headed out with one look over her shoulder just to make sure he was okay on his own. Shane looked like a lost sheep the way he was looking at the plants in front of him like it was some sort of complicated machinery.

“Sorry.” She said as she sat down next to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sebastian had a fight with his stepdad so he’s going to stay over for a few days. I hope he’s okay. Family fights are the worst. It’s not as easy as cutting someone out. Family are there no matter how much you like it or not.”

Shane wanted to reach out and pat her back but he remained still. “Yeah, I know.”

“Do you ever just wonder what it would be like if things were perfect?”

“All the time.”

“Like, sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I got everything I ever wanted and it worked out. I wonder if that life is any better than where I am now. Even if things could be different it doesn’t mean it would be better, right?”

Shane thought about it for a moment. He imagined what it would be like if he did jump off those cliffs that morning. He compared to that reality to the one he was in now. He might’ve been jealous about another man staying over at her house but she had been making efforts to get to know him and she was a beautiful creature of a person. His life was looking better with her in it and it was enough to know she wanted to be in it.

“I suppose so.”

Penelo stopped in her tracks, seeming so still Shane worried she wasn’t there anymore. Turning to her to give her his full attention she seemed to be lost in a complicated thread of thought. “Sometimes I wish I had a friend like me in my life.” She sighed and brushed her hair behind her ear. “Like, what would it be like if I treated myself like I treat my friends? It would obviously be better. I could never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself but even still I wonder if some friends care about me as much as I care about them. I try to show my love all the time but I don’t know if they get it.”

Shaking her head she went to cover her face in fear of unexpected tears.

“I know this is silly but I think I’m too good sometimes. I understand why so many people in the world are angry all the time but I don’t want to be like that. I just wish I had less of it. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” Shane smiled. “In my life, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you.”

Penelo laughed and sniffed with a sad gaze upon her plants. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It is.” Shane said bluntly. “I’ve only ever met people who I feel aren’t very smart. Maybe just not self aware. When I think I know someone a little deeper I’m always proven wrong. But it’s hard to think it’s wrong when someone is always putting their heart on their sleeve like you do. It’s a good thing about you.”

“I hope so.” Her forehead formed wrinkles. “It sucks that people are shallow. I remember you telling me about your best friend who didn’t invite you to his wedding. I’m sorry that happened.”

Shane felt like she had ripped his heart from his chest. “When did I tell you that?”

She turned to answer him but he could easily figure it out.

“Oh.”

“If it makes you feel any better I didn’t have any friends until I went to college.”

Shane was finding it hard to breathe or find the words to speak.

“So if you think I’ve got lots of friends now then I have to tell you that this is rare for me. I’m just trying to keep them in my life, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe I show it too much but I really do appreciate them. Maybe I’m a pushover.”

“You’re great. If anyone takes advantage of that then they’re a fucking idiot.” Shane felt as if he was talking to himself.

“Thanks. I’ll try to believe that.” Penelo looked away in hopes her stinging eyes would soon swell down. “I... I’m going to go the bathroom.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be back. Don’t run away.” She didn’t even look back at him as she ran into her house and into the bathroom quickly locking the door behind her. Collapsing against the door she covered her face and breathed into her hands in an attempt to calm down.

She felt as if she were on the verge of a panic attack or some sort of meltdown. It seemed like everything was crushing in on her and she wasn’t sure what exactly were the things pinpointing it against her. Maybe it was the family talk or the feeling that formed expressing herself to Shane. She wondered if it was a good thing opening up to him but it felt right in the moment.

She just wanted to escape and be alone for a little while. She could only wish that the sour feeling would pass soon so she could be there for Sebastian and Shane.

Shane headed towards her steps and went to sit. He took the gloves off and scratched his head as he reflected on her words. Not many people or if any people tended to open up to him. It was nice. Like holding someone’s fragile glass mind and being trusted with it. It made him feel warm even when her words seemed bitter like a winter storm against his bare skin.

Swallowing, Sebastian seemed to open the door making the two meet eyes again.

“Hey.” Sebastian said before the silence could grow awkward.

“Hey.”

“Sorry to ruin your guy’s day.”

The apology seemed to lighten Shane’s view of the man. “It’s alright.”

“Is it okay if I smoke here?”

“I don’t care.” Although, he did prefer against it.

Sebastian went to sit a comfortable distance next to Shane and brought out his light and cigarette. “Penelo is a great person,” Sebastian stated before taking a long drag. “I don’t think Sam or even Abigail could understand something like this, you know? Their family lives are a lot better than mine.”

Shane decided to take a risk and ask. “What happened?”

“My stepdad. He’s a jerk. We don’t click at all.” Sebastian shook his head. “Sometimes I wish mum had never met him but then I think of my sister and it gets complicated. Family stuff is always so complicated. I wish I could run away and start all over. New people and a new me. Nothing holding me back.”

Shane felt like a weight shifted over him. Sometimes he felt the same about his aunt with her last lover but thinking of a reality without Jas just didn't feel right. “I wanted to do that by coming here but it didn’t work out.”

“Yeah, I don’t think running away from your problems really does fix the issues.” Sebastian grimaced. “You can’t really run from yourself. It makes me wonder how much of this bullshit is actually my fault. Maybe I should just move out now. I don’t know. Fuck, I guess I could sort out moving to the city now. I’ve got enough.”

“You’re going to the city?”

“Yeah, I miss it. Used to live there before mum got remarried and all. I love the place.”

“I thought you liked being alone though.”

“I do. Usually. I don’t know. There’s something about the opportunity to break away from that if I want to when I’m surrounded by lots of people. There’s so much there that it makes me feel a little more hopeful. The valley is nice but I think I’ve had enough of it. Growing up here just makes me a little tired of it.”

“I miss the city too. Guess staying here for less than a year was enough for me.”

The two men laughed. “That’s good that you know where you want to be.” Sebastian smiled. “Why don’t you go back?”

Shane winced. “I don’t think I’m ready.”

“That’s cool dude. You just go whenever you feel like it. If you want, you can escape to mine whenever I’m there. Your friends with Penelo and I trust her judgement even if I barely know you.” Seb put his hand on Shane’s back for a moment.

“Thanks.” Shane smiled in return. He regretted judging Sebastian by first glance. Sitting next to him he could tell why Penelo liked him. He was a nice guy and he seemed decent even when dealing with his own issues and anger that stemmed from his family situation. The conversation seemed to reach its end but Shane didn’t like that and even though he saw it strange he turned and went to talk. “I heard you play Playstation.”

“Yeah, do you?” The two men swapped recommendation and seemed to talk about sharing games after some talk of things they liked. Shane really was starting to like Sebastian. He realised they had a lot in common like how they both liked certain metal bands and had similar world views. Neither of them was religious but they looked at the world in an almost matching absurdist way.

“Life sure is suffering.” Sebastian commented.

“It sure is.” Shane could hardly hide his joy from their budding friendship.

Penelo seemed dazed as she pushed the door open. “Oh, hey. Are you two alright?” She wasn’t quite sure how to talk when she seemed to interact with both of them differently. She watched them smile at each other and smiled herself. They both seemed to lighten each other’s moods which made Penelo feel like crying by how happy it made her.

“We’re alright.” Sebastian responded for them which Shane appreciated. Sebastian took a long drag and Penelo smirked as she sat between them.

The silence between the three of them was comforting. Shane looked over at them and felt a great sense of serenity being with people he liked. He could tell that neither of them seemed to have romantic tensions between them which made it easier to accept that he was staying over. He wondered if he would ever need to run to her house as an escape and already knew she would say yes. She was a great friend and he wished he could show her appreciation.

“Gosh, life is fucking hard.” She muttered, biting into her cheek.

Sebastian burst into a fit of laughter.

“We were just talking about how life sucks.”

“Great, sounds like my sort of conversation.” Penelo said with a cheeky grin.


	8. Chapter Eight - Blood and Ties

Sebastian watched from the window as Penelo was gathering the pumpkins set aside for the festival. She didn’t know he was awake yet and despite wanting to help her he’d rather it to remain that way. He couldn’t help but admit to himself that he felt strangely uncomfortable staying with Penelo. Not because of her but because everything felt sour or off. He was always cold, his fingers frozen. The decor wasn’t pleasing to the eye and the cabinets barely had any food in them. He was beginning to realise how lucky he was to be staying in a financially stable home all his life but it didn’t take away the pain that pierced his life because of the broken family he was forced to live with.

Demetrius always crossed the line and ever since he grew tall enough to tower over his stepdad he began to fight back. His mother didn’t like that. Robin always wanted Sebastian to keep his mouth shut. He loved his mum but he refused to be belittled like she had grown accustomed to just to please the ‘man’ of the house.

Sebastian could only recall Penelo talk about how her family was broken too but she never got into much detail about it other than saying her mother was crazy and her father started a new family. He wondered what sort of half-siblings Penelo had and what she thought of them.

It was always complicated when a child was involved. Wishing that Demetrius and his mother never met meant that Maru would have never been born and it made him feel confused. He loved Maru but was he willing to want his own peace of mind more than her own life?

“Ugh.” He exhaled loudly and breathed in deep. With shaking hands, he felt his grip tighten around his coffee cup until it suddenly popped with a loud noise. Shards of white cut through his skin and warm coffee seeped into his skin.

“Fuck.” He shouted. Charging up from his seat, he quickly ran to get some kitchen cloths to clean up the mess. Watching them stain her kitchenware made him frown. Penelo didn’t have much and he was ruining what she had. Red and brown were sinking into the carpet and the clothes were starting to change colour.

“Fucking idiot.” The pain was sinking in now and it hurt more than anything. He didn’t want to bring Penelo into his own mess so he quickly went to turn the tap on to wash his wound. Luckily, no glass had damaged his hand deeply enough to cause any severity but the blood still poured profusely down the drain.

Swallowing his ego he reached for a paper towel and stormed towards the front door.

Penelo heard her name calling from her cottage and turned to see a distressed Sebastian holding a bloody hand. Dropping her tools onto the dirt ground she parted her lips, unsure of what to say or what to do.

Penelo had bandaged up his hand the best she could but every time she looked at it she cringed at her efforts. She never really was good at first aid.

Sebastian still couldn’t get it out of his mind that there was still a mess in the house that they needed to clean up. There was coffee and glass on the couch and the carpet was beginning to stain but despite telling her that she threw away that worry quickly. Approaching an empty spot near some boxes of festival preparations, they got out of the car and Penelo darted towards the front door to the doctor’s office before opening it for him.

Sebastian tried to meet her eyes but she didn’t look at him back. He wanted to express how sorry he was but she was more focused on getting him help than anything.

Maru was at the front desk which jolted Sebastian’s heart to beat quicker. He sucked in, forgetting how to breathe.

“Hey, Maru.” Penelo leaned against the counter. “Your brother cut his hand.” She pointed her thumb to signal to him.

Maru was dressed in a cute white gown with a shiny name badge on her chest written in vivid. “Wait, Sebastian, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” His face was burning up. He wasn’t ready to address the problems at home just yet and seeing his small sister there was starting to pick away at the walls he had built to get through the last few days.

“I’ll get Harvey. Just wait here, okay?” Maru’s voice was soft. She was always a very gentle person but seeing her eyes fill with worry made him feel sick. She always gave him that look when something happened at home and it wasn’t helping.

Penelo brushed her hand against Seb’s back making his turn to look at her. She was quite shorter than him but having her beside him was making the gap in height harder to ignore. He could see the freckles on her face from being out in the sun all day and her green ends of hair tied into a rough bun. She was beautiful in a messy way.

“Thanks.” He ushered. She looked up and smiled.

“Seb.” Maru’s golden eyes met his and he slowly pulled away from Penelo’s soft touch. He felt strange at that moment. He didn’t know what it was but all he knew was that he wanted Penelo to come with them too.

She went to sit down on one of the cold plastic seats and looked down at her phone. It was nearing 7 am and the festival began around 10 am. She still needed to set up the rest of the stall and she wasn’t sure if she’d be ready within three hours. She tapped her leg, worried she miscalculated the amount of responsibility to the schedule for the day. Tsking, she assured herself that it was fine.

She felt her phone vibrate and she looked down. The first message she had received for the day was from Leah telling her she was going to bring all her carvings and artworks over first before coming around to get the last of the pumpkins. Penelo tapped away at her phone explaining the situation and how she would tell Leah when she would be back.

Leah gave a winking face as a response but Penelo wrinkled her nose, confused considering she had just said Sebastian had cut her hand.

“What a weirdo.” She smiled to herself.

Maru headed back into the room where Sebastian sat on the bed quietly. Seb’s eyes trailed away. She sighed.

“What happened?” She asked walking in front of him.

“I broke a cup.”

“How?” She scrunched her nose, making her glasses falter.

“I was holding it.” She gave him a wrinkled look which made him uncomfortable.

“Well, it’s a good thing Penny drove you here.”

“Penelo.” He corrected.

Maru sagged. “Ugh, sorry. I was hanging out with Penny yesterday, the names are just so similar.”

“Are you doing anything for the festival?” Seb bit his lip.

“Not really. If mum asks for help or dad I will. Otherwise, I’ll be here with Harvey making sure no one gets hurt or anything.”

Seb took a deep breath. “Will I be able to play with my hand like this?”

“Let me look.” She carefully took his hand in hers and unfolded his fingers away slowly. He tried not to hiss at the cold air against his wound. There were small cuts spread all over his hand and it was still red from the heat of the coffee.

“How long will you guys be playing?”

“We start at twelve. We’ll be playing for an hour. We would play longer but most of our songs aren’t really made for the ears of children.”

Maru giggled under her breath. “If you toughen through it. But you still have to be careful.”

“That’s good to hear.” He sagged.

Maru looked up at her brother. He didn’t look much like their shared mother, his dark hair inherited by his father and his paler skin. His eyes were dark, very different from both her parents. She couldn’t help think that sometimes they were purple in a certain light and angle. But still, she saw parts of their mum in him and that gave her a magical sense of connection to him. She wished she could cradle her brother close to him but she wasn’t comfortable putting that idea into action. Looking down at the ground, the white room making her feel like a stain in the room, she parted her lips knowing it was time to say something.

“Mum is worried.”

“Maru.” He was quick to complain.

“I know.” She insisted. “I know what dad is like.”

“I don’t think you do.” He groaned. “Most of your life you’ve been raised here. You probably don’t know any better. Especially with Penny’s mum being an asshole too and you spend time with her the most.”

“You don’t know what I feel or think.” Her soft voice rising louder. “Dad is never fair with you. It’s not nice, I admit that. But we can only say so much. Changing is up to them. Just because I don’t get yelled at by dad doesn’t mean I like it when he does it to you.”

“So what should I do? Just go home and continue dealing with it?”

“No, you come home for mum and you start looking into going into the city to follow your dreams. You could have moved out when you turned eighteen. It’s been three years. Surely you have enough. Just don’t spend any money on weed or books for once and maybe you’ll be free from all this. Stop smoking, go to the library. You’ll save like fifty dollars a week and that all adds up slowly. That’s paying your electricity bill in the city for the week done and dusted.”

Seb’s eyebrows creased.

“Sebby, I want the best for you. Sometimes you can fix a relationship with some distance and time.”

“I’ll think about it.” He muttered.

Harvey’s footsteps against the marble flooring in the hallway made them both quiet as the tall man entered the room. “Let’s look at that wound.”

Maru made room for the doctor who brought over a stool with a scrape across the ground. Sebastian winced at the sound as Maru erected her posture to look professional. She watched carefully and listened intently to Doctor Harvey. Sebastian never paid much attention to the doctor. He was young, a recent graduate by still being under thirty. His skin was always good and he was quite fit. Sebastian was a little intimidated by how healthy he was.

Sebastian was sitting for most days on end, his sleeping schedule was a mess and he was a frequent smoker – especially under stress from living in the same house as his stepdad. He scratched his earring with his unhurt hand and bit down to stop himself from hissing at the pain when Harvey began to dab liquids against the cuts. After about an hour, Sebastian came out with a cloth bandage clipped around his palm which he had to leave in for at least a day. Penelo was napping uncomfortably along a set of plastic chairs.

Sebastian smiled to himself. After saying goodbye to his sister by touching her arm softly he sat down across from his friend and took out his phone. He couldn’t help take a picture of her. He felt as if he was being creepy but seeing his best friend so content made his heart beat slower and calmed him down.

Opening up his notepad in his phone, he began writing down a flood of feelings washing over him in that moment. It was like his mind’s eye opened or if the sky had cleared. Tapping away as comfortably as he could with both hands, he was sure he was writing down the memory in time so he could remember and appreciate it.

He had only known Penelo for a month or two, but he felt like he could trust her with things he couldn’t with anyone else. He knew all his friends were different and he was friends with them for the exact reason they were all unique in their own ways but watching her body rise up and down made him realise that he would die for the woman lying across from him just because she allowed him to be transparent with her.

Her company was like a warm blanket that embraced him everywhere he went, even if she wasn’t with him he knew she would always want the best for him.

Smiling, he went to tap her awake, softly whispering to her as she stirred with a moan. His heart strangely hurt in a good way watching her rise. Smiling, he pulled her onto her feet and they began to head back to the farm.

Shane looked down at the dead and peeling skin on his hands from the other day where he helped Penelo on the farm. Whenever he saw her hands they always looked perfect. He could tell she did her best to take good care of herself.

There was a hollowness in his chest but it felt different. Not the usual emptiness he often felt. This time he knew it was something he wanted to fill, that there was potential for him to fill that void with something good.

For about a year he knew he was depressed, he couldn’t recall when it started or what sorts of things triggered it but he always enjoyed drinking. All his best memories were of him when he’d go out to bars with his coworkers. He remembered what it was like to dance without a care in the world and kiss women passionately in the club bathrooms.

He knew that once he realised all of that was fake that maybe that’s when his world began to crumble.

He recalled how he didn’t try at work, that him and his team agreed to schemes that were easy, controlled and typical. After talking to Penelo, he came to understand there was no satisfaction in doing a lazy job. He only did communications and business in university because he saw it made money and he got good grades in high school. He never really was passionate about it. He wasn’t sure if he was passionate about anything.

He knew he once played gridball in high school. He was fit, popular, had friends. But what did any of that mean now when none of the people he once talked to every day even remembered him. He still ached over the fact his best friend growing up didn’t invite him to his wedding. After that Shane no longer felt like a person, no longer felt important.

There was less effort into his work and more effort into coping. Alcohol always made him feel good. But like all things you frequent too much, it started to not feel as good anymore. When it turned from an occasional thing to a necessity every day, he just let himself crumble.

No longer cared about his image or his work. Growing quiet, he thought maybe his coworkers would reach out to help him, but they just stopped talking to him. He wanted someone to say it was okay but no one ever did.

Sitting against his bed on the floor, he began twisting a photo of him and his old coworkers in his hand. He wondered if he should burn it or throw it away.

Staring at his old self, clean-cut, muscular with a good posture, he tried to recognise himself when he was happy. He wanted to feel alright again but he wasn’t sure how to do that when everything he once knew was fake.

  
  


Leah was very precise as she began carving the pumpkin. She took her time, eyes carefully darting across her work. Penelo could only ever remember carving pumpkins with shallow school friends when she was around eight. She couldn’t seem to recall any of the girls’ names from when that happened and it made her sad to think she had forgotten something so simple. She wondered if she’d forget her coworkers’ names over time from when she was in the office.

“You’re far more talented than me.” She said, brushing her hands so she could rest her head in them.

Leah looked up from where they sat on the steps of Penelo’s porch. She winced, feeling sickly at the words she spoke.

“Don’t say that.”

“You are.” Penelo insisted. “You work so hard and you’ve made a career out of it. You’re surviving off what you love. It’s inspiring.”

“You’re an amazing artist Penelo. Don’t think otherwise.”

“I’m not. I’m rusty. I take too long. I still have to relearn a lot of things. I used to be able to see the image in my head so perfectly but now when I go to create I feel like I don’t know what I’m supposed to aim for. My imagination morphs too much.”

“Maybe you’ve got too many ideas.”

“I don’t have the time or even the concentration to fix it.”

“Babysteps.” Leah smiled lightly, eyes glimmering. “Just a step here and then there and you’re following your dreams. Just because you’re forced into a situation where you must do something you’re not passionate about to survive doesn’t make you any less of a person as you are. You’re still an artist. We’re young. We have so much time, don’t think you’re like – digging some hole for you to stay in for the rest of your life. Take pride in what you do. Look at what you’ve created here. You put some tiny pebbles into the ground and now they’re fresh and organic pumpkins. You’ve given me a canvas to create with right now. You’re making art right now and it’s beautiful.”

Penelo’s cheeks rose. “I would have stuttered trying to get all of that out. How did all of that come to you so fluidly?”

“I don’t know, because you inspire me too.” Leah laughed.

“That means a lot. Thank you.”

“No, thank you. You told me to start advertising my work online and now I’m able to make a living off of my passions. You’re like the wind in my sails Penelo. I don’t have to eat berries for weeks on end just to get by. Now I can drink tea and eat berries for weeks on end instead.”

“Hm, that is true.” Penelo rose her eyebrows. “Do you ever wonder what it will feel like to actually reach the end of your goals?”

“Like, for example, Elliot becoming a successful writer?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think there’s really an end.” Leah’s face wrinkled as she placed her carving tools down. She looked to the sky, the clouds rushing by along with the Autumn wind. “There’s that saying about how the journey is better than the end. Maybe we can reach a peak in life, but you still have to keep moving. Maybe that’s why I feel depressed when I stay inside all day sometimes. I have to move, do something, go somewhere, see something new.

“If Elliot does become a successful writer, well, what would that mean? To be rich or famous? To be content? To be able to survive off of his work? To make a difference, spread a message? There’s so much to do, create, express, whatever. There’s no end to it all. We just have to keep moving and keep doing something. Might as well be doing what we love if we can.”

Penelo sagged. She didn’t know what to say. She just knew she doubted herself and was growing to understand why people seemed to accept things in life even if they were bad. “I guess there’s comfort in what’s easy.”

“Of course there is,” Leah placed her hand against Penelo’s back. “But that’s not fun or fulfilling. I used to work a retail job for minimum wage at this clothing store when I turned eighteen. I used to be quite content before it. I was jobless, a leech to my mother. But I was healthy. I took the time out to take care of myself, had a healthy social life. Then when I got the job I found myself using the money I made to make myself feel better from work. Like a cycle. I was angry, I hated forcing a smile. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything to impact the world around me. Sure, I might’ve made someone smile. But packing bags, scanning and standing all day. God, I didn’t care about the money or saving anymore. I wanted out. I wanted to be able to feel something again without this anger inside of me.”

“I felt the same way in the office.” Penelo started. “I talked to people on the phone all day, I’d get these incredible headaches. I’d drink three or more cups of coffee just to force myself to get through the shifts. You’re always told to do these odd jobs that just make you wonder to yourself why can’t they do it? Why do I have to change your schedule? Why do I have to clean up the vomit the manager’s kid left in the waiting room? Why do anything for you when you can’t even remember my name?”

Leah groaned. “People suck.”

“I think after working like that for a while has made it hard for me to enjoy shopping too. I see the people behind the counter and all I can think about is how they’re serving me and smiling for me and doing everything for me.”

“That’s why I hate going grocery shopping. I never want to step foot in the Jojamart we have. Watching someone else pack my bags just makes me want to tell them to stop and it’s okay. But you get in trouble if you get caught not helping the customer even if they insist it.”

“Imagine telling someone off for something so stupid.”

“Can’t wear big earrings, can’t dye your hair, can’t wear what you want.” Leah shook her head.

“Can’t show tattoos.” Penelo added.

“Or swear.”

“Or breathe the wrong way.”

“Exactly.” Leah shook her head, pressing her lips together.

“I’m just grateful for what I have now. The silence here is nice _and_ the space.”

“No druggy room-mates smelling up the place with their dirty dishes.”

“I don’t understand how hard is it to rinse your plate after you’ve used it? That’s like half the job done or even the entire job done. Takes an actual second.”

“I once dated a guy who never changed his bed.” Leah grimaced. “Still had all that sex junk on there for months.”

“Why did you date him?” Penelo gagged.

Leah scrunched up her freckled nose. “I don’t know. I think he told me things about him that he had potential for but he just did nothing about it. So pretty much lying about all these things he had to offer.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re out of it.”

“Mm, me too. Wasn’t even that hot. Had this big nose. Never liked that nose.”

Penelo covered her mouth as she laughed. “I’m sure someone else is capable of loving that big nose.”

“Just not me. Fuck that guy. Change your fucking bed sheets.” Leah turned to her smiling friend and smiled back. The air was clean and felt good to breathe in. They sat contently for a while when Sebastian came out to sit down with them for company. His dark eyes were hollow and he didn’t say a word. But Leah watched as Penelo leaned against him to comfort him and knew that words didn’t need to be said for the moment to be nice.

Shane scooped up one of the chickens up to his chest and tried to look it in the eyes. The chicken cooed in his cradled arms, darting its head around softly. “How are you today, my friend?” He went to stroke it carefully. “There’s going to be lots of people in town soon. It’s a bit scary.” He bit his lip. “Is it weird I’d rather be at the festival feeling anxious than at work where I can be alone?”

The chicken cooed in response.

“Yeah, I’m not excited about going back either. But,” Shane’s voice rose. “The festival is considered a holiday here, so extra pay for me.”

The chicken looked up at him and then closed its eyes comfortably.

“Can’t buy any alcohol though. I have to do my best for Penelo.” The chicken shivered, her feathers shaking for a moment. “Hey, I know. I know but I can’t say anything. She would never like a guy like me. She’s nice to everyone. I’m not special.” Shane sighed. “I’m used to suffering in silence anyways. And who knows? Maybe I just don’t know her well enough. Maybe I’m still seeing the image I’ve made in my head of her.” Kneeling down he placed the hen down. She began strutting over to a hay bail and went to nap, getting comfortable.

“It’s it normal to feel this scared to feel things?”

Sebastian stood near the cabin watching Elliot, Leah and Penelo load up all their own cars full of as many pumpkins as they could that had already been picked and cleaned. They all laughed and bickered together. It was like watching what it was like for others to watch himself with Sam and Abigail. Growing up, the three of them would always get into trouble. There was a lot of yelling from the Mayor as well as their parents.

“Seb, hurry up!” Penelo’s attempt at making an angry face only seemed to make her look cuter he thought.

“Give me a minute to finish.” He said taking a drag of his cigarette. He dabbed the ends against a glass coaster Penelo had given her and stuffed his hands in his hoodie heading over.

Elliot sighed happily, taking in the fresh air. It was starting to get dark and the wind was starting to howl through the valley. Pausing, he looked up at the hills, clutching a pumpkin in his arms.

“What’s are you thinking about?” Leah asked.

Elliot’s eyebrows furrowed and his neck craned. “It’s strange, I think I had forgotten what it was like to feel this way.”

“Hm?” Penelo hummed as Sebastian walked closely to stand next to her.

“I’m starting to think I don’t like my job,” Elliot confessed. “I haven’t written anything worth noting in weeks. I had just realised how beautiful nature is again. We live in this village and we’re surrounded by so many gorgeous things. It just scared me to think I had forgotten it.”

Penelo rubbed his back and glanced up at him with a small smile.

He sighed. “I think I’m starting to become less of myself.”

“It won’t be forever,” Leah assured him. “Penelo and I talked recently about what it’s like to survive but suffer. It’s only temporary. Things will change. And if you want to get out of there, then we will support you. We’ve lasted without a real job now for some time. We have the fair tomorrow. If you do your best to show what you’ve created then you’re taking steps to a future that’s bright.”

“I suppose.” Elliot pouted.

“You’ve got amazing friends Elliot,” Sebastian added. All eyes turned on him making him feel scared to be in his skin. Brushing his lengthy hair from his face he swallowed. “So you’re not alone.”

Smiling, Elliot reached out his arms, inviting everyone into a hug. Penelo was first to come forward, her arm curving around Elliot’s shoulders. Leah went in too where Sebastian stood awkwardly. Glancing over at Penelo, he knew they were waiting for him and together they pressed in each other’s warmth. Penelo could smell Sebastian’s smoke against his black clothes and the cheap perfume that Elliot wore. There was a strange comfort in it even if it wasn’t nice against her nose.

Once everyone let go, they stood contently amongst each other, a new sense of connection tightening their bond.


	9. Chapter Nine - Fall Festival

Sebastian held his cigarette, watching the red embers at the end of it crumbling away. Tapping it over the glass coaster that was piled with the remains of his past smoking sessions, he began to consider quitting the habit. There was a jolt in his chest, realising for the first time that maybe that would be hard. All his life he knew he could stop doing it at any time but standing there against the wooden railing as the sun began to rise he knew then and there that he was addicted.

“Ugh.” He groaned to himself, covering his face with his free hand.

After a few minutes of watching the remains of his drag turn to dust in his fingertips, he crushed the end of it against the glass and folded his arms as he relaxed in an old fold-up chair nearby.

Penelo pushed open the front door with a creak and brought over two steaming cups in her hands. Placing one down next to him she got comfortable in the seat next to him. “Day of the festival.” She smiled lightly. “I’m not sure what to feel.”

Sebastian didn’t respond. He glanced over at her. Her brown and green hair was resting wildly, uncombed against her collarbone. He liked seeing her like that. It was like seeing her in her rawest form.

“I was thinking of quitting smoking.”

Penelo almost snorted out her coffee.

“I don’t think I’ll stop doing weed though. But, I’ve realised how unhealthy I am. Especially when we went to fix my hand. I looked at Harvey and he looked so, I don’t know...”

Penelo leaned in to listen, staying silent while Sebastian undid the knots in his mind.

“I think I want to change.” He said finally.

Penelo looked down at her hands. “That’s good. Wanting to change.” She bit the edge of her bottom lip. “For the better, obviously.”

Sebastian took a deep breath. The air was cold. “I like that Winter is coming.” He added. “Winter is my favourite season.”

“Summer is mine.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have to wear lots of layers. There’s more time in the day. The sun feels nice against my skin. All my best memories are in the Summer. I think I get seasonal depression when Winter comes around. It just reminds me of the times during high school where I stayed in my dark room all day and cry.” She frowned.

“To be honest, I feel like that’s exactly why I like Winter.” Sebastian turned to her. “There’s comfort in being alone in my own space. I never got yelled at for being on the computer all day. No one was forcing me to go outside all the time, I could make myself hot drinks and read in this timeless loop.”

“That scares me.” Penelo grimaced. “Being alone like that. Makes me feel trapped.”

“Well, how about this,” Sebastian reached out for the coffee she had made him. “This Winter let’s do a lot of things. So you can stop getting depressed for such a long time every year. We can play video games and build snowmen.”

“That sounds really nice.” She hugged her cardigan around her chest and brought her warm cup into both her hands. They glanced out to the stretching farm, where the pumpkins used to be was just roughened up dirt. It was barren, an ugly mess. Penelo tried to stay hopeful, assuring herself she’d make something with what she had. Everything around her was going to be fixed, she was sure of it.

“So, um...” Sebastian started. Penelo turned to stare at Sebastian, his facial expression changing under stress. “It was Abigail’s birthday,” He started. “The whole day, the three of us just messed around like always. Smoking and playing music and going for walks just talking about things. At some point, we just threw rocks at a cliff for an hour talking about where we saw ourselves in ten years.

“When I got home, Demetrius got angry. I just wanted to have dinner and continue feeling good from everything that day _because_ I had a good day. But Demetrius always pokes at me and says all this stuff just to start something. ‘_Why don’t you cut your hair?_’, ‘_Have you been smoking?_’, ‘_When are you going to get a job?_’. It drives me crazy. He says the same things over and over, like, why can’t you accept me like I’ve accepted you. Why do you have to treat me this way? Aren’t we supposed to be a family?”

“Do you tell him that?” Penelo asked.

“All the time. But then Mum says I should just stay quiet. I think maybe it hurts her. I think maybe she thought and said the same things but eventually gave up. I wonder if she’s scared to be alone or to leave someone again. She had me when she was young with my dad. She tells me it’s best to have him out of my life. But I feel like I’m in the middle of this weird situation where I’m too curious even if she’s right. Like, I wonder what it would be like if she didn’t tell me anything about him, I’d still be curious. I don’t know. I want to see what he’s like head-on so I can make up my own mind. I try to figure out why she would stay with Demetrius but all I can seem to conclude to is how she wants something real. Like, a real family even if it’s fucked up.”

“I think the same goes for my dad,” Penelo admitted. “He started a new family, except he didn’t really try to keep me in it. He listened more to my step mum than _me_, his own blood. When I think about it sometimes, I just end up crying. I have twin brothers, probably twelve now. I miss them but there’s a part of me that knows it’s best to not reach out. I need time and I don’t want to be apart of that anymore. It made me feel like I wasn’t even a person. Like I was a mistake. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian frowned.

“No, it’s fine. I’m okay now.” She took a deep breath. “It’s weird to think my grandfather gave me this place. He always fought with my dad. He didn’t like my stepmum either. I think they had a rough time together while dad was growing up. I’m sure it was sort of the same with how I grew up. Like some stupid cycle. Wouldn’t you want to be different from the father who raised you? I don’t know. I was never really close with my grandfather. I’ve probably seen him only like around twenty times in my life. Maybe he saw how I was feeling when I was a teenager when my dad and his family came to visit. Maybe he was the only one who understood. I can never thank him enough for giving me this place. I just wish... I don’t know. I didn’t even know he died. I wish I went to his funeral. I was given the letter so late by my dad. Just popped up one day and gave it to me. It just made me angry but I’m glad he didn’t read it. He just saw my name on it and gave it to me. Didn’t know who it was from or anything. So at least I don’t have to be too scared of my dad and his family popping up anytime here.”

“I didn’t know Mr Blackbear that well.” Sebastian scratched his chin. “I remember him growing up. He was close with everyone’s parents. Mostly Willy and Mayor Lewis. Was this stern and straight to the point person. I remember when he used to have horses. At some point he just went quiet, started fishing in the evenings with Willy at the docks.”

“Yeah... Maybe that’s why I keep declining to spend time with Willy. Maybe I’m scared to face all this right now.”

“That’s okay.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Sebastian watched the bottom of his cup as he spun the leftover coffee bits in circles. “Maru talked to me before my hand got fixed. She opened my eyes a little. I’ve always kept a short distance from her. I always thought she was scared of me, I still do. But she’s my sister and she’s not stupid. She wants the best for me. So, I think I’m going to go back home soon. Maybe tonight or in a few days. I think... I think I’m going to start seriously looking into going into the city now.”

“That’s so exciting.” Penelo gasped with a toothy grin.

Sebastian turned to her puffed up cheeks and watched the freckles along her face move with the crease of her smile. In that moment, he began to frown, realising something he knew he didn’t want to tell another soul.

“What is it?” She asked, her face twisting downwards immediately after seeing Sebastian look sad.

“I, um...” He exhaled roughly. “Knowing you has been one of the best things to happen to me. It makes me sad that I can’t bring you with me. I know if I asked you to come you’d say no because you’re happy here and you’re finding yourself here. It makes me sad that for me to do the same, it would have to be away from you and away from everyone else. It’s scary to think about how there’s still so much here I need to be appreciative of that I can’t even comprehend.”

“We’ll visit and talk all the time. It’ll be okay. I just want you to be where you’ll be the most happiest.”

“That’s the thing, am I being ignorant to how happy I am here with you and Sam and Abigail _and everyone_.”

“Sometimes we have to just jump into the deep end. Waiting around and thinking too much won’t do good things to you. You have to start moving.”

“You’re right.” He swallowed. “I’m scared.”

“Oh, come here.” Penelo stood up, stretching her arms out. Sebastian stood up with her, looking down at her, he wrapped his arms around her. He could feel her breasts pressing against his chest and he could smell the coffee in her hair. He didn’t want to let go and he was worried that if he squeezed any tighter he would be hurting her.

“I’m sorry I stained your carpet.” He frowned.

She laughed against him. “Oh, shut up.”

Shane pulled on his Jojamart hoodie. Glancing in the bathroom mirror with his cleanly shaven face, he felt like he was staring at a shell of himself. He was somewhere in between looking like the office man he once knew and the alcoholic standing at the edge of the cliffs.

“I guess this is me now.” He sighed.

He could hear Marnie and Jas screaming all over the house. He had done all he could to support the two for the festival but sadly he couldn’t continue it further considering he had to go back to the hellhole that was Jojamart.

When he headed into the kitchen he gulped down a glass of water. Sniffling, he rubbed his cold nose. Jas was wearing a pretty pink dress as she drew on a scrap of paper at the table. She had her hair painted with temporary purple dye.

“You look like a princess.” Shane smiled at her.

“Really?” She smiled.

He nodded and sat down next to her. “Excited for the festival?”

“Not really. It’s the same every year.” She shrugged.

“Yeah, but I’m here this year.”

“But you’re working.”

Shane leaned it. “I might sneak out when it’s quiet.”

Jasmine gaped. “Can we do stuff together if you do?”

“Of course. I’ll buy you some candy floss or something.”

“Thanks Shane.” She grinned.

“So, what are you drawing?”

She peeled crayons and pencils off the paper and showed it to him. His eyes hovered over the messy scratches and stains. It was a surprisingly well-drawn portrait of someone in its own childish way. He could tell she was starting to get human shapes but the anatomy was looking weak.

“Who is it?”

“I had this dream where I was in the body of this magical girl.” She explained. “She had purple hair and she could turn into a dragon. There was war and she became friends with a prince who ran away from his home because he was scared of his dad. His dad was the king - and they argued a lot but he secretly loved the dragon girl. Everyone seemed to hate the dragons or wanted to kill them because they were scared of them. The girl was trying to fix it.”

“And did she?”

“I don’t know, I woke up.” Jas frowned.

“What do you think any of it means?”

“I don’t think it means anything, but, I think I want to be like that dragon girl.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, because... Because she was strong and beautiful.”

“You’re already strong and beautiful.” Shane smiled.

“But not like her. It’s like... You know you’re okay, but you could be better. Like, you haven’t become the person you want to be or something.”

Shane frowned. “Yeah, I know what that’s like.” He leaned in to take the paper from her and began to draw in the corner. “Have you thought about being an artist or a writer?”

“I still want to be lots of things. I still want to be a princess more.”

“Well, you look like one now, so you’re halfway there.”

“Mm, I was thinking of trying to make a prince fall in love with me. Do you know any princes I could talk to?”

“Not at the top of my head.” Shane played along. “But, if you wanted to keep that dragon girl idea alive I could get Penelo and her friends to help you.”

“Do you think Leah or Penelo could draw the dragon girl for me?”

“Hm, I could do. But they might want to be paid for it.”

“Oh. I only have five dollars in my piggy bank. Will that be enough?”

Shane frowned. “I’ll see what I can do.” He handed the paper back to her. Looking down she saw a badly drawn dog.

“Why’d you draw a dog?”

“I don’t know. All stories seem to have animal companions. It just seemed fitting. I thought of drawing a bird, but the dragon girl can already fly.”

“Well, I like it.” Jas smiled.

Despite living in the Valley for some time, Penelo was still surprised seeing everyone up so early to get ready for the festival. It was cold with the sun still hidden behind the valley mountains, only orange spilling above the village like watercolour into the clouds.

Even hearing gossip about what everyone would be doing the festival, it was still a shock to see how pretty and impressive some of the stalls were. The first thing she spotted was Emily and her sister Haley setting up a face painting booth and a photography stand. Penelo’s eyes widened and twinkled, hoping she would be able to fit some time in to get her photo taken.

Emily was tidying up a rack of clothes she knew to be handmade. With what little talk Penelo and Emily had over the months she knew Emily was always tinkering with cloth and silks. She didn’t realise how well she was at the craft, everything looked beautiful. There were outfits such as witch dresses and formal suits. Penelo couldn’t wait to see people dressing up and posing in front of the decorative screens.

Alex’s grandmother Evelyn seemed to be spraying some potted plants sitting comfortably in a cushioned chair behind a wooden stall where Alex was fussing over something. Evelyn simply smiled, her wrinkles creasing up her cheeks making it look like her eyes were two fine lines. Penelo strutted over hugging her coat over her torso a little tighter to keep warm.

“Good morning.”

“Morning, my dear.” Evelyn grinned a toothless grin.

“Sup, Penelo,” Alex said. She watched him for some time adjusting some decorations. In the short silence, she admired Alex’s body and how even despite wearing clothes that covered his frame perfectly his muscles still bulged through the layers. Blushing, she quickly looked away.

“Are you going to help Evelyn today?” She perked her head to the old woman who still remained sitting contently with a big smile.

“No, just helping set up. I have work today at the station. Lots of people will be coming in from the city and the town over so someone has to be there.” He scratched the side of his jaw. “Not looking forward to all the work but Pam might let me get off early to have some fun during the last hour.”

“I hope so. Will you be going to Haley’s booth to dress up and get your photos taken.”

“Haley will abuse me if I don’t.” He laughed loudly. “It’s almost compulsory as a boyfriend.”

“Must be nice.” Penelo looked down at her hands as she rubbed them warm.

“Getting abused?”

“Being in love.” Penelo was startled by her reply. Clearing her throat and switching from foot to foot she quickly stammered. “I mean, having someone. You know?”

“I suppose.” He shrugged. “She’s quite possessive sometimes. But we both have enough space from each other. It’s good to be alone too.” Penelo winced. “What?” Alex eyed her up and down.

“Just didn’t expect something like that to come from you.”

“Yeah,” He snickered. “I _was_ popular in high school. Things change when you’re an adult, don’t they?”

“Do you miss it?”

“Yeah. But I’m happy right now, so it doesn’t affect me.”

“Alex is planning to join the city football team.” Evelyn said baring her toothless smirk.

“Not till next year,” Alex assured his grandmother. “For now I’m here with you and grandpa.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. There was a sadness in Alex’s eyes for a split second which Penelo noted but did not acknowledge. After questioning where Alex’s grandfather was, Alex said he was at home for the moment watching television which Evelyn quickly disproved of. Her face wrinkled into an expression of disgust. It was clear to see she didn’t like her husband’s habits.

“Well, your baking looks really good. I’m sure they’ll sell out.” Penelo lifted a jar of fresh jam up to her eyes to get a better look at the details of the contents inside.

“I’ll save you some leftover.”

“Oh, no, no. It’s fine Evelyn.”

“Hush dear. I know you’re low on food. Let me help.”

“There’s no use in fighting with her.” Alex laughed.

“Well, alright. I’ll come check on you when I have the time. Just shout if you need me.”

“’ll try my best to shout my dear.” Alex sighed heavily trying not to smile. Penelo huffed a small giggle out her nose and parted her lips to say goodbye.

Walking past other stalls like Clint the smith setting up a surprisingly beautiful stand of handmade jewellery and metal containers and Gunther the librarian setting out old books for sale, she headed back to Leah and Elliot who were still placing their contents out. Elliot had plenty of poetry books stacked up and Leah was wiping down any wood dust off her sketches and carvings.

They seemed to be arguing about how to make their displays prettier. Penelo was jealous with all she had. Only having pumpkins to show off was giving her a sinking feeling in her gut. She was beginning to realise being a farmer wasn’t as fulfilling as she hoped it would be. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do anymore but she did miss art. She wished she had the time for it, but it was scary to depend on it for survival.

Swallowing, she sat down meekly next to the two readjusting things on each other’s tables. “Don’t touch my stuff.” Leah squealed as Elliot’s face puffed up.

“You touched my stuff first.”

“Ugh.” Leah groaned. Penelo felt like a ghost in that moment. Like she wasn’t real or didn’t exist. She watched as the band began strumming, pointing and saying words she couldn’t hear. Walking around the stage they began practising some of their songs, Sam strutting around the stage with his electric guitar.

Her eyes turned to Willy and Gus talking over what they wanted to make with the fresh fish. “Fish sticks for the kids?”

“Why can’t we sell them raw?” They argued passively. “People surely know how to cook.”

“And stink up their cars on the ride home?”

“It’s not _that_ bad.”

“Because you’re used to it.” Gus groaned, pinching the bridge of his big nose. Penelo’s face lip up ever so slightly, glancing up at the sky watching it shift colours. She wondered if that moment crystallising in her mind. She hadn’t been apart of something to such a scale before. Sure, she did some sports growing up and helped backstage for a few school shows but she didn’t feel like she was a piece of a puzzle, just a note pinned on a board ready to be ripped off at any time. It was enlightening to be in something that felt significant even it was small.

It was hard to adjust to feeling like a person again but watching Leah and Elliot fuss over things beside her the realisation was slowly sinking in like cold water in a fresh wound.

Taking a deep breath through her mouth she laughed and started to poke fun at the two. Leah’s green eyes pierced into her.

“Come on, you can’t tell me that this display looks better than mine?”

Shane felt like he was going to have a panic attack. He even wanted to have a panic attack but the medication made even his efforts to break down impossible. It was like a caged feeling that wanted to escape, some invisible barrier holding him back from collapsing.

His hands felt clammy as he dusted the displays. No one had come in yet, it was still very early in the morning but his eight-hour shift felt like a long journey he didn’t want to get through. He knew it would be a busy day if not the busiest in the valley. He hadn’t been in the village for long but he knew that the festival was the biggest event everyone anticipated.

He could smell the sweat on his clothes from all his time wearing the uniform over the months and his eyes stung with the white walls around him.

Sweeping the floor, he looked over at his coworker, Jackie, the cashier. Her eyes were purple and baggy from a lack of sleep. He never did talk to her much but for the first time, he wanted to come over to see if she was okay. Her tired eyes weren’t a new sight to see, but now he actually cared.

He brought his broom over and leaned against the counter.

“Hey, Jackie.” He said sombrely.

“Hey, Shane.” Her voice was croaky in nature, but she was still young. He wondered if she smoked but she didn’t look the type to. Her hair was put into a rushed ponytail and her apron had wrinkles in and faded stains in it.

“How have you been these past months.”

She shrugged weakly. “Same as usual. Boring.”

“That’s not surprising.”

“Well, at least I won’t be standing here bored for another eight hours like usual. We’ll actually have real customers come in.”

“I suppose.”

She eyed him. “How have you been Shane?”

For the first time in a while, he was scared to lie. He so often said he was okay but he knew he wasn’t. He craved destruction and being back in work, making money to be stable and functional, it just made him uncomfortable. All he knew was how to ruin his life, trying to get back on top of it was scary.

“Coping.” He managed to say.

“Hey, that’s good.” She smiled.

“Have you ever thought about leaving this place?”

“Every second I’m here.” She laughed. “But there’s no other jobs back in town. At least, not for someone like me. Everywhere you need experience, an education. I can’t afford one.” She shook her head. “I’m just trying to help my family.”

“Surely you can find somewhere that’s closer if you look.”

She shook her head. “It’s hard. I think we’re overpopulated. I wish more people would move to somewhere like here in Pelican Town. It’s quiet and there’s so much space. I would if I could. I’d bring my family over, the good side that is, and we could be happy and closer to the city by half an hour.”

“There are lots of opportunities in the city. I could help you get a job there. I used to work at the head of Joja.”

She scoffed. “And now you’re stocking shelves in some middle of nowhere?”

“Yeah.” He shook his head. “A big fall from grace.”

“Hey, it would be cool if you did.” She said. “I don’t have the means to move there, but it would be so nice to get out of town and out of this job that makes me drive half an hour just to get here.”

“What makes it even worse is our manager.”

“I know right. Fat and selfish bastard. He probably watches porn all day in his office.” Shane huffed a laugh out of his nose. “Speaking of our manager, you shouldn’t hang around here too long or we’ll get in trouble. Once he yelled at me because I was leaning against the counter. He said, ‘_If you’re leaning, then get cleaning_’. Like, have you seen my area, it’s spotless. I’ve been so bored in this place that I actually _clean_ and that’s saying something.”

“I’ve heard cleaning is good for the mind. My friend says it helps clear her head.”

“I guess it does, I just would rather be doing something else.”

“Hey, and um... Jackie?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t let me buy alcohol anymore.”

Jackie grimaced. “Are you going cold turkey?”

“No, but I’m not supposed to be drinking with my medication. I still do, a little every day, not so much like I used to but... I want to be better.”

“Wow,” Her eyes widened. “Um, okay. I’ll tell you off if you do.”

“Thanks, I better be getting back to work.”

“Wait, Shane.” Turning, he looked at her. “You look happier. That’s good.”

Shane nodded sternly and began walking back to the spot he was cleaning. Her words hit him hard even with the lack of response. He clutched at his hoodie and sat down against the wall. It was getting hard to breathe.

Happier? Did he look happier? The only reason he could think of why was because of Penelo.

“God, I like her.” He whispered into his hands.

Penelo was cleaning the insides out of pumpkin among her crops on a tarpaulin. Her stall was set up close to the run-down community centre up on the hill close to the small playground that Leah, Elliot and her would sometimes have picnics. She could see the ocean from that height which she enjoyed glancing over at. No one seemed interested in carving so early in the morning. Often times the tourists would circle around the village centre eating and resting near the beach. Leah was busy selling her old paintings and carvings which made Penelo both happy for her friend and sad for herself.

Biting on her lip she looked at all the pumpkins and sighed to herself as she scooped another handful of pumpkin bits into a bucket.

Elliot began walking over from his nearby stall and sat quietly beside her. Penelo looked up at him and waited for him to say something.

“I don’t think people like reading anymore.” Elliot stated.

Penelo scoffed. “I read all the time.” She noted. “Mostly comics right now but I still read.”

“People come to talk to me but they don’t buy my stuff. Is five dollars for a small poetry book too much?”

“Too cheap.” Penelo sniffled. “Help me clean out these pumpkins if you’re going to sulk near me.” She grabbed a nearby pumpkin and placed it in his lap. Elliot jolted under the newfound weight. Elliot glanced down at it and felt his eyes sting. Penelo was busy drawing on a recently hollowed out one with her eyes wincing in concentration.

Taking a deep breath, Elliot parted his lips for a moment. “Maybe I should give up on writing.”

“Woah.” Penelo stopped and looked at him to make sure he was being serious. With the grim frown planted on his face, she sagged. “Don’t say that.” She said softly.

“I don’t know what else to do.” Elliot shrugged. “I’m trying so hard and I’m still here. I get my things published in magazines and papers and still nothing. I have my blog, my poetry books. It’s exhausting.”

“But you’ve made so much. I can’t say the same. You can look at your work and be proud you accomplished it.”

“What does it matter if I can’t live on it? I hate going to work.”

“I know what that’s like.” She grimaced. “I mean, even though no one is coming over here I can say I grew all these by myself. So I guess it isn’t so bad.” Penelo bit her lip. “It’s okay. We can figure everything out. I’m here for you. This doesn’t have to be forever. We’re both young.”

“Seeing Leah blossom makes me want to hate her.”

“Me too - a little. But I don’t think she’d care even if we did.”

“True.” Elliot looked up at the cloudy sky. “I should have put on sunscreen.”

“It is a bit humid. Strange, isn’t it? Since it’s been getting so cold lately.”

“I guess it’s good for the festival.”

“Morning Ms Blackbear.” They both turned to see Mayor Lewis wearing a red bow-tie against his clean dress shirt. Elliot turned to look at his friend who remained quiet in return, making him suspicious.

“How are you doing?” Elliot asked for her.

“Swell, hoping to see more people come in. It’s been good.”

“That’s good.” Elliot smiled lightly.

“Yes, well, I came here to ask for any pumpkins left over after the festival.”

“For Halloween?” Elliot’s eyebrows crinkled.

“Yes, it would be a good donation towards the village.”

“Oh...” Penelo frowned. She worked on her farm, working tirelessly every day in hopes they’d be healthy and ripe. Looking over the two hundred pumpkins that rested in piles and along the soft grass she felt sad thinking that giving up a part of what could help her income would be needed to given away for free.

“Wait, hold on a second.” Leah had come over which none of them had noticed. The stalls for her art and Elliot’s writing were both empty so it made sense to see her. All eyes were on her and it was clear to see that she wasn’t happy.

“Penelo isn’t just going to give you the leftovers for free. And how do you know that there will be any left over? If you wanted some pumpkins for Halloween then you should have planned a deal with her. She needs to survive for Winter.”

Elliot’s eyes widened with anticipation while Penelo watched grimly.

“I didn’t mean to come off as rude.” Lewis’s voice rose. “I didn’t think it would be such a problem. I apologise. Surely we can make a deal at the end of the festival when there’s more free time?”

“All of it will be gone by then.” Leah crossed her arms.

“Then how about twenty carved ones with a discount because it’s going to the Halloween event?”

“Uh, no,” Leah said sternly. “It’ll cost extra if you want them designed. That’s our time going into it and time is money. She could’ve given you a discount if you had talked with her earlier. It’s now, full price, extra for designed ones if you want them.”

It was as if his moustache was frowning with him. His tired old eyes seemed to flash in a way neither Elliot or Penelo had seen before.

“Alright, how much will that be?”

“Five hundred.” Leah stated before Penelo could finish opening her mouth. That was much more than the normal price it would add up to.

“Fine, here.” Lewis took out what looked to be a notebook out from his front pocket and began scribbling. He leaned over to Penelo on the ground and when she looked at it the paper was a written cheque.

“Happy to do business with you.” Leah smiled briefly and turned quickly before she could see the Mayor’s reaction.

Elliot watched as Mayor Lewis swallowed and lifted his head. When the Mayor left Penelo got up to talk to Leah who sat at her stall leaning against the counter.

“Thank you.” She said softly. “Why were you so upset?”

“Because he’s a scammer.” Leah pointed out. “He does this to everyone. Squeeze out everything they have for free. You don’t owe him anything.”

“Do you think he’ll find out about how you got an extra two hundred out of him?” Elliot asked.

“Maybe, but what does it matter? He agreed to it and he didn’t ask about it. What’s he going to do?”

“I mean, he could probably kick you off your land.” Elliot frowned.

“Then he’ll have to try.” Leah winced.

“Shane, get on the other checkout.” His boss Morris’s voice was a strain to Shane’s ears. Getting up from his chair in the staffroom, he slowly made his way out into the store with a scowl. Shane was taught to do operate the checkout but it wasn’t like he had ever actually served anyone before.

“Howdy.” Jackie smiled at him.

“Why do you look so happy?” Shane grumbled.

“You’ve never been up here, stops me from going crazy. It’s weird having to _work_ for my money for once.”

“I guess.” Shane took away the closed sign off the conveyor belt and waved for a customer in line to come to his checkout. Jackie chuckled behind him as she continued scanning.

“Hey, how are you?” Shane asked a young mother coming down his aisle as he gritted his teeth, nervously trying to remember what buttons to press to log into the machine. She smiled brightly and answered but the words didn’t reach him. Glancing at the clock as the conveyor belt began to lag and jolt, he wondered if it was even possible to sneak out.

Penelo was surprised to find an abundance of children coming over to learn to carve pumpkins. Handing their parents the sharp carving tools, she had the kids use their time to clean out pumpkins and draw on them.

Elliot had taken over the stall where both him and Leah were selling things so Leah could help. Most of Leah’s artworks had sold out with Elliot’s books still stacked, looking almost the same as it was since that morning. He didn’t seem as bothered as he was when he talked to Penelo but she still glanced over, wondering if he still thought about quitting.

Shane clocked out for his half an hour break, rushing through the back door to the grocery store and walking quickly towards the village centre. He was hoping to spend some time with Jas but deep down all he wanted to do was sit next to Penelo. He hoped she wasn’t busy but he swallowed that craving of being near her to head to the small petting zoo that Marnie had set up.

Jogging past a trail of people across the bridge, the image of people in the village was much more stressful than what he had thought it would look like in his head. It was hard to watch hundreds of people casually walking everywhere.

Seeing Marnie, he waved at her mouthing to her asking where Jas was. Marnie was stroking a sheep in a pen when her face twisted. She didn’t know.

Shane nodded in thanks and began to strut around the square. He spotted Emily with her face painted to make her look like a lion. He almost wanted to laugh but was much too nervous too in the crowd. He could see the Mayor spinning a gambling wheel for more gaming tokens and teenagers screaming excitedly hoping that it would spin in their favour.

Spotting Vincent sitting at the edge of the stage he walked over huffing. “Where’s Jasmine?”

Vincent shrugged. “The petting zoo probably.”

“I already checked.”

“Shane!” Shane felt his legs twitch as arms surrounded his stomach. Turning his head he saw his little cousin with a butterfly painted across her face.

“Hey princess,” He leaned down. “I don’t have much time so I can buy you some candy right now and anything else you want. I just have to leave in like fifteen minutes.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I know, I’d stay longer if we weren’t so busy but I’ll get caught.” He pet her head.

“I still want cotton candy and Clint has pretty jewellery boxes.”

“Alright, we’ll get those things.”

“Okay, Vincent, you gotta get off the stage we’re about to play.” Sam walked over to where his brother was sitting.

“Oh...” Vincent frowned.

“You have to either find mum or set on the stage steps over there.”

“Can’t I just stay here?”

“Sorry, Vince.” Abigail went to help him get down, lending her arm.

“Hey, Shane.” Sam smiled.

“Hi, uh...” Shane began to sweat more under the overbearing sun.

“I’m excited, never played in front of so many people before.” Sam’s face blushed pink for a moment. Shane couldn’t comprehend ever getting on stage for hundreds of eyes to be on him. He knew his anxiety would be skyrocketing. His heart pounded at the thought, respecting Sam a lot more.

“Come on Vincent, we can search for your mum while Shane gets me some cotton candy.”

“Okay.” Jas reached for Vincent’s hand aggressively but softly tugged him along as Shane eyed his cousin and they began walking towards the saloon. The saloon’s door was wide open with many tourists sitting out on the grass and at the booths inside near the windows enjoying the sunlight. He had never seen the place so lively. In his mind the place was meant to feel empty but watching so many people laugh and drink milkshakes, he started to feel more human.

He knew it was stupid to feel differently or be surprised but knowing he wasn’t special for being a usual patron at the restaurant made him remember that he was apart of something bigger – that there were people out there and he had forgotten that.

Gus gave them a cheesy grin that creased all the way to his big nose. “Shane, you’re back to work now!”

Shane looked down at his Joja hoodie. “It’s my first day back. I have to go back soon, I’m on my break.”

“Good you won’t miss too much of the music. What time do you finish?”

“Around four.”

“Won’t get to look around much then.” Gus tsked. “But hey, I’ll shout you some pizza tonight. You’re looking a lot better. Good on you.”

Shane swallowed hard. Before he could start feeling self-conscious his cousin began screaming for cotton candy. “Can Vincent have some?”

“I don’t know if his mum would allow it, so you have to share.”

“Okay.” Shane pulled his card out and quickly swiped, glancing around with darting eyes as he pressed his pin into the machine.

“You guys having fun?” Gus leaned closer to the children, resting his weight on the counter.

“Yes!” They said in unison.

“Made any friends?”

“A little.” Jas said pinching at the sticky pink.

“That’s good.”

“Mmhm.” Vincent said stuffing his mouth. Jas scowled at him for being greedy.

Shane glanced at his watch and pouted. He wanted to see Penelo and he only had ten more minutes left. He wondered if he should text her but then he decided against it. She’d know I like her if I annoyed her.

“Vincent, there you are.” Jodi walked over, reaching out her arms to pick him up. Vincent opened his arms as she lifted him up. “Oh, Shane, how are you doing? You look really good. You must be feeling better.”

Shane felt his heart shrivel. “I’ve been doing alright.”

“The music is about to start in a minute, you should come watch. My Sammy is playing. I’m so proud of him. But if they play songs with any swearing _I might just..._” She smiled with scarily wincing eyes. “But _anyways_, let’s hurry. I’m not the tallest and I’d hate to not see him performing.”

Before Shane could refuse Jas pulled his hoodie sleeve. He wanted to groan but kept his lips firmly together. His chest was in pain. All he ever seemed to want was to be near Penelo. It was driving him insane. He wanted to get to know her, make her smile.

“Hey, we’re Alien Children,” Sam spoke into the microphone. “We’ll be playing for the next hour. We’ll be playing some covers first and end with some of our own songs. Don’t forget to check all the stalls! Especially the pumpkin carving one! Our friend Penelo who runs it designed our banners with the help of our drumming master, Abigail.” Sam pointed over to the purple-haired girl who waved to the crowd. Shane glanced over at the colourful banners and gaped at the bright and vivid artwork. She was good. He had never seen any of her drawings before but if she could make something like that then he was shocked.

When working in Joja headquarters, Shane often had to look through ideas that were given to the board and talk to representatives from other companies about how they wanted to design or brand new products as well as other things. Reimagining the same Penelo from his past picking up the phone all day creating what was in front of him made his hands feel sweaty.

He used to think that people ended up in those low tier jobs because they were lazy or didn’t work hard enough. But there and then he felt like an asshole, judging people because of where they were. Even hearing from Jackie that she had to work half an hour away from her town for a minimum wage job to support her family made his eyes widen.

He thought he was better than everyone, that he was nothing now that he ended up at the bottom of the chain. But he was just like anyone else trying to get by and that gave him hope.

Abigail counted down and Sam strum loudly, leaving people screaming excitedly.

“Oh, my boy.” Jodi put her hand to her heart.

Shane looked down at Jas who gripped onto his pants and Jodi’s skirt with starry eyes. They were lucky enough to be close to the front for his little cousin to see but looking at the time he was starting to get nervous. Bending down, he leant close to her ear. “Jas, I gotta leave soon.”

“But you just got here.” She frowned. “And I wanted to show you the jewellery boxes.”

“I don’t have enough time.” He growled at himself. “I’m sorry princess. I can’t lose this job.”

“I wish you could stay all day.”

“Me too.”

Penelo walked around the back of the crowd in the square, hoping to find a good spot to watch the show. She couldn’t help smile looking at Sebastian up there strumming a bass near his keyboard as Sam’s smooth vocals stretched across the valley.

Groaning, she tried to push through to the front, politely saying excuse me as she brushed past people. Gasping, she spotted Shane and smiled. Sneaking behind him, she jabbed at his waist making him jump.

He turned swiftly to meet her eyes. Starstruck, he was sure he was looking at a dream.

“You look nice today.” She teased, pulling at the strings of his hoodie. He wasn’t sure where to put his hands but he was scared that his heart would make him reach out when it wasn’t appropriate to touch her. “Sorry, did I startle you?”

He didn’t want to admit how nervous he was around her. All he could do was think about his feelings. Every time he blinked it was like looking at a reimagining of her. She always dressed in a unique and different way even if it was the same shirts. She looked beautiful with her hair tied into twin braids and hoop earrings at her ears.

It was actually quite frightening how aroused he got when she was near him.

“Oh, thanks.” He swallowed awkwardly and looked away briefly. Penelo caught on quick and hummed questioningly. Following his gaze, he couldn’t help hesitantly turning his head again.

“What’s up with you?” She pulled him from both cheeks to force his eyes downwards.

His eyes were wide at the sudden touch of skin. She thought to herself that his face felt prickly despite looking clean-shaven. It was like they both had forgotten to blink. Shane breathed in as his eyes dropped to her cleavage. Spotting this, Penelo jolted and walked back.

“It’s been a long day, right?” She was playing it off like it hadn’t happened. Shane wasn’t sure if he should be thankful or disappointed. He wished she knew and he wished that it was perfect like how he fantasied about. But he knew all too well what reality was like and so he forced his feelings to stay in his stomach.

“Been up since four.” Shane frowned. “I, um-”

“Come visit my stall. I haven’t seen you all day.”

“Right, sorry.” He was just too afraid to look at her. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with him all of a sudden considering they had talked a lot already. The talked through text regularly, there shouldn’t have been a problem.

“It’s not a problem. It’s a really busy day.” She went and reached out to touch his arm. “Are you feeling alright?”

He felt like he was going to vomit.

“Do you need me to go get Harvey?” Her voice was haunting, making his body shake.

“I’m alright. I just have to go back to work soon.”

“Ah, forgot.” She then chuckled. “I should have known. You’re wearing your hoodie. It’s just, I mean, you always wear the hoodie. Maybe I just got used to it.”

“_I get excited when you come around,_” Sam’s sweet voice rung out, like honey melting in a boiling cup of tea. “_Won’t you try to make it right? I know I’ve been waiting_.”

Heart racing, he clutched his chest. “Oh, god.” He exhaled. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack or pass out. Was she some sort of witch to make him feel that way? Before he felt so light and strong all at the same time but now he was feeling sick just seeing her. He couldn’t comprehend it.

“Are you okay to go back, you’re looking really pale.” Penelo rested her hand against his chest.

_Why does she keep touching me?_

Forcing himself to breath, he opened his mouth to speak before Abigail’s words pierced through him. “_This time my heart can’t take much more._”

“I’ll be alright, I should head back now.” He felt his crotch itch and his eyes widened in fear. Clearing his throat, he gathered himself, wishing he wasn’t in public surrounded by people. “Can you take Jas to Clint’s stall later to buy her whatever box she wants.”

“Are you sure you trust me with your card?” She stared up at him.

“I’d trust you with my life.” He spilled out. “Okay, I better be going, see you Jas.”

“Oh, see you soon. Try sneak out before the festival ends.”

He nervously laughed as he went to tell Penelo his pin for his card over the loudspeakers nearby and strutted away. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He clutched his chest.

Penelo watched Shane’s back as he walked back towards Jojamart. She hoped he would be okay but she knew that she’d help him if anything would pop up so she wasn’t too worried. Leaning close to Jas she asked her if she wanted to sit on her shoulders. Jas’s face brightened.

While Shane walked over the bridge he stopped to breathe and look at the water. Sagging against the stone fence he could hear Abigail’s voice reach him despite the distance. “_I get a little lonely, get a little more close to me._

_You’re the only one who knows me, babe._

_So hot, you’re hurting my feelings_.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Shane’s face flushed.

Penelo stared down at his card as Jas held onto her. “_With my life?_” She muttered to herself with creased eyebrows.

The festival events seemed to go by much faster after the music show. Penelo enjoyed their own written songs a lot more than the covers but only because her friends had created them themselves. During the show, she brought Jas over to Clint and with being closer to his jewellery boxes she was in awe at how beautiful they were. She frowned when she heard the price but reluctantly still swiped Shane’s card. Near the end of the musical performance, she headed back to her stall to reopen and was surprised to see so many people come over to join her. She wanted to spend some time getting to know Jas more but with such a large group she had to divide her attention more. That still didn’t stop the young girl from following behind her the whole day.

Jas talked about turning into a dragon and wanting to be a princess which Penelo greatly enjoyed listening to. Jas admitted she had a dream about a prince and a dragon girl and Penelo responded with her own magical dreams and how she liked to draw the people in them.

“One day I’ll have to show you my drawings.”

“I drew the people in my dreams too. I have to show you too. Shane said he was going to ask you to draw the people for me but he said it’ll cost money.”

“That is true. I have to get paid for my work.” Penelo pouted.

“Is five dollars enough?”

Penelo tried not to cringe. “Well, when’s your birthday.”

“Summer.”

“Not for a while.” She tsked. “Well, I’ll have a talk with your cousin.”

“Okay.” Jas smiled.

Nearing an hour before the festival would come to a close, Penelo only had what she had for Lewis and a few pumpkins left behind. With her and her two best friends roughly counting their earnings before cleaning up and putting things away in their cars Penelo and Elliot sagged.

“I don’t know if I’ll survive this Winter.” Penelo’s eyes glistened. Elliot twitched in his seat staring at his barren stall.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. I can help.” Leah stroked her friend’s back.

Groaning, Elliot barked, “I’m tired of feeling like a failure.” Elliot bolted up from his chair and began to storm off.

“Elliot-”

“Leave him alone for a little bit.” Penelo gripped her friend’s hand.

Leah watched him walk before turning back to Penelo. “I feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad because you did well today.” Penelo tried to smile. “We’re happy for you. It’s just...”

“I get it.” Leah interrupted. “But sometimes I forget how I’m lucky to know how to survive. Elliot was raised in a high-class family. All they wanted for him was to be successful. The fact that he wants to follow his dreams and it’s like this. I don’t know... It’s not fair.”

Penelo frowned. “I think it’s okay if he takes a break from writing. But if he were to give up, I think it would break my heart as well.” Leah mumbled in agreement and went to hug each other.

“We’ll be here. And I’ll be here.”

“I may have sold almost everything but... I’d be scraping by with everything I’ve earned. I don’t know why I thought to be so hopeful. I wish more people wanted the carved ones or to learn to carve more so I could get more money. Maybe I should have planted more, worked harder on the farm. It’s going to be so cold, I just-”

“Penelo, it’ll be alright.” Leah kissed her friend’s head. Attempting to let go of the stressful thoughts of where to go next she leaned into Leah’s arms and felt tears soak her face.

Wanting to be aline, Penelo spent the rest of her the last hour at the fair walking around. As the other villagers began to pack up too she would ask how they did but never stayed long enough to have a chat. Some tourists still lingered, watching the sunset at the beach and having a meal at the saloon.

She spotted Alex who looked to be finished with work and Emily calling out at him and Haley as they posed in front of decorative screens dressed in beautiful outfits. Spotting Penelo, Emily called her over. Even with her casual clothes, they took pictures with her in it. Feeling happy to be included she offered them leftover pumpkins if they wanted.

Emily took one and hugged her tightly which surprised her.

Marnie packed up all her animals in a big cage built over a trailer and waved goodbye to everyone. Willy helped clean up the decorations in the saloon before going inside and talking to a very tired Caroline who was dressed in a beautiful dress. She had been giving out fortune readings all day and didn’t respond much but still smiled and listened in to the old man with her head rested on the table in front of her.

Demetrius and Robin argued playfully as he helped his wife pack up the rest of her wooden crafts. She tried to put herself in Sebastian’s shoes and wondered what it would be like to see them through his eyes. Watching they touch each other nonchalantly and kiss each other’s cheeks as they barked at each other, she began to feel sour. She knew they were in love, but with how much hurt Demetrius had caused her friend she wasn’t sure if it was okay to like him. But seeing him care for his wife and bicker over her she at least knew what even if they seemed to clash sometimes that they weren’t going to break up anytime soon.

Sighing, she went into the saloon and looked for an empty booth to collapse into. All she wanted now was a big pizza and to sleep.

Before she could turn around to look into the game room for a couch to rest on she stopped at the last booth spotting Shane with his mouth half-full chewing at the end of a pizza slice.

“Well, hello.”

Shane wondered if he could run away but it was too late once she slid into the booth with him. “What pizza is this?”

“Cheesy gar-ric.” He tried to say.

“_God_, can I have some?”

He nodded, trying to chew fast so he could talk properly.

Reaching over she asked if it was hot and he shook his head. “I’m so fucking tired.” She sighed. “Which feels a little weird. I usually do a lot more during the day. Maybe it’s because of all the people.”

“It’s definitely the people.” Shane’s eyes darkened.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She chewed. “It’s weird seeing this place have more than five people in it.”

“I know.”

She went to get a better look at him. His hoodie looked a lot cleaner than most times she had seen him wear it over the period of time since she arrived in Pelican Town. Despite missing his hair when it was longer she appreciated how he was looking a lot cleaner. Compared to the Shane she first met she couldn’t help but smile.

Wondering if she looked any different over the course of the recent months, she frowned. “Shane, do you think I’m pretty?”

He almost choked. “Uh, um...”

“God, sorry, don’t die.” She laughed, reaching over to try to pat him but she could only reach the back of his hand. Twisting his legs over he blushed.

“You’re very pretty.”

“Really?” She boomed. “Are you lying?”

“No.”

“Hm, I guess I should believe you because you don’t lie.”

“Neither do you.”

“Well, I try not to. It’s hard to lie anyways.”

“It’s not hard to lie when it comes to what you tell yourself.”

“That is very true.” She pointed at him. “To be honest, I was wondering if I looked any better than I did before. Whether that be a couple of months or more. I was never the pretty one in high school. I didn’t even have friends back then. I’ve never had a boyfriend, at least, not a real one. I feel embarrassed. I like to think I’m a good person, but am I lacking if I’ve gone this not really having had anyone for more than like, I don’t know, a couple of months?”

Shane wanted to tell her that what she was saying wasn’t true. That she was wonderful in every way that he knew her. They hadn’t talked much, not until recently, but what he did know of her was that she was genuine and sweet and she always had the truest of intentions.

“I shouldn’t blame my looks.” She nervously laughed as she stuffed the last of her pizza slice in her mouth.

“You’re great.” He stated in a serious tone. Penelo played with her hair, knowing that Shane always sounded serious but this time it felt different and it made her nervous. “And you’re very pretty. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I don’t agree with that but I’ll take your word for it.”

Shane tried to find the right words to say. “Well, I can’t tell you all the reasons why I think you’re great but I can tell you that I mean it.”

“Thanks.” She smiled.

He smiled briefly in return. Giggling to herself, she held onto a new slice and looked down at the wooden swirls in the table. “I’m glad I met you.” Shane’s eyes froze on her pursed lips.

This time he couldn’t believe what Penelo was saying. Looking up at her brown eyes his mouth parted and he winced at her. He hadn’t heard anyone say anything like that to him. At least, it wasn’t coming from Marnie or Jas, but from someone he had met – _a friend._

“Thanks.” He felt like his chest was blossoming with a giant flower that was pressing against all his other organs, making it hard to feel or breathe. “You too.” He wanted her to know he meant it. He knew he probably meant it much more than how she did with him. She had saved his life, gave him closure and a reason to keep going.

He was scared. He was scared of the feelings that flooded more and more every day. He was telling himself it was irrational. That they didn’t know each other well enough. But when he thought about all the one night stands and girls he dated in the city, that his friendship with Penelo felt so much more real. It might’ve been a few months but his heart was screaming at him. He wanted to say she was the one, that he wanted to have someone like Penelo who was honest and understanding just like her.

For a moment, he let go of reality and even the illusions of a future with her he had created in his head when they first met. They were together in that moment and in that moment he wanted to believe that there could be hope for something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/track/3EZvhNCLA30qUZT2LMDYRL?si=Q3KE_qi1Tei5rWXarrPz-Q
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1hjQ3EARnSDznlLaXaWAhf?si=bhL2Y4LcSsyN5005uNfcmQ


	10. Chapter Ten - Rearranging Thoughts

Shane watched Jas sleepily as she folded the edges of the paper in her hands against the table. His eyelids threatened to close shut and his wrist was giving out from holding his head up. His body wasn’t used to all the work and despite always being tired even with proper sleep now, he was really starting to feel it. He felt his body heave with every breath and his blood pumping to his sore feet.

“I don’t think I’m doing this right.” Jas grumbled as she bit the edge of her lip.

“Let me look.” Shane tried not to yawn as he offered his hand. Looking at the piece of paper and then the instructions sprawled across the table he sniffled and unfolded the mess his little cousin had made for herself. Following from step one slowly he made a small noise as it clicked in his head. “This is where you messed up, see here, this is what it meant.” Jas scooted at the edge of her seat and watched intently.

“Oh.” She gaped loudly. Handing it back to her she seemed to get back into the hang of her assessment.

“I don’t think origami instructions are very clear.” Shane grumbled.

“I don’t think so either.” She agreed.

“I can still make an aeroplane easily though.”

“Yeah, but you’re a boy and all boys know how to do that.”

“Hm, maybe.” Shane yawned loudly.

“Sh,” Jas’s eyebrows twitched. “I’m concentrating.”

“Sorry.”

“Maybe you should go to bed, love.” Marnie walked in with a towel wrapped around her head and her arms holding both sides of her waist.

“Yeah, but it’s a bit early.”

“It’s nine,” Marnie’s voice strained. “This is very late.” Her eyes shot at Jas quickly then back to Shane.

“God, you’re right. It’s so late. We should all get to bed.” He pulled himself up and reached out his hand to Jas. “I’ll tuck you in.”

“Are you sure?” Marnie’s eyes wrinkled.

Shane nodded lightly with a small smile at the edge of his lips.

“I’ve almost got it though.” Jas whined.

“We can get up early and before I go to work we can finish the rest of it.”

“Alright.” She pouted.

Lifting Jas in his arms he groaned under her weight. Carrying her to her bedroom, he rested her carefully into her bed and covered her up in a blanket. While Jas was taking out her pigtails she pushed herself to rest onto her pillows while Shane looked through the selected library picture books Jas had on her dresser.

“Which one do you want me to read?”

“I don’t want you to read me a picture book.”

“Then what do you want me to read?” Shane raised a brow.

“I want you to start reading me a novel, there.” She pointed to her bookcase and he pulled out a small book.

“What’s this about?”

“A dragon.”

“Oh, yeah?” He laughed. Flipping to the first chapter she gasped, telling him to wait. “What is it?”

“You’re old, so when are you going to get married.”

Shane refrained from wanting to smack a child. “I’m not that old.”

“Yes, you are.” She said in a matter-of-fact like tone. “I think you should ask someone in the town.”

“I don’t know anyone that well here and love takes time. Marriage is a serious commitment. You’re just lucky that you’ve found someone like Vincent.” Sighing, he pinched his nose. “Your mum isn’t married, why me?”

“You’re different, plus she’s dating the Mayor. You have no one.”

“Jas, you’re hurting my feelings.”

“Oh, sorry.” Looking down she blushed. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m alright.”

“But... If Penelo didn’t find you then you wouldn’t be here anymore.” Shane took a sharp inhale.

“Look, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m just living my life. Things always change. For now, I’m just here and it’s okay.”

“Alright, but I want you to get married soon. I want to be a flower girl.”

“You can be a flower girl for your mum one day.”

“I hope not.” She scrunched her face. “At least not with the Mayor. I think he’s gross.”

“Me too.”

“I hate his moustache. It’s big and ugly. Not like Doctor Harvey’s, his one is short and clean.”

“And he’s really short.”

“Like a baby.”

“Yeah, like a baby.” Shane nestled close to her in his chair and sighed. “Ready for the book?”

“Yeah.”

Penelo sat across from Sebastian who was eating a toastie and scrolling down a webpage with his free hand at his laptop. She bit the inside of her cheek. “Are you sure you’ll be alright going home?”

“Yeah, I just want to stay here till they’ve finished with dinner. I don’t want to eat with them.” He scratched the back of his neck, continuing to scroll, his eyes glued to the screen.

Sighing, she crumpled into her seat making it creak. Sebastian took a long moment before looking over at her. She had her head leaning back and she was staring up at the stained ceiling. Smiling to himself he finished off his dinner and leaned against the table.

“What are you thinking about?”

She fumbled with her bottom lip. “I don’t know, but I feel weird.”

“A good weird or a bad weird?”

“Bad.” She grumbled.

Sebastian considered making a joke about how it was probably because he was leaving after almost a week of staying at her house. He knew she didn’t struggle with being alone but maybe she had grown comfortable having someone around. He wondered what she would do in the days to come with her pumpkins all collected and Winter at their doorstep within the next month.

Frowning, he remembered that he had something to look forward to now that he was working seriously to moving to the city. Penelo didn’t have anything. Even with all her hobbies and potentially a lot to worry about she still didn’t have anything to give her purpose other than survival and he knew that could be tiring.

“Hey, it’ll be okay.” He said softly wanting to reach out and hold her close but remained where he was. “This isn’t forever. Soon it’ll be Summer again and you’ll be in a fixed-up house and you’ll be painting so much that you can’t think of going a day without it.”

“I want that.” She admitted. “But I sometimes think of how it might change me if my art is what I rely on to survive. Will I become numb? Lose creativity? Will I stop enjoying it? I’m not in a bad situation but I’m so restless. I’m so uncomfortable. It drives me mad when I remember this feeling. I thought I’d like this freedom but when I think about having this scheduled life back in the city I just want to stomp my feet I get so, I don’t know, just feel wrong.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” She sat up only to slump in her seat. “I don’t know how to fix it.”

“That’s okay,” Sebastian said. “Sometimes these things are inevitable. You just have to push through it and soon you’ll forget this even happened.”

Playing with her hands, she looked to the floor. “I’m scared to be alone like this.”

“I’m a phone call away.” He assured her.

Glancing at the clock in the kitchen she frowned at the lateness. She wondered if she could even try to sleep with a heavy mind. Sebastian stood up and closed his laptop. “I think I should head back soon. Mum might get worried and I don’t want to have to listen to her.”

“Okay.”

Seb stifled a laugh. “Want me to show you a song I’ve been working on?”

Penelo’s eyes lit up. “Of course.”

Smiling, he reopened his laptop and tapped in his password. After a short minute, he glanced to see if she was ready. Leaning in close with her eyes glued to the music program he felt his chest rise. He mumbled to her before clicking start.

She watched a line move across the screen going through patterns and columns of scribbles. It was a soft techno beat that reminded her of walking along the city streets after work as the sun would set. She remembered the light in the leaves and the sound of cars rushing by. It was comforting, homely.

Sebastian was growing nervous the more he watched her face tighten as the song played out. After the two minutes of melodies it ended.

“It’s beautiful. It reminds me of a lot of nice things.”

“So it helped?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

Scooting over he went to rub her back. Leaning into him, she felt melancholy.

Penelo pulled at the weeds and the leftover stalks and plants withering in the dirt where her pumpkin patch once was. The birds sang sweetly and she took a moment to let the Autumn breeze brush against her cheeks.

Pausing, she glanced up at the mountains and felt a sinking feeling in her chest. “Why am I so sad?” She questioned to herself. She wondered maybe if it was her seasonal depression with Winter so close by but she doubted that was the only thing affecting her.

After finishing up cleaning her yard she went inside to have a second coffee of the morning and went to get her cellphone off her charger. Scrolling through her contacts she clicked on her city friend’s number and pressed call.

After about ten or so seconds she heard a rustling on the other end.

“Pen? Is that you?” The voice was a smooth men’s voice.

“Hey Eric,” She sighed with relief.

“What the fuck!” He squealed. “It’s been too long, how have you been? I tell you, the office is so fucking boring I wish I could run away to some middle of nowhere just like you.”

“Ugh, I don’t know, I’m feeling down. It’s weird because I’ve been doing well.”

“Met any boys?” He teased.

“Eric,” She laughed. “Actually, well, I don’t know.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“There’s this really handsome guy. He actually used to work in the office like last year. But I don’t know if he feels the same way. He’s also sort of depressed and I don’t know if that’s good to get into.”

“Who? I might remember him!”

“Shane.”

“Shane... There’s a few Shane’s...” He tsked. “Shane Roberts?”

“I don’t know his last name.” She said truthfully.

“What does he look like?”

“He used to be at the head of the company. Communications and advertisement team. Used to look really clean. About six foot two. Dark hair and eyes.”

“_THAT SHANE?_”

“Yeah.”

“He lives there? What the fuck!”

Penelo started to second guess if it was a good idea calling Eric but she couldn’t help but smile.

“Depressed? He was always so ballsy and manly. Pretty sure he fucked around a lot and went to bars and stuff. Was really fit, is he still fit?”

“Not really. Squishy. Probably got a bit of a chub, skinny though. Well, more like slender.”

“I’m _so_ sure that Shane used to fuck around. I remember the girls in administration would talk about how they wanted to get with him.”

“I don’t think he’s like that now. But I didn’t know that.”

“Hm, yeah. Wouldn’t recommend a girl like you to lose your virginity to him.”

“_ERIC!_”

“What? I’m just telling you how it is! You’re getting fucking old. If it wasn’t into penises I’d help you out.” Penelo shut her eyes and pinched her nose. “So, when are you coming to visit?”

“Ugh, I can’t. I don’t know if I’ll survive this Winter. I can’t afford to travel to the city. I know it’s an hour drive but it still is pushing it.”

“How about I see you one weekend!”

“Can you even _drive_ yet?”

“I’ll just catch the train!”

“You could stay the night but it’s really shit here. No aircon. My house is really cold. It’s not nice, I’m telling you.”

“I’ll just consider it camping but indoors then!”

“Hey, I really miss you. Sorry I haven’t been keeping in contact with you and some of the girls from the office.”

“We all have lives going on. I could say the same. We haven’t talked in months, but hey, that’s okay! I’m looking forward to seeing you. I’ll tell you when I have a long weekend off. I hope you’ve been alright though?”

“It’s been really good actually. I’ve made a lot of friends. It’s such a tightly knit community. But I just feel sad sometimes. That’s why I called, I just needed to tell someone but I... I didn’t want to talk to anyone from the village about it. I know there are people who can keep secrets here but even still word can get around fast. Everyone is going through their own stuff right now.”

“I totally get it. But hey, I might get in trouble if I talk too long, I’m actually supposed to be working right now and I haven’t got caught. I love you and take care of yourself. I’d help you if I could but I’ve got a lot going on money-wise.”

“No, I’m okay. I don’t like borrowing money. I want to do this on my own.”

“You say that all the time. Please don’t suffer because you don’t like asking for help. But seriously, I’ll come visit you, alright? And be careful with that Shane guy. I know you say he’s different but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a man-whore back in the day. If you stalk some of the girls from administration online you might find some photos of him at the clubs and stuff.”

“You’re a bad influence! I don’t want to be like that.”

“Haha, well, now I know you’re going to do it.”

“Ugh, I hate you.”

“You love me.” Eric giggled. “Oh shit, got to go.”

“Well, I’ll see-” She heard the phone beep and she went to look at the screen to see that he quickly hung up. “Ugh.” She groaned again.

Shane rubbed his eye and he mopped the Jojamart floor.

Feeling something touch his head he turned to see where it came from. Jackie was aiming another balled up receipt at him with an elastic band around her fingers.

“You know I have to clean that up?” He said dropping tot he ground to pick up the ball on the ground.

“You’re getting paid for it.”

Sighing, he threw the rubbish in a nearby bin attached to the cart next to him. He felt another receipt hit his hair. “I’m serious.”

“Are you going to tell on me or what?”

“I could.”

“You won’t.” She said sagging against the checkout. “I’m going to do some facing.” She groaned as she walked around the counter to the sweets display, tidying it up so it would look more presentable.

“So, about you helping me get a job in the city, is that still up for offer?” He turned to look at her but she purposely kept her eyes with her hands.

“I mean, I could try.”

“It’s just... I take care of my siblings and I really just want to move out of town. I’ve thought about bringing them here but it’s not like there are houses for sale lying around. I don’t even get paid a living wage. If I moved to the city, they’d have so many more opportunities. I’m scared they’ll get into drugs like my mum and dad. Sometimes they come visit us and make a mess of things. I want to leave. I want to run away.”

Shane ached. He knew exactly what it was like to feel like running away. He did run away but for a bad reason. He had everything and he gave it all up.

“I’ll call into headquarters this weekend. I have friends there.” He regretted calling them friends as soon as the words fell out of his mouth. “_Some people __I know I mean._ I could get you into a low tier administration or data entry job. It’s not a fun job, very busy, but you’ll be paid a living wage, even with living in the city.”

“As long as there’s something, you know? Is it cool if I send you my resume on Facebook?”

“Uh, I actually...” He deleted his Facebook. “Sure.” He smiled briefly. He didn’t like the idea of getting social media again but it was to help someone. “It’s Shane Roberts. I think my photo is from last year so I’ll look a little different.”

“Okay.” Jackie smiled. “Thanks. Even if it doesn’t work out, I mean it, thank you.”

Elliott heard a small knock at his cabin door. He put his spray bottle down from his small bonsai tree and pushed back his chair to answer the door. Prying the wooden thing open he looked down at Penelo who was hugging a handbag to her chest.

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing. Has Leah come to visit?”

“She messaged me to go foraging with her but I said no.” Elliott pulled back his strawberry blond hair. “I, um...”

“I brought some of Sebastian’s comics to share before I give them back to him. I thought maybe they’d inspire you.”

“Penelo...”

“Come, sit.” Penelo sat on the old mat that rested on the old wooden floor and began to pull out plastic-covered books onto the floor. Elliott felt his body pull to the ground as he closed his door and went to cross his legs as he sat across from her. He watched her take the comics out cheerily, her brown and green hair falling out from her messy bun. He felt numb, hoping to find some sort of new feeling in watching her. Maybe if he paid enough attention to her he would be human again or maybe a little more like he had a purpose.

“I’ve been reading this series here. I know you’re a bit into sci-fi. You’ve been struggling to pick what sort of novel you want to write so maybe words with imagery could help. I used to read a lot of manga growing up in bed on my phone. I know you could do the same, but be careful with your eyes. It’s not good to look at your phone before bed.”

“Penelo.” Elliott reached out, placing his thin hands over hers. She paused and went to look at him but he struggled to find words. “I just can’t seem to write anymore. I know you’re trying to help, but I just don’t want to think about any of it right now.”

“Then... What can I do?”

“You don’t have to do anything. I just want to figure things out and if I need your help I’ll ask for it.”

Penelo tilted her head then scooted over to lean on his shoulder. “Sorry if bringing all of this hurt your feelings.”

“It’s okay.”

“I know what it’s like. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Do you think you’re feeling this way because of work?”

“A little.”

“Do you miss being rich?”

“Parts of it.”

“Hm...”

“I like it here though. The ocean, the people. It’s so quiet. It’s beautiful. I feel like I’m a part of the earth here. But lately, I’ve been struggling to feel like a person. It’s hard to write because I don’t understand life anymore.”

“Oh, Elliott...”

“It could be worse.”

“It could be better.”

“I know.”

Penelo shifted herself and took her weight off of him. “I love you. It’s not forever.” She began to play with his hair, pulling her fingers through his strands.

“Thank you.” He smiled and kissed her head. He reached out his arm and pulled her close. Despite feeling a bit uncomfortable positioned that way she didn’t complain.

The sun was setting as Shane exited Jojamart. Shane wished Penelo had messaged him all day but her name didn’t pop up on his screen once when he went to check it throughout his shift. He oftentimes was nervous to be the one to talk first but he felt so frustrated and void of her attention he couldn’t help send something. Sending a small frog emoji he stuffed his phone in his pocket hoping for it to vibrate soon after.

Waving goodbye to Jackie as she hopped in her car Shane began heading towards the bridge back into the town centre.

Getting close to the river he stopped in his tracks as he spotted Penelo sprawled out at the edge of the running water like a starfish looking up at the clouds. Smiling to himself, he tried to keep his heart from racing. Clearing his throat and checking his work hoodie for wrinkles, he began walking over.

_Don’t get a boner._

Penelo winced as the grass near her ears began to crunch and a shadow of a face came into view. She swore for a second that Shane looked like an angel there and then. He was so handsome with his stubble darkening his jaw and his hair falling over his forehead. She could easily imagine in some alternative universe she’d reach up and kiss him just because of how beautiful she thought he was.

His dark eyes were comforting – comforting enough to forget about the thoughts that skipped around her head while she watched the clouds form and mould above her.

“Hey.” Her face remained still.

“What are you doing?” He asked, kneeling down with both his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Thinking.”

“_Here?_”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” He scoffed and sat down beside her. Penelo turned her head and glanced up at his long lashes.

“You’ve got really pretty eyelashes for a boy.”

His face twisted. “Is that a good thing?”

“I think so.” She bit her lip. “Do you think it was a good idea we both left Joja headquarters?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, was it worth it? We don’t make as much as we used to, especially you. Well, I wouldn’t consider I even have a job so both of us really. I thought I’d feel better. I put having freedom on such a high pedestal but now that I’m here I just have different reasons to be sad.”

“Yeah, everywhere you go there’s something to be upset about.”

“I was hoping we could catch up.” Shane felt a tug at his chest. Looking down at her he spotted her watching him. Startled, he turned his eyes away. “I feel like I can only talk to you about these things. Everyone else is so optimistic or busy or something. You don’t act so phased by it.”

Shane wanted to tell her that he had never talked to anyone like the way they talked to each other before. He hadn’t met anyone as understanding like her or so self-aware. Sometimes he felt like when he was near her he felt a little more transparent and was comforting.

“I think I’m happy I left Joja when I did.” He admitted. “I miss it but I needed to get away.”

“Yeah?”

“I want to go back though.”

“Even when everyone in your department was fake?”

“It was a good distraction.”

“Will you go back?”

Shane’s brows twitched. The silence spoke volumes. Penelo pushed herself up and watched him look down at his hands in silence.

“I don’t want you to go.” Shane’s breath hitched. “We just became friends,” She turned away, withering. “Sebastian is leaving soon and everyone is in their own world. I think I’d feel lonely if you were gone. I think we wouldn’t be able to talk if you were far away. I think you’d be gone and then it would be like you weren’t even here.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Smiling she went to touch his arm briefly. “Good, I think I would’ve actually cried if you told me you were leaving.” Hugging her chest she rested her head on her knees.

“What do you think you’re going to do then? What are your plans?”

He shrugged.

“Have you been okay?”

“Um.” He squinted. “I don’t know? It’s hard to say. Not bad but not good. I wouldn’t say I’m fine either.”

“Existing.”

“Even that sounds tiresome.”

“Hm?” She nudged him playfully. “I think you’re thinking too hard.”

“This is just normal for me.” He said solemnly.

“Yeah, I can tell.” She sighed childishly, pouting as she spread her legs out and slumped over. “I called my friend today, Eric, from the office. I thought calling someone from back home would help. Maybe I’d remember there was a world outside Pelican Town for more than a second. But I kind of regret it. I’m not saying I don’t miss some of the people there but it makes me feel a little more lonely.”

“Then we should plan to do more so you don’t feel that way.” Shane’s lips quirked.

“What would we do?”

“We could watch a movie.”

“I have a box TV and I don’t think I’d want to be watching stuff with your family around.” She grimaced.

“I mean in the cinema, we can go to the city over since it’s not as expensive as the city.”

“I can’t afford that.”

“I’ll pay.”

“No thanks.” She said quickly.

“I’m not paying for alcohol anymore, well, not as much. I’ve got enough to spend.”

“Are you sure?” She winced.

“Of course.” He spoke softly. “What sort of movies do you like?”

“_Good ones._” She laughed. “One that makes me feel or think. I don’t care about how cool something is, I just want it to make me feel something.”

“Are you scared of horror?”

“Mm, not really. I watch horror quite regularly actually. A lot of it is rubbish though. But hate ghost stuff.”

“Whys that?”

“Because a part of me feels like it could be real.”

Shane snorted.

“Hey! It’s not funny.”

“Sorry.” He smirked.

“I don’t believe in ghosts but sometimes I doubt it. I’m sceptical.”

“I don’t think they exist.”

“I wish I could say that confidentially. I remember when I was a kid I’d see things I couldn’t explain. I wonder if that stuff fades away when you grow up.”

“What sort of stuff?”

“I swear I could levitate at one point. I know that sounds stupid but I swear to god it felt so real back when I was a kid. I swore I saw ghosts or like old memories of people. Like, I’d look at the road and see someone getting run over but then I blink and it’s not there.”

“That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah. They were probably just dreams though.”

“I used to have lots of interesting dreams as a kid but I don’t think I remember any anymore or even have any anymore.”

“It’s probably your bad sleeping schedule.”

“I’m getting better at it.” He turned to look at her seriously.

“That’s good.” She put her hand on his arm. “I’m really happy you’re doing well. You’re wonderful.”

Shane tried not to smile but failed.

“Wanna lie on the beach till it’s dark?” She said casually.

Shane blinked at her for a moment. He wanted to reach out and kiss her and hold her close but instead clenched his hands. “Yeah.” He didn’t want to sound like he was about to cry but he strangely felt like he wanted to. It was like he wanted someone to ask him that for the longest time but he had never once thought about it. Getting up, she reached her hand to help him up.

Taking it, he sneakily held on tight and pulled her down. He was stronger than her which surprised him and she tumbled down next to him.

“Fuck you.” She heaved with a smile.


	11. Chapter Eleven - Halloween

Leah hummed as she carved into the pumpkin carefully that rested on her lap close to her face. The sound of the knife slicing through the vegetable’s shell made Penelo shiver. Breathing through her mouth, she turned to look at her friend before blindly turning her head back to the view of her clean but barren farm in front of her.

She felt strange inside. It was a feeling she equally wanted to crush and also leave it be to blossom. Shane was handsome and it made her nervous the more she got to know him. She liked his rough face and she liked the sound of his voice – especially when he laughed because it was rare to hear. It was thrilling to be the one making him happy. Knowing that he was staying in Pelican Town was reassuring. Even having friends near her, the memories she made with him seemed to echo more than any others.

The night before where they waited for the sun to go down she glanced at Shane and knew for a fact she had a small crush on him. After hearing about what Eric had to say about Shane she couldn’t seem to be that happy about it. She was inexperienced in a lot of ways and knowing someone was ahead of her in that department that she was interested in was frightening.

“Are you dressing up for Halloween?” Leah asked, snapping Penelo out of her own head.

“Is that a thing here?”

“I guess, I don’t know. The mums don’t participate that much. It’s not weird if you do dress in costume though.”

“What is Halloween like here?”

“We all eat together. There’s a maze too, supposedly there’s a present for whoever gets to the end. I like the food.”

“Who makes the food?”

“Mostly Gus, the mayor will probably ask everyone to help.”

“Hey, why were you so angry at the festival?”

“At Mayor Lewis?” Penelo nodded. “He’s scammed me before when I moved here. I bought the house I’m in now for a really low price because I was going to fix it up. The place was rotting really, just falling apart. He’s really slimy. Told me about all these supposed rules and stuff I had to follow and I had to pay him extra money. I went to the library and asked Gunther about it because he knows all the records and stuff for the town. All of it was more like a charity than rules I had to follow by. I argued for my money back because I really needed any amount to help renovate but he said it was already done. Just ticks me off. Everyone also complains about a lot of the things he does but no one ever does anything about it.”

“Reminds me of my old bosses.” Penelo sighed. “Everyone always said to just take it. Has no one tried to run him out of the position?”

“I don’t know, he’s apparently always been the mayor, been here the longest. Willy, your grandad and him were all the first people to make this town.”

“Wasn’t this place a mining town like a hundred or so years ago?”

“Just a base, not really a town. Now we’re more like a pit-stop from the next town over to the city.”

“Hm,” Penelo hummed. “I suppose that isn’t so bad.”

“Yeah, even still, he lives in that_ big mansion_ and he told me to give him money when I was sleeping in a house with_ no roof_. Like, who do you think you are?”

Penelo frowned. She always felt a little uncomfortable around him but she could never quite put her finger on why. She wanted to blame his moustache but seeing doctor Harvey wear something similar on his face made her realise it wasn’t that. Hearing the amount of passion Leah expressed against him made it an easy turnaround with her perception of the man.

“He gave me the right amount of cut off when it came to selling the melons in Summer though.”

“I think that’s just because you’re his dead friend’s granddaughter. _Jeez_, sorry, that was a bit grim.” Leah stopped and put her tools down to give Penelo her full attention. “Shit, I mean it, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Penelo shrugged, unsure if she was supposed to feel upset.

“And also having a farm running up again is good for the village. Evelyn told me all about what it was like with your granddad around. Fresh food for everyone and milk, just cheaper and more personal.”

“I don’t know how long I’ll take after my grandpa though,” Penelo winced. “I want to create art. I only decided to do this because it was right in front of me.”

“Yeah.” Leah scooted closer to her. “Don’t worry about this town. It ran without a farmer for years, do what makes _you_ happy.”

“Yeah.” Penelo echoed and kept her next thoughts to herself. She wasn’t sure _what_ was going to make her happy.

Shane tapped his knee as he sat cross-legged on his freshly made bed. The sound of the phone ringing near his ear was giving him anxiety and he knew that if he wasn’t properly taking his medication then the situation would feel much direr than it really was.

Shutting his eyes tightly, he wished he could teleport to somewhere new and safe.

“Hello?” The voice on the other side was a clear man’s voice sounding puzzled.

“Hey Arthur, it’s Shane.”

“Roberts?” Before Shane could say yes the voice boomed with laughter. “How long has it been? Like a year? Fuck, dude, where have you been? How are you?”

“I’ve been alright,” Shane couldn’t help but smile. It was nice hearing his friend’s voice again – _even_ if he wasn’t confident in calling Arthur a friend. “Hey, I need some help.”

“Yeah, not a problem!”

“I work at the Jojamart here in Pelican Town, just shelving though-”

“Shelving? Like, as shelving-_shelving?_”

“Yeah, it’s not great but-”

“But why? You were in the communications and advertisement team here at headquarters? You’d be getting paid half your usual salary. You could have asked to take the manager position there if you had told me earlier.”

“I didn’t want to take someone else’s job.”

“That’s hardly an issue.” Arthur scoffed. “We could have moved the manager somewhere else. Demote or promote the guy depending on what you say he’s like. I trust your word.”

“It’s okay.”

“Are you working enough hours then?”

“I’m working good hours.”

“I can get you a raise.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s not fair to the others working here.”

Shane could hear Arthur’s office chair creak on the other side of the line. “Well, hey, don’t be afraid to ask for that to change. So what did you need help with?”

“My coworker Jackie who runs the checkouts wants to move to the city but she can’t without having a job secured. She doesn’t have much of an education but she’s struggling to take care of her siblings which are under her custody.”

“Yikes, that doesn’t sound fun.”

“Yeah...”

“I mean, what qualifications does she have?”

“Just a level two high school diploma.”

“Shane-”

“I know. But we have a lot of people on the phones and doing data entry who have just come out of high school who rise up and learn quickly. She’s clearly aching to do something more than just sitting around an empty town.”

“Do you have her details?”

“I can email them to you.”

“I’ll have to look into that department.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Cool. So, is that all you’ve been doing? Just stocking and shelving?”

Shane looked down at the small chub of his stomach stretching his shirt and sighed, pulling at the folds of cloth. “Yeah, it’s really quiet here. It’s different.” He gritted his teeth for a moment. “I can’t say if I like it or not.”

“Hey, it must be nice to take a break like that. Any ladies there?”

Shane jolted. “Uh, there’s a few.”

“Nice. Knowing you you’ve probably already got a girl hooked.”

Frowning, he parted his lips, hesitating to speak. “Nah, I haven’t been like that since I’ve moved here.”

Arthur cackled. “I can’t imagine a Shane _not_ like that. Are you alright?”

Eyes darting, he took a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m good.”

“That’s good. You should come back if you’d like. There’s always openings for big spots like up in comms and ads.”

“I uh...” Shane stopped himself before he could say yes. Going back was all he ever wanted but Penelo’s grim face made him clench his fists and his eyes tear up. He didn’t want to leave her and hearing her voice telling him to stay made him feel like he was splitting his soul in half. “I’m alright for now. But thank you for offering, I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Of course man. I’m glad you called.”

“Just don’t forget to help out Jackie.”

“Oh, right. I totally forgot.” Arthur laughed. “I’ll do it on Monday, I’ll contact her. Don’t be afraid to kick your manager out of his position. Minimum wage isn’t exactly a living wage.”

“Right, cool. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, of course. See you, Shane.”

Quickly pulling his cellphone away to close the call he threw it next to him and fell down onto his sheets. Groaning, he pulled his palms over his eyes and shut them tightly until his face hurt.

Blowing out air through his lips he felt tears stinging. He couldn’t comprehend why it was so uncomfortable calling an old coworker. They used to spend almost every day together, playing pool and drinking together. They were friends, maybe they still were.

Things were different. He was clinically depressed and he spent most of his free time in his room or thinking about Penelo. It was hard for him to believe he shot down his old job. He liked working in the office, he liked feeling important and apart of a team that actually made an impact.

Giving up his career and the life that made him happy just because of a woman he liked was stupid and he knew it but it didn’t feel wrong. He wanted to call her, to hear her voice and to see her smile just to feel reassured.

Picking up his phone and tapping his phone awake he saw a text notification of an alien emoji from her smiling at him. Giggling to himself he felt his whole body relax. Sitting up he began texting her back.

Shane parked up next to Penelo’s cottage and shivered as he stepped out, not bothering to lock his car. Rubbing his nose, he went to knock on her door.

“Just fucking come in.” He heard from within.

Pushing it open he noticed there was an abundance of painting supplies on her kitchen table and blankets in a messy heap hanging off her couch. Sebastian was right to tell him that her home was stone cold. He half wished he had asked Sebastian to hang out but he knew no one compared to Penelo.

Walking out of her hallway she quickly waved at him and disappeared back in there. “Come, follow me.”

Undoing his scarf and taking off his coat, he left his things on a kitchen chair and almost stumbled as he took his shoes off. He liked that her house always had little paper sketches taped or tacked on the walls. It was almost like a treasure hunt, especially to find any new ones.

He liked the way she drew portraits, the smooth angles and the little lines she put on people’s noses to give it more shape. He could tell she struggled a lot with certain types of paints compared to others but he didn’t know the names of them. He could only tell he liked watery and flat textures compared to the thick and brighter colours.

He walked into her spare room where he saw her grandfather’s old mattress and bed pried against the wall and old boxes filling the corners he recalled were once in her shed and barn. Coughing into her sleeve she signalled him over to a broken window. “Can you help me bar this up? The door has been creaking every night because the air gets in.”

“Sure.” He bent down to her toolbox, noticing that all the tools were rusted or old.

“Thanks, my fingers are numb and sore. I don’t think I’ve very good at handy work.”

“It doesn’t mean you can’t be good at it.”

“Yeah, but it also doesn’t mean I want to be.”

“That’s true.” He smiled lightly. Grabbing a wooden plank put in a pile below the window, he asked if she could hold the other end as he hammered the nails in. “Why don’t you just get it fixed?”

“I don’t think I have enough to last the winter if I did. I might be friends with Robin but she doesn’t do things for free.”

“Yeah, nothing is free.”

After getting a few more planks nailed in Penelo stopped to rub her hands.

“Why don’t you wear gloves?”

“I just don’t feel like it.” She wrinkled her nose. “Just feels weird. I hate the feeling.”

“You wear gardening gloves.”

“Because I don’t want to fuck up my hands.”

“Same goes for this.”

“I’m careful.” She whined.

“Alright.” He sighed happily.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Mm, no, I’m alright.”

“A snack?”

“I’ll tell you if I want something.” He said bluntly.

“Oh, okay.” She said as she sat down against the wall. She looked down at the floor but watched Shane in the corner of her eye. “Sorry that I’m making you do this.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“I know, but I shouldn’t have to ask for help.”

“You can ask me for anything.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think that’s fair.”

“I didn’t ask for you to be fair.”

“_God_, I know Shane.” She reached for a nail and softly tossed it at him. “I get it, thank you.”

She heard him breathe a laugh and smiled into her sleeve. “So, how’s life?”

“It’s uh...” He thought back to how he declined an invite back into his old job and frowned. He wondered if it was worth telling her but shook his head – it wasn’t worth explaining it to her and hurting her feelings. “Confusing.”

“Mm?”

“My coworker, Jackie, at checkout – she asked me to help me get a job in the city at Joja so I called in from someone I used to work with and it’s making me feel a bit, I don’t know, melancholy.”

“That’s okay. It brought up old memories. But you did a good thing. I guess that means Joja will have a job opening then, huh?”

“It would be good for you to get a stable income and I’d get to see you every day.”

She felt warm-hearted but sighed. “I don’t know if I want to go back to shitty jobs, Shane. I know I need it but, places like that change me. I become a zombie and if I can help it then I’m stopping myself from being like that again.”

“Yeah, I feel like a zombie a lot of the time.”

“But I’m proud of you.” She assured him.

“I think I’m done.” He said taking a step back.

“Hey, I said I’m proud of you.” She pouted.

“I know.” He met her eyes making her chest feel like it was con-caving into itself. _Oh god, he’s gorgeous. _Trying not to look bashful, she turned her gaze back down to the toolbox she was playing with but the image of him was already glued in her mind. She knew for certain she could draw it to perfection just from memory if she wanted to.

“I wish you had acknowledged it.”

“I don’t really know how.” He said, face creasing. “But it made me happy.”

Chuckling, she stood up. “Did you used to talk like this back in the office?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s almost like you talk in riddles. You’re somewhat blunt and confusing at the same time.”

“Probably not. But I think it was all pretend anyways.”

“Well, I like the way you are now.” She put her hand on his arm. “Thank you for helping me with my window.”

“I can help you with your doors too.”

“Mm, maybe another day. I just a put a door rest against the front door so I don’t hear it rattle if it’s windy.” Shane’s eyes winced in response. “It’s temporary.”

“If it isn’t fixed by the end of November you have to tell me.”

“Yeah, okay.”

They moved back to the lounge and Shane couldn’t help but feel incredibly bored. Penelo didn’t have much and despite loving talking to her, he just felt the need to have something on the side in case that failed. He started to appreciate how lucky he was to have all the things he had back at the ranch with Marnie and Jas.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

“You have cable?”

Snorting, she shook her head slightly. “No, but I have a shit tonne of DVDs.”

“Are you a collector?”

“No, but I used to like going to op-shops back in the city.”

“What’s an op-shop?”

She squinted at him. “A second-hand store, Shane.”

“Oh...”

“Have you never been to a second-hand store before?”

“I can’t say I have.”

Her eyebrows rose.

He was sure his spirit shrivelled at her expression. “Is that bad?”

“I don’t know, but I feel a little offended.” Shane wondered if it was because of some money gap growing up. He was sure that his family got by alright but he couldn’t say he grew up knowing or feeling like he was rich. Most of the time his family wasted money on things like extra TVs they didn’t need or cigarettes. He was confident that neither of his parents knew what saving was.

“Well, we can go to one one day.”

“That sounds fun.” Penelo smiled lightly. “Anyways, look here.” She sat down on her knees next to a plastic box and they dug through stacks of faded or broken cases. He usually felt sad looking at things that weren’t up to par but sitting next to the girl he liked as she flipped through her collection smiling about old memories he couldn't see the bad in it, it was a part of her.

“Are you dressing up for Halloween?”

“Uh...”

“Don’t look like that.” She complained.

“Sorry, I don’t know what I look like.” Penelo huffed in response. “I don’t think I want to.”

“Why not?” Before he could say anything she broke the growing silence. “Fine, you don’t have to if it doesn’t make you comfortable.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wanted to ask you to do some matching outfit with me or something. Like Beetlejuice and Lydia or something.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I can.”

“That’s alright. That means I can surprise you.”

“You’re dressing up?”

“Why not? There’s only so much to do in this town.”

After picking out Beetlejuice through her collection since being reminded they sat down to watch. Penelo couldn’t seem to sit still and had to sketch half the time they were watching it. She didn’t seem to like anything she drew which were mostly fantasy beings and their different facial expressions. Shane asked to have the drawings if she didn’t like them but she said it was too embarrassing.

After the movie ended all Penelo could muster up about it was that she remembered it to be better. They looked through each other’s music on her laptop. Her eyes lit up with every song he showed her, she liked that his taste which was mostly old songs and absurd or metal like sounds. She tried to dance with him but he made it very clear he wasn’t going to join her. He liked watching her though and with enough persuasion, he began bopping his head. She laughed, thinking he looked goofy considering he was a head taller and his hair was growing out again, swaying.

With the music running, Penelo sagged until she was laying on her carpet where Shane quietly joined her, laying next to her.

“What’s your dream?”

Shane was stunned at the question. With his face wincing he parted his lips, “Um, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Everyone has a dream.”

“I just don’t have one.”

“Well, that’s stupid.” She said sounding angry.

“I used to just want to be rich I guess. That’s why I ended up doing a business degree. No one actually likes business, do they?”

“Surely some.”

“I don’t know. I went into it mindlessly. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so depressed lately. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really had a dream.”

“That can’t be right.” She said loudly. “It can be something small. I used to dream about living in a nice house where I’d do puzzles all the time and I’d frame the ones I liked the most up on the walls.” She stretched up her hands out as they looked up at the ceiling. "Maybe I can even design my own puzzle."

Adjusting his head, he looked over at her. “When did you have that dream?”

“As a teenager, probably at my loneliest. I’d just go to the library sometimes and do a puzzle by myself.”

“We can do a puzzle if you want.”

“I don’t own any.” She shrugged him off. “And I’ve checked our library. Gunther says we don’t have any.” Shane confirmed in his mind he’d buy her some immediately after hearing that. “But now my dream is to create something. I feel like I haven’t really made something to call mine. Leah and Elliott make things all the time. I want to make something and be happy about it.” She turned to look at him. “So any ideas now for your dream?”

Shane was too afraid to look her in the eyes as he thought. He took some time to think about it but with her gaze on him, his mind could only conclude that his dream was to be with her. He knew it was probably unattainable but it was what he wanted.

It had been quiet for a while and Shane wondered what Penelo was thinking as they lay there on her stained carpet that smelled like coffee. “Hey,” He went to ask her but when he moved his head he saw her snoozing silently, eyes shut lightly. He was struck with fear, not wanting to wake her. Shutting his mouth quickly, he couldn’t help be conscious of his breathing as he took a big inhale. He was nervous to think of her opening her eyes as he was looking at her.

It didn’t take long to realise she was sound asleep, her hands softly resting on her stomach, jaw slightly lowered as she slowly breathed through her nose. She must have been quite comfortable and tired to fall asleep in short of a minute. He couldn’t help gaze at her chest in the opportunity, checking her size. He couldn’t complain, at least, not from the angle he had as he propped himself on his elbow.

Looking at her face he could see all the little freckles that wouldn’t have been noticeable without being so close. They dotted her nose and around her eyes. He admired her hair, even when the ends were splitting and looked dry, she suited the dark brown – he just wished that her hair was blue again.

It was hard to hold back from reaching out to touch her. She looked so calm at that moment and he wished to caress her or hold her. He wasn’t sure if it was okay to get closer because she was an affectionate person but consent was still important. Resting on his side, he sighed as quietly as he could.

He reached out and carefully touched the ends of her hair which were faded green and yellow. He couldn’t help think he was being creepy or crossing a boundary but he felt like it was the only chance to get that close to her. He wanted to indulge in his own fantasy for a moment knowing that when she woke up they’d just be friends.

Penelo stirred, she was still waiting for Shane to answer but she couldn’t remember what she had asked him. She just closed her eyes for a moment, surprisingly comfortable on the old carpet cushioning her. She was sure something was touching her hair, almost making her wriggle or shiver from the sensation.

Slowly parting open her eyes she saw Shane combing his fingers through her hair, his eyes softly resting on his hand as he moved it. Her instincts told her to shoot up and ask him with a laugh what he was doing but she swallowed it down for a moment. She hadn’t had a situation like this before. She wanted to take it in as long as she could to figure out what exactly she was feeling but she couldn’t seem to understand it. Only her heart began to beat faster from her slow sleeping rhythm to drumming at her ears.

When Shane looked down he noticed Penelo’s wide eyes tearing through him. Pulling his hand back he caught his breath. “You’re awake.”

“You didn’t have to stop.” Shane remained quiet and Penelo giggled. “What were we talking about before?”

He shook his head, glad she didn’t linger on the moment because he was far too embarrassed to talk to her about it. “It was nothing.”

“I felt like it was important.”

“It wasn’t too important.”

“I guess not if I fell asleep. How long was I out?”

“Maybe like five minutes.”

“You made me fall asleep with how quiet you are.” She said as she sat up. Shane smiled but it stung a little. “You should have woke me up. God, sorry.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“But I am. I should have been paying attention.” Shane didn’t answer again and she sighed watching him as he sat up next to her, his hair a little ruffled. “What are you thinking?” It was as if they had the same mind. He wanted to ask the same thing to her before and now it was like an echo of his thoughts spoken aloud.

“I don’t think I am thinking.”

She smirked. “Not surprising.” He snorted and nudged her. “Hey!” She laughed pushing him a little harder back.

Penelo and Leah sat at the edge of the steps next to Pierre’s store watching their pumpkin lanterns glitter with candlelight around the dinner tables. Leah was dressed in an almost Robin Hood like outfit while Penelo wore a red dress with white trim at the collar.

They watched as people like Gus and the mothers fuss over the setup. Penelo couldn’t help but think about how unprepared she was for how boring the event was. She wished she was back in the city going to some Halloween rock concert or something similar. Sighing, Elliott approached them wearing formal attire like he was going to some 1800’s ball which was practically his normal clothing. When he opened his mouth Penelo spotted fake vampire teeth.

“Rosemary’s Baby.”

“Huh?” Leah asked.

“Yeah, I’m glad you noticed.” Penelo smiled as she looked down at her dress. “I don’t have the short hair for it though.”

“Don’t cut your hair for this.” Elliott shook his head as he sat in the middle of them. Leah leaned against him. Penelo was sure they hadn’t talked much since the festival and there felt like there was a bit of a wedge between them because of how successful Leah was with her art and how Elliott struggled with his own.

They sat in silence for some time but her friends seemed more in their own heads. Penelo used the time to people watch, thinking about how everyone walked or held themselves differently as well as all looking unique. She liked looking at how everyone’s noses curved in their own ways and how the shape of their eyes seemed to change as their expressions shifted in their own conversations. Spotting movement in the corner of her eye she turned to look spotting Sebastian in a skeleton costume. He waved at her with a cute smile on his lips. She waved lightly back. He was smoking and standing next to Abigail and Sam. She knew he wanted to quit but it felt impossible imagining him not smoking.

Leah, Elliott and Penelo got up to go eat where Penelo found Shane standing alone at the edge of one of the tables. His nose was long with a cute round bump at the end, the light etching the shape. “Boo.” Jumping, he turned to see her laughing. “What are you drinking?” She leaned in closer. He was surprised at how he had grown comfortable with her being in his bubble, not retracting away.

“Pumpkin ale.” He said without thinking.

“Wait, _you’re drinking?_” She didn’t hesitate with looking immediately sad.

“Only a little.” He pouted. “There’s not much left anyways.”

“Let me have a sip.” She took out her hands and he offered his cup to her. With a small mouthful, she raised a brow at him questioningly as she handed it back to him. “It’s weird.”

“Not bad though, right?”

“I guess.” She shrugged. “Guess who I’m dressed as.”

He winced at her. He didn’t realise she was in costume, he thought she was just wearing a pretty dress. “It looks familiar, like an old movie I’ve probably not seen.”

“Rosemary’s Baby.” She smiled. “We should watch it. It’s good.”

“Sure.”

“So, are you going to do the maze?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” He never planned on it. He just wanted to come for the free food and to accompany Jas. “Jas wanted to do it but Aunt Marnie and Jodi said the kids can’t go in.”

“I can’t believe Mayor Lewis managed to build that thing overnight though. It looks big.”

“He didn’t.”

“Then who?” Shane shrugged in response. Jas came over dressed in a witch outfit – even including a big, black and rimmed hat. “Heya Jas.” Penelo kneeled down to Jas’s eye level.

“Hey Ms Penelo.” Her big eyes shone under the lamplight. “You look pretty.”

“Thank you, you do too. Why didn’t you dress like a dragon princess?”

“Mum said it wasn’t in the 'budget'.”

“Oh.” Penelo frowned. “You still look really cute though. Have you eaten?”

“Lollies.”

“Jas...” Shane gave a disapproving stare.

“She’s a kid, she’ll get new teeth soon anyway.” Penelo swayed her hand.

“My two front teeth have already come out.” She pointed at them showing shorter buds of teeth than the rest.

“Impressive.” Penelo nodded. “Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

“Okay, I’m going to go back to Vincent.” When both Penelo and Shane looked over to where Jas signalled to they saw him sobbing quietly next to Sam who was rubbing his little brother’s back.

“He’s a really sensitive kid isn’t he?” Penelo mumbled.

“You got that right.” Shane sipped.

“But hey, I might head into the maze soon. Why don’t you try to find me.” She winked. Shane’s eyes darted wide open, wondering if she was flirting with him or teasing him like usual. Skipping off, he took a deep breath before his hormones could invade his mind. He chugged the rest of his cup and bit his lip, turning away.

Walking over to the other table she began to moan trying some of the food. “Enjoying yourself?” Gus came to stand closer to her with a round smile.

“God, did you cook this?”

“Most of this, but I think that blueberry tart is by Evelyn.” Gus went to have a spoonful. “Thank you for this autumn harvest. The pumpkins were big and healthy, they were a delight to cook with.”

“Not a problem.”

“And the carvings are beautiful.”

“Most of them were done by Leah, I’m not a specialist in that type of art.”

“You should design a new front for the restaurant,” Gus offered. “I’ll commission you both.”

“Oh, wow, that would be wonderful.” Penelo blossomed at the thought of the idea. She knew it she should have been more excited at the designing process but she could only think about what things she could buy that she needed with that extra money. “How’s business anyhow?”

“It’s steady.” Gus frowned. “I don’t tell this to people often, but it makes me sad that my income mostly comes in from people like Pam who tend to be heavy drinkers.” He shook his head. “I’m actually losing some money because Shane is coming in less and buying less. I’m just happy your friend Leah comes in more than often now to have dinner.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, so I guess she makes it for Shane’s absence in a way.”

“Well, that’s good. She’s been doing really well with her sculptures. It’s a good thing I have a big overgrown farm, she’s got an endless supply of wood for it. Oak and all types that she needs.”

“You should talk to Robin about any leftover wood. She’d probably do some fixing up on that house of yours with a discount because you’ve got the resources.”

“You think?”

“Of course, but hey, I better check on Pam. Come in for lunch or something sometime.” He smiled. Penelo nodded formally and went to eating again. At one point Elliott came over to express how chilly it was and helped himself to some hot chicken before trotting away again to socialise with the mums. She found it strange how he almost looked like a mother from behind but he was quite tall which was unusual for being a woman.

Mayor Lewis came to say hello which left her frowning. “It’s a good evening, isn’t it Ms Blackbear?”

“Yeah.”

“You and Leah did well on the lanterns.”

“Mmhm.” She said purposely stuffing her mouth full.

“Will you be participating in the maze?”

“Yeah, actually,” She swallowed. “Who set it up and how did they set it up so quickly?”

“Oh, there’s a strange man who lives far into the woods up on one of the cliffs. He does it every year somehow in the middle of the night. Once I even went out one night to see how he does it but I can’t for the life of me remember any of it.”

“Strange.” She winced, remembering Sebastian refer to a purple-haired man as some sort of wizard. Wanting to get away from him, she smiled as sweetly as she could. “I guess I better go in and try my luck in winning.”

“Yes, best of luck.” Mayor Lewis nodded.

Walking away she rolled her eyes, coming across a shivering Haley. Before she could ask if she was okay, Haley only shook her head saying she was too scared to enter and was waiting on Alex to finish. Penelo asked if she needed a hug and Haley only look disgusted at the thought saying she was alright. Penelo sighed and made her way up the steps to the maze set up close to the old community center. She admittedly was a little frightened but it was exhilarating. She had never really been in a maze before and being alone in doing so made the moment feel all too real.

At one point she came across a frightened Harvey standing in a dead-end. He sagged, saying he was just going to head back to the start, much too frightened and embarrassed to keep going. Later down a path of zombie hands that seemed to be crawling out of the ground, she jumped over to a section of the maze that looked like a witch’s hut.

“Oh, hey.” Penny waved at her. She was dressed as a maid.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well, I don’t know. I just can’t seem to move.” Her eyes were glued into a bubbling cauldron. Penelo bit the side of her lip, wondering if she was okay.

“I’m going to keep going if you want to join me.”

“I’ll leave in a minute.” She waved at her, not moving her eyes. Penelo didn’t know if it was worth believing her but she walked away with worry clinging to the back of her mind. Walking through the rest of the maze was fun. She liked backtracking and planning out the ways she was going. At one point she came across a floating television which baffled her. It had static on the screen and what looked to be the girl from _The Ring_ would jump out at times. It felt like the girl really was coming out but once she shut her eyes in hear the girl was gone. Deciding to bolt away from it, she carried on.

“Fuck,” Penelo muttered after a few minutes of walking. She swore she hadn’t been the way she was heading but things were starting to look the same. Deciding to keep going ahead she stopped when she saw Abigail sitting near the old town fountain. “Hey.” She said aloud, hoping that she wasn’t too loud to frighten her.

Abigail turned to look at her then turned back. Penelo approached and sat a comfortable distance next to her. “Are you okay?”

Abigail’s face squirmed. “I’ve been sitting here for like ten minutes. There’s these big spiders up ahead and I hate spiders.”

“Let me look.” Penelo got up and walked down the hedges. Turning the corner she jumped despite the warning and time to prepare herself. The spider sculptures did look scarily real. They were huge, double the height of her and their gleaming eyes looked as if they were following her every move. The decorations made it look like they had eggs ready to hatch and webs that hung everywhere. She knew it would be a chore to try to walk through it.

Coming back to Abigail she bit her lip. “Why don’t we go together?”

“I don’t think I can do it.”

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to look if you don’t want to. You can hold onto me or something.”

Abigail looked sick. She was silent for a long moment so Penelo stood patiently until she was ready to answer. Pulling her purple hair back from her face she took a deep breath and stood up. “Can we hold hands?”

“Sure,” Penelo said, trying not to sound surprised. She took out her hand, anxious to know if it was going to be sweaty. Abigail’s hands were softer than she thought. After some thought, she knew Abigail was a bit of an artist just like her but leaned more into the digital side. She didn’t come off as a labourer or anything, so it made sense. Penelo was sure her hands had hardened after gardening but she couldn’t tell whether or not that was true. Maybe if she had the chance to swing on some monkey-bars she would know if her hands slid more along the metal similar to when she was a child.

Walking together, they slowly headed through to the spider’s section at Abigail’s pace. She gasped when she saw them and leaned closer to her which Penelo didn’t mind. Being close to her made her realise how pretty she. She hoped she wasn’t blushing. Abigail didn’t shut her eyes but Penelo persuaded her to walk a better pace as they stepped through the curtains of webs. Abigail looked like she was about to scream and fidget at the decorations brushed her hair and skin but she remained as calm as she could squealing every now and then.

Once they were through Penelo couldn’t help but grin. “See, we made it.”

Abigail still remained pouting. “Didn’t mean I enjoyed it.”

“Just think of it like life. You probably don’t like it most of the time but you’re glad you’re still going.” Abigail let go of Penelo’s hand to cross her arms tightly under her big chest and raised a brow at her.

“You know what? That sounds about right.” Abigail scoffed.

As they walked together and planned their escape through the maze Penelo gave her a once-over. “I know this might sound weird, but there’s a lot of young people our age. I’m surprised more people aren’t dating each other.”

“I mean, you’re pretty new. People have tried.”

“Like who?”

“Well, me and Seb.”

“**_Pfff-_**” Penelo almost choked.

“Yeah,” Abigail didn’t seem to smile or laugh, only seemed lost in thought. “Just stupid teenager stuff. Just didn’t work out. Didn’t click. I think I wasn’t as interested as he was. Sort of sucks when you hurt someone like that when you care about them.”

“Were you guys official or anything?”

“Nah, only Sam knows a little bit. Doesn’t know the details, just that we tried to work it out. Seb had a big crush on me. We had sex and everything. Was sort of awkward, to be honest.”

“Mm.” Penelo only hummed in agreement because of her lack of experience in that department. “Just the one time?”

“Tried a few other times, they were better but the more we did it the more I just saw him as a friend. I haven’t told anyone this, but I actually am more attracted to his sister.”

“Really?” Penelo boomed. "Maru?" She tried to be quieter.

“Maru is really pretty. You should have seen when she had long hair.” Abigail looked down at her feet.

“To be honest, I don’t talk much about my sexuality but I think I like girls too.” Penelo admitted.

Abigail looked up, taken aback. “Do you think you’d ever date a girl?” Abigail asked, looking over at her.

“I think I’m more into people with penises.” She cringed. “Sadly,” She quickly added. “Women are easier to be around though.”

“I know right.” Abigail laughed.

After a few minutes, they spotted Sam who was sitting on the grass looking like a little lost boy. Approaching him, he glanced up with wide puppy-dog eyes.

“What are you doing?” Abigail asked in a rough tone.

“It’s a dead end.” He explained. “I swear I’ve gone down every path. This is the end.”

“That can’t be right.” Abigail shook her head as she strutted around to find an escape.

“Hey, Penelo.” Sam sighed.

“Are you alright?”

“A little cold.” He explained. “And hungry. I wish I ate more. The food is probably cold now.”

“Mm, maybe. But Gus probably has a heat-lamp for the food.”

“Everyone has probably eaten everything anyways.”

“Sam is right. I can’t see any way through. We might have to backtrack.” Abigail said approaching them.

“Let me look,” Penelo said as she walked around the hedge corner. She looked over at what seemed to be the dead end. There was a sign that had a question mark on it and she winced, looking hard at the green wall. Remembering a scene in Labyrinth, she hovered her hand out to touch it and felt her hand pass through. It just seemed to blend in almost perfectly. She called out to them and showed them, her hand passing through what seemed to be the passage.

“Wow, it looked like it just ended.” Sam scratched his head.

“I don’t want anyone else having the same problem. We should probably move the sign inwards so people know they can walk through.” Penelo crossed her arms.

“I agree,” Abigail said. After working together to pull it out they all giggled trying to stick it into new ground pushing it in over and over again. “Good work team.” Abigail laughed as they all awkwardly missed hands trying to high-five each other.

Further down they found Alex who was staring over at a glowing light above one of the hedges.

Penelo asked if he was okay and wanted to join them. “I’m alright, thanks though Penelo.” He said. “I see something there, just wondering how to get to it. I think it might be the prize.”

“The prize is at the end though.” Sam’s face quirked.

“Or maybe it’s the thing I’m looking at.” They all turned to look closer at the light. It was alluring and it looked like something was on the other side but they decided to continue on, leaving Alex there in thought.

After a few scares like what looked to be ghosts and hearing growling and children laughing, they somehow found their way to the end of the maze. Mayor Lewis was at the end and stood up from a seat next to the community center opening up his arms to them.

“Congratulations, winners of the maze!” He signalled them over to the table. Caroline was sitting there too eating some candy put in a plastic pumpkin bowl. The three of them noticed big buckets of lollies, five to be exact.

“We’ll have to split it...” Abigail frowned.

“I’m fine with just one as long as I get the Maltesers.” Penelo suggested.

“Deal.” The other two agreed.

They all munched on their prizes while sitting on the grass talking about the band until they saw Sebastian and Maru come out together. Maru looked a little shaken up but her older brother reassured her as they walked over. They came to join the group, later seeing Alex then Penny come out.

Chewing on her chocolate, Marnie and Jas came over as some of the group began heading home. “Hey,” Penelo said with a smile, offering some of her chocolate to Jas.

“Not too much, honey.” Marnie told her. “Have you seen Shane?” She asked Penelo with eyes that sagged, clearly tired.

“I haven’t. Have you tried texting him?”

“And calling, I think his phone is on silent. He headed into the maze an hour ago and it’s getting late. People are packing up and heading home.”

“I’m pretty sure I remember the way in there. I can look for him and drop him home since it’s getting pretty late, aye Jas?”

“I’m not sleepy.” She pouted.

“That would actually be wonderful. I’ll text him that plan in case he looks at his phone. You’re an angel. Congratulations on winning by the way. Gus also said he has some food left over for you.”

“Oh, _wow_, okay. You two have a good night.”

“See you later, say goodbye Jasmine.”

“Bye.” Jas said under her breath. Penelo smiled and sighed, getting up. She waved goodbye to Sam and Penny who were the last ones to stick around, both enamoured by each other as they spoke, hands close together.

Heading down the slope she took a visit into the saloon to grab what Gus saved for her. He gave her a basket which had carefully wrapped blueberry tart and other goodies that she knew would last her the next few days. Smiling and hugging the man, she put the things in her backseat and drove closer to the maze on the road in front of Harvey’s clinic and locked it.

Heading to the entrance, she saw the man known as the wizard who looked to be smoking out of an old pipe. In awe, she stopped close to him. His hair was a dark purple and it grew down to his shoulders. He also had a clean beard and dressed in exotic clothing including fine silks and baggy pants that reminded her of the middle-east.

“Hey, I’m Penelo.”

“I’m well aware of who you are, Ms Blackbear, grand-daughter of Gregory Blackbear.”

“Oh...” Penelo played with her thumbs. “So you knew him?”

“Not particularly.” He puffed. “Want some?” Her instincts told her to say no but she stopped herself. She thought it was worth a go. Stretching out her hand she carefully placed the pipe to her mouth and sucked in a chesty inhale. She thought it would hurt like most times when it came to breathing in smoke but it was sweet and tasted grainy.

“Wow, what is that?” She exhaled slowly.

He put a finger to his mouth, expressing that it was a secret before taking it back. “Heading back into my maze?”

“Yeah, I have a friend in there. He’s the last one in there.”

“Shane Roberts.” He nodded. “He’s a strange young man.”

Crossing her arms, she eyed the man. “And what’s your name?”

“Call me Mr Rasmodius.”

She laughed. “Why won’t you tell me your first name?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Ahuh,” She scrunched up her nose. “And how do you seem to know everyone’s names?”

Rasmodius took in another deep breath and signalled her over. Without answering the question he told her to stand still. Confused, she couldn’t find anything else to do but stand there silently. He took out his hands which were quite big and pressed his forefinger between her brows. “You’ll find it to be easier to find him now. But don’t linger, I have to get all of this gone by sunrise.”

She scoffed, “That sounds ominous.”

“Don’t want you both to get trapped in there until next Halloween, do we?”

“Wait, huh?” In a blink, he was gone and her eyes widened. “Uh, wow, alright. _Mr Rasmodius_...” Sighing, she suddenly came to a bold realisation that maybe magic did exist and maybe even ghosts. Shuddering, she went into the maze, surprised to find she took every right turn without even thinking of where her feet were leading her. Getting her phone in her pocket, she tried calling Shane with no answer. She groaned hearing his old cheery voicemail tone and put her phone away.

After passing the zombie hands and going past the very realistic spiders, she felt scared wondering if he wasn’t on the right path and in fact in a dead end. With a clear mind after taking a puff of whatever the wizard was smoking, she was sure her feet would take her to him.

After going through the camouflage wall and nearing the end, she found him standing up at the cloudless sky at the stars above. She liked looking out at the stars too since there wasn’t much in the way of light pollution out in the village. He looked sad almost, eyes sagging and dark.

“Shane?” He was sure it was her voice in his head calling out to him. He knew it probably wasn’t real considering how infatuated he was with her of late. It had been hours and he just came to a standstill, giving up.

All he wanted was to be near her. He knew he was pathetic, but he was starting to feel little again being lost and trapped amongst the hedges. He wanted to cry or to have some sort of panic attack. He could feel his arms shaking when he closed his eyes. He wanted to wake up from whatever bad dream this was. Just closing his eyes and keep opening them till he was safe in bed.

“Shane.” Her voice was soft. If he could touch it he knew it would be like clean bedsheets against his skin. Jumping, he felt something touch his hand that rested on his head. Adjusting himself, he raised his head and saw her smiling sweetly.

“Come on,” She took out her hand. “Let’s get out of here.” Taking her hand, he thought she’d let it go once he was out of the funk he was in but she held on tightly as she began to walk them away.

The moment finally hit him, realising that what was happening was real. “What are you doing here?”

Laughing, she shook her head. “What do you mean?”

“How did you find me?”

“I just remembered the way.” She shrugged. “Marnie said you still hadn’t come out.” Shane frowned in response. “I told her I’d find you and drop you home.”

He relaxed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t say that.” She whined. “So, were you scared?”

“No.”

“Figures.”

“I just couldn’t find the way and I...” He started to feel bad again. His medication made it impossible for him to tear himself down like he used to. He just couldn't fathom actually being kind to himself in those moments like normal people. Because of it all, he would just turn numb.

“It’s alright.” She sighed. “We all have our moments. I was just with Abigail and I said something about how life sucks but you’re proud you’re still here trucking along. Can’t recall the exact words but hey, this is probably one of those moments. Just like learning to drive, learning to swim...” She groaned.

“Learning to swim?”

“Yeah.” She darted her eyes.

“Don’t you just _know_ how to swim.”

She sucked on her lips. “_Noooo_.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, I never knew how to swim growing up. I had to take classes after work in the city.”

“So how old were you when you learned?”

“I’m really insecure about this Shane.” She warned him.

“Sorry.” He quickly swallowed. “I’m just curious.”

“I don’t know, like twenty or something. Just, never seemed to float. I’d have friends be there to say they can catch me and stuff but I just never seemed to relax. I feel I’ve missed out on a lot growing up. Never really ate much, never swam, never really had friends until now. I just had to learn everything the hard way. I shouldn’t be so upset about it though, it’s made me the person I am now.”

“I can’t imagine what it would have been growing up without all those things.”

“Well, I _lived_ it and I was very sad.” Shane could hear it in her voice that she was getting upset. He tightened his grip in her hand and began walking beside her more than walking behind her. She looked up at him and he smiled lightly back with as much effort as he could muster.

Her eyes wrinkled with a crack at the edge of her lips and she looked ahead to watch the path. “You shouldn’t feel bad,” He said. “I’m probably going through what you went through growing up but now. It’s not fun being older and feeling like you’re supposed to know everything but you don’t. It’s like chickenpox, not so bad young but when you’re older...”

“I don’t think any adult really knows what they’re doing. And if someone says they do then I’d probably not want to be friends with them.”

“That’s not very nice of you.”

“_Well_, depends on the person.”

“So, who got to the end first?”

“Me, Sam and Abigail.”

“What was the prize?”

She shrugged. “Just lollies. You know those big bucket ones you can get?”

Nodding, he rose his brow. “So, just candy?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah. I was hoping like a gift voucher for Jojamart or something. I’d kill for some decent shampoo and bread or something.”

“I can get that stuff for you.”

“Shane, really, it’s fine. You don’t have to buy me anything.”

“No, you deserve it.”

She smiled in response. “Don’t.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“Well, you’re right there.”

Shane thought that there would be people waiting at the end of the maze but there was no one. Just a single lamp on the ground in the darkness left for them. It made him sad. He thought people were more worried about him. He wanted the opportunity to tell people he was okay or to sit down and to talk with others about the maze. Despite the disappointment, he still felt thankful it was just her with him.

He wondered if now was the chance to tell her about his feelings but when mustering the courage to open his mouth the words just wouldn’t come out. It was almost pitch black and the lamp only made it so they could see a meter or two ahead of them.

They found their way close to the abandoned community center where they both stopped to hear it creak in the wind.

“Jesus, that scared me.” She shivered.

“I heard there are ghosts in there.”

“Oh, shut up.” She smacked him.

“What? Do you believe in them now?”

He saw shock for a split second before she turned to blush. “There’s no such thing. Now stop scaring me before I start to believe the bushes are goblins or something.”

“We should go see if they’re in there.”

“How about no.” She laughed.

Shane began walking to the entrance which was a boarded-up door that was once a nice shade of red but now was peeling off. Shane began prying at the door when Penelo raced up to him, smacking his back. “I’m serious. I want to go home. I’m tired.”

“Guess I’ll go alone.”

“You’re not funny.” By the expression on her face, he knew he was pushing her to her limits but he decided to keep going. He began heading to the window to the right and propped his head onto the sill to see if he could find his way in.

Signalling her over he kneeled down and propped his hand in front of him. “You go in first because you’re the shortest.”

“**Shut the fuck up.**” She looked spooked, shivering on the spot as she watched him a good distance away.

“Come on.” His voice was like silk. She hated how hearing it made her brain instantly change its mind.

“I _really_ hate you.” It didn’t sound like she did but she stepped forward and put her foot in his hand. She gasped as he pushed her up. Sliding her stomach inside she brought one of her knees up to prop herself.

Once inside she quickly glanced around the building finding herself in a giant empty foyer with a dusty fireplace at the end of the room. There wasn’t much in the way of furniture except for wooden chairs toppled over scattered everywhere and a couch that was covered in a white cloth. “Penelo.” She heard him call.

She was scared to turn her head away from the room but she took out her hand and helped him up. She was stronger than she thought she was – or at least, stronger than she once was.

He patted down his pants and gave her a sneaky smile. “Don’t look at me like that. We’re in, now can we go home?”

“Let’s look around.” He replied as he began walking in looking around.

She followed closely behind him, walking into his back at times. They went left first, finding an old storage room that only had empty open boxes with a few bits of litter stuck in the wooden floorboards. They then found what looked to be a kitchen with a stove and fridge that had to be older than the both of them.

Exploring further into the left side of the community center, they found the girl’s bathroom where they both made faces at each other in the mirror. Penelo was surprised he did it back because of how timid and shy he was but even still, it made her happy.

They looked in the stalls and they found some writing on the walls. Penelo found what looked to be the letters S and A together in a heart. “Seb and Abigail?” Or is it Sam and Abigail?" She murmured. They must have been young, she thought.

Shane sat down on the lid of a toilet, reading what looked to be a poem on the back of the door. “Pen.”

“Hm?”

“There’s a poem, come read.”

“What’s it say?”

“_When the wind blows, I imagine it to be your hair brushing against my face._

_ When I hear the rain, I wonder if you’re crying for me too like the sky and I._

_ When I’m alone, I sometimes hear your voice, getting over you doesn’t seem to be the case._

_ When I think I’m finally over you, I see you in my mind and know it’s a lie._

_ I told you I’d die for you, but I never meant it to be like this,_

_ So slow and painful. Is love supposed to hurt like this?_”

Penelo frowned. In response, Shane turned to look at her. “I don’t think it’s very good.”

“It doesn’t have to be good, it made me feel.” She sighed, leaning against the stall door. “Who wrote it? Does it have any initials?”

“Doesn’t look like it. But the writing is really pretty.”

“How sad. God, reminds me of my old relationships.” Penelo began turned away from the mirrors. “I don’t think I’ve ever really had a good experience with love before.”

“I don’t think love is supposed to hurt.” Shane responded.

“What?” She laughed, turning to look at him. He looked clueless. “Oh, you’re serious.”

His face tightened. “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, _‘what do you mean?_’” She looked hurt. “Have you never hurt when being in love.”

“I can’t say I have.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Yes.”

“Then what was is like? I can’t imagine it.”

He shrugged. “Dated in high school. Moved afterwards, just didn’t work out. Pretty sure she’s some model now or something and really into health. More open about her faith last I checked. Never really liked that part of her.”

“So... what? You both just walked away and it didn’t hurt.”

“Of course it hurt.” He said with a hint of frustration. “I just... Didn’t think it was logical to be sad over it. You learn how to live with someone and then they’re gone and you become aware of how lonely you really are. It was almost deafening. We obviously weren’t meant to be. Didn’t see the point in being sad.”

“Jesus,” Penelo crossed her arms. “That’s really sad.”

“It makes sense.”

“It’s not human, Shane.” She argued.

“Just the way I am.”

“I hope that changes soon.” She quickly added. “_Not that I want you to change or anything_. Just, for the better. It’s not healthy to be that way. Almost robotic. It doesn’t help when you’re depressed. I’d rather see you cry than pretend you don’t feel something.”

Shane couldn’t seem to understand but he didn’t argue. He knew she was right but he just didn’t know how to grasp that information. It made sense. It had been like that for a while, just more louder in his head now than in the past. If things just weren’t logical, then he didn’t see the point.

Going down the right side of the building they found the boy’s bathroom which looked to be covered in graffiti by Sam and Sebastian and an office as well as a small workshop. They didn’t find any trinkets, the whole place feeling quite barren.

On the way out, Shane came out of the window first to help Penelo down. Penelo was nervous under his touch when he put his hands on her waist to soften her fall but didn’t say anything to acknowledge it.

Picking up the lantern, they found their way to the steps down into the village where the blew out the lantern light once the streetlights glowed above them. They didn’t talk much which left time for both of them to think.

Shane thought about how all he wanted to do was spend more time with her but the seconds were running thin the closer they got to her car. Penelo could only think about how unsettled she was about learning more about Shane’s state of mind. How long had he been thinking like that? Forever?

She found it depressing and it made sense to her that he was the way he was because he allowed that type of thinking. To cut out emotions in times where it is at it’s highest demand. Reacting to situations like breakups and love made people what they are. Whether that be someone making it clear they care and respect the other person or turning someone so sour they become worse than they started off as. She wanted that to change about him, she knew that, but she didn’t like the idea of fixing someone. She loved his flaws but this one thing lingered in her mind like expiring milk in a fridge.

Shane moved aside a bucket of lollies from the passenger seat onto the floor, surprised with how big the prize was. Clearing her throat, Penelo turned her car on and slowly began driving out onto the rural roads.

Shane wanted to use his last moments with her to the fullest but the silence was comforting. Neither of them spoke until she parked onto the road next to the farmhouse.

“Thanks for getting me.” Shane said, hand on the door handle.

“Of course.”

“Do you, um...” He didn’t know what he was going to ask, he just wanted a reason to see her again. “Do you want to go on a trip to the city next weekend.”

“Oh, Shane, I don’t have money...”

“I’ll drive. Don’t worry about petrol. We can go to the museum or to a park or something. Free things.”

“It seems a bit much.” She shook her head. “I don’t deserve it.”

“It’ll make up for you helping me tonight and also for coming into the community center with me.”

“Yeah, alright.” She smiled. “Sweet dreams.”

“You too.”

Shutting the door, he began walking down the path towards the door feeling a warmth in his chest. _Maybe I can tell her how I feel then._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, it's been a rough couple of weeks but I have no plans on not finishing this story. I know that it might be a little slow burn with the romance but in this fanfiction with Shane, I really couldn't see it any other way but that's just me.  
I was wondering if I should write another bachelor's romance on here but we'll see once we're at the end of this story.  
ALSO, I just noticed that I've been writing Elliott's name wrong this entire TIME. I've got to go through all of it to fix it but hey, what can you do? Sometimes it be like that.  
Stay safe everyone, especially with the virus going around :)


	12. Chapter Twelve - Dark Green Eyes

When Shane came into work he was quickly jumped by Jackie who almost tackled him to the floor. Embracing him, she looked up meeting his dark eyes. “Thank you so much.” She said with a giant grin, her messy orange hair falling over her face. Shane assured her that it was nothing but she looked close to tears from joy.

An hour or so into his work he couldn’t help but smile to himself. Reflecting over how Penelo said the things you might not like can make you happy sure did seem true in that moment. Sighing, he wondered what he could do for her in the weekend. Probably start with cleaning his car and buying a car freshener so it wouldn’t smell like booze.

Groaning, he sagged with a blushing face. The explicit dreams with her in it were becoming more regular. Maybe it was because he was spending more time with her and with every interaction he grew comfortable to get closer. He knew what she smelled like and where all the freckles were on her face. He could recall the exact colours of her eyes and they haunted him as if they were following him everywhere.

He could only imagine her when pleasuring himself to the point where when he tried to find things online to readjust himself he would just get bored. Knowing her, he knew that she’d probably be patient and affectionate in bed. She always was quite touchy anyhow which was something he barely let anyone allow with him.

He wondered if it was worth coming prepared in case his dream were to come true. Looking through his new job he saw on the list to check the expiry dates for condoms, almost choking on his own saliva. “I can’t get a break.” He shook his head.

Penelo wacked into the tree and caved downwards huffing. Taking a moment to stretch her back and inhale, she sucked in her breath and started cutting down the tree with her axe again.

The parts of the farm that were left unattended to for years had grown into a small forest. She knew it would be good for the fireplace and for Leah’s woodwork but it was tiring to deal with alone. For days she worked on cleaning up the farm before Winter could roll in making the job even harder with the bitter cold and snow.

Hearing her phone ring, she paused to pick it up. Clearing her throat she shook her head hoping her loose hairs would get out of her face. “Hello?”

“Hello dear, how are you this morning?” It was Evelyn.

“Oh, hey Evelyn, I’m alright. How are you?”

“I’m good dear, I was wondering if-” Whatever the old woman was saying next fell deaf upon Penelo’s ears as she heard the tree in front of her crackle and whine. She shouted, jogging out of the way as the tree fell onto its side.

“Penelo? Penelo dear? What was that? Hello?”

Shaken up, she panted and tried to speak. “Uh... A tree.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just... Chopping trees down.” Her voice rose as she spoke sheepishly.

“Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m alright. What did you need help with?”

“Well, I wanted to bake a cake for Elliott’s birthday but I’m not sure what flavour he likes. Because you’re so close with him I wanted to get some information from you.”

Penelo wasn’t aware that his birthday was coming up. She hadn’t bothered checking the noticeboard outside of Pierre’s that often had requests, news and people’s birthdays or events up on there. She wondered if she was a bad friend but Leah hadn’t told her and Elliott seemed to be quiet of late. Thinking of what Elliott tended to like, she could only think about how he didn’t usually eat desserts. Out of Leah, Elliott and her, she was the sweet tooth, both her friends being healthy.

“Um, I’m sure he’d want something healthy. A banana cake or maybe a carrot cake?”

“Oh, dear, I was in the works of making a chocolate cake.” The woman made a note to herself under her breath. “I might as well still bake it. I know this might sound silly, but could you go to Pierre’s and buy me some ingredients? I’ll pay you back and add a little extra if you help me bake.”

“Oh, of course. I’ll be over in about twenty minutes if that’s okay? I just need to hurl this log into the barn.”

“It doesn’t look like it’s going to rain. I can get Alex to help you later.”

Thinking back to Alex’s physique, she felt her body grow hot. Trying not to make her feelings obvious, she swallowed, her throat bobbing. “Yeah, sure.” Alex was definitely a beautiful man, probably the most good looking guy in the valley. He was intimidating because of how attentive he was with his fitness, but she couldn’t deny that a tight body was something to wither about.

Sticking her axe into a new tree, she tied her hair up and went inside her house to get her keys and her eftpos card. Driving out from her farm through her gates she trucked down the dirt road until it turned to concrete making the ride smoother.

Stopping in front of Pierre’s, she heard the doorbell ring and Abigail in her work vest turn to look over at her. She smiled, waving at her. “Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked. Her purple hair was tied back into a long ponytail. Penelo spotted her father Pierre writing in a large book at the counter, she suspected it to be a budgeting book.

“Evelyn asked me to buy her some things. I’d often go to Joja but I didn’t want to do dirty with the cheap stuff.”

“Evelyn?”

“Yeah, she wants to bake a cake for Elliott.”

“Oh, right. His birthday in two days.” She nodded. “What sort of stuff do you need?”

“Any old bananas lying around?”

Abigail snorted. “You bet.” She brought Penelo over to the fruit section. There wasn’t in the much of the way of fresh fruit and vegetables. She knew Pierre liked to buy fresh stock from her grandfather when he was around but the display just looked sad. “They’ll probably turn bad tomorrow.”

“Good thing I came then. I don’t know if she needs any flour and such, so I think I’ll buy some just in case.”

“Sure.” Abigail picked up a basket and began filling it for her. Both the woman talked and laughed as they walked around the store. Glancing over at her, she noticed multiple ear piercings and what looked to a tattoo at the back of her neck she couldn’t make out.

“How do you afford all the piercings and the tattoo?”

“Shh!” She hushed Penelo, glancing over at her dad. “Parents don’t know I have a tattoo.” After hiding behind one of the shelves she turned to her. “I don’t get paid shit here working for my dad,” Her eyes were large and frightening. “I _actually_ have a side hustle.”

“Digital paintings?” Penelo asked.

“No, I...” She leaned in. “I’m a camgirl.”

Penelo stretched her head back. “Are you referring to what I think you are?”

She nodded. “The house walls are thick, almost soundproof. I actually play the radio close to the door so they don’t suspect much. I can get like a thousand in one week while working here like twenty hours a week gets me like maybe two-fifty.”

“Jeez, I didn’t know there a was a market that big.” Penelo shook her head. “I don’t really watch much of that stuff, so I guess I’ve been oblivious. Does Sam and Seb know?”

She shook her head. “No, I haven’t told anyone.”

“You’ve been telling me a lot of secrets.” Penelo frowned. “Are you sure you trust me with this stuff?”

“Of course, we’re friends now.” Abigail fumbled with her thumbs. “I don’t really have any girl friends.”

Penelo smiled softly. “Sooo, what’s with the love heard with the letters S and A together in the abandoned community center? It couldn’t have been Seb, right?”

Abigail put her hand to her face. “God, I forgot about how Sam had a crush on me. This was like ten years ago though.” Penelo giggled in response. “He used to chase me around. It’s actually a shame, we used to play in the tallgrass of your farm when your granddad wasn't working as much. Sam got mad hay fever. I used to hide from him in there sometimes to be alone.”

“I’d say you still could do that but I think you’d give me a hell of a fright.”

“No, I won’t do that to you. We have a huge forest anyways.” Abigail shook her head. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course.”

“Cool.”

“Why don’t you quit or something if you don’t like working for your parents?”

She shook her head in response. “I don’t have to pay rent and I have enough free time anyways. It’s sort of a family responsibility. I can’t really say no. I don’t mind so it's okay.”

“Does it affect your studies?”

She shook her head. “Online classes are easy once you get into a routine. The tough thing is my parents thinking that me being on the computer all day means I’m playing video games when I’m not. I totally get what Seb means when he says he’s frustrated about his stepdad thinking he’s wasting time. Both my parents don’t give me a fucking break.” She sighed.

“I wish I could say I’ve felt the same,” Penelo grimaced. “Actually, I have felt that way a bit. But most of my life has been both my parents not giving me enough attention. It’s weird, you never know if you’re growing up right because there’s no one saying if you are or not but then again it has given me the freedom to find myself without outside influences.”

Abigail sighed. “I guess there’s always good and bad with every situation.” Shaking her head, she signalled Penelo over to the counter where she departed, clearly not wanting to be in a conversation with her father and her friend.

Shane carefully placed himself on the couch in the staffroom with a piping hot cup of cheap coffee in his hand. Getting out his phone he went to check if Penelo had sent him anything. They had been sharing music for the past few days and it was something he often looked forward to. He liked hearing what her sound was like. He thought of music like it was a key to unlocking what people thought and felt and where words didn’t work for Penelo, the music did.

She hadn’t sent him anything which left him feeling partially heartbroken but he saw a text from Sebastian and went to open it. Seeing Seb’s little anime picture he read an invitation to hang out some time that day. He typed back he was working till late but he got a quick response back saying that Seb preferred the evenings if he was still up for it.

Shane shrugged, telling himself why not.

“_Sure_.”

“_Did you want to smoke?_”

“_I don’t smoke._”

“_I mean green._”

_Oh_, Shane thought. “_Okay_.”

“_Cool. I’ll wait outside Joja around five._”

Shane sipped his coffee and pulled back, still surprised at how hot it was. Rubbing his long nose he placed the cup on the table next to him and folded his arms to think. He didn’t talk to Sebastian much. Maybe a little every few days. They talked about philosophical books or articles they’ve read and tended to link each other metal bands that weren’t very popular. He liked Sebastian’s taste.

He wished he didn’t judge him so quickly but he still didn’t quite understand why Sebastian dressed in all black and had his hair styled the way it did this it’s long side fringe. He could never imagine dressing the same but seeing how affectionate Penelo looked up at him made him stop from being so judgemental and more curious.

After paying, she went back outside and took a look at the board in front of the store. Looking closely at the calendar under the glass case, she looked to see when Shane’s birthday was. Peeling back the glass case and pushing it away, she flipping through the calendar seeking his name written in a rough thick pen. Finding his name in the middle of April, she sagged. His birthday was a while away and she wanted to do something special for him.

Driving past Pierre’s, she parked on a small green patch outside the Mullner’s home. Their home was a blue two-storey home that didn’t have much in the way of a garden but had a tall fenced area attached to the side of the building and protecting their backyard. It always looked clean, probably because of Evelyn who Penelo knew to be the local gardener who made the village so cute and vibrant.

She could see the television on through the window with George’s head covering half of the screen. George was always a grumpy old man and looked like he couldn’t walk. She never did get a close-up but she was sure one of his legs had been amputated.

Ringing the door, she was surprised to see a shirtless Alex sweating with a towel around his neck. Holding her breath, she relaxed and smiled. “Hey, I thought you were working today.”

“Nah, Haley and Elliott are.” He told her. “Come in, it’s warmer inside.” He was right. It was a nice toasty warm and it smelled like baking. She hadn’t been in the Mullner’s house before but she was sure it must always smell like something is cooking.

There were cute paintings and little metal wall pieces that covered the wooden walls, some including cartoonish fish and detailed chickens. _The kitchen is adorable_, Penelo thought. There were small clothes with little animals sewn into the edges and all of the little jars and tins were named and beautifully designed with flowers or other nature-linked things.

“Your house is beautiful.” She said under her breath.

Alex snorted. “If you say so, farmer girl.” Shutting the door, he moved past her, almost touching her arm with his exposed chest. Jumping, she moved aside for him. “I’m going to be working out in my room. Just call out when you’re done with Granny and I’ll help you with chopping the trees down.”

She nodded, taking her scarf off and putting it carefully around the coat hanger. As she began taking off her coat, exposing her turtle-neck she saw a little hunched over Evelyn trot towards her with oven mitts in her hands.

“Afternoon, dear.”

“Good afternoon, Evelyn.” She said, feeling a tad awkward with the formalities.

“Come in, leave the bag on the table.” Penelo put the paper bag on the table Evelyn came over to take the contexts out. “Oh, dear, you bought everything.” She laughed cutely to herself. “I didn’t need all this.”

“Sorry, I should have clarified with you what you needed.”

“It’s alright dear. It means I’m well prepared for any surprise birthdays in the future.” Penelo watched the small woman hum to herself while bringing over eggs from inside the bag over to the counter.

“Where did you need me to help?”

“Come, come, dear.” Evelyn gave her a toothless grin. “Can you mix this bowl. It’s the chocolate cake.”

Feeling strange being the taller person in the room, she reached out for the whisk and the clear bowl in front of her. “How have you been Evelyn?” 

“I’ve been good but it’s been hard to get George out of the house. Since it’s getting colder he just sits in front of the television all day." 

“Should I go say hello?”

“Maybe later.” She assured her. “But don’t mind him if he’s grumpy. He’s been through a lot.”

“How did you two meet?”

“First time I met him he threw a giant snowball at me right here in the valley during one of the winter festivals.”

“Wait. Really?”

“He came to check on me of course. He was a gentleman.”

“I thought this town only came to be quite recently.”

“Oh, yes, but a lot of families stationed here during the mining days. George and I were children at the time but he became a miner once we were adults. We got married here too. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

“Wow, what is that like?”

“Peaceful. I’ve always liked it here.”

“Have you ever lived in other places?”

“I was a cook and nurse back in the old wars. George signed up so I wanted to go help to not feel so lonely waiting for him. We travelled a lot but didn’t stay in towns for more than a year or two. We just belong to the valley. There’s nowhere else better for us.”

“That’s quite romantic.”

“Oh, George was so sweet. He would pick flowers for me every morning and place them at my doorstep before going to work. He was always so considerate. Now that he can’t walk I feel it’s my turn to take care of him.”

“It must be hard.”

“You have to work hard for the things you love.” Evelyn stated, leaving Penelo to reminisce over the old woman's words. Penelo’s past relationships mostly were remembered with her always being the one putting in the most effort to make things work. She was always there even when she wasn’t going through a good time and she always communicated her feelings. She felt disappointed with every end of her relationships all because she was told they would do anything for her and love her unconditionally but that was never the case when things got hard.

“I wish I had young love.” Penelo admitted. “Then I wouldn’t have to worry so much about being alone.”

“No matter what happens, I know a sweet girl like you will always be surrounded by the best people.”

“Oh, Evelyn.” Penelo put her hand to her chest.

“You’re a darling. It’s a shame you and Alex aren’t together.”

“Evelyn! He’s dating Haley.”

She simply smiled and hummed, “Mmhm, I know.” Penelo tried not to laugh as she shook her head and stirred.

Seb had his hands in his hoodie’s pockets as he leaned against the store near the sliding doors. The sun was setting despite how early in the evening it was which Sebastian greatly liked. The more it was dark the more he could be outside alone. He often went for night walks by himself.

Truthfully, sometimes he would find himself walking mindlessly until he'd reach Penelo’s farm. He never went to say hi but occasionally he’d see her from the windows she didn’t bother closing the curtains for. When she was alone she tended to sing or dance. He never was able to hear the music but he always thought she looked best when she was comfortable in her own space.

Shane walked out wearing his old Joja sweatshirt and groaned to himself before spotting Seb. “Hey.” He said awkwardly.

“How was work?” Seb asked as he pulled himself off of the wall. Shane felt a little jealous about Seb’s taller height.

“Same as always.” He shrugged.

Seb laughed. “I guess that’s what it must be like working in a place like this. Oh,” He went to reach inside his leather satchel. “I brought Resident Evil for you to play. I know you told me you didn’t own it.”

“You’d let me borrow this?”

Sebastian let out a throaty snort. “Of course. It’s not like I’m playing it right now. And plus, I get to talk to someone about it. Sam doesn’t really play any video games. He’s got a Nintendo and plays role-playing games but I’m pretty sure he’s a little bitch when it comes to horror.”

“Resident Evil isn’t that scary.”

“You’re not scared of much, are you?”

Shane tilted his head. “I’d like to say that.”

“But it’s not true?” Seb smiled.

Shane’s lip quirked and Seb huffed a laugh knowingly. They headed towards a small waterfall at the top of the river that squirmed through the village and Seb took out a joint and lit it. After taking in a hearty inhale he handed it carefully to Shane. Shane hadn’t had weed in a long time, maybe a year, but he was used to bongs and not cigarettes. Taking a puff, it felt strange in his system as he exhaled, finding it hard to breathe and began coughing.

“Been a while?” Seb asked with a smirk.

“Yeah.” Shane admitted, covering his mouth with his forearm. “Where do you even get weed in this town?”

“Truthfully?” Seb sniffled. “Abigail’s dad has a secret garden for it. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know it but Abigail steals from it. She learned pretty quickly by herself how to do all of it. I learned from her when we used to date.”

“You and Abigail dated?”

“Well, not really. We fucked around.” He took a puff, eyebrows creasing. “I really liked her but she found out she didn’t feel the same.”

“That’s one of my biggest fears,” Shane said taking the joint. “When you think it’s going to work out and you’re getting your hopes up but then it just fizzles out.”

“Have you dated much?” Seb asked as he sat down, taking his shoes off to put his feet in the water. Shane went to sit down next to him but didn’t want to peel off his socks and shoes too, crossing his legs instead.

“I dated a girl for a while in high school but I moved away after graduation and we ended it. She’s a model now I think and eats healthy. Big Christian.”

“Oof.” Seb shook his head.

“Yeah, it’s definitely not for me either.”

“Do you think there is a god out there?” Sebastian asked leaning back and looking at the sky.

“Maybe, but if he’s out there, or _they’re_ out there, then they’re very ignorant.”

“Or lazy.”

“But I messed around a lot when I worked a big shot job in an office,” Shane said, feeling his thoughts melt away. “Fucked around with a lot of girls from work or girls I met in town. Nothing serious.”

“That’s cool.” Seb said sounding drowsy. “I sometimes wish I could do that but I don’t know if I’m capable of one night stands.”

“It’s okay if you’re not.” Shane rubbed his nose. “I can’t anymore. Even if I were in the city right now surrounded by beautiful women I don’t think I want to.”

“What’s changed?” Seb turned to look at him.

Shane looked down with a fickle expression. “I...” He didn’t know what to say. He thought about Penelo but even liking her wasn’t enough. He had grown depressed, he didn’t find comfort in it anymore. It used to be something on the side that was fun but even as his mental health worsened which changed it into more of a coping mechanism to feel anything good it just didn’t work anymore. “I, um... I guess a lot.” Shane declined the end of the bud which he knew would be the strongest hits and gave it back to Sebastian.

Sebastian watched him patiently, waiting for him to finish his thoughts. “I’ve been depressed for a while. I don’t like saying it, but it’s true. I don’t find any meaning in it and right now I’m trying to find meaning in everything I do.”

“That’s probably really bad for you.”

“I can’t think of it as bad.” Shane scratched his hair near his ear. “Everything should have a meaning.”

“Sure, you can conclude it so you begin to think everything has a meaning but when you search in absolutely everything for it to make sense you start to deteriorate. It’s just not healthy. You don’t have to know something to feel it.”

“I don’t know if I understand.”

“You don’t have to.” Seb said blinking slowly. “You just have to feel it, dude.”

Shane huffed a laugh. “You’re off your face.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t know.” Shane looked down at his hands.

“If you don’t know then you’re probably not.”

“You did smoke more than me.”

“But it’s been a while for you.”

Shane blinked for a moment making Sebastian wonder if he was alright. “Do you like someone right now?”

“Ha, where did that come from?”

“I think I like someone.” Shane said, swaying forward. “I lied, I know I like someone.”

“Who is it?”

“I don’t want to say.”

“Can I guess?”

“Yeah but don’t ask me who it is because I’m not telling you.”

“Okay.” Sebastian said, automatically thinking it to be Penelo.

“What should I do?”

“Do about what?”

“The person I like.”

Sebastian pressed the burning out bud of the joint into the dirt and tossed it into the water. “Whatever you want, I guess.”

“I don’t think she’ll feel the same way if I told her but I keep having dreams about her. You know? _Those dreams_. And I think she’s so fucking pretty and I keep wanting to tell her but I know I can’t do that when we’re friends.”

“You can tell your friends you find them attractive. It shouldn’t be weird. I tell Abigail sometimes even if we’re not together anymore.”

“But it’s not the same.” Shane sighed. “Why do you dress in black anyway?”

Seb laughed. “Everyone always asks me that.” Shane apologised but Sebastian shook him off. “It’s fine. I just tend to buy black shirts and stuff, I don’t really think about it. I just get what I like.”

“And your hair?”

Sebastian shrugged. “It’s enough to be considered normal but it makes me feel more me than anything.”

“Is it naturally black?”

“My hair is auburn.” He stated. “Like a dark reddish-brown. My dad has really dark hair but my mum’s hair is ginger. I guess I should be thankful I’m not ginger. I don’t think it would suit me very well. I just dye it because I think I suit black better.”

“I don’t think ginger would suit me either.”

Sebastian laughed loudly. “You would absolutely not suit it, my friend.”

Alex was quite the talker it seemed. Penelo didn’t mind talking or getting to know someone but Alex was making her a bit uncomfortable with how he just seemed to never stay on point. When she parked next to her cabin the first thing for Alex to say was how awful it looked. Frowning, she opened her car door to get out. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“Sorry, no, I’m on a diet right now.” He patted his stomach. “I’m trying to get big for the trials for Zuzu City’s gridball team.”

“You’re very passionate about gridball, aren’t you?”

“It’s my dream.” He said with a stern face. “Do you doubt I can get in?”

Penelo erected herself. “I didn’t say I doubted you.” She pouted.

“Good, because I’m going to make it.” He almost sounded nervous which made Penelo suspicious. “Now, where do I gotta be?”

“Just over there, it’s a little walk away. I’m just going to bring this chocolate cake inside first. You should see where I’ve been chopping stuff down.”

“Alright, farmer girl.”

After going inside and finding a more comfortable coat to dress in for the cold, she came back out and found Alex with a log piece cut to fit well on his shoulder. Asking where to put it, she had to take a moment to appreciate how strong he was. She showed him her now very clean and barren barn that had other bits of wood stacked in the corner.

“Do you need help with patching up this place?”

She shook her head. “It’s alright for now. I don’t have any plans to fix the barn. It’s sturdy. _Ugly_. But it’s standing. It’ll keep all the wood dry.”

“So, why did you decide to start chopping the trees down?”

“Well, I don’t have much else to do. There’s not much time to plant things for the Winter. I hear it gets deadly cold here in the valley. I’m just sorting out my budget for the next three to four months. Plus, I’ll need the wood for my fireplace.”

“I guess it’s good you don’t have to pay for firewood.”

“Yeah.” She agreed.

“Is it cool if I take some home for me and my grandparents?”

“Of course. But, please pay.”

“We’re not leeches, Penelo.” Going back to her place of work, they both began hurling the logs she left to and fro from the barn. “Have you been liking it here?”

“Yeah, actually.” She said with a content small smile. “Will you have to move away if you get into the team?”

“_When_ I get in the team.” He corrected. “And most likely. I think Haley wants to do photography in the big city anyways.”

“Do you love Haley?”

She didn’t think it was too hard of a question but looking over at him as the silence grew she began to doubt if he did. “I think I do.” Is all he could say. When they got back to the barn on one of their trips he seemed at a standstill. Before she could ask what was wrong he met her eyes. “Sometimes she really hurts me though.”

“Haley hurts you?” Penelo’s voice was soft as she approached him. “What happens?”

“She’s really mean sometimes. Whenever we fight she says things that she knows I care about and makes me feel bad about them.”

“Well, that’s not good.” Penelo put her hand to her chin. “I like to try not to do that. But if it’s to try to make someone understand then sometimes I feel like I have to stoop to that level. It’s never a nice feeling but I don’t know why she does it so I can’t easily take your side, you know?”

“I guess.” Alex’s face scrunched up. “I wish you’d take my side though.”

“Your feelings are still valid.” She touched his arm. “It doesn’t mean I’m saying you’re wrong to think that way.”

“That’s nice.” He said with a frown. “Do you need me to cut down any more trees for you?”

Penelo could tell he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Putting on a reassuring smile she signalled him over with her. “Sure, I want to see how strong you really are.”

“Hey!” He boomed with laughter. “Don’t underestimate me, farmer girl!”

Penelo sat on Leah’s couch watching her friend carve violently against the wood in front of her while she sipped her hot chocolate. Pulling a blanket closer over her legs she sniffled before speaking. “How has the online stuff been?”

“Good,” Leah huffed, chest moving in and out. “I have a stable income if I keep the commissions open. Just means I have to work more.” She wiped her forehead. “How have things been with Shane?”

Penelo rose a brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve always been worried about him. Now you two are friends, you tell me about him a lot and how you send weird emojis to each other.”

“He’s been alright. I think he’s still drinking. Not as much as he used too, but I thought he like... Quit? Maybe I was being naive to think he’d just cut it off.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love to drink.” Leah said waving her chisel around. “A lot, actually. I can easily imagine getting hooked on that stuff, especially if I was back working my old retail job like a fucking... Ugh, I don’t know, a zombie. But now I feel like I have to take things into moderation. Healthy doses. But I can say that from a good place.”

Penelo nodded as she listened. “He asked me to go on a small trip with him to the city.”

_“Huh?_” Leah boomed. “I mean, what?”

“Yeah, this weekend. I told him I’m fucking poor but he said we could just go do free stuff like go to the museum or something.”

“Wow, okay...”

“I know. I wanted to say no but the more I thought about it the more I realised how I’m started to forget what it’s like to be out of this place. I’ve been trying to settle so much that I don’t think about how there’s a world out there.”

“That’s also what makes the valley great.”

“Yeah, but how can you really be good at anything creative if you don’t go out and experience things? I want to be reminded of what it felt like to be back out there.”

“I hope you two have fun. He sounds like he’s doing well then. Maybe you should invite him to one of our dinner nights. I'm sure Elliott wouldn't mind him at our small birthday celebration for him.”

“Mm, maybe. He’s really quiet. Doesn’t even answer me half the time and when he does talk. It’s like he speaks in riddles.”

“Like, _how many apples does-?_”

“No, no,” Penelo laughed. “Like, he’s honest but confusing at the same time. Like you’re given an answer and it came out clearly but it just doesn’t sink in.”

“Almost like Elliott then.” Leah snorted. “_Art thou strange as thou blossoms in the fields of friendship_.”

“Elliott doesn’t sound like that.” Penelo crinkled her nose. “Okay, maybe a little sometimes.” Fumbling with her cup she swallowed and wondered if it was worth telling someone about her feelings for him. “I think I like Shane.” She blurted out. The silence was eery, Penelo almost wondered if she even said anything. Looking up, Leah was frozen, watching her with a stern glare.

“I thought this would happen.”

“What?”

“You manage to bring him up in any conversation. I wondered if it was just you being a nice person worrying over him but it seemed off.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. You’ve liked him ever since you met him.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Okay, then you’ve been _interested_ or curious in him since you met him.”

“I don’t know, maybe...” Penelo groaned. “I definitely didn’t like him when I first met him. He was rude to me, said things I didn’t like. He’d say stuff like ‘_give me up for science_’ which just made me sad.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t let it go any further. Find someone else. There’s plenty of people here to choose from and not just men.”

“I know but... I don’t want to _not_ like him.”

“Okay, well, I don’t know him that well but be careful. I hear you talk about how sad he makes you rather than happy.”

“Shit, really?”

“Yeah. You worry too much.”

“I’ll do some thinking and update you.”

Leah put her tools down and took Penelo’s empty cup from her. Walking to the kitchen, she began cleaning the glass. “Have you told Elliott or Seb about this?”

Penelo wanted to shake her head so she didn’t have to talk but her friend was turned away from her. “Haven’t told anyone.”

“How long do you think you’ve liked him?”

“I’m not sure, I’ve always thought he was cute, like... He has this really rugged look and when he smiles he has these dimples that really suit him. When we started talking I guess I got to know that we actually have a lot in common. We have the same views in a lot of ways and he’s opened my eyes to things I really enjoy like music I haven’t heard of. I’m just not so confident to follow these feelings because he has these really depressing moments sometimes.”

“That can change.”

“That’s the thing.” Penelo pointed out as Leah leaned against her counter. “I thought to myself about how I wish he’d change but when I thought about the act of changing him I realised how horrible that sounds. I don’t want to fix him. I want him to be him but just better.”

“You’d want that for anyone you love, wouldn’t you? I want the best for you and Elliott and everyone in this valley. It only makes sense you’d want the best for him.”

“So what should I do?”

Leah shrugged. “Be careful, follow your heart. But put yourself first, always.”

Shane looked over at Penelo sitting next to her. They both sat on the sandy shore a few meters away from the water. It was surprisingly warm, the sun beating down just enough to feel his skin prickle but without the harsh burning sensation.

“You never did tell me what your dream was.” Her hair was tied into a loose bun, the ends a dark blue.

Feeling like his hands weren’t real, he reached out to touch her to make sure he was actually there. She arched her head to meet his dark eyes and raised a brow with a smile questioningly.

He was very aware of his own breathing as he opened his mouth, scared to answer. “You’re my dream.” His voice rumbled as he whispered.

Giggling, she leaned in close so their noses almost touched. “I don’t think I get it.”

He blinked at her for a moment. She waited patiently for him to say or do something like usual which he always appreciated. Taking the risk, he closed his eyes and aimed his head carefully as he pressed his lips against hers.

He had forgotten what it felt like to kiss someone and it was so sweet he wanted to melt into her arms. She kissed back to his surprise and when he took a moment to look at her she only stared back unphased. “Was that okay?”

“Why would you ask that?” She laughed. “Come here.” She crawled into his space and went to kiss him. He took out his hands so he held her face as delicately as he could, not wanting to be too aggressive with her. She opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to play with hers.

“Pen...” He wanted to make sure everything was allowed but she didn’t stop. She only pressed up against him more, falling into his lap. She could feel the tips of her breasts brush against him, teasing him. “I want you.” He whispered. “Really bad.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Her golden-brown eyes were dilated as she made contact with him. Grabbing her ass she gasped in response. Pulling her down into the sand, the water brushed their toes as he began kissing her neck. “You’re really good at this.” She laughed.

“I want to make you feel good.”

“I want to make you feel good too.” She pushed him playfully. He followed in her steps and sat up. Adjusting herself, she flicked loose hair from her face and snuck her hands to his waistband. Darting upwards in response, he felt like her fingertips warm against his skin. “Just relax.” She purred.

He felt his eyes shut tight with anticipation when he felt his shallow breath against his pillow. _Fuck_, he thought. _Another one._

He wanted to fall back asleep to continue the dream and feel her warm touch against his lonely body but it was impossible with how his mind boggled on his disappointment. Feeling his member throb against his sheets he groaned angrily. “I have to tell her.” He put his hands up to his eyes, feeling his eyes sting with tears. “This hurts too much to bear anymore.”

For the first time in a while, he ached enough for him to want a drink.

Penelo knocked on Elliott’s front door, the rough wood hurting her knuckles slightly. She huffed, waiting for him to stir on the other side. It was early morning and she knew Elliott’s work schedule enough to know he didn’t have any days where he started until closer to the afternoon. Once the door creaked inwards she looked up at her very tall friend with her ginger hair ruffled in a big mess. He wore a loose and long-sleeved white top and loose pants to match. His hair covered his face so she couldn’t see his eyes but she could tell he had been crying.

“Oh,” She let out a noise of sympathy and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He liked her warmth and since she was a woman the feeling of her breasts against his chest made him feel lighter. “What’s wrong?” She pouted up at him, hands still at his waist.

He shook his head. “Just miss being myself.” She looked inside and saw that the floor of his cabin looked littered with blankets and coats. Usually, Elliott was very tidy and kept everything up to standard but after stepping inside and seeing a pile of plates needing to be washed near his sink and his collection of books scattered on the table she took a deep breath and pushed her lips together.

Neither of them said anything as she headed to the table to start closing the books and carefully adjusting his bookmarks to the top of the pages. He stood at the closed door watching her, hair falling over his forehead, still.

As she began stacking them and wiping crumbs off of the table she felt his cold hand touch her arm. Freezing, she turned to look at him, waiting for him to say something. His eyes wrinkled, glistening green. She wondered for a moment if he was going to kiss her with his close he was but when he leaned in his forehead stopped under her chin as he crumbled.

Surprised, she let her arms out to give him space. She began hearing him sob and she felt her arms fall down onto his broad shoulders. Pressing down his locks, she gave him time to cling onto her until he got his bearings.

“Come, sit on the couch and I’ll take care of you, okay?” He did as she said silently. She gathered a blanket off the ground and covered him before going into the kitchen to turn his kettle on. Looking through the cabinets which she was mildly familiar with, she got out a can of cocoa powder and got ready a cup for him. She began to rinse his dishes in the sink until the kettle was done and she filled the cup up with three-quarters hot water and turned the tap on to add some cold water to even out the temperature. Stirring, she left the teaspoon in the sink before walking up to him and handing it to him.

She reached out to his old-fashioned radio which was already on the classical channel she wanted to put on and made it so the volume was quiet enough to be background noise. She stacked up the cleaned dishes to dry on a rack and began picking up all of the items he left on the floor then putting them in a giant pile onto the couch beside him.

She sat down and cleared her throat, beginning to fold the blankets and clothes in the heap. “Tell me what you’re feeling.” She said without looking at him.

“Philosophical. Empty.” He announced. “I feel like I have no purpose.”

“Oh, Elliott,” She smiled lightly. “You know you’re important to me.”

“But when you or Leah are gone, then what am I?” He brought his hands out to express himself but they still remained under the blanket, the blanket stretching out with him.

“Have you been talking to Leah?”

“She comes to check on me regularly. Asks me to get dinner with her.”

“At the Saloon?” He nodded back. “And do you?”

He shook his head. “No. She offers to pay and it makes me feel bad. I want to afford it myself and_ I-_ I think about how I never used to think about where my next meal would come from. I used to go to high-class restaurants every week and I use to ride in a car with someone getting paid to take us places. Now I’m in this cold cabin and I’m a failure. If my brother or my parents saw me working at the petrol station I think I’d die from embarrassment.”

Penelo felt one of her brows twitch. “You shouldn’t feel ashamed because you’re working hard. Just because it’s some minimum wage job doesn’t mean you’re worthless.”

“I thought I’d be somewhere higher at this age. I’m getting so old.” He put his head in his hands.

She leaned in, dropping the coat in her hands she was folding and rested against him. “I know your birthday tomorrow.” She pursed her lips. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s just not important anymore.”

“That’s silly.” She said adjusting herself to be more comfortable. “You know that me and Leah would have done something with you if you had just said.”

“It’s just a number.”

“Even if a birthday is just a date where you turn a year older, it’s a celebration. You came into this world however many years ago it was and I want to celebrate it with you and to show you how much you mean to me. You’re my best friend. You helped me open up when I was new here. I’ve never really had many friends and the fact I live in the same time as you and I know you is amazing to me.”

“Oh, sweet Penelo...” He smiled. “What did I do to deserve to know a lady like you?”

She shrugged. “Just by being you.” She rested on her knees. “Will you be free on your birthday tomorrow? It’s a Thursday so we shouldn’t go too wild on the drinks but let’s do something.”

“I have work during the day.”

“Then we’ll do something at night.” She assured him. “And I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but Evelyn and I made you a cake.”

“Gosh...” He blushed. “You didn’t have to.”

“How old are you turning? I forget.”

“Twenty-Seven.”

“Psh, what are you going on about feeling old or not being where you want to be. We still have so much time. We look at our twenties like we have to have all our best memories here or to have everything figured out once you’re thirty but that’s just not how it works. Everything has lead up to us meeting now and I can say with full confidence that it was all worth it to know you.”

Elliott grinned in response and reached out to rub her back.

“Go out and take Leah up on her offers. She loves you and misses you. I know things are hard but if we stick together, communicate with one another and know what’s going on then it feels so much easier.”

“I want to write again, but what is there to write about? My life is so dull now. I’m getting paid to stand around a dusty and bright store that smells like gas doing nothing. Writing from experience makes the words so much bolder but I’m doing nothing.”

“Then maybe use your writing to help you. Like a diary or maybe... I don’t know, just write about what you’re feeling.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“And...” Penelo said teasingly. “You could borrow some comics off Sebastian. I want to read some erotic crazy shit. Aliens or fucking elves or something getting _tentacle fucked_.”

Elliott laughed. “Oh, dear. You’re much more lewd than I thought you were Penelo.”

She snorted. “As a virgin, I doubt I am.”

His face melted into a sympathetic look. He didn’t say anything but that was all he had to do to tell her it was alright. “I didn’t make love until I was twenty-two.” He pointed out. “It’s not something you do to get out of the way. It’s what you do when you’re ready.”

Penelo’s brows pinched together. “Once Leah told me she lost hers because she saw it as a chore.”

He shrugged. “Leah is different than people like us and she was very young. I know you wouldn’t do it unless you were ready and with the right person. She’s rash and a little too confident for her own good. She knows she is pretty and uses it to her power. It’s okay to be your age and still not experience it.”

“I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me.”

“You’re perfect just the way you are.” He said genuinely.

“Elliott, your compliments don’t help.” She waved her hand at him. “When people talk about it I don’t know what to say. It's not like I'm shy, I want to contribute, but I get lost for words. Yesterday I went to Pierre’s and talked to Abigail and she told me she had a thing with Seb and she’s like way younger than me. They were teenagers. I’m fucking twenty-three.”

“All I can say is that I thought I would have at least finished a few good novels by now. I wanted to have accomplished all these dreams and projects but now that I’m here and I haven’t done any of it. I’m obviously disappointed. I can’t force it. You can’t force good things. Things will happen if you keep trying. And I know that writing and romance are two different things but it still works Penelo. Looking for love might not appeal to someone like you but sometimes when you feel something or think something you shouldn’t linger on it, you should work on it, do something about it. Because... Because things slip away.”

She felt her chest rise, watching him think. “Did you lose something?” She asked.

He rested his elbows against his thighs, hair falling over his shoulders. “I guess I’ve just come to acknowledge how lucky I was growing up these past few weeks.” He gritted his teeth. “I used to hate it growing up and becoming more self-aware but now that I’ve distanced myself I know that I should have appreciated it more.”

Penelo shrugged. “I never grew up wealthy.” She stood up and looked out of the cabin windows out to the ocean. “I was actually struggling. It’s embarrassing to say, but I remember asking my friend to ask her parents for money because my mum always said she needed more. Thinking back to it, I just feel so bad. I know I was a kid but I didn’t know how hard it was or that it wasn’t appropriate.

“I don’t talk to my mum anymore but it took me a little while to realise how bad things really were. I grew up not remembering my parents together. I remember being a toddler and meeting my now stepmother though. She was nice to me until my twin brothers came along. I used to cry to mum about wanting to move in with dad because I thought she was too mean but now looking back I know he never really cared. My mum may be crazy and toxic but she loved me.

“I don’t know, I didn’t have much. I clung onto whatever I could. I lived with my mum and I didn’t have internet until I was a teenager when everyone else seemed to have it like ten years before me. All I really had was pencils and paper. I felt trapped at home so I drew until my hands hurt. I didn’t have friends so when I got some for the first time I freaked out and clung onto them so I scared them away.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I felt lost for most of my life and I learned all at once the hard way about knowing what I have. I know people may get scared when I tell them I care about them or worry about them but I feel like it’s important to acknowledge something before it's gone. I know it’s hard without the money. I know life isn’t as lavish as it once was for you but when I sit down and think about all the people in my life and all these things I can call mine because I worked hard and earned it then I become happy.”

Elliott got up to stand next to her. “I guess I should think about some things to look forward to.” He crossed his arms. “Make some goals, start putting things into action.”

Penelo's cheeks rose. “Good, that sounds wonderful.”

“So, what do you think I should write about?” He met her eyes.

She bit the side of her lip. “Hmm, I think you should write about what I suggested before. Some semi-romantic fantasy.”

“I do adore romance.” Elliott put his thumb to his chin. “Maybe a forbidden love?”

Penelo smiled up at him before it fell into a frown. He questioned her what was wrong but she only squinted in return. Once Elliott had told her that if he didn’t take good care of himself he’d end up a mess which she didn’t believe because of how beautiful he was but glancing up at him at the moment, she could see he was right His hair was in tangles and his growing beard looked foreign on him. “Can I brush your hair?”

Shane watched Sam dancing as he swept the back of the store. Shane needed to check the expiry dates on some of the products but knowing that his boss wouldn’t be coming down any time soon he walked over to talk to him. Waving at him awkwardly, Sam confusingly slid down his headphones. “You’re friends with Penelo, right?”

Sam, startled, parted his mouth to answer but only seemed to drool a thoughtful sound from his lips. “Is this a trick question?” The blond winced. Shane grimaced in response. “Yeah, we’re good friends. I don’t hang out with her as much I wish though.”

“Do you know what she’d like better?” Sam rose a brow and Shane pulled out two different bottles of shampoo brands. Laughing, Sam leaned in and put his arm around him. Shane jumped but looked over at Sam who pointed at each of the brands, offering his opinion which Shane paid close attention too.

After finishing Elliott’s birthday painting, Penelo decided to go for a stroll after Leah texted her telling her that there were wild blackberries growing in the forest. Her legs felt good with a good stretch from walking. Her basket was starting to get full and it was getting chilly. Deciding to start heading back to the farm, she turned tail. It was getting dark but she was sure her eyes would adjust. Stardew Valley was safe but she wasn’t sure what animals would come out. Sure, she was close to the village so wild animals wouldn’t come so close but it didn’t mean that all chances were out the window.

Coming up to the lake she spotted a small light glistening near the small wooden platform the loomed over it that she assumed was an old fishing spot. Curious, she walked closer, wondering if maybe it was something magical. She knew magic was real after meeting Rasmodius but she didn’t know the extent of it. He felt safe for the most part if not very confusing.

Lurking closer, she spotted someone sitting at the edge drinking from a can. Her vision cleared up and realised that it was Shane with a box of beer next to him. Feeling upset, she walked over towards him. She made no attempts to be quiet, her steps pressing against the wood until she stopped to look down at him. He looked over at her quickly because of his nerves but once realising it was her went back to looking out at the lake. He knew she was going to say something about him drinking more than he should considering his condition but he wanted to linger in the silence just a little longer.

She sat down next to him softly which surprised him. The silence went on longer than he thought and he realised she wasn’t going to say anything. He began wishing she’d yell at him. He always knew what was on her mind because she always said it but her stillness was beginning to scare him.“Are you angry?”

“Confused.” She answered quickly.

“There’s been a lot on my mind.” He answered truthfully. Admittedly, the only things that troubled him was that he gave up his opportunity to get his job back because of her and all he ever craved was to get back into that life and the fact that he didn't know how to be himself without being at his lowest. But he was falling for her and he knew he had already made up his mind about which desire he wanted more. He was just shocked, unaware of it up until the recent past.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He swallowed. “Maybe when we go on our trip.”

She smiled to herself, looking down. “I’m excited.” She felt her heart racing. “It’s weird. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I get to spend time with you.” He looked over, his lashes fluttering. “I think maybe a part of me thinks about how we both were so close in the past but we didn’t even know each other back then. How many times did I stand in the same lift as you? Or meet eyes with you back then? What did I think of you? I can’t remember. It’s like... It’s like I’m retracing the past with you but- Ugh! I’m not making sense. It’s like we’re living out what could have been. You know?”

He thought her stuttering was cute, feeling his lips curve upwards as she talked. “I’ve thought about similar things lately.” He reached inside the box and offered her a can. She went to reach out but he quickly stopped her, opening it for her before placing it in both her hands. “I think about what it would have been like if we talked back then.”

She sipped, cringing at the taste. She couldn’t comprehend how Shane drank beer in sickening amounts every day for so long.

“I don’t think I would have liked you back then.” His eyes shone in the light as fireflies danced against the water. “And that scares me.”

Penelo wasn’t sure what to say but she was surprised at how she wasn’t hurt by his words. Thinking back to Eric telling her that Shane was a player back in the office days, she knew she wouldn’t have liked him too.

“I don’t know if I hate all of the past me.” He said. “But I know I hate a lot of me now.” His Adam's apple bopped while he struggled to find words. “But when I’m with you now I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.” She teased. Shane stung at the words but he knew she did that on purpose. It was to prove a point.

“I know I don’t tell you or show you enough but when I’m with you I am extraordinarily happy beyond comprehension. I know it might seem like nothing. Pulling out weeds together or exploring abandoned old buildings together but I don’t want to do any of that stuff with anyone else. Well, it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else.”

She snorted. “You don’t mean that.”

“I mean everything I say. I mean it.” He leaned in boldly before his eyes widened with realisation, remembering his previous dream. “Sorry, I’m drunk.”

She didn’t say anything, making him anxious. He turned to watch her and decipher what she was feeling or thinking but she went and arched her head back to scull the drink. She wanted to drink all of it in one go but she stopped halfway and grimaced with a hard swallow. Poking her tongue out he giggled in a low and soft hum. She loved when he laughed like that. He wanted to tell her that someone who drank like that was clearly after his heart but stopped himself, knowing he wanted to tell her his feelings on their trip.

“Is it true you slept around when you worked in the office?” She asked, playing with her thumbs.

Shane tensed. He had never been ashamed of that part of him or the choices he made back then but sitting next to Penelo who he adored and knew wholeheartedly he’d die for, he wished he could go back in time and erase it all.

“I did.”

“Would you still do that now?”

His heart skipped a beat. “No.”

“Why did you use to do it?” Her voice was quiet, like a child’s. Her eyes were big and he realised that she seemed almost hurt by it. He couldn’t pinpoint it but he knew she didn’t like it. Even then, she wasn’t going to shame him or judge him for it.

“I don’t know.” He said. “Everyone else I was around was doing it. It was normal. I didn’t have time for feelings. Everything was perfect already so I didn’t see it as harmful. I didn’t want to involve someone else in my life like that, I didn't want anything to change.”

“I don’t think I could ever do that.” She frowned. “I just... I can’t comprehend not being with someone I don’t have feelings for.”

Shane ached. He felt like a stain next to her. He wanted to protect her, he wanted that part of her to never change. Looking at her, he wanted to cradle and her and keep her close to him so she was protected from all the bad in the world that could hurt her. Tightening his grasp on his can, he felt his hands shake. Finishing the can, he groaned and tossed the can into the box.

“I don’t want to be like that again.” His face hurt as he looked down grimly. “I don’t want to act so meaninglessly anymore.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Penelo leaned in. “I don’t think messing around is a bad thing. I just can’t do it. I know I could but I don’t like that I’d have to force myself into it.”

“Don’t force yourself to do anything.” He said reaching out to her calmly. He brushing his hand in her hair, giving them a comfortable moment together. He knew what he was doing was crossing a line but he had newfound liquid courage and her hair was so pretty and soft that he felt he needed to touch it. “Don’t do anything you don’t want to. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

She giggled. “I know.” She placed her palm against his hand in her hair. “To be honest, I think I’m intimidated by that part of you.” Her brown eyes pierced into him but for some reason he couldn’t seem to focus onto them no matter how hard he tried, his face feeling hot.

“What do you mean?” He swayed. For the first time ever, Penelo looked closely at his eyes realising they were green. She always just thought they were black but in the lantern light, she could see the dark but soft green.

“The fact you have so much experience. It scares me.”

“Why does it scare you?”

“It makes me feel small and stupid. Like I should know all of that stuff by now.”

“You are big and very smart. Very smart and very big.” She laughed. “I’m serious.” He brought his face closer to hers so that only a few centimeters distanced them apart.

“Shane.” She giggled, pushing his face away. “You need to drink some water.”

“Are you going to finish that?” He pointed at her can.

She tsked at him and downed the rest of the beer. Huffing, she placed the litter into the box. Maybe she wasn’t drunk enough to be as relaxed as him but she didn’t want him to drink anymore knowing his drinking habits.

“That was pretty hot.” The words slipped out of his mouth but he didn't feel shameful for saying it.

She eyed him. “If you think drinking is hot I don’t want to know what things you’re into.”

He gave her a smile that reached his eyes and showed his dimples. “I’m into all sorts of crazy stuff Pen. I’m into things you couldn’t even imagine.”

“Like what?” She asked with her teeth showing, a cheeky expression on her face.

“Like crazy, _silly_ stuff.”

“Ahuh.” She played along.

“You couldn’t imagine it. Trust me.”

“Okay, but what are you into?” She asked seriously.

“I’m sadistic.” He said without missing a heartbeat.

She winced at him slowly. “Really?” Her voice was high-pitched.

“A little.” He said, aware she didn’t feel the same way. “I don’t actually want to hurt the other person. I just like...” He raised his hands up and curled them as if he was trying to imitate a lion. She snorted at him which relieved him. “I never want to hurt someone during that stuff.”

“That’s assuring.” She crossed her arms. “I don’t think I’m into anything crazy.”

“Really?” He asked with a low voice.

She shrugged. “Not that I can think of.”

“That’s alright. You don’t need to be crazy.”

“Would you still talk to me if I was?”

“I’d still talk to you if... If...”

“If?”

“If you did something bad to me.”

Penelo stifled a laugh and looked into the beer box. There was only one full can left and she was going to take it. She wanted to be drunk just like him, she wanted to feel a little freer and out of her own hands. She could see why Shane would get addicted to feeling this way. She didn’t have to think for herself, it was all honesty and instinct. She got to follow her heart without fear even if she felt a little sick and dizzy because of it.

“I would never do something bad to you on purpose.” She said then took a sip. “Mm! Unless you deserved it.”

“I deserve a lot of bad things.”

“You deserve a lot of _GOOD_ things.” She corrected him. “Like a lady you can abuse in bed because you’re fucking sadistic.” She fell into a fit of giggles.

“Hey,” He grabbed her arm to shake. “I’m not crazy.”

“_I’m Shane and I like to hit girls or whatever._”

“I don’t like hitting people in bed Penelo!”

“You told-, told me... You’re fucking _wacky_ Shane.”

“You’ve only had one drink.” He sagged.

“I’m fucking lightweight you silly boy.” She reached out her hand and booped his nose with her finger.

“Hey,” He said loudly. “Hey, do you remember the time you told me you liked the sound of my voice even though I barely remember it?”

“Yeah, that was really embarrassing.” She swayed into him and laughed, adjusting herself.

“If it makes you feel better I think you’re amazing.”

“_Noooo._” She said taking another swig.

“And you suited your blue hair. When it was blue it was my favourite.”

“You’ve only ever seen it blue and this colour.” She touched her green ends.

“But it looked really nice. And... And I like the way you dress.”

“That’s nice.” She hummed.

“And I like that you just say how you feel all the time.” He pointed at her. “I wish I could do that because I think of so much to say but I don’t say it.”

“Then say it!” She said laughing, drinking the rest of the can then standing up raising her arms looking like she was about to preach. “Just say it!” She sang loudly. “Say what you want to say!”

Shane almost tripped as he stood up next to her.

“Say what you gotta say, say what you need to say. Shane needs to say what he thinks to say!” She pressed herself against her chest. He felt her laughing rock his body and wanted to hold her closer but refrained himself.

“I can’t say things I want to say right now.” He told her. “I should because, because... Because I’m not scared to say anything right now but I can’t.”

“Then that’s okay. Do it when you need to. The world is your oyster. _Wait_, why do people say that? What does that mean?”

His head felt like it was being pinched by a dozen hands. Turning his face as if he had sucked on a lemon, he groaned. “God, I think it’s late.” He sniffed. “I have work tomorrow.”

“God, you’re so stupid.” She cackled. “Why would you drink when you have work!?”

“Because I had a lot on my mind.” She began crumbling from fits of laughter so he reached out to hold her in case she fell. “I think life is so stupid.”

“Just like_ yoooou_.”

He liked being able to touch her and seeing her smile he knew that she didn’t mind it. He planned to tell her his feelings near the pierre in the city close to the water. He could imagine it but he only saw her rejecting him softly which he knew would hurt a lot more than a hearty angry rejection.

“Do you ever... You ever feel like no matter how hard you try you’re going to fail?”

“You don’t know if you don’t try.” Her eyes looked dilated. Shane could feel himself sobering up but it was the opposite for her, her body swaying like a leaf in the wind.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in some void and I don’t know if I’m even capable of getting out. Maybe I’m meant to be stuck in it.”

“No, no, no.” She put her palm on his face, frightening him. “Life is so beautiful and we have only experienced a fraction of it, Shane.”

“What if I’m not strong enough to get out of this?”

“You are so strong and I am strong too so I am here for you too.”

“Pen...” He stopped to gather himself, feeling like her words were going to burn his chest.

“Is there any beer left? I mean, in my can. I had the last one because I don’t want you to drink anymore because you drink too much and it’s bad for you. Beer is also gross but I haven’t been drunk in a while and I like talking to you when I’m this way.”

“No more.” He said stopping her from reaching down to the box. She groaned in response. “Don’t be like me. You are so beautiful and great and I want you to have a future, unlike me.”

“Shane.” She grumbled.

“I know.” He said before she could say anything else. "Ugh, I think I should head home, my liver is killing me.”

“Then don’t drink you stupid.”

“I’ll walk you home.” He started to curve her away from the lake but she moaned.

“Don’t litter.” She pointed at the box.

“I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“No.” She pulled away from him and held the box up to her chest. “I don’t trust you.” She said in a snakelike voice. “And you’re silly.”

“At least let me hold it.” She pulled away from him. “Fine, you hold it. But only the silliest people hold onto boxes.”

“I may be the silliest but at least I’m not stupid like you.” She joked. With his head aching and his mouth feeling dry, he was well aware he was very much growing sober. He felt self-conscious even though he knew it was a joke.

“You’re right. I’ll try to stop being stupid.”

“That would be nice.” She said smugly. “Because then I wouldn’t have to worry so much.”

“You worry about me?”

“_Soooo much_.” She grinned, trying to laugh but forgetting to breathe first. “I think about you a lot and worry very much. I talked to Leah and she said I talk more sadly than happy about you and it’s made me think. I just want you to be _happy_ and I want _to be here_ for you.”

She spotted the sadness in his eyes, his lips creasing down, surprisingly showing his dimples. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“Well, it’s a little too late for that.” She gave him a cheeky smile.

“I’ll do my best so you don’t anymore, okay?”

“Mm, okay.”

It turned out that Penelo was alright walking home even with being drunk. She still acted with reason, still sounding smart. He wondered how she did it but concluded that it must have been because of how careful she was. He liked seeing her tipsy, she told him things she was often scared to tell people. Secrets, little things that she did with no one around like walking around her house naked which made him laugh.

Once they reached the gate to her farm he reached out to open it for her but she stopped him. “Look, I can walk home from here.” She pressed her palm against his beating heart.

“Okay, but let me take the box.”

“Mmmno.” She held her hand up to him. “I don’t want your family to see you’ve been drinking. I will take it. I have a big farmer bin anyways.”

“No, Pen-”

“Shhh! Don’t argue with me. You can’t win.”

“I beg to differ.” He crossed his arms.

“Well don’t.” She pointed at him. “Stay safe, I care about you. I can’t wait for our trip.”

“Me too.” He said, heart hurting.

“Tomorrow is Elliott’s birthday so make sure you buy him a gift. He’s lovely and deserves many gifts.”

“Okay.”

“And you might get some cake I helped bake.”

“I’m looking forward to trying your cake.”

“It’ll be very nice.”

“I know it will.”

“Okay... Good night.”

“Sweet dreams.” He watched her stepping away. Stopping, she turned back to him with a sour expression.

“I care about you.” She said in a small voice.

“I care about you more.” He said clearly, his voice croaking.

“That’s impossible.” She smiled widely before stumbling into her farm. He waited by the gate until he knew she would be alright and went to head back to his home.

Walking alone felt strange for some reason. He was used to walking to and fro from work or just being alone in general but it just didn’t feel right. He wished she was still beside him smiling up at him and touching him affectionately. He adored her and wanted to spend more time with her.

After ten or so minutes he felt as if his heart couldn’t take it anymore. Stopping in the middle of the forest he parted his lips to practice confessing his feelings to her. “I like you.” He said aloud without a sound responding to him. His eyes darted around anxiously before he tried again. “Penelo, I like you.” He said louder. Holding a fist to his chest he looked up at the cloudy night sky and took a deep inhale. “_**I love you!**_” He shouted, roaring with the wind. His ears rang but when the white noise left his head he only heard the night crickets screaming back at him.

Withering, he crumbled forward, torso and mind numb and on fire. “I love you.” He whispered to himself, hands shaking and cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed the little mistakes I could find. If you see any please comment where I can find them! :)


	13. Chapter Thirteen - Garlic Bread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much longer than the usual (which is mostly why it took so long to get out) but I'm sure this is the one you've all been looking forward to!
> 
> Hope you're all staying safe through this whole apocalypse and I am so so SO appreciative of all the support!
> 
> I know I say this all the time but if you see any mistakes or anything don't be afraid to comment them :)

Cleaning out his car was a lot harder than he thought it would be. He was positive there would only be a few chocolate bar wrappers and some empty beer cans to clear out but once he pushed forward the seat and noticed all the dirt and grime he knew it was going to take longer than he wanted it to be.

Jas skipped on her rope singing a song he couldn’t quite hear over the vacuum he was using, reaching in and groaning when he had to bend down. He hated moments where he had to realise his weight and health. He wasn’t particularly overweight but he was a little chubbier than before and comparing that to his gridball days in high school made him ashamed of how much he had let go.

“Why are you cleaning your car?” Jas asked once he turned the vacuum off.

Panting, he crouched down to look at her. “I’m going on a trip this weekend.”

“Where?”

“The city.”

“Can I come?” She asked wide-eyed.

Shane pressed his lips together firmly. “I’m sorry, princess. I’m going with Penelo.”

“Why can’t I come?” She tilted her head.

“It’s an adult’s trip.”

“An adult’s trip?” Marnie teased near the garage opening. Shane felt his face turn to fire while his aunt approached him. She wore a yellow strapped dress with dotted red flower designs littered across it. “You didn’t tell me you were going out this weekend. I wanted some help with the cows.”

Shane felt his eyebrow twitch. “Ask Mayor Lewis.”

Marnie’s eyes darted wider open. “Young man-”

“It was just a suggestion.” He interrupted. “I don’t want to argue.”

Sighing, she crossed her arms over her big chest. “Maybe I will, but he’s getting old.”

Shane remained quiet, knowing if he spoke his opinion then there would surely be an argument to ensue. Marnie could tell what he was thinking and felt her shoulders fall, knowing he was probably right in his own opinions.

“I have to go to work soon.” He announced. “I won’t come home for dinner, there’s a small gathering for Elliott. Penelo said I could come.”

“Is it his birthday?” Shane nodded back to her. “Oh, how exciting. He’s such a nice young man and he’s quite beautiful, don’t you think?”

Shane cringed. “I don’t know... I’m not...”

Marnie sighed loudly at him before turning her tail. “Jas, get ready for Penny coming to get you soon. Do you have all your books packed?”

“Yes, mama.” She trotted after her mother and out of the empty space of the garage leaving her jumping rope behind.

Penelo looked down at her watercolour painting and wondered how she was going to pack it up. It was a large A3 sized painting and she didn’t own any frames for it. “I should have planned this out more carefully.” She muttered to herself.

Bringing out her phone she went to dial Sebastian. “Yep?”

“Does your mum make photo frames?”

“Yeah, but not many. Did you want me to come over with one?”

“I don’t think it would be very comfortable for you to drive over with an A3 sized frame on your bike.”

“Fuck, an A3?” He tsked. “I don’t think she’s got any that big.”

“Ah, it’s alright. I’ll figure something out.”

“Hang on,” He said quickly. “I’ll sort it out. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you when I’m coming over with it.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry.” She could hear him smile through the phone. “I’ve got you. I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, drink water.”

“You too.”

After spending the day cleaning her closet and sketching while listening to music she heard her phone go off and saw Sebastian calling. Looking at the time it looked to be around 3pm. Anticipating his arrival she went to sit outside with her sketchbook until she heard his motorbike rumbling down the dirt path.

She went in to give him a hug as he took off his helmet. He quickly embraced her, lingering as he held her. “What have you been doing?” He asked, cheeks rising to his eyes.

“Drawing and cleaning.” She tightened her warm poncho shirt against her to keep her away from the cold. “And you?”

“Working.” He scratched his head. “Been really busy. I’m trying to stretch out my work portfolio. It’s giving me headaches.”

“Then don’t sit in front of the screen too much.” She said lightly patting his arm.

“I try not to.” He said with a soft smile. “Anyways, here.” He had a large frame poking out of his backpack.

“I thought you said she didn’t have any?”

“I asked her to make one.”

“What? Seb!”

“Don’t worry, it’s on me. She says it’s free as long as you come around with some wood later.”

“Alright...” She said taking the frame from him.

“What’s it for anyway?” She tilted her head, signalling him inside. They talked as they walked up the steps and when Penelo turned to peer at him noticed how slender he was in his tight black pants. It suited him because he wasn’t very lanky.

“Do you work out?” She asked him casually.

“In my room.” He shrugged. “Why?”

“You look nice.” She commented which made him exhale a little. She put the frame against the table and started to yank her easel a little over for him to see. He looked at the painting which resembled Elliott as an Elven archer of sorts.

“That’s so cool.” He leaned forward. Elliott’s hair looked to be braided, his sunspots sprayed across his nose. His head was arched to the side and the wind blowing at him, cloak and ginger hair sprawling away from him exposing him neck. “It’s gorgeous.”

“I had to do it short notice.” She said. “I only found out his birthday was today a few days ago.”

“You did this in a few days?”

“Yeah, it’s not as good as it could be.”

“It’s great, don’t be silly.” He gave her a hard expression. “He’s lucky to have you as a friend.”

“I’m lucky I’m an artist.” She pointed out. “It means I don’t have to spend any money on gifts. And I really need all the money I can get.”

“Will you paint me something for my birthday?”

“I don’t know...” She pointed her finger to her lips. “Will I?”

“I want something like this.” He said tracing his fingers over the lines a few centimetres away from the painting. “I like playing wizards.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She winked. “Wanna help me fit it into the frame?” Sebastian nodded and reached out for the back of the frame as she peeled the sheet off of the artbook. They commented carefully as she slid it against the glass and Sebastian clipped it tightly closed.

“How old is he turning?”

“Twenty-seven.” She said, looking at him as they sat on the floor together. “Have you ever been in love?”

He blinked profusely at her. “Uh...”

“Okay, I know that was sudden.” She took a quick breath. “But I’ve gotten to know Abigail a little the past few weeks.” At the sound of Abigail’s name, Sebastian pouted, eyes losing its spark. “She told me you two used to be a thing and... And I was talking to Shane not long ago and he just said some weird things about love. I don’t know if you’ve only been with Abigail but I wanted to know if you’ve ever felt that way before?”

Sebastian swallowed. “I was in love with her.” Looking up, Penelo watched as his long nose peaked upwards. “She didn’t feel the same way. I don’t think I’m fully over her. I don’t know if that’s a first love thing or what. Maybe it’s because it’s a small town and I can’t escape her. I know she’d never want to be with me and that makes me not like her anymore but she’s a really talented and great person. She’s still a bitch though.”

Penelo snickered. “She can get angry easily, can’t she?”

“All the time.” He sighed loudly. “I haven’t really liked anyone else. I’d say Haley is pretty but she’s never liked me, it’s a shame because I know she’s actually very talented. She’s a fucking way worse bitch though.”

“She’s a bit judgemental.”

“She used to bully me a bit growing up when I start dressing like this.”

“Ugh...” Penelo cringed.

“Yeah. I don’t really have much more else to say.” He shrugged. “What did Shane say about love?”

“Just seems out of it.” She bit her lip to stop herself from saying something mean. “He’s in another world or something. He surprises me when he talks like that. It’s very cynical.”

“He’s pretty nihilistic.” Seb crossed his arms.

“I don’t know if I like that.” She arched her head to look at him. “I don’t mind it, being nihilistic, but he’s in too deep.”

“Depression.” Seb simply stated.

“I guess.” She grumbled. “Did you want to come to Elliott’s birthday?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He scratched behind his ear. “I’m not close with those guys like you are and I’ve got a lot of work. I just came over to say hi.” He turned his face down to try to hide his blush.

“Shane and stuff are coming.” She grinned. “It’ll be fun.”

“I can’t drink.” He waved her off. “Lots of work. I’ll drink tomorrow though because it’s Friday. We can hang then if you want to spend time with Sam and Abigail too.”

“I think I’m going to get hammered.” She chuckled. “So a big rest day for me tomorrow.”

“That’s a shame, I don’t get to see you as much. We still have lots of other video games to play at mine.”

“I’m sorry. Over Winter maybe. All I’ll be doing is painting and drawing then.”

“Alright, sounds good.” He smiled lightly at her.

Shane sagged in his usual seat at the saloon near the fireplace. It was warm where he sat, the fire heating up his back. Emily looked down at the small box in front of him that was a set of ballpoint pens. Shane didn’t know Elliott at all but Penelo told him to buy something and all he could think of to buy him was pens from work.

The saloon was mostly empty for the most part, only Willy and Clint chatting near the table close to the door. He felt nervous for some reason. He wondered if it was because he had to share Penelo’s attention at the celebration.

“What’s up with you?” Emily asked, resting her head in both her hands. Today she wore a bandanna around her neck and little dog earrings. “You’re sulking.”

“Can you keep a secret?” He asked head heavy with his chin against the counter.

“What is it?” She whispered, leaning in.

“I think I’m falling in love with Penelo and I think I should tell her.”

Emily’s jaw dropped. “What have I missed!?” She boomed as quietly as she could. “You don’t come here as much as you used to for like two months and I miss _**this?**_”

Shane only pouted in response. He wished she was quieter but he wasn’t at all surprised with her high energy. It felt good to tell someone though.

“We’ve been spending a lot of time together and I adore her.”

“Aw...”

“I’m taking her on a trip this weekend to the city.” He sat up and looked down at his beer glass in front of him half drunk. “I want to tell her then but I think she will reject me.”

“Penelo is so sweet though. She’s always considerate. I’m sure it wouldn’t be weird if she did. She’s very in tune with her emotions.” She nodded. “And you can’t know she’ll say no. If you’ve been spending a lot of time together then there’s a chance.”

“I can’t tell.” He waved his hand in the air. “She’s nice to everyone and gives everyone attention. She could like any of her friends for all I know.”

“Well, you don’t know until you tell her.” She smiled.

The doorbell rang and Emily and Shane looked towards the entrance to see Leah and Penelo. “Come in!” Gus said over by the cash register. “It’s cold outside.”

Emily spun, her short blue hair falling around her face. “I gotta go, but tell me how it goes. I’m here for you!”

Shane’s face sunk. “Thanks.” As Emily strutted away in her dress he carefully looked over to Penelo who was already glancing over at him. She waved and he nodded lightly, acknowledging him. “Ah, fuck.”

He was repulsed by her and felt sick to his stomach knowing she was in the same room as him. It was a new feeling that was the complete opposite of how he usually felt. It was something he couldn’t understand or comprehend.

Penelo carried her carefully wrapped gift, struggling to carry it over to the booth the three often would sometimes eat in. Leah had her own gift wrapped but considering how tightly it was done it was easy to see it was some sort of wooden sculpture.

“Let me get the cake out of my car.” Penelo shuffled as she set the painting carefully against the seats.

“I’ll order some drinks, on me.”

Penelo paused. “Oh, Leah...”

“It’s fine,” She held her arm up. “Really.”

Leah always offered to pay for things but it felt different this time. Both Elliott and her were struggling and fought to have some control over their financial stability. Wanting to fight over how they could properly take care of themselves always seemed like a gut reaction for a response but Penelo kept her mouth shut. It was a nice gesture and it was for a good occasion so there was no need to take it offensively.

Penelo noticed Evelyn pushing her husband George down the path towards the saloon as she got outside and stopped until they reached her so she could say hello. “Evening Evelyn, George.” She nodded to him as politely as she could. She hadn’t talked much to George and couldn’t even remember what words she had exchanged with him were.

“Buh.” He responded. “I’ll miss the news coming here.”

“Come now, dear. You like Elliott.” Evelyn smiled, her fake teeth gleaming white.

George didn’t respond but crossed his arms. Penelo huffed and smiled, seeing that to be his angry way of saying he didn’t disagree. Penelo gestured to her car. “I’m just getting the banana cake from my car. Elliott isn’t here yet, just showering because he’s just finished work.”

“Always so clean,” Evelyn commented. “He smells wonderful too.”

“Buh, get me inside, I need a drink.” Evelyn smiled innocently and waved lightly before Penelo turned to get the cake from the back-seat. It was a bit heavy and she frowned once she had it in both of her hands. She knew she wouldn’t be able to open the door to get inside the restaurant.

“I didn’t think this through.” She sighed.

“Oh,” She turned to spot Dr Harvey as he walked into view from around the building. He wore a vest over a white dress shirt. Their eyes met and the Dr looked away flustered which Penelo was taken aback by. Harvey was always very professional and to the point but this was the first time he had ever seen him really out of work. He was reaching his thirties but seeing the man being shy made him seem youthful. “Do you need help?” He couldn’t seem to meet her eyes.

“That would be great, thank you.”

Harvey opened the door wide for her and they both entered, Harvey following behind her. Turning to say thanks he was quick to try to swerve around her as if their exchange was over. He paused, looking frightened. “Are...” She smiled nervously as he turned to give her his full attention. “Are you here for Elliott?”

“Oh, just for dinner. I didn’t know there was a party for him.”

Penelo shrugged carefully, not to drop the cake. “It’s open for everyone really. You don’t have to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable. But do drink with us if you want to.”

“Oh, no.” He raised his hand up. “I don’t drink, not really. But I wouldn’t mind a slice of whatever you have as long as it is healthy.”

“It’s banana cake.” Penelo grinned.

“Oh, I’d love a slice if I’m allowed.”

“Of course!” She said, voice high. “Make sure you tell Elliott happy birthday. He deserves all the love he can get.”

“Absolutely.” Penelo smiled in response and turned to head back to the booth happy to have broken the ice with another resident of the valley.

Leah helped Penelo take the cake out from the box and Emily came over to throw away the container into a bin behind the kitchen. It didn’t take long for Gus to come over with a tray of wine glasses and three bottles of wine. Thanking him, Penelo told Leah she’d be right back as they waited for their friend to come.

Shane felt himself freeze up watching her near him. She sat closely next to him which made him feel the need to push her away or to distance himself in another room. With his hands itching, he gripped into his glass of beer and looked away.

“Is this for him?” Penelo grabbed onto the box of ballpoint pens. “Wow, they’re nice ones.”

“They’re just from Joja...” He murmured.

“It’s very thoughtful of you.”

“You told me to get him something.” He said with a hint of anger in his voice. He wondered what was wrong with him. He loved this woman but he just didn’t want to be near her.

Frowning, she bit her lip and tried not to sigh. “Don’t drink too much.” She said and walked back to the booth.

Shane gripped onto his hair, eyes wide with panic. Emily side-eyed him and breathed out her nose. “What did you do?”

“I can’t seem to be nice to her. It’s weird, why is this happening? It’s like I hate being around her.”

Emily smirked. “It’s because you’re nervous.” She pointed at him with her differently coloured fingernails. “You’re trying to hide.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” She said with a high pitched voice. “Go in the bathroom or something and calm down. You’ve got this. Don’t let your nerves ruin this.”

“Yeah, okay.” Shane downed the rest of his drink and walked away to head into the hallway to see himself in the mirror. No one was in there which was reassuring. Leaning against the counter where the sinks were, he sucked in a deep breath and looked into his eyes, focusing on the green that hid away in the darkness.

He thought about everything he liked about Penelo. Her smile, her round face, her dyed hair and the way she would sometimes stutter. She always had her heart on her sleeve, she was easy to read and she cared about everyone in her life no matter how strange or different they were. She wants him to live, to do what he loves and be happy with his life. That was more than enough to care for her.

“I’m just the guy she saved from killing himself.” He muttered, shutting his eyes. He wanted to tear at his skin, to punish himself for everything he put her through. How could someone that good want to be with a waste of life like him?

He could already see her frowning at him for thinking about himself that way and opened his eyes, seeing the dark lines under his eyes.

“Oh,” Shane sharply turned his head to see Sam, his hair without gel making his blond streaks fall around his ears and neck. Sam was always close to a smile but for the first time in Shane’s life, Sam looked troubled. “Are you okay, dude?”

Shane relaxed and stood away from the mirror. “Just stuck in my own head.” Shane went to wash his hands as if he were just about done in the bathroom. He wanted to get out of the situation quickly, somewhat embarrassed.

“That’s okay,” Sam said with a soft voice, foreign to Shane’s ears. “We all get a bit stuck in our own head sometimes. You’ve got this.” Shane turned the tap off and looked over at him to see what sort of expression he had on but Sam was already heading over to one of the stalls. Shane reached for a paper towel on the wall feeling a warmth in his chest, thankful for the support and went back out into the restaurant.

He made it in time to see Elliott come in wearing tight dress pants folded at his ankles and a loose white short that showed his chest. Penelo embraced him tightly with Leah joining in. Shane felt lonely watching it happen but sucked in his breath and reached out for his present he left on the counter. Walking over to the trio he awkwardly came up behind Penelo waiting to be let into the conversation.

Penelo looked up at him with a sweet smile which let him rest easy. Elliott stared at Shane with a blank expression, almost as if he was waiting. Shane swallowed and presented the gift, stretching it out to him. “I know it’s not much.” He bowed his head down, fearful to look up.

Elliott smiled lightly. “That’s very thoughtful of you.” He touched Shane’s shoulder for a brief moment making him flinch but it was enough to know that his presence was okay and that they didn’t mind him there.

Penelo gestured for him to follow so he made his way behind her as they reached the booth. Leah and Elliott sat on one side while Penelo told him to sit next to her. “No wine for Shane. He has work tomorrow and he’s already had a beer.”

Shane pouted. “Understood,” Leah said taping a sip from her glass. “You’ve been alright though Shane?”

He parted his lips. “I guess. Just a lot of work.”

“Mmhm.” She winced for a split second and sniffed. “That’s good though, keeps you going every day.”

“That is true.” Elliott added. “Now, I wonder what this is.” Elliott looked at the small wrapped sculpture in front of him.

“Hmmm, I wonder.” Leah teased.

“Can I open it?”

“Of course.” Penelo and Leah boomed together. Elliott reached out and slowly peeled apart the tape. The girls barked at him to just rip it open but he didn’t listen, taking his time to neatly expose the gift. It was of a bare man looking to be sitting, his head resting against his fist.

Shane recognised the pose immediately. “The Thinker.” He said, surprised the words fell out of his mouth.

“Indeed, it is. You’re a fan of Dante’s works?” Elliott leaned in with a coy smile.

“I like philosophy.” He said dumbly.

Penelo raised her hands up. “Okay, before you two start speaking in whatever high IQ language, can we please at least cut the cake so I have a reason not to talk.”

“Open Penelo’s gift first. You have to blow out some candles. You have to make a wish!” Leah stood up to gesture Emily over to get a lighter.

“It’s big.” Elliott scooted out of the booth. “I’ll just open it over here.” Penelo waved her hand to say it was fine. This time Elliott tore at the paper from the top of the canvas and pulled it downwards to see the painting. Without it being fully exposed he was already smiling. Once he could see the full piece he put his hand to his chest. “Oh, it’s beautiful.” His voice lingered for a moment, his gaze turning up and glistening to look at her.

“It’s to inspire you for your novel.”

“Can I have another hug?”

Penelo scooted out and held him closely. Shane felt a little awkward and fidgeted with his fingers under the table. Elliott turned the painting around to show Shane and his eyes widened. He was right, it was beautiful.

It was a portrait of Elliott as an elf holding a bow. The lines were smooth and curved perfectly. He could see the mixtures of different paints he didn’t know the names of, little intentional scratches here and there, highlights hitting the grass and tree leaves in the background.

“Penelo, it’s gorgeous.”

“Please, I rushed it.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful.” Evelyn and George came over where Elliott gave a side hug to the woman and thanked her for the cake. He then leaned over to give George a polite handshake.

“Happy birthday son.” The old man grumbled.

Sam soon came over and energetically pampered Penelo with compliments of her work. She blushed, sitting back down next to Shane saying that it really wasn’t her best. Shane wanted to tell her that she really was talented but seeing her trying to cover her mouth with her sleeve he knew that she just wanted to move on from it.

Leah placed two candles with the numbers two and seven onto the icing on the banana cake and smiled as Emily passed over a lighter to her. Elliott looked tired but content as he sat in front of the cake waiting for the candles to light.

“You didn’t wait for us?” Haley came into the saloon with Alex holding some wrapped boxes in his arms. They hurried over, the group circling around the birthday boy.

Elliott opened his mouth, ready to blow the candles but Penelo reached out her hands to block him. “Wait, wait, wait!”

“Yeah, come on. We have to sing you an awkward happy birthday for you!” Leah grinned. “Now, come on everyone._ Haaappy birthday to you_.” Elliott sagged but didn’t look upset. His eyes glazed over everyone, Gus coming in behind the group to join in. Penelo elbowed Shane so he would join in. His voice was small, not very audible, but Penelo could hear it clearly being beside him, his voice deeper than the others. He was very aware of their thighs touching but it made him feel a little more alive.

“_Happy birthday Elliooooott_.” Everyone laughed as the group dragged out his name. “_Happy birthday to you!_” With everyone giggling, Penelo reached out again to stop him blowing out the candles.

“Hip, hip!” Leah stood up excitedly.

“Hooray!” Harvey walked over to join in, as well as Willy and Clint.

“Hip, hip!” Shane looked at Penelo, smiling quietly as the group all chanted together. It was the first time he had been around so many people in a while this closely. It was thanks to Penelo that he felt apart of something again, somewhere where he felt welcome and acknowledged. It made him almost want to cry and again, he wished he could lean in and kiss her.

“Hooray!” Her cheeks rose, a genuine smile on her face.

“Hip, hip!” Leah reached to rest her hands on Elliott’s shoulders.

“Hooray!” Everyone said together. Elliott leaned in and watched the flames flicker for a second before taking in a deep breath and blowing out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” Some asked but Penelo and Leah barked at them about how it has to remain a secret.

“Now, now, let the birthday boy cut the cake and everyone can have a slice.” Penelo said swaying her arms so people would back up.

“Can we have some plates?” Leah asked.

“Yes, of course.” Gus said as he brought Emily aside back into the kitchen.

Elliott took a knife from the side of the table and smiled, unsure of where to cut. Penelo told him to just jam it wherever but Haley argued that she wanted the slices to be a good size. Alex made a comment about her diet and she flushed red, hitting his arm lightly making the group laugh.

Elliott cut as close to the center as he could and a small group of them cheered. Once everyone got a slice, Penelo helped get a slightly bigger piece for Shane and nudged herself closer to him with a big smile.

“This is nice, my love,” George said in the booth over, a fork in his hand as he ate slowly away at his cake. “As always.”

“Yes, thanks Grandma and Penelo.” Alex said at a small table nearby next to Haley.

“Penelo helped?” Haley asked.

“A little.” Penelo brushed the comments off.

“It really is good.” Willy winked over at her.

“Ugh, let’s all just eat.” Penelo shook her head and stuffed her mouth so she didn’t need to talk. Shane found it a little cute that Penelo preferred to use a spoon instead of a fork but didn’t comment on it. For the rest of the night, the trio got hammered and the younger adults stuck around the longest.

Haley and Alex’s gifts were that of some nice coats for winter and a poetry book that Haley got sent in. Alex made it clear he wasn’t much of a drinker and Penelo could see that there was some reason behind it because he made it very aware he disliked it so much. Shane felt a little uncomfortable at that, everyone knew he had a drinking problem, it made him feel a little less like a person.

Most of them danced, the likes of Penelo, Leah and Elliott all drunk swaying together. Penelo always made an effort to bring others in to enjoy it which Shane appreciated. He felt like he had friends again but this time instead of dancing in city bars with people who no longer talked with him, he was surrounded by people who he knew cared about him, even if it was a little.

Shane wished he could hold her close as they danced but even so, she was pretty dancing in her own space, face flushed from alcohol.

Shane got a photo text the next morning of a very hungover Penelo. Her hair was a mess, her eyes dark. It made him smile, even hours after seeing it as he stocked the shelves. Throughout the day, he could tell she was using the entire day to rest after the big night. When he finished work, he stopped to get a few things for his aunt and little cousin and stopped close to the body wash to try to find the strawberry smelling one that Jas liked to use in the bath sometimes. Reaching out, he spotted the condoms once again and growled at himself.

He told himself nothing would ever even happen, so there was no point in even coming prepared. It would be a long time before he’d get any action and condoms only seemed to last a year or two. He knew for certain it would take longer than that and ignored buying them, walking over to the counter where a bubbly Jackie was, updating him about how she had an online interview with someone in the calling center at Joja Headquarters.

“Good luck.” He said as he walked out, meaning it. Walking home, he felt nervous knowing he was going to spend the whole of the next day with Penelo. He had been saving all week, hoping to at least spoil her as much as she’d allow. He made a note to double-check the smell of his planned outfit, to air out his car and to stay in the shower to properly clean himself.

Shane looked at himself in the mirror, his hair dripping wet, hands firmly pressed against the sink counter. He looked at every curve and pore in his face, analysing it to the point he was sure he could memorise every part of his face. He scratched at his chin, wondering if he should shave or not but remembered that Penelo commented on how she liked it rough.

Grimacing, he wondered where he went wrong when it came to his looks. Naked, he looked down and was disappointed and his squishy stomach, reminiscing over the times he was muscular, firm and fit. Covering his face with his hands, he wanted to sink onto the floor at how ugly he felt. Before everything went bad, he had his dumb confidence to carry him but now he felt like a cicada that just came out of an old shell.

Tossing a towel around his waist, he shook his head, refusing to look at himself anymore and headed out to get dressed in his room. Little Jas sat at the kitchen table munching on a toastie, his Aunt cooking pancakes at the stove. “You look nice and clean.” She commented, a round smile on her face. “Come get something to eat before you go. What time are you leaving?”

“We’re leaving at nine.” He replied, feeling sheepish for some reason.

“Never seen you up this early in the weekend. Well, tell her I said hi, alright? And if she needs any farming advice she can come to me.”

He wanted to tell Marnie that she can go tell Penelo herself but stopped himself from doing so. He nodded quietly and looked over at Jas who was smiling with her mouth full doing some homework.

Entering his room, he felt agitated at how clean it was now. It was strange, he had never stressed cleaned before in his life but in a way, it was to procrastinate everything else in his life. Penelo was right to say it helped to clear the mind but that’s exactly why he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the room and clarity to think straight. It was like an eerie silence that succumbed him.

Checking his phone he saw an emoji of a man in a wheelchair, seeming to be going at a quick speed from Penelo as well as a few songs to listen to. He smiled at the absurdity and sat on his bed still wet looking for another emoji just as strange. After a few seconds of scrolling, he found a Japanese goblin emoji, a red face scrunched in anger with a long nose.

Clicking onto the song to listen, he got up to properly dry himself. The song was soft in nature with rain ambience in the background. It was relaxing, the vocals hidden under the sound of the raindrops. Smiling, he found himself swaying as he put on his underwear and his jeans.

After putting on his shirt, he looked at himself through a wall mirror over his dresser and found himself not repulsed by his reflection. Combing his hair, he let out a relaxed exhale feeling just a little better.

“_I’ll be there in ten_.”

Penelo sat in her kitchen sipping a coffee. It felt like it was drying her throat, she wondered if it was because it was hot but didn’t linger on the thought. She wore an oversized top she had slept in with just her underwear on. She had done nothing to get ready except wash her face and brush her teeth.

She always dragged her feet around in the mornings, the comfort she received from cosying up in bed was euphoric. The aftertaste of a good dream was addictive. She knew for certain she was one of those people who say five more minutes but stays in an hour longer.

Downing the rest of her coffee, she rinsed her cup and looked through her wardrobe and drawers. She hadn’t dressed up in anything than her usual five outfits in a long time, looking through the mountains of clothes creating a pile on the ground she decided on a wool knit long sleeve that was baggy on her and a skirt, covering her legs with warm black pantyhose. She cringed at her bed hair and quickly brushed it, leaving it down.

She jumped at the sound of a car coming down her gravel driveway and quickly grabbed a small pouch with a long strap and stuffed her wallet and other essentials in. Racing to the bathroom, she double-checked herself in the mirror and slid on some shoes, quickly exiting the house.

Shane tapped at his wheel staring at her door, watching her exit. “God, she’s pretty.” He whispered to himself. She smiled at him, feeling awkward as she walked to the passenger's seat. Slumping in the seat, her nose wrinkled immediately.

“Your car smells like you just perfume bombed it.” She looked over, giving him a fright at the eye contact.

“I literally bought this car freshener last night.” He pointed at the little tropical tree swinging under the mirror. She grabbed onto it and tossed it out the window.

“Well, it smells nice but I can hardly breathe.”

“That cost me like two dollars.”

“Then I’ll just buy you a burger to make up for it.” She laughed.

He couldn’t help smile looking at her. “You look really nice.”

She gave a throaty snort. “I literally threw this on. I was in my PJs up until you said you were coming. I’m pretty sure I haven’t worn these pantyhose since the office days. They feel a bit weird.” She pulled at the material. She eyed him, he wore clean jeans and a dark turtle-neck underneath a nice looking coat. “Talk about looking nice, I’ve never seen you look so clean.”

“I didn’t shave.” He pouted, eyebrows creasing.

“Psh, I like it when you don’t shave.” She brushed her fingers against his cheek. “I like you like this.”

Blushing, he turned the car back on. “Did you want to get a snack at the petrol station before we go?”

“I just had breakfast, are you hungry?”

“No, my Aunt made pancakes.”

“Ooooh, yum.” Her cheeks rose. “I’ve been eating cake for the past few days, it’s been really nice.” She giggled. Smiling, he backed out of her driveway and headed to the main road.

Once they reached the highway Penelo asked if she could plug her phone in to listen to music. He offered the cord and she laughed, saying her car didn’t even have a proper working radio. She told him that she made a playlist blending the songs they had shared together. He didn’t want to take his eyes off the road but his heart quickened at the sound of that.

Sometimes they would talk and sometimes Penelo would go quiet, looking out at the Valley forest until they reached more of the civilized areas with farmhouses and paddocks full of crops. Penelo admitted she got sleepy on most drives but because it was so early she couldn’t keep her eyes shut for more than a split second.

“So, where are we going first?” She asked once spotting some landmarks that told her they were about ten minutes away from the city. Cars rushed past them as they drove onto a long bridge that towered over some of the large river flowing around Zuzu.

“It’s a surprise - unless you wanted to go somewhere first?”

“I could do with a snack right now.” She frowned.

“Want to stop by a fast food place?”

“Yeah.” She whined.

“Alright, then you can get me that burger.” She laughed in response, leaning against the window. The buildings were like giants, the sunshine glistening against the countless windows. She remembered these streets, she liked seeing all the people dressed beautifully in their unique ways. She liked the countless signs that were littered everywhere, so much that you could hardly spot all the advertisements with one glance as the car drove past them.

“Hey, wanna visit the places we used to live later?”

“I don’t think I can get in the building anymore.” Shane frowned.

“I mean just to look at the buildings.”

“If you want.”

“I want to imagine what it was like to be you last year.” She grinned. Shane thought about what sort of place she would have lived in back in the office working days and began to ponder the same thing. What it would have been like to walk up to the same apartment every single day.

He was reminded of his usual fantasy of dancing with her in an apartment they’d be sharing, sitting near a window storeys up watching the night lights and making love on their couch. His heart hurt, readying himself for the inevitable rejection she’d give him.

He knew he had plenty of chances throughout the day. He planned to take her to spots he thought were beautiful but the most vivid place to do it was at the pier before they would leave. He just hoped he would actually do it.

Stopping at a common restaurant, they found a spot to park the car nearby which shocked them both with parks always being taken throughout the city. Shane headed to the parking meter where Penelo grabbed onto his coat and grinned, saying they didn’t need to and that they’d just watch out the window for any meter monitors.

Feeling his heart flutter, he nodded quietly and followed after her inside. Penelo ordered herself a small meal and bought a burger for him off the value range as well as a small drink of juice. “I wish they had pulpy juice in places like this.” She said chewing on her plastic straw.

“Me too.” They sat in the quiet fast-food chain for about ten minutes trying to blow the straw wrappings at each other and trying to make origami with the napkins. Shane made a plane but Penelo groaned, unsure on how to make anything. They cleaned up and left, heading to the car.

“See, no ticket.” She said smugly, showing the bare windscreen. He huffed at her, making her giggle as they headed inside. “Now, where to?”

“It’s a surprise.” He repeated again, teasing her with an agitated voice.

“Ugh, you’re annoying.”

“You don’t dislike it.”

She folded her arms childishly, not disagreeing. He headed out to one of the outskirt sections of the city where he parked in a lot next to the entrance to a public garden. “What is this place?” She asked as they both got out. There were tall hedges and perfectly groomed patches of wildflowers. She raced over to some to smell them, trying to guess what they were.

“This garden was a place my best friend used to bring me when we were studying at university here.” He said crouching down next to her. “The friend who didn’t invite me to his wedding.”

“Well, at least I can help make this place a little better by making new memories here with you.”

“Hopefully.” He said. “This place is beautiful, I wanted you to see it. Maybe it’ll help give you some inspiration with your farm.”

“Yeah, I could do some decoration.” She tilted her head. “If I had the money.” She muttered.

He bit the inside of his cheek. “Come, let me show you around.” They entered through an archway into an expanding beautiful paddock with gazebos and fountains. Flowers grew in perfect rows, freshly watered and glistening. There didn’t seem to be many people around, only an old couple and a lone photographer.

“Wow, it smells so nice here.” She said with her mouth ajar. “Much better than your car.”

“My car will air out.”

“Here’s to hoping.” She crossed her arms. “So what did you guys you used to do here?”

“Talk and stuff. Walk around.” He shrugged.

“Talk about what kind of things?”

“Our lives.” He rose a brow at the thought. “I don’t know, lots of things.”

“Well, let’s do exactly that so we can replace the memories of that asshole.” She grabbed his hand and brought him over to the largest fountain. They sat at the edge and she smiled, flattening down the top of her skirt. “Now, life, am I right?”

“Mmhm.” He nodded.

Her face fell, a response that clearly disappointed her. “After all this time, surely you’ve learned to talk more. Come on, tell me about your life.” She smacked near his chest lightly.

“I’m boring. My life isn’t that eventful.”

“Your childhood, your love life, your passions. What was college like for you? Did you play much sports? What’s changed?”

“All normal.”

She shoved him, making him nervous about the water below. “God, you’re insufferable sometimes.” He looked at her after gathering himself and saw the visible creases at her eyes. She wasn’t happy and that didn’t make him happy either.

“Well, I have a few older brothers.”

“And here I was thinking you were an only child.” She smiled smugly.

“I don’t really talk to them much, at least not recently. They both have their issues. One of them doesn’t even work and the other still doesn’t seem to understand what it means to be an adult. Lacks a certain amount of understanding.”

“That’s unfortunate. But other than that, are you close?”

“Not since we were kids. Just sorta stopped caring once you’re a teenager.”

“That’s weird.”

“I guess.” He looked down. “I was busy a lot and neither of them cared about being in the same room as each other. My parents got divorced when we were growing up, my mother has a new kid now, she’s alright but when I worked at Headquarters she always asked to borrow money.”

“Fuck that.”

“She always paid me back, sometimes with more than she owed. I don’t know, would make me uncomfortable though. Her new husband I don’t know well. He’s okay, I guess.”

“What’s he like?”

“I don’t know where he works but he’s very normal. Has the dad body and everything. The type that always wears a cap and old jeans.”

“Sounds like my dad except without the hat.”

“Really? What’s he like?”

She saw her eyes flicker and wondered if it was a good idea to ask that. He wanted to apologise but she sucked on her bottom lip. “A bit big, the type who forgets to take his boots off once he’s home. He’s like... It’s like you want to hate him but you can’t. He’s always nice, always wants to spoil you but it’s just not... Ugh, he didn’t know me at all. He’d always offer to buy me things but whenever he did they were things that I didn’t want or need. It was like he was trying to fill some void with objects. He was a pushover too, _is_, I should say. Married this lady way younger, she’s not very nice. She’d always hate when it was time for me to visit. Once my brothers were born I just slowly stopped visiting and contacting them. Sometimes I’ll hear from him, he’ll call me up to say happy birthday or something and I hate it. It’s a day I should enjoy but I just wait for him to call so I can get it over and done with.”

“You don’t want him in your life?”

“Not really.” She put one of her knees under her chin. “But I can’t help feel bad sometimes. I just want him to address how lonely he made me feel. He didn’t ever try to really get to know me. He’d ask how I am and I’d just say fine and he’d leave it at that. Just doesn’t push. It hurts when you know they’re not trying. When I think about it for too long I always cry. I wonder if I should take responsibility now that I’m an adult to address the issues but I just don’t want to. I don’t want to talk about it but I wish we had already gone through all the talking so it can be okay. It’s like this gross memory I can’t rid myself of.”

“I think I understand. Sometimes my dad calls me too. He lives alone, doesn’t do much. He does try to ask but I’m not very good at this whole talking thing anymore.” He shook his head. “When I think about him too much I feel guilty but I just feel uncomfortable at the thought of having him in my life.”

“It sounds like he really loves you though.”

“He’s got this desperation, though.” Shane’s brows creased downwards. “Like he needs someone. But I don’t want to be that person. I want him to be okay but I feel I’ll begin to hate him if I was there to have to deal with all that... Regret.”

“You don’t have to be that person,” Penelo assured him. “I don’t know how to get rid of the guilt because I still feel that way with my family too.”

“What about your mum?” He asked.

Sighing loudly, she raised her head up to look at the sky. “I lived with her mainly. She’s always been one to start fights or to criticize. She’s hurt me a lot. She’d say things like ‘_everyone leaves_’ and that I didn’t have any _real_ friends. She didn’t trust anyone. She didn’t like talking to people at meetings and such. I don’t think she’s ever called anyone a friend. She likes to stay small and weak and I hate it. She loves me very deeply. I check on her sometimes but I have to take her in doses. She took care of me but I have to admit she really fucked me up in a lot of ways.

“To be honest, when I was suicidal as a teenager she um... I don’t think she _got_ it. But after it all blew over, I dropped out of high school and got help, she did become a little better. But fights with her are just explosive. I thought about running away a lot. I’m just happy we have a healthy distance now.”

“Well, despite it all, I’m happy that you had someone who loved you.”

“Yeah. She was neglectful but... I’m alive.” Penelo shut her mouth and looked down with a gritty expression. Shane wondered if something was wrong but didn’t say anything, only leaning in to remind her that he was there. “Sometimes I feel like a mistake. I really wish I wasn’t born.”

Shane felt something shatter inside of him. It hurt him to hear her say that. He struggled to find words, fighting to open his mouth the longer the silence grew.

Swallowing hard, he looked at her with a hard seriousness in his eyes. “I am so grateful that you are here. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I hadn’t met you.”

She smiled, mouth wavering. “It took me a long time to even feel like a person. I just felt like a ghost or a waste of space most of my life. Sometimes living is so exhausting.” She rubbed at her eyes and realised how awful it was to bring up not wanting to be alive near someone she had saved from killing themselves. She immediately felt disgusted at herself, face flushing.

“When I feel like I don’t want to be here anymore I think about what you said.” He pressed his hand against hers. “You just have to remind yourself of all the things you haven’t experienced yet which is fucking frightening to think about but it means there’s still so much to look forward to.”

“Well, what do you look forward to?” She looked up at him and he caught his breath. He looked forward to the fantasy of being able to love her and find happiness with her. He wondered if it was a good time to tell her but with the amount of weight the conversation already had, he refrained himself.

“Seeing you.” He said forcing a smile. “And playing video games.”

“God, you’re boring.” She laughed. “That can’t be it.”

“And reading books.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “Listening to music, spending time with Jas.”

“Hmmm, the more the better.”

“What about you?”

“Lots of things.” She swung her legs. “But I think the biggest thing I look forward to is being an artist. Someone who can create whatever she likes and not worry about bills. A life where I wake up excited to finish a piece and walk outside with a cup of coffee looking out to a really nice view.”

“Living in a house with framed puzzles and all?”

“_Exactly_.” Her lips curled. “I can imagine it quite vividly. I just worry I’ll live it all alone.”

Shane’s eyes sparked open. “I doubt that.”

“I worry about it quite a lot actually.” She huffed. “Sure, I guess since I started dressing this way and everything I’ve gotten a lot of attention from men and everything but I just struggle to want to be with people. It’s strange... I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can only really like someone if I know them and even if I know someone it doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them. Does that make sense?”

“I guess.”

“That’s why I can’t comprehend sleeping around and stuff. I can’t even say that I feel nothing because I do feel things. It’s just hard to fall in love.”

Shane felt a little at ease. Even with her upcoming rejection, at least he knew it wasn’t personal. “I don’t think that makes you weird or anything. I think that’s actually really good. You can have meaningful relationships.”

“That’s why I sort of hate it.” She rested her head in her hands. “Because when people leave it hurts so much. The fact that I fall in love with people I consider close friends and stuff makes it so much harder to move on.”

Shane slouched over. He could now understand better on why she was so hurt at the idea that he didn’t really feel anything after his serious relationship during high school. He remembered how angry she was when they stood in the dark abandoned bathroom. He didn’t get it at the time, but it made sense now.

She felt things very deeply which he was afraid of for himself. She never shied away from emotions, but he could see the toll it had on a person. Still, he was jealous. It made her more human and sitting next to her he felt a little like someone who blended in with the crowd, unrecognisable amongst them.

From what little talk they did have of her past relationships, he could tell every one of them mattered. She put her everything into the people she cared about, he could understand how hard it was on her to work on something so much to only see it fail.

“I admire you.” He finally said. “That part of you is really genuine and I hope it never changes.”

“Even if I hate it?”

“Even if you hate it, I like it.”

“Well, I’ll do it for you.” She smiled grimly.

He rose up and signalled her to follow him. They walked slowly around the garden and soon she was bubbly and hopping around like usual. She stopped sometimes to pick flowers where he’d patiently stand near her as commented on how beautiful and different they all were with the varying petals and smells.

He never cared much for the little things but being near her talking about how she wanted to draw certain types he could see how she looked at the world a little better. He liked the way she experienced everything, how she saw as everything as beautiful.

She talked about how perfect some landscapes would be as they stopped to see the flower bushes perfectly lines up and how some of the trees sloped in certain ways. “I like how trees all look different. Just like people.” She noted.

Once they left, she said she enjoyed her time in there. He was happy to see her enjoying his plans but that was one place perfect for a confession and he still hadn’t told her. It worried him.

They drove back into the bustle of the city where they parked in a lot and decided to walk around. Penelo was quite energetic the entire time, pointing out places she had vivid memories of like pizza places and the swimming club where she learned to swim.

They stopped out front of Joja Headquarters watching people walk inside the glass building and stopped to think. Shane felt ugly and ashamed in front of the place he once worked but seeing a smiling Penelo beside him he didn’t feel so scared anymore.

“I wonder if Eric has a lunch break soon.” She muttered. “Is it okay if we go inside to say hi? Surely they’ll let us in because we used to work there.”

“Me probably, you, not so much.”

“Call your big headshot friend or something to let us in.”

“I don’t know if I want to go inside. I don’t know if I’m...”

“Face your fears, Shane! I’m here with you!”

“Mmm, alright. But I don’t want to be in there too long. I don’t know what I’d say to my old co-workers...”

“Just say you gotta go if you’re scared and we’ll back outside.” She rested her hand on his arm.

“I don’t know...”

“Just fluke it. Think about what I’d do.” She winked.

“Alright... Let’s go inside.”

She walked cheerily beside him, grabbing her phone or to excitedly text Eric that she coming into the building. She asked him if he was working the weekend and waited for her phone to buzz as they came up to the front desk. Shane didn’t recognise the lady there which made him uncomfortable. He had a good relationship with lots of the people in the office, seeing a new face made him very nervous about getting inside.

“Yes, how can I help?” The lady had dark black hair and a beauty spot under her mouth. He wasn’t sure what to say but feeling Penelo beside him waiting on him he arched his head, trying to act the way he used to when he worked there.

“I’m here to see Arthur, Arthur in the advertisement team.”

She eyed him. It was clear to the three of them that the advertisement team was near the head of the company. They weren’t dressed to impress so seeing two casually dressed people didn’t seem to add up as much.

“Name?”

“Shane Roberts.”

“Give me a moment.” The lady went to pick up the phone and dialled.

“Roberts is your last name?” Penelo asked.

“Yeah.”

“I tried finding you on Facebook.”

“I deleted it ages ago.” He frowned. “I opened it up again recently though to help my co-worker get a job here though so you can add me if you want. It’ll be easier sharing links to music.”

“Wow, cool.” She jolted. “Let me check if that’s Eric.” She said as she reached into her phone. Shane glanced over at the lady humming on the phone.

“A Shane Roberts.” The lady re-clarified. “Right, he’s with a woman... Both allowed up? Right. Right. Okay, I’ll tell them. Thanks.” She put the phone down and went to speak when Penelo boomed.

“Eric is working today.”

“Kay.” He spoke softly.

“Here’s premium passes to get in. Arthur is on the top floor in office 12J, tell his assistant it’s you and she’ll let you in.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” She went right back to work once Shane handed her the pass. Once they began walking towards the lifts he scanned the card over a light and waited for one of the doors to open up. While inside, he handed her one of the key cards.

“These will let us into any department. Do you remember the floor you used to work on?”

“Yeah, can I come up if I finish earlier than you?”

“Yeah, you can meet Arthur.”

“Cool. I’m excited. I haven’t seen the group since I left.”

“Same here.” He felt like throwing up.

“Hey, don’t be scared, you’ve got this. You were talking all smart back there anyways with that fancy professional voice. And plus, I’m here.”

When one of the lifts opened up Penelo pressed on one of the floors and then Shane pressed the last number to the highest floor. The lift could see over the whole city which Penelo commented was one of her favourite parts of the job. Shane never gave it much thought but standing there he felt it too.

When Penelo walked out she waved at him and told him again he’d be okay which he wasn’t sure to believe or not. When alone, he swallowed, keeping calm for her and forcing his hands still.

Penelo exited into the chaos that was her old department. Hundreds of young people in cleanly pressed suits and dresses talking in a bustle of noise. Calenders were messily scribbled in all booths, half the people tapping away or talking to customers on the other side of the headsets.

She spotted Eric almost immediately as he stood up from his booth. He had moved into a newer spot near the window, his giant smile contagious.

Eric was a slender man, light brown hair that was professionally done, back of the neck shaven and all. He always looked a little too skinny for his suits but his pants were tight enough to almost see his bulge in his pants. She laughed, walking through to hug him. He ran charismatically over, waving his arms up to embrace her.

“Oh, girl. You look so fucking good. Your hair is green!”

“I need to touch it up.” She said. “Ugh, it’s so good to see you again. I forgot how much I missed you.”

“It’s impossible to forget me.” He playfully hit her. “What are you doing here?”

“On a trip around the city with Shane.”

“What?!” He exclaimed. “Let’s go to the staffroom, come on, you need to tell me everything.” On the way there Eric whispered gossip about the others in the department, catching her up to date on who was dating who and who was married now or pregnant or having relationship issues. A lot of the news wasn’t very surprising but she was happy to hear about some recently engaged old co-workers she was always fond of.

Penelo ordered a chocolate bar from a vending machine and sat down to Eric who had his favourite pink mug full of coffee. “Shane fucking Roberts! Talk about a big shot. Bet he’s rolling in it.”

“He’s actually almost as dirt poor as me.” She laughed. “He’s not the same as you described him... I talked to him about it and he seems more sad about it than anything.”

“Shit, that’s scary to imagine. I remember him being the one everyone wanted to get with back in the day.”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I think I like him.”

“Girl, you’re a fucking sweetheart, he better not be fucking with you because I’ll cut the bitch.”

Laughing loudly she leaned against the table. “He’s actually wonderful when he isn’t such a downer. I don’t think he has much control over being sad though, so I can’t blame him.”

“How’s family?” He asked, eyebrows falling down in a serious manner.

She shook her head. “Tell mum I’m okay every month or so. See what she’s doing. She’s always the same. Don’t talk to dad.”

“Well, I guess that’s the best way to have it for you, isn’t it?”

“For now.” She raised her shoulders up. “Everyone is so lovely in the Valley. They have these really cute events and I haven’t even seen much of them. God, it’s so quiet and peaceful there it’s scary.”

“Very different from here.”

“The thing is, I don’t know if I like it because it’s comfortable or if it’s because it’s all I have. I just wonder if I want to even live there forever.”

“Just because your grandpa gave all of that to you doesn’t mean you have to keep it all. You do whatever you want with it.”

“It makes me feel bad to even consider selling it.”

“Do what makes you feel the best.” Eric leaned over and affectionately touched her arm, rubbing it as she leaned closer. “Any cute boys there?”

“For you?” She laughed. “I don’t know if any of them are into men. I really don’t know much about anyone’s sexualities there. I only know one girl is bi, to be honest.”

“Well, that’s disappointing. Let me come over this Spring or something. I’ve got a bunch of time saved up from work.”

“It would be so nice to have you visit. I just don’t want you coming over when my house is still fucking gross.”

“Camping but indoors I told you!” He raised his arms up. “You look really nice though. I already told you this, but you look more yourself than ever. You look so you.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” He checked his watch. “We don’t have much time, I’m sorry. It was so good to see you. I’ve forgotten how fucking short you are you _goblin_.”

“Who are you calling a goblin.” She shoved him laughing. “Tell me about you before you have to go.”

“Well, I’ll try to think.” He glanced up, tapping at his chin.

Shane felt his heart beating heavy as he stepped out of the lift. Maybe it was because of how high up he was from the ground, but he wasn’t sure. The top floor always was so nice. There wasn’t any tacky painted walls or strange smells, it was clean and beautiful, every counter glimmering clean.

Reaching the front desk he felt a sudden need to turn tail. Arthur’s assistant was someone he would often spend his nights with back in the day and it was scary to remember how intimate he was with so many people.

He was almost embarrassed now that he was in love with someone.

“Hey.” He said trying to keep his head up, acting as much as his shadow of himself he could remember.

“Shane.” The woman was beautiful. A blond with hazel eyes. She always wore short tight skirts which turned him on a lot before but now he was just intimidated. “Arthur is waiting for you.” Her voice was as cold as steel.

“Thanks, Samantha.”

She ignored him, refusing to meet him in the eyes. He didn’t understand the tension. All the woman he slept with were fine that it was just something to pass the time without any feelings involved. He counted himself lucky not having any drama with girls falling for him but the awkwardness was jarring.

Arthur looked practically the same as Shane had last seen him. Hair falling to the side, a clean face, a freshly pressed suit jacket hanging from his chair. The office had a few new additions, new gridball posters, a new calendar and desk oddities.

“My guy, you look so different! What’s with the scrub.” He gestured to Shane’s stubble by gliding his hand over his chin. “You’ve lost your muscle!”

Shane hated the moment immediately. He used to be close with this man and in that moment he just didn’t feel the same. “I’ve had time to let go and just relax I suppose.”

“I can tell, your hair is a little longer.”

“She likes it longer.” The words slipped out before he could stop himself.

“_**She?**_” He boomed. “Who’s this?”

“Just this girl I like.”

“You’re doing things for a girl you like? Who are you?”

“Things are different now.” He frowned.

“God, that couldn’t be more right.” He leaned in close to Shane, slinging his arm around him. “On that note, I think Samantha and I are starting to get serious.”

“Are you joking?” Shane pulled away. He knew that the likes of Arthur and the other men in his department all fucked around but they didn’t tend to share. He regretted pulling away, now Arthur knew he was uncomfortable at the thought. It was Penelo’s fault, he made him start to think over all his romantic past as something to take more seriously. It was embarrassing next to someone like him.

“What? Is this because you two used to-”

“She’s your personal assistant, Arthur.”

“That didn’t stop you.”

Shane groaned, looking out the window. “You can do whatever you want, I really don’t care, it’s just dangerous. Does the team know?”

“Of course they know! We used to share all this shit. What’s up with you?”

Shane bit his lip, trying to figure something out to say. “We’re getting older. Aren’t you scared we’ll lose time to settle down?”

“I just told you that Samantha and I are starting to get more serious.”

“It’s hard to imagine.”

“Well, imagine it. She’s actually a really great woman. She actually puts me in the place. Imagine that.” Arthur flicked back his hair and took in a deep breath. “Are you okay? You’re a little more fidgety. Actually, you never used to be fidgety.”

“I told you, things are different now.”

“Well, what’s up?”

Shane eyed him and wondered if he could trust him. Sighing, he decided some things didn’t hurt to talk about and straightened himself, putting on the best image of his old self as he could. “I’m depressed, Arthur. I’m taking meds. I’m just trying to figure myself out. After going right into college after high school and then miraculously landing this job I haven’t had any time to think about anything.”

“Shit, I’m sorry dude. Come, sit down.” Arthur sat down in his chair as Shane sat across the desk from him. “Shits been rough then?”

“Just something I’m not used to.” Shane leaned against the table, hands together. “It’s been okay. I’m starting to get a grip. I thought Pelican Town was horrible at first but now I’ve got my placing.”

“Hey, if you ever miss this life you can just ask. There’s never a shortage of people in this department.”

“I know. I know I’m working at the bottom of the chain but... It’s still work, you know? It’s keeping me busy.”

“So what’s this girl like? The people there?”

“The people are all close like some big family. It’s something I’m not used to but getting comfortable with. I get to spend more time with my cousin, that’s nice. The girl... She’s...”

“Arthur.” Samantha stopped at the glass door, voice stern. “There’s a woman here, Penelo Blackbear. Says she’s with Shane.”

“Bring her in.” Shane froze, spotting her green hair reflecting off the glass as she appeared and sheepishly looked around coming into the office. “Penelo, nice to meet you.”

“It’s so nice to meet you.” She bowed. “I used to work here. The phones, planning department.”

“Oh, wow, really? Is that how you two know each other?”

“We actually properly met in the Valley.” She said as she approached, taking the closest seat next to Shane. Arthur looked over and Shane met his eyes, he blinked knowingly.

“Sounds like fate is trying to get you two to know each other then. Not many people even know about Pelican Town in Stardew Valley.”

“Yeah, it seems a little like that.” She smiled. “Sorry, were you two talking, I was just done so I came... Up...”

“No, no, it’s nice to meet you. You must be taking good care of Shane.”

“I suppose I do.” She smirked at him. “He’s a big baby.”

Arthur broke into fits of laughter. “I’ve never heard anyone describe him like that before.” Shane’s face began to turn red.

“It was really nice of you to help out his coworker.” Penelo leaned closer to the desk. “Shane told me you might get her into the planning department like I used to work in. It’s so nice of you to reach out to someone you don’t even know.”

Arthur’s eyes darted wider open. “Oh, it was nothing.” Shane could tell Arthur had forgotten about it. It didn’t mean anything to him and that made him feel fidgety, knowing to Penelo that was a really big deal.

“You must be so nice. No wonder you’re at the head of the company. Although, if I could add a recommendation. I don’t know if this is still relevant or not since I quit like half a year ago but the coffee machine always breaks in that department. It clogs or something and makes weird noises. The manager always tells us to fix it and it annoyed the shit out of me. Surely just get it fixed or something.”

“Really?” Arthur began taking notes. “The manager tells you to fix it?”

“Yeah.”

“The manager should be the one doing that.” He muttered loudly. Shane looked over and saw Penelo surprised. He could tell she didn’t want anyone to get in trouble, even _if_ the manager sounded like a douche.

“So, you two are pretty close?” Arthur asked smugly as Shane gave him a hard look.

“I like to think so. He’s not very good at talking which apparently is different from when he worked here.”

“Yes, he’s been _awfully quiet_ since you came in.”

“Gah,” He crossed his arms.

They both laughed. “Well, you’ve definitely surprised me with how warm he is with you. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone.”

“What do you mean?” Penelo raised a brow.

“We’ve got to head off soon,” Shane said loudly with a clear and same toned voice. “We have a lot planned and the ride back to the Valley is an hour.”

Arthur tsked. “Of course. It was good to see you and so nice to meet you. You’re very bubbly, Ms Blackbear.”

“I didn’t use to be like this.” She smiled brightly. Looking over at Shane she inhaled. “Time does that. Thank you for letting us in.”

“Of course. Just remember to hand in those cards back to the front desk.”

Shane began trying to hurry her out which she knew to went along with. “It was nice catching up.” He wasn’t sure if he meant it but once they neared the door he saw Arthur wink, referring to Penelo. Shane felt his face turn hot. He didn’t like Arthur doing that, Penelo wasn’t like any of the girls he fucked around with and she wasn’t a prize to be won. She was a person he cared about.

He looked over at Samantha who gave a dead stare before they reached the lift. With the doors closing leaving them alone in the lift he looked out the window feeling like he needed to punch something.

He wished he never caught up with Arthur. He felt out of place and he was really starting to get comfortable with the person he was becoming with Penelo’s help. It almost made him feel small.

“Well, that was rough.” She laughed once they got outside. “He’s as I imagined one of your old co-workers to be. All charisma but no filling. Like buying a jelly-filled doughnut and finding nothing in it.”

“You could say that.”

“Speaking of doughnuts, can we stop at a cafe? It would be nice to relax. I can tell that wasn’t fun for you. You’re quiet but not quiet like that. It’s weird seeing people from the past, isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to do it ever again.”She laughed and leaned into him which made him relax. Taking a deep breath, he was starting to feel alright again. “Can we never do that again?”

“If it makes you happy.” She curled herself around one of his arms as they headed towards the car.

The two stopped at a nice corner cafe where Penelo smiled widely after getting two large doughnuts. She still eyed him for getting a straight black coffee but didn’t make fun of him too much. She picked away at his cheesecake slice for the most part that once they got back into the car she groaned saying her stomach was sore.

Pit-stopping at one of the more popular malls they decided to go window shopping. Penelo thought it would be fun despite the lack of money. They both tried on clothes and talked about what they liked better than others. If any workers asked how it went in the changing rooms they would pretend things didn’t fit as they put a lot of the stuff back. Shane wished he could buy her whatever she wanted because truth be told he thought she looked good in a lot of things.

She was nervous to look at a bra shop which he frowned at, knowing that if they were dating it wouldn’t be so much of a problem. He wanted to tell her it was okay even as friends but knowing how dangerous his attraction was to her he thought against it.

Walking down the busy streets, Penelo stopped at an op-shop and showed Shane all the small treasures she liked to find in places like that. Cheap glasses and decorations, cheap clothing and all sorts of posters and stacks of music and movies.

They sat down on a couch for sale and looked through the boxes, talking about movies and old music they both liked. Shane couldn’t help but think that he was living in the best time of his entire life being next to her in some smelly rectangular building full of peoples’ old stuff.

Getting back into the car before their time was up for a meter, they decided to drive by their old homes, stopping on the side of the road to point and show what rooms they lived in gazing up at the towering apartment buildings. Penelo lived in an okay area right next to a petrol station and a family-owned grocery store while Shane lived closer to the center of the city in a newer looking building with a room you could see near the front up above overlooking the waters.

“God, the rent must have sucked,” Penelo added. Shane didn’t respond but she was right. Strangely enough with his new job stocking the shelves, he could save a lot more than when he worked at the head of advertisement at Headquarters and that was solely because of the extreme change in living costs. He knew if he had just settled for something cosy like Penelo did he would have a lot more saved up. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t have the money though knowing his drinking problem.

Trying not to get too upset about the housing differences, he took her to the public museum. She thought he would be taking her there and almost ran inside, excited as she glanced up at the hanging decor. There were hundreds of people there comfortably playing with interactable wall games and other things you could fiddle with.

Shane could see the visible change in her face when they reached the art section. It was almost like she paused, too shocked to even move at how much there was to see. He didn’t quite understand until she talked about how much she admired how big the pieces were, saying that they must have taken a long time to finish. He never thought about it, but canvases that stretched along the walls must have cost hundreds in itself. After working with advertisement and counting up costs for billboards he could tell Penelo was in awe at just how much effort was put into these things.

He made a note about how she wanted to look at every piece, writing down artist names when she thought some works touched her more than others. Stopping at an oil painting of a man and a woman with their legs intertwined under a table drinking at a cafe she smiled, telling him that she thought she liked that one the most.

When looking up at it, he thought it didn’t look as complicated as some of the others they had seen. “Why do you like this one the most?”

She could tell he was trying to not look confused but his arched eyebrow betrayed him. “Because it makes me feel something and it’s like seeing a moment in time. I can relate to it because we went to a cafe just before. I can imagine being there and what the two must be feeling, you know?”

Shane thought it was a perfect opening to tell her how he felt then and there. Taking a step closer, she looked up at him waiting for him to say something but his heart pounded so hard it was starting to hurt.

“You have a funny taste.” Is all he could say.

She grinned, bearing some of her top teeth before elbowing him. “You don’t need to be perfect at something to be good at it.”

“I guess.” He sucked on the corner of his bottom lip.

“It makes me feel and that’s a whole lot better than just impressing me.”

After getting a smoothie at the museum eatery and looking at the little souvenirs at the gift shop whispering to each other about how absurd some of the prices were, they went back to the car. It was starting to get late and Penelo was starting to whine about how sore she was from walking. Shane knew his time was nearing to an end and with his last stop at the pier to overlook the water he told himself that this was his last chance to tell her.

She was visibly starting to look tired, eyes fluttering as she looked out the window. He was nervous, hands sweaty at the wheel. He tried to focus on driving but at times he wondered if he would be so lost in his head and his fears he’d accidentally push down on the accelerator just a little harder so they would speed and crash.

_Maybe I don’t like her, maybe we’re just friends,_ he tried to tell himself. He knew he was lying but he wanted a way out. _Do I look okay, what if I do something stupid and ruin the whole thing?_

He forced himself to breathe properly, sucking in and out of his nose every three seconds. “This is our last stop.” He spoke softly as they parked into a lot. She slowly moved her head to glance up at him with heavy eyes.

“God, the docks are a perfect last spot.” She moaned as she stretched, shifting her arm up and shaking before pulling the door open. Shane was scared he’d get too turned on to leave the car but his nerves were more of a threat in his mind.

She began walking towards the waters as he locked the car. Walking slowly behind her, he tried to find the words he had rehearsed in his head over and over again. Not like he was practising to tell her, but he couldn’t get it out of his head.

He tried to remind himself of what Emily had told him, you don’t know unless you try. Gripping his hands tight, he stormed over to her where she sat and arched forward, creasing her back as she rested her arms on the railing.

She had a look in her eyes that made him want to wait for her to say something. They watched the boats and the seagulls darting around. “It’s surreal.” She spoke, lips perked. “Times like these are moments I want to keep in my mind forever.”

He looked around, finding everything so incredibly normal it was almost boring to look at. “How come?”

“Because you never know if you’ll get something like this again.” She answered. “We live in the Valley. It’s not like we get to be in a place like this at this exact moment. The clouds will never look the same as they do now. The air and everything. It’s something that calms me down thinking back to.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it.” He sat down next to her and carefully leaned over to rest his arms against the railings just like her. “It’s actually really nice.”

“I know.” Her eyes creased. “I’m glad I get to share it with you though.” She tilted her head to him. “A lot of my life has been me wishing I had someone to share a moment with and now I get to do just that.”

_ **Tell her now.** _

Opening his mouth, his eyes shook, unsure if it was okay to meet her eyes or to look away. His chest ached. Nothing would be the same after this. He wanted to get his expectations in place. _Expect nothing, then you won’t be so disappointed._

He didn’t want to _not_ be with her though. She was right, it was nice being in that moment with her. Everything was perfect, it was almost like a perfect spot in a dream.

_This is the time to tell her._

“Penelo.” He stood up. She blinked up for a moment, seeing his exterior cold with his eyes firmly on the pavement. She got up with him, watching him carefully. “I’ve been thinking a lot.” He started. Noises escaped but he was scared he’d spill it all out too quickly. “And it’s really been getting to me.”

“I know.” She leaned in to look up at him. She hoped he would look up if she did that but he only seemed to look to the side. “And it’s okay.”

“I’ve really just been trying to rack up my mind about it though.” He scratched at his arm. “I think you’re really amazing.”

“Gee, thanks.” One side of her lip raised.

“I just want you to know I really appreciate you. You’ve made me feel more alive than, well, ever. You’ve been making me see the world in a different light and it’s really interesting.”

“That’s good.” Her round eyes sparked open. He could tell she wasn’t getting how serious he was and it was frustrating.

“I like you a lot Penelo, you’ve been a really good friend to me. I don’t tell you that enough but I hope you know it.”

Her forehead wrinkled. “I guess I do, but I wish I’d hear you say it more.”

He wanted to beat himself up, maybe even jump off the railing and just drown in the water. His chest was hurting enough that he was sure he’d have a heart attack. She just wasn’t getting it and it was giving him more and more of a chance to get out of the confession.

Breathing in, he brought the back of his hand up to his mouth trying to calm himself down. She chuckled under her breath and stood comfortably next to him while looking out at the light reflecting off the water.

Turning to her with a burst of confidence, he felt his fingers itch and his throat tighten to the point of wanting to vomit. She was so beautiful she was almost like a painting herself. He didn’t want to ruin her or hurt her, he only wanted the best for her. Feeling close to being sick, he clutched the bottom of his jacket and shook.

“Penelo...” He muttered. She almost didn’t hear him. She was quick to be at his side, giving him all of her attention. Shane turned to look at her and felt like his chest was fluttering. The light reflected against the curve of her lashes as she peered up. The patterns of light glistened and danced against her skin and in that moment he started to understand what it was like for her when she considered everything she looked at as a piece of art. Her brown eyes seemed to change colour under the blue light sinking into her, like honey.

“You don’t look so good, was it something we ate?” She touched his arm and he shut his eyes tight.

“I’m fine.” He forced a smile. “_Let’s go home,_ you’ve been acting tired.”

“You’re not wrong.” She boomed. “Today was fun. I’m glad we got some of the sea air.”

“Mmhm.” He turned his eyes away as they walked. Stinging, he brushed at his face as casually as he could to dry his tears before opening the car door. She talked a lot as they reversed out and she plugged in her phone to play music but he couldn’t find the words to respond. He was ashamed of himself.

The entire day he had so many chances and he didn’t do it. It was like finding a still pond that he didn’t want to cause to ripple into waves. She meant so much to him that deep down he was sure it was too late. Watching her blossom he had a sliver of hope that maybe they could be together but he now knew he wanted the best for her, whatever was perfect and he wasn’t it.

Throughout the long drive, he hesitated, wishing to stop on the side of the road and just yell it out but she was sound asleep, the music humming quietly compared to the rushing of the wind and wheels.

His hands tightened at the wheel every time he tried to get the confidence but he felt so defeated that it was easy to find any excuse not to wake her up. Passing the Stardew Valley sign and the Pelican Town sign, he knew he was nearing the end of it all.

Stopping softly near her cabin he had a moment of silence to look at her sleeping softly. It was like the words he needed always seemed to come at the wrong time. All he could think about was how smart and strange she was in the best ways possible. She liked her talent and her looks, he liked her drive to live and the fact she never really complained about how hard she worked.

He lifted his arm, wanting to punch his wheel but stopped his hand above it knowing it would cause a noise loud enough to startle her awake. Reaching out, he spoke her name softly with a rumbling voice.

Stirring, her eyes open slowly. He could hear her clothes rustle as she sat up. Yawning, she smiled sheepishly. “I must have fallen asleep.” Rubbing her eyes she looked to see her cabin. “I told you I get sleepy on car rides.”

“Yeah, you do.” He could see kinks in her hair from sleeping. Stretching his arm out he pulled carefully and fixed up the parts that stuck out. “There you go.”

“Thanks, that’s so embarrassing.” She covered her mouth. “I guess it’s close to dinner time. Good thing I woke up otherwise my whole sleeping schedule would have turned upside down.” She groaned. “Today was so much fun. I’m glad we went out. It’s nice to be reminded of how big the world is sometimes and I got to make lots of memories with you.”

“I enjoyed it too.”

“It might not seem like much just driving around and stuff but it really was nice.”

Penelo was used to his quiet side and lack of responses but turning to look at him she could see he was staring at her. She made a face but he didn’t stir. “What?” She laughed.

Blinking, he scratched at his jaw. “Um, I bought you some things.” He reached out in the back-seat. “You told me you couldn’t afford shampoo and stuff. Sam helped pick them out for me, I didn’t know what you’d like so I got the stuff that said ‘_herbal_’ on it.”

“Shane you ass.” She smacked him. “Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem.” His shoulders sagged. “You deserve it.”

“Oh, shut up.” She huffed. “I’m starving, but we’ll talk soon, okay?” She reached for the handle and leaned to get one last look at him before closing the door. “I love you.” She said with a big smile.

He knew it was platonic the way it so easily fell out of her mouth but it stung knowing he struggled so hard to say it back.

“You too.” He felt heavy as the sound of the door slammed shut. “Fuck.” He winced. Making sure she was inside before doing anything rash he brought his hands up to his face feeling hair fall over his fingertips. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“How was the trip?” Marnie’s words fell on deaf ears as Shane played with the food on his plate. Jas watched him wide-eyed chewing with her mouth wide open. “Shane?”

Coming out of a daze he saw Marnie with a heavy pout at her lips. “Sorry, what?”

“The trip? How was it? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, maybe you need your happy medicine.” Jas sniffled.

“Honey, do close your mouth.”

“Um.” Shane dropped his fork and crossed his arms. “It was nice. We had a lot of fun.”

“Did you go shopping? Did you get me anything?” Jas brightened, almost jumping out of her seat.

“We only bought food, sorry Jas. Maybe next time.” He stroked her head and messed it up.

“Well, okay.” She dropped her head for a moment but it didn’t take more than a second for her to be up and grinning again.

“Maybe you need to lie down or something, you don’t look too happy honey.” Marnie leaned in close to check his eyes. “Go shower, clear your head.”

“Yeah, I might.” He got up from the table. “Sorry I didn’t eat much, I just don’t have much of an appetite.”

“That’s alright, you can just have a big breakfast tomorrow.”

“Yeah, okay.” He dragged himself up, almost seeming to glide through to his bedroom and to the bathroom to stand under the scalding hot water. Staring at his hands that dripped and watching his skin turn pink he felt himself shake. He couldn’t tell what was real anymore.

He had worked himself up for so long that the fact he didn’t go through with his plan it was like he fell off the face of the planet into some other realm. “What am I supposed to do now?”

He wondered if it was something he could do when it came to just be her friend without her knowing his feelings or if it was worth stopping talking to her. All of his options just didn’t seem like enough and when he sat at the edge of his bed still wet unable to dress he could only seem to feel like he was standing at a giant wall he just needed to get over.

“Fuck!” He cursed over and over again. Tears burst from his eyes, spilling down his face in a frequent stream. Forcing himself to get dressed he found himself standing in his dark room knowing he was close to exploding.

Kicking over things on his floor he leaned over and began punching his bed. Falling onto his knees he kept slamming his hands at the sheets until his arms were sore. Panting, he collapsed the top of his body over, his head resting sideways.

Hiccuping due to his tears, he sniffled, rubbing the side of his face. He wondered if he was even good enough for someone like Penelo if he couldn’t even tell her his feelings. He had enough time to prepare and every opportunity was good but he fell short again.

“I should just fucking die.” He slammed the bed near his face and sat upon his knees. His eyebrows creased and felt his chest heave again.

He had wanted to die so many times but he knew now it was a lie. He didn’t want any of it to end. He wanted to have her and live a content happy life with her despite whatever else he wanted. He didn’t care that he worked a minimum wage job or that he was depressed and a struggling alcoholic. None of it mattered because it didn’t matter to her.

He stood up, and dried his tears with hard brushed against his cheeks and stomped over to his bedroom door.

“Shane,” He heard his aunt calling to him sweetly from the kitchen nearby but he continued his path towards the front door. “Shane, where are you going?”

“To see Penelo.” He stated as he shoved his feet into nearby shoes, voice firm.

Marnie wanted to ask questions but she kept quiet, pausing by stopping her hand from scrubbing a plate in the sink. She didn’t need to ask questions to know after hearing the tone that escaped him. “Okay, well, be safe.”

Shane ignored the cold that bit at his bare arms. He only wore a short-sleeved shirt and loose sweatpants but he didn’t dare the thought of turning around just to put on something warm. His whole made had tunnel vision as he drove past the speeding limit through the rural streets. He had forgotten how to properly blink and his breathing was hard and fast but he felt ready for anything and he was going to take the leap.

Penelo sat on the floor looking into the oven watching the two loaves of garlic bread cook. Chewing on a carrot stick she squinted as to try to see the bread turn crisp and brown. Shaking her head and giving up on the watch she pulled herself up and finished her snack and got herself a drink of water.

Leaning into her recliner to look out of her front window she tossed her legs over the armrest. Smiling to herself, she thought it was a good day. All her worries seemed to disappear about him, she knew he was a good man and a man worth liking.

Pulling her hair over her shoulder, she smelled the new shampoo she had used and thought to herself it was an okay fragrance and nothing special. “I’d kill to have a coffee.” She said to herself but looking up at the clock and seeing how late it was refrained herself from giving in to her temptations.

Finishing her glass of water she went over to her sink and arched her head up at what sounded like a car outside. Fear shot through her for a moment knowing that her doors didn’t lock and began heading over to it to see who it was. She was sure that it was just Sebastian or Leah but she wasn’t sure.

Loud steps creaked against her porch steps and her door wriggled open making her take a step back. She saw Shane short of breath, his dark hair falling over his face and his eyes bearing into her. She couldn’t read him but she knew he was flustered.

He arched up to correct his posture and tugged his shirtstraight. Walking slowly up to her, she watched without saying a word. Eyeing him up and down she pressed a hand up to her chest, much too aware of her own breathing.

Shane looked down at her and stopped himself half a meter away from her, respecting her space. Parting his lips, he exhaled roughly “Can I kiss you?”

Penelo made a face that Shane couldn’t read and that scared him. It was hard to focus at that moment which he thought wasn’t so bad because there left no room to doubt over his decision.

“Okay.” She said, face unmoving.

Reaching forward with urgency, he held her face bringing it near him. Their lips pressed hard at first which Penelo thought hurt but when he pulled back the next one was soft enough she felt herself sinking into him.

Taking a step back and panting, Shane looked down to see what sort of expression she had. Her eyes were wide and wanting but her eyebrows creased with curiousity. Her hands were frozen in front of her chest grabbing onto a shadow of something.

He wanted to apologise or to tell her he loved her but he didn’t know what to say. Out of frustration, he leaned in again to kiss her now with more confidence, grabbing at the side of her waist.

Electricity burst at where his hands touched her. They made it to the kitchen counter where their mouths started to open and their hands experimentally began sliding against each other’s frames. Penelo’s heart pounded, she didn’t think something like this would happen so suddenly. She thought there would be some sort of slow process but it was all coming down at once. Her mind was melting, she wanted more.

Tugging on his shirt she began to wonder why he was only wearing one layer in the cold and if he had just come out of the shower because he smelled like fruit and his hair was damp against her skin. She wanted to laugh and ask but as he arched one of his legs between both of hers she felt weak and gasped.

There was a sudden realisation as she arched her head up giving him the opportunity to kiss and suck at her neck. Things were escalating quickly and she hadn’t done much of anything more than making out with someone. She felt him press against her rock hard and she knew she couldn’t hide her lack of experience by ignoring it.

“Shane.” She grabbed at his shoulders but he only held on tighter. Trying to meet his eyes to give them a time to pause he only looked at her for a fraction before leaning in to kiss her properly again. It was enough to make her forget her insecurities and it didn’t take long for her to pull him into her room.

He hadn’t seen much of her bedroom before but it was pretty. Drawings were taped and tacked all around and books and drawing pads were all scrawled out on a desk close to the window overlooking the farm. There was a pile of clothes near a wardrobe with some of it half folded. In the dim light, he watched her take her top off. He couldn’t help think it was the most beautiful thing he had seen.

She dropped her shirt and carefully walked up to him. Resting her hand against the center of his chest, there was a moment of pause. “I need to tell you something.” Her words were soft.

“I think you’re beautiful.” His head arched down so their foreheads touched.

“Don’t distract me.” She grinned. “This might be important.”

“Did I push you too much?” He pulled back so her hand fell back to her chest.

“Shane.” Her eyes fell. “I’ve never done this before.”

It took him a second but when he figured it out he stumbled backwards, scared to even be near her. “What?” His low voice sounded deeper than usual.

“Jeez, I didn’t know it was such a bad thing.” She crossed her arms as if trying to cover the skin that was bare.

“No!” He shouted. “I just, I didn’t think...” He walked close to her. “This shouldn’t be it.”

“But I don’t mind.” She pleaded.

“Mm,” He wanted to but shook his head. “I didn’t bring protection.”

“Well, I don’t own any. It’s not like I ever thought I was going to need it.” She huffed. “God, this is embarrassing.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“It’s not, this is all weird.” She whipped around feeling her face burn up. “What is this? What are we? Oh my god, what is going on. I’m fucking cold! Why did I... Ahhh!” She screamed and hopped from foot to foot.

“Pen.”

“Don’t look!”

“Pen.” His hand touched her arm and when she jolted he could see the redness in her face. “Let’s start over.” She dropped her arms to her side but still looked scared to be practically half-naked in front of him. “I really really like you.” He exhaled.

“Really?” She couldn’t help smile.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I um... Yeah.”

She snorted and poked at the middle of his chest. “I think I like you too.”

His eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“We just made out, what are you talking about?” She covered her mouth to hide a laugh but mostly because she was scared to kiss him. “Ugh, I really am cold now.” She reached down to get her top again. “Oh, shit!” She darted to the door then stopping again to dart to him. “I have garlic bread in the oven but _fuck_, are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay when you just said that?”

“Because...” She looked down at his crotch then grimaced. “Well, I don’t want my house to burn even if it hurts.” She cringed. “I hope you’re hungry. It’s garlic bread.” Racing out of view he suddenly became aware of how heavy his breathing was.

Slumping to the edge of her bed he looked down at his bulge then swallowed. He really didn’t feel sore in any way, he could only feel the light sensation in his chest. She kissed him back and liked him back.

He wished he had done it sooner but he couldn’t even imagine when she started to like him. Ever since she showed up she thought she was attractive and through all the mess he caused her she managed to actually like him.

Bringing a hand to his mouth he stared down at his shoes for a moment before realising he was wearing them inside her house. “Ugh, fuck.”

Walking back into the lounge he spotted her turning off the oven. “You’re so lucky I put two in. I was going to save one for tomorrow to heat up but now we won’t have to share.”

“I’m wearing shoes in your house.” He said as he quickly went to shut the front door they had left open and slid his shoes off near her recliner.

“God, it’s fine.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s like we’ve forgotten how to talk to each other.” She laughed. “God, I’m nervous. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I thought...” He slid into a kitchen chair. “_I didn’t know_.”

She frowned. “It’s not like I chose to be a virgin.”

“I’m not saying it’s bad.” He placed his hands firmly against the wood. “It just makes this whole thing different.”

“Well, let’s talk about this whole ‘_thing_’.” She sat across from him and leaned over to him. “I might as well start because I doubt you’ll even talk at times.” Blowing the hair from her face she turned her eyes away feeling a bit self-conscious. “I think I’ve liked you for a little while now but I just realised it recently. You’re just, you’re really handsome.”

It was hard to believe but even still it made him feel just a bit better about himself.

“Honestly, I’ve been scared to confront this because I worry about you so much.”

“Yeah,” He scratched the side of his face. “Same here.”

She pressed a hand at her stomach, she missed his touch but it wasn’t the time.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time but I am convinced you deserve better. But I really want you too.” He gritted his teeth. “I don’t know if this is okay for me to do.”

“What? Of course it’s fine, why wouldn’t it be?” She boomed. “I mean... What are we now? Is this a serious thing? I don’t know how to be about this.”

“Well, what do you want?”

“I don’t know, I really like you.” She played with her hair.

“Do you want to try dating?”

A laugh escaped her, face red. “I mean, _okay_, but how?”

He raised a brow. “By dating...?”

“I mean, like, do we tell everyone or what? Is there rules or...?”

“I don’t really want to tell anyone.” His lips turned downwards.

“Okay, right now we don’t need to tell anyone.” She fumbled with her thumbs and played with her peeling nail polish. “And this whole sleeping together thing?”

He shrugged. “Whatever makes you comfortable.”

“I just don’t want you to hurt.”

He laughed a toothy smile that reached his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”

She sagged. “So, are we just going to agree we’re dating and you just leave? That would be weird and I think I’d get pretty lonely. Do you want to stay?”

“Wha- Yeah, I’ll stay.”

“We can’t do anything without...”

He shook his head. “That doesn’t matter.”

“I really don’t want you to hurt.”

“Penelo, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” She pouted. “Well, I’ve been looking forward to this garlic bread all fucking day so we aren’t kissing until we brush our teeth after.”

“Okay.”

“And sometimes I mumble in my sleep.”

“Okay.”

“And apparently I used to kick and move around a lot growing up so bare with it.”

“Alright.” His face was round and risen but she could only sigh. “I won’t mind it.”

“Okay,” She smiled. Looking over at him she couldn’t help but snort. “You’re a really good kisser.”

He felt his legs twitch and for a moment he did ache for her. Holding his breath, he remained silent and looked down at the table making her laugh just a little more.


	14. Chapter Fourteen - Our Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends!  
I’m trying to get into the funk of posting a chapter on the same day every week and I don’t want to make excuses to why I’m not but then again, I can’t promise I’ll be able to post weekly either. I honestly thought that during this whole pandemic I’d be a lot more productive. I thought I’d finally learn to properly drive because the streets are quite barren and I thought I’d get onto making an art portfolio as well as having a lot of new chapters under my belt. But for some reason, I just seem to exist really and that’s how I cope. It’s scary to put things into action especially when everything is at a standstill. I think it is important to keep yourself on the right track as well as not pushing yourself too hard.
> 
> Either way, my goal is to make sure I can post weekly. Also, I have received a lot of good feedback from you guys especially from my latest chapter. I feel as if replying with hearts or saying thank you is getting a bit repetitive, I can’t exactly thumbs up or any of them. But I really really appreciate how much you love my writing and that you hope I take care of myself.
> 
> I have updated thoughts on some things I wrote in this "note" box when it comes to finding good fanfiction (which this paragraph is replacing to better clarify my opinions). I said something about how I personally found it hard to find fanfiction that had a linear plot with characters that felt real and the fact many of you say you like that I have these things makes me happy. It occurred to (stupidly late) that sometimes people don't want that and that's okay. Sometimes you just want to put yourself into the place of the protagonist and just find an easy read. But on the note on finding fanfiction with an actual plot and stuff I still think it's a shame it's still a little hard to find.
> 
> Either way, I appreciate the support, any criticism and the fact you all care and love for what I’ve created. If I don’t reply to your messages, just know whatever you say still makes my day and I often linger on them.
> 
> On a side note, I’ve been thinking about the world of my story. Some people get confused (no one has mentioned them being confused on the world but I’ve seen things similar in video essays and other types of media) and they question whether it’s taking place on planet Earth or whatever world Stardew Valley takes place in. Because I add things like PlayStation, Resident Evil and other things added into my story it can feel strange – like is Zuzu city some major city in America or something? But I like to look at it as an alternative universe, some things are different and some are similar. This is only done so we can latch onto things we know without having to get into some big information dump like, “Oh, this game Evil Resident, you’d really like it Shane.” Just feels silly to me and takes me out of the story. Like, why not just say Resident Evil? I don’t know, anyways, I got that out of the way, everyone make sure you eat and drink enough during the day and try not to read comics or fan fiction before bed because YOUR EYES (get a night filter app!).

It was safe to say that Shane was anxious when he woke up next to her. He knew that this wasn’t one of his fantasies but it was still frightening in itself. He hadn’t exactly prepared for anything to get past the point of reality.

Her room lit up pink and red with the sunlight brushing through the curtains. It was hard to adjust to with his own curtains being able to block out all light once it hit daytime. He guessed it was probably something better to wake to than complete darkness which could feel really soul-sucking at times.

She still snoozed beside him probably because she was used to her own mattress and the light coming through and the chill in the air. Shane didn’t get much sleep if any, thinking too much about how he was now with the woman of his dreams.

With all of his past interactions with women in bed, waking up meant leaving. Maybe one or two of the people he had slept with tried to be nice, offering breakfast and coffee but it always made him uncomfortable at the idea of actually getting to know someone. He was sure that’s why he had such a hard time knowing what to do next considering he often let his mind wander in what could be instead of what was right in front of him.

In his dreams, Penelo was a little more curvier but thinking back to her without her shirt on he felt nervous knowing she was much fitter than him. It was because of all the farm work he knew but he once was a great athlete. He wished he was like Alex with a great body but at least now he didn’t have to feel so jealous knowing now he at least had Penelo.

Biting at his thumbnail, he slowly got up and headed to the bathroom. He quickly brushed his teeth with his new toothbrush and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water before coming back into her bedroom. She was awake but groaning and refusing to open her eyes. The sound of her voice was alluring and it made him worry about where his mind would go if he heard it too much.

“Hey.” He crawled back on top of the bed except without throwing the covers back on himself. Her hair lay around her in some mermaid type of way, spreading out like waves. Her hair curled in places and with its strange faded green-aqua mix, it reminded him a bit of seaweed.

“What’s the time?” Her voice croaked as she talked into her pillow.

“Almost ten.”

“Ugh, later than usual.” She pushed herself up and blinked sleepily at him. “How long have you been up?”

_All night_. “About twenty minutes, I got up maybe ten minutes ago.”

“Mm,” She reached out and sloppily stroked his scruffy chin. “I guess this is early for you in the weekends.”

“I’ve been getting better. This is an alright time.” He shrugged. “Hey, can I use your shower?”

She huffed, sitting with the blankets half-covering her legs spread to the side. “Yeah, of course.” Taking in another slow inhale she covered her torso and shivered. “Use any of the blue towels in the cupboard. I also have some pretty big clothes you could borrow that would fit you. I don’t know about pants though.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just wear my sweatpants.”

“Or nothing.” She teased. His heart thumped a little too hard but she grimaced quickly. “I shouldn’t say that, but hey, go have a shower. I’ll go see what I can do for breakfast. I’m not really a morning shower person so I don’t need to.”

“Okay,” He leaned in to kiss her forehead. “I’ll see you in ten.”

Stretching for a moment, she slipped on slippers and scurried to open the curtains around the house. Turning the kettle on, the entire house still seemed to creak with the pressure of water from the shower but it didn’t sound like something was going to burst or break. It still made her feel horrible with how her house seemed to be falling apart.

Strangely enough, it still looked the same from all the times she used to visit her grandfather with her dad and his family. It always looked like it needed some doing up, she just wished that her grandpa didn’t leave it all up to her to do.

Tapping her leg as she leaned against her kitchen counter, she wondered if she was ready to look through his belongings but a quick ‘_No!’_ In her head was enough to know it would be a little more longer before she could do it. Pouring two cups of coffee, she left Shane’s one half full not really knowing how he liked the way he liked his and peered into the fridge to see what was available.

“This is a big yikes.” She crossed her arms. There was milk, some bread in the breadbox and a bowl with approximately three apples, four bananas and one orange. “We’ll have to see if he wants toast or something when he’s out.” She mumbled to herself.

She still cut up all the fruit, leaving only one banana left which she put to the side so she could clean the bowl in the sink. Drying up the dishes from last night, she saw Shane coming out wearing one of her XL band shirts she got from a live show which looked to be a comfortable fit around him, it still spilling to be a tad big on him.

“What is this band?” He asked pulling at the cotton and looking down.

“Honestly, I don’t even remember much.” She laughed. “But I saw them live. They were pretty good from what I remember.”

“Alright.” He sniffled, hair damp.

“Do you always wet your hair when you shower?” She asked.

“Yeah?”

“Weird. I guess it must be a guy thing. Anyways, I only really have fruit. There’s coffee there, I only have a little sugar and honey left but I don’t know if you wanted that. If you want toast you can make some but I’m really low on supplies, I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t surprised but then again his Aunt always seemed to make something nice, whether that being waffles or pancakes in the morning so it was a bit jarring.

“So what are you going to do today?” Penelo leaned her head into her hand.

“I should be asking you that.”

“Well, there’s always work on the farm.”

“Like what?”

“Cutting trees, especially since it’s getting cold. I know Leah likes using the wood I have, she knows much more about the tree types than I do though. Also, Robin really appreciates some wood to craft things and the Mullner’s also like the firewood. I’ve patched up the barns alright and I have planned a budget for the next few months so I’m alright there. I do need to clean up the paddock in front of the house though, I’m thinking of designing some type or vineyard looking garden for when Spring comes along so I need to build some plant boxes and stuff once it’s clean.”

“I can help if you want?”

“Sure, but I mean... This might sound rude but sometimes I get in my own head and just don’t want to talk when I'm working if that makes sense.”

“I don’t talk much anyways. I should be saying that to you.”

Penelo laughed. “You don’t need to tell me when you already make it obvious. What I mean is that I guess I like being alone and today it’ll be like being alone together.”

Shane’s lip quirked as he thought about it. “I guess that makes sense.”

“Right, so if I’m not talkative, it’s not personal.”

“Right, so when you go quiet that means you hate me and want me to leave."

"Shane!" She whined with a smile but he smirked as he stirred his coffee cup.

The day was one of the best days Shane had experienced in a long time. He was beginning to realise and understand more of what Penelo meant when she talked about experiencing things you had never experienced before and looking forward to the new. It was no longer something he feared because just existing on a quiet farm with her was strangely really content.

Penelo being quiet wasn’t as big of a problem as she had explained it to be. He was sure she liked not talking when she was alone. Because she tended to talk and ramble it still was something he hadn’t seen much of but it didn’t make him nervous or make him wonder if she was upset with him. Sometimes she’d point out a bird or they’d talk about what they want to do next but other than that she liked working in peace.

Shane offered to buy her groceries which she reluctantly agreed with. He drove out to Joja after she quickly wrote down some things and he walked into the store to see Sam alone fixing the shelves and sticking close to the checkout. Shane was happy to see him because of how kind Sam had been to him the past few weeks. They talked a bit while Sam was scanning some things like music and people such as Sebastian and Penelo before leaving to go back to the farm.

When he returned Penelo looked smug filling up her kitchen cupboards. She commented that it always looked empty but now that there was some food she felt she’d wake up a little happier for the next week. Sitting down for lunch, Shane went to call his aunt to update her on where he was and told her that he was okay. Surprisingly, she didn’t tease him at all, she only told him that she was glad he was okay and that he should return home for dinner because she was cooking a roast.

“So, what should we do about us?” Penelo asked as she offered him a biscuit coming outside to sit down next to him at her cottage steps.

“Just don’t tell anyone.” He shrugged.

“Right, and Marnie won’t tell?”

“She doesn’t even tell anyone about her and the mayor.”

Penelo winced. “Why is that? Does she love him?”

Shane thought for a moment. He wasn’t sure if his aunt loved Lewis. Marnie was always sweet with everyone so he couldn’t tell. “I don’t know but Lewis says that it would be bad because of his position of power in Pelican Town.”

“God, I wish someone would kick him out of the position. Leah and Sebastian tell me about how he’s not that great. I can’t say too much because he’s been alright with me, although he did try to get out of not buying any of my pumpkins at the festival. Leah says it’s probably because he was friends with my grand-dad.”

“That’s probably true.”

“Yeah... Well, when do you think we should tell people about us?”

Shane shrugged. “Until we’re confident.”

She pouted. “Do you think you want to feel a little better depression-wise before we go public?”

Shane sighed and nodded quietly. She gave a reassuring smile and put her hand on his knee. “So, uh, I got condoms.” He added quietly. Looking over at her, her eyebrows furrowed lower to her eyes.

“I don’t think I am ready.”

“Then we won’t.”

“It’s weird though,” She added. “I wanted to last night when we couldn’t but now I just, don’t feel like it. I wonder if something is wrong with me.”

He shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Sometimes you just don’t want to.”

Looking down at her fingers she took in a deep breath. “I think I might talk to Harvey about going on pills.”

“Alright...”

“And, okay... I say this not to be rude, but have you been tested? For like... STIs?”

Shane’s eyes widened. He felt embarrassed and stuffed the rest of the biscuit she offered into his mouth so he could have time to think. He was often very good with being cautious about his sexual health and regularly got tested every six months or so but since moving to the valley he hadn’t.

“Last time I checked I was clean.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “But I’ll check to give us some peace of mind.”

“Harvey might connect the dots if I ask to go on medication for it and you get tested.”

Shane shook his head. “It’s just health and plus, you have lots of male friends.”

She snorted. “I guess so.” She nudged him playfully which made him smile. “Anyways, I’m glad this happened this way. So many of my past relationships – the ones where I was young, I was told by their friends that they liked me before ending up dating them. It ruins it. It’s not as confrontational. I’m actually really surprised at how comfortable I was with sharing the bed with you. I get nervous when I sleep next to anyone.”

Shane didn’t want to admit about the lack of sleep he had so he only nodded in response. “I don’t think I’ve ever dated someone like this before.”

“What about the girl you dated in high school?”

He shrugged. “It just was some mutual thing. I don’t think either of us put work into it”

“Well, I guess that’s better than just one person in the relationship trying. I was always putting in the work while the guy would keep making excuses.”

Shane felt bad. He knew with his current mental health and lack of empathy compared to Penelo that maybe he might let her down. Glancing at her, he was sure as long as he tried it would be enough for her to spot his efforts.

“Wanna help me build garden boxes?” She asked turning to him, her green ends falling over her shoulder.

“Yeah.” He said, wrapping his arm around her.

Shane could feel Marnie’s eyes on him the entire time they had sat at the table. Jas was oblivious, chewing with her mouth open and humming some cartoon theme song while swinging her legs.

“Close your mouth sweetie.” Marnie commented.

Shane inhaled loudly. “What?” He asked with annoyance, glancing up at her.

“Nothing.” Marnie’s voice rose. “You’ve just been quiet ever since you came home.”

“Shane is always quiet.” Jas arched a brow.

“Yeah, I’m always quiet.” He added on.

“Well, it’s strange that you’re quiet after spending the night at a girl’s house.”

Jas looked up, chewing with her mouth closed, eyes big. Shane pinched the bridge of his nose. “Nothing happened. We talked, had breakfast, worked on the farm.”

“So the feeling is mutual?” Marnie asked.

“Yes.” He groaned.

Laughing, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, that’s good. Really good actually. I’m happy to hear it.”

“I’m confused.” Jas frowned.

“Penelo and I talked about being best friends.” Shane lowered his head to look at her. “We’re going to be spending more time together like you and Vincent.”

“Hm, that makes sense.”

Marnie and Shane looked at each other knowingly and then went back to eating.

Penelo pushed a barrel full of long branches over to the cleared paddock, placing them down as a plan to where she wanted to build a path, laying them down one by one in a straight line. She was anticipating Leah coming over for lunch. Leah wanted some wood to work on some of her commissions because of how she had run out.

She could hear her friend’s Ute once it reached her gate, driving in to park near her house. She glanced over, the sunlight weak against her friend’s skin. Leah was wearing a woollen knit sweater over baggy jeans, her hair let down. She walked over to Penelo and hugged her friend tightly. “You didn’t tell me what happened on the trip. I was thinking about you all weekend.”

“Sorry.” She frowned. “I’ve been busy. We had a good time, went to a lot of places. Didn’t buy anything though.”

“Did anything different happen?” Leah winced. Penelo could tell what she was meaning but pretended to be oblivious.

“Nothing happened on the trip.” It wasn’t a lie. They had spent time together as usual. The only time things changed was later when she came back home where he confronted her about his feelings.

“Hm, disappointing. Anyways, what are you doing?”

Penelo felt a little guilty keeping a secret from her best friend. She liked to keep things out in the open and it stung a little to keep her mouth shut. “Planning where I want to put paths and some garden boxes.”

“If it rains it might mess this whole plan up.”

She shrugged. “It’s only to get an image for now.”

“Have you talked to Robin about fixing up the house or setting up some farm layouts.”

“Not yet.” She shook her head. “For now, the biggest thing I feel I need is to build a greenhouse.”

“Right, yeah. That’s sensible.”

“Did you want to go inside to eat?”

“Nah, nah. Let me help with this layout first. I’m not that hungry.”

Before lunch, they spent some time talking about how they both saw their own versions of the farm in the future and talked about what sort of crops they’d like as well as what would be more beneficial for the village. Leah tried to convince her of creating a winery which Penelo liked the idea of but shook off the thought because she worried about what it would do to Shane.

For the moment, they planned on planting a few types of fruit trees by the far end of the farm close to the fences. Firstly, they did need to fix up the more untouched parts of the farm which was mostly the parts furthest away and start on taking down the rotting fences and building new ones.

When they sat inside Penelo lit up the fireplace and asked Leah about her first experiences with sex. Leah admitted she wished she hadn’t rushed into such things, especially at a young age.

“I wish I had done what you had done. You get to do it when you’re comfortable with someone you have feelings for. No matter how good the person is in bed, sometimes it just means more to be with someone you actually care about.” Leah sighed, holding onto her cup firmly. “It’s not bad to look at it as something that’s just ‘_whatever_’, but even still, I admire that you’re going by it on your own terms, even if you feel slow. Age doesn’t really matter.”

Penelo felt a little at ease after hearing how her friends saw it and was glad for the most part that her closest friends Elliott and Leah weren’t judgemental in the least about something she was insecure about.

She wondered if she actually wanted to have sex with him once they started kissing in the weekend. She couldn't help think it was because she didn’t need to think about it so much being caught in the moment but now it was something all she could think about. Deep down, she knew she didn’t want to be with him if he had caught something during his wilder youth and that made her feel guilty.

Shane and Penelo texted like usual, finding strange emojis to send each other and songs but they hadn’t planned to meet up to do anything as the week went on. Penelo had added Shane on Facebook but every time she glanced at his profile pictures and photo albums she only found images of him during him better youth. It was weird seeing him fit as a teenager and young adult with where he was now being a little chubby. He was still slender to a certain degree but she felt a little jealous of whoever he had back when he was in better shape.

Without telling anyone, Shane had begun to go for runs during the dark of morning through the forest. After seeing Penelo without her shirt on he knew that he needed to start getting healthier again. He hadn’t been that big ever in his life even if it wasn’t exactly obese.

Running wasn’t something like it was before. Now his lungs burned, his throat itching. His mouth was always ajar to suck in air and his legs felt like jelly. He remembered he could run for miles but now every thirty seconds or so he needed to stop to walk or stop entirely to catch his breath. It was humiliating. Even though he was by himself he was embarrassed and it was something he couldn’t stop thinking about wherever he went.

When it came to dreaming of being with her, the dreams had dispersed and turned into daydreams. They weren't so bad but it still made his heart race wherever he went whether it be at work or in his room playing Resident Evil. Now there was a clear image of her in his head, the memory vivid of her talking nervously as she walked in her room nervously - the light against her cleavage and the threads of lace woven at the straps of her bra. It was the sort of memory that would often visit him but this time it wasn't something bad like wanting to die or feeling useless.

Reflecting on his sexual history, he had a small doubt about his health. He knew that if he had caught anything he would most likely leave her just out of how much he loved her.

The messenger group for the band was booming and it was driving Penelo crazy as her phone vibrated through her pockets while she was working on a painting. Groaning and taking it out she tapped on the screen to see them arguing about the lyrics for one of their songs they were working on. None of them seemed to want to meet up together with Sam and Sebastian both working and Abigail just seeming to not want to listen to them fight in real life.

Abigail sent her a private message asking her if she wanted to come over to play video games and Penelo accepted just so she could procrastinate colouring the first layers of the canvas. She got into her car and drove over. She hoped Abigail would wait for her in the store because she didn’t know her away around their house. Walking into Pierre’s store she felt herself stammering to talk when Abigail burst through the side door behind the counter.

“Come, come.” She signalled Penelo over, her hair in a rough bun. Penelo nodded sheepishly at Abigail’s father who had his glasses perched on top of his head, an eyebrow arched curiously. Their house had a big living room with a much nicer fireplace than her own one at home. There were pictures on the walls of Abigail when she was young with chestnut coloured hair and glancing over at the Abigail in front of her now she wondered how she seemed to look a little bit more like a fairy or witch of sorts. Maybe it was the coloured hair but Penelo had coloured ends and she didn’t feel she looked as magical as her friend.

“We have a chapel, over here. Every Sunday some of the villagers come to pray but it just came with the house. Our family isn’t that religious.” Abigail brought Penelo over to a side door. Penelo had noticed the chapel attached to the side of their home. It had a beautifully designed front door with angels carved into the frame. The windows were tinted with colours and all were thoroughly detailed with artworks of people dying or animals or people being illuminated with rays of light.

She wondered what type of god the people in this region followed as there were many varying cultures throughout the world, it wouldn’t have been strange to hear of something new.

When they entered through the house entrance to the chapel Penelo was in awe at how beautiful the place was. There was a large marble altar on top of a staged area with varnished dark wood pews and pillars that stood in each corner of the room.

“What god do the people here follow?”

“Stardew Valley has a god called Yoba. Was real big back in the mining days. Apparently he was similar to a sort of wizard type person or something. Known for things like making crops grow and medicine. There’s also a story about how the mountain caves used to be a prison for monsters and demons.”

“Woah, really?”

“I mean, a lot of religious stories are like that, don’t you think? Most of the older followers tend to be a bit crazy and say if you don’t pray to Yoba then the prisons holding them back might weaken. There’s even still an Adventurer’s Guild here.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, up close to the old mines. It’s a bit creepy up there but you might’ve seen the residents. Gil and Marlon. They’re old, come down to festivals sometimes.”

“I think I saw them at the jelly event.”

“Yeah, they’re the ones.”

“Wow, that sounds crazy.”

“Right.” Abigail pointed at her. “Anyways, let’s head to my room and we can pick something to play. I have a few multiplayers.”

Penelo trailed after her through the living room and in the kitchen where Caroline, Abigail’s mother with green hair said hello. Penelo bowed her head and they quickly trotted out once they got snacks.

Abigail’s room was a large square with pink walls, a large desk with two monitors, a pink gaming chair, a queen-sized bed with a wolf blanket wrapped on top and a hamster home on top of one of her dressers.

“You have a hamster?” Penelo boomed as Abigail closed the door. She leaned over to look at it. The hamster was golden brown and its nose twitched with beading eyes looking up at her.

“Yeah, this is David.” She opened the door and scooped him up, petting his back. “He’s two years old.”

“He’s so cute.”

“I know right. Mum and dad were a bit sceptical about getting a pet but he’s not much of a responsibility.”

“I’ve thought about getting a cat ever since I was a teenager. I was always lonely. But I can barely take care of myself.”

“Maybe you should.” Abigail smiled. “Want to see my camgirl stuff?”

Penelo laughed loudly and covered her mouth. “Yeah, sure. I’d love to.”

Abigail put David back inside his box and pulled out a container under her bed. Penelo couldn’t help but giggle at some of the toys Abigail showed her. Abigail even had cute outfits that Penelo admired and said she wished she could pull off.

“Bitch, you’re fit as fuck. I know some good sites you can buy some off.”

“I can’t afford it.”

“I’ll buy some for your birthday!”

“Hmmm, maybe.”

“We’ll have to share clothes so I can learn your size. I don’t think you’d tell me but we look about the same height.”

“Look, it’s fine.” She whined. “But this stuff is really fascinating. Do you ever regret doing this stuff? I feel like I could never do it.”

“I don’t feel guilty. I cover my face with masks anyways. No one knows what I look like so I can switch it off whenever I want. To be honest, I wanted to start streaming videogames but no one really watches and when they do they just say gross incel stuff. Might as well make a living by it."

“Can I see your masks?"

"Yeah, of course." Abigail showed her masks that covered her entire face designed to look like foxes. She told Penelo that she would often have to buy them in basic white and would then decorate and adjust them to her liking.

"Do you have a fake name or online name you go by?"

"Just some cringy name I made when I was younger. Firey fox."

"It's not so bad." Penelo laughed. Abigail frowned but didn't argue. Sitting together, they brought David over once they put a two-person shooter on. Both of them ran around and did their best to pick up boosts and level ups throughout the stages. Penelo never did play many games but Abigail commented that she hadn't got past the first stage alone and it made her feel a little better about her skills.

"What sort of games are you into?" Abigail asked, tapping away at her controller.

"Mostly story based games." She admitted. "My family couldn't afford the newest consoles so I only know old games."

"It's a shame you've missed out on the great latest ones. Has Seb showed you any?"

"We've played a little when I visit him but everyone has been busy lately which I guess isn't such a big problem because I always have something to work on when it comes to the farm."

"Do you ever regret moving here?"

"No, why?"

Abigail tilted her head. "The Valley is all I've ever known. I could probably move out if I wanted to, but it's scary."

"Why don't you go to a university instead of taking online classes?"

"At some point I'll have to." Abigail crossed her arms. "I'm studying to be a vet so at some point I'll have to take laboratory classes."

"A vet? That's a hard career to get into isn't it?"

"It's true. The closest universities have a high fail rate for vet training but it's what I want to do."

"What about being a singer or an illustrator?"

Abigail laughed, looking Penelo over. "I'm not that good at singing and digital art is just a hobby. I don't think I'd want to be an artist professionally.'"

"If you did we could have been art friends like me and Leah."

"Leah is very traditional. I think it would be hard to bounce ideas off one another."

"Art is still art." Penelo shrugged. "Where do you think you'd want to study?"

"I think I'd want to take a year off once I graduate this semester but probably in the town over just because I feel the city would scare me."

"The city isn't so bad."

"I might. Who knows how I'll feel in a year. But everyone here our age seems to idolize moving there. I think after spending so much time with Seb it's just rubbed me the wrong way. I just want to be different I guess."

"Speaking of different, can I look at your tattoos?"

"Right." Abigail fixed her posture. Pulling her hair back, Penelo looked at the symbol on the back of her neck. It wasn't anything she had seen before. "It's just some nerdy thing off a story I read. It's a brand, like a curse. People who have it shouldn't be alive."

"That's awfully grim."

"The story is pretty grim." She laughed in response. "I also have a stick and poke here on my arm." She pulled back her sleeve and near her armpit was a small knife that looked to be faded or very light against her skin. "I'm quite fond of this one."

"Does it have any meaning?"

"No. I just thought it was cool. Do you like tattoos?"

"I do but I don't have any. I don't know if I'd get any. I think it's just me liking art in general though that I like them."

"Maybe you'll find something. But it gets a bit addicting."

"I've heard that."

Abigail rested back and they looked at each other for a short moment. "Are you enjoying it here in Pelican Town? It must be lonely."

"I'm enjoying it for the moment." Penelo smiled brightly.

"This might sound weird, but do you like anyone here?" Darting up, Abigail smirked."Oh?"

"I can't tell you." Penelo quickly stuttered.

"Why not?" She whined.

Penelo considered it for a moment, thinking back to the times Abigail told her secrets she hadn't told anyone else. Shane wouldn't like anyone knowing, but it felt as if all of it would burst out of her chest if she didn't express to someone her feelings. Leah and Elliott were too close she thought when it came to talking about something so personal, they'd never let it down she knew. Letting her hands rest on her thighs she leaned in telling Abigail she couldn't tell anyone else.

"Shane and I have talked about being a couple."

"Shane?" She boomed. "I was thinking Sebastian or something."

"Seb?"

"I mean... Well, tell me about Shane? He better treat you right. He gives everyone a bad vibe. He's never been nice to anyone. Sure, he's got a nice scruffy '_bad-boy'_ look but other than that he's got a lot of issues."

"Yeah... He was hard to be friends with at first. It might sound sad to say but I think the only reason I could get in was because I saw him at his lowest when he... _You know..._"

"Right."

"He doesn't talk to me about his drinking problems but we've talked about his depression. He's got a good hold on it right now and we've become pretty good friends. We have a lot in common and there's this attraction. It's looking bright though. He doesn't want anyone to know about us because he's just not ready. I don't think I'm either since this whole town is so small. There just isn't the right amount of privacy with this sort of thing."

"Absolutely. Just like how Seb and I kept it on the down-low. I mean, I wish you the best."

"Thanks." Penelo smiled sweetly and put her hand on Abigail's.

"And plus, I think he's packing."

Penelo burst into laughter making Abigail laugh along with her.

Because she was near Harvey’s Clinic, Penelo decided to head inside to make an appointment to ask Harvey about contraception and how to go about it. She was nervous, but seeing Maru at the counter scribbling in a notebook she felt a little at ease knowing there was another woman to talk to.

“Oh, hey Penelo.” Maru erected herself and had a shy smile at her lips. Penelo liked her lighter hair to contrast her darker skin. She couldn’t help but think about what it would have looked like longer since Abigail once told her about how she thought Maru looked good with it grown out. “Can I help?”

“Um, can I ask you a sort of a personal question?” Maru arched her head questioningly and Penelo took a deep breath. “How would you go about safe sex? Or contraception? I’m new to all of this.”

Maru blinked rapidly for a moment and pushed up her glasses. “Well, I don’t know much personally,” She put her hand to her chin. “There are a few options. There’s injections, pills and the rod. The injection is quite popular but I wouldn’t recommend it for a long period of time because it can mess with your bones. Pills are the safest bet but the rod is convenient because you won’t have to worry about getting pregnant for about five years but the rod is usually taken out one in seven women because they say it messes with her hormones and such.”

Penelo sagged. “Well, w-what would you pick?”

Maru bit her lip. “Well, I’d probably go for the pills just because they’re safer.”

“Hm, okay.”

“Did you want to talk with Harvey about your options?”

Penelo felt her heart race. She never had been that nervous about sex but openly talking about herself under such a topic felt embarrassing. She nodded and Maru said she’d be right back to talk to Harvey if he could see her that day.

She leaned against the counter looking up at the health posters talking about the flu and how smoking was bad. She instantly thought of Sebastian after seeing that poster and wondered how he was. She couldn’t help think about how he must feel sometimes with his sister taking up the chance to be a nurse so young while he would get yelled at for his passions with programming and coding.

She hoped that Sebastian would find a different and healthier coping mechanism for his stress.

“Penelo,” She looked to see Maru at the door to the hallway. “You can come through if you’d like.”

“Alright, thanks.” She smiled waveringly.

Penelo noted how Maru was much shorter than her despite knowing she was also on the shorter side and found it a cute difference between her and her brother since Sebastian was much taller. Walking into Harvey’s office, she felt hesitant with such a white room. There was something about bland and bright rooms that made it harder for her to breathe in.

Harvey gave a sweet smile which reassured her as she sat down. Maru commented about how if she needed her in the room too or to talk to a nurse then she could just ask.

“So you need advice on something?” He asked, hands clasped together under his desk.

“I wanted to ask to get on a plan for contraception.”

“Oh, you’ve had intercourse?” Harvey asked.

Blushing, she knew that it was just a question for health purposes. “Planning to.” She sniffled, rubbing her nose and looked away. “I wanted to get on some form of contraception that wasn’t just condoms. They’re quite pricey.”

“Well, they're still a good second case of protection over medication.” Harvey crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair. “You can get some with a discount here at the clinic if you’re going to be sexually active.”

“I mean, I’d rather try something else for now.”

“Like pills?”

Penelo’s eyebrows creased. “I think I want to try getting the rod in my arm. Just because I wouldn’t have to worry about anything for about five years with it.”

“I’d recommend starting small at your stage.”

Penelo winced. “I’m quite convinced I want to get the rod.”

Harvey reached out for his tablet and began typing. “Alright. I’ll put you on the medication for a month first, just in case. I don’t want you to rush anything. But I’ll see you again about a week before your medication runs out just to see if you still want the rod. If you do, we can do that here if you'd like. Maru would be doing it for you but she still an apprentice. If you're okay with that we can do it otherwise there would be no problem in helping you get an appointment at a women's health clinic in the town over.”

“Alright.”

“It’ll cost about five dollars for the medication, you can pay at the desk while I go out back to sort it out.” After scribbling on a notepad he turned to his printer and signed a prescription. “Is there anything else I can help you with? Have you been eating enough? I know with all that farm work you need to keep a steady diet.”

She thought for a moment. “I think I eat enough. Right now I’m just trying to survive on a low budget.”

“Especially with winter. Make sure you’re eating enough fresh vegetables and meat _unless_ you’re a vegetarian.”

“I’m not.” She laughed. “But thank you for the reminder.”

“Of course.” Harvey nodded. “I also say that as a friend.”

“Thanks.” She blushed and went to stand.

“Did you know mama’s birthday is next week?” Jasmine was chewing on a chocolate bar. Both her and Shane sat on a hill at the beach watching the sun begin to set. Shane had just finished work and he went to get Jasmine from the library at his aunt’s request. 

“Yeah, I did.” Shane checked his phone but Penelo hadn’t responded to his texts yet.

“Are you getting her anything?”

Putting his phone in his back pocket he arched his head in thought. “I was thinking of some present ideas. But your mum is an expensive lady.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She likes jewellery and I’m not sure that’s in my price range.”

“If you don’t buy mummy something pretty then I’m telling Ms Blackbear you stink.”

Shane almost snorted but refrained himself. “That’s fair. I’ll try to save so I can buy something for aunty, okay?”

“Good.” Jas crossed her arms. “Do you think the mayor will get her something nice?”

“Well, he’s got the money for it.” Shane frowned. “But I don’t know. Do you think aunty would want a party or something?”

“She said she didn’t want one. Just to be with family.”

“Does that mean I’ll be seeing my mum?”

“Don’t think so. Do you want to see your mum?”

“No.” Shane quickly responded.

“What about my other cousins?”

Shane cringed. “I don’t want to see my brothers.”

“You don’t want to see a lot of people.”

“Yeah, at least for now. I just need a break from them. Do you ever want a break from Vincent?”

Jas shrugged. “Sometimes but I want to play with someone too much to not want to see him.”

“You can play with me.”

“But you’re an adult and adults are stupid.”

“Well, you’re not wrong.” Shane crossed his legs. “Can I ask you something because you’re very smart?”

“Yes.”

“If you liked someone and wanted to show you liked them. How would you do it?”

“Build them a mud castle.”

“Okay, if you were an adult?”

“Buy them something shiny.”

“I don’t think this person is too interested in shiny things.”

“Um... I don’t know. I’ll probably make them a cake but a cake I like so I can eat it or I’d draw them something like a princess because I like princesses.”

Shane sighed loudly. “Right. Well, thanks for the advice Jas. It was very helpful. Let’s go home before it gets too cold.”

Shane waited for his STI test in the waiting room. It smelled like cleaning products, much like Joja. He was on his break from work and hoped that it wouldn't take too long knowing how rude his boss could be. Arthur had sent him a text over the past few days just to say it was good to see him. Shane didn't respond mostly because he didn't feel the same way.

Maru came out not long after he had arrived and handed him a small container for him to piss in. He never liked that part of getting tests. He always became self-conscious about how full it would be or the colour of it. It was just something that made him uncomfortable every time.

Maru took the sample soon after which made him sweat out. Harvey thereafter sat him down where he swabbed his mouth with a cotton end and then poked his finger to get a few drops of blood in a small glass vial. The part where Harvey had to check his genitals was the worst part though, making him want to curl up and die.

During the whole process, his heart pounded. What if he did catch something?

He knew if he did he would confront the last people he'd sleep with just to know the source and to warn others. Maybe it was him preparing for the worst that he was beginning to worry. He always wore a condom but when he was in his last serious relationship he didn't have to knowing that his girlfriend was on contraception. Admittedly, it did feel better without wearing a condom but the fear of having a kid was enough for him to keep up the habit of safe sex especially when he had such a free life with a good job back when he worked in the office. He knew there was a tiny chance he did have any but it was still enough to cause him to sink with worry.

He wondered what it would be like to have a child with Penelo though. Their relationship was still young even with just knowing each other. Shane didn't want kids but he imagined Penelo being a mother. It was convincing enough for him to be open to the idea of parenthood. It was easy to see her being a good parent. She was already kind and considerate with a big empathetic heart. He wondered if she wanted children.

"The results will be done within around five days or less. But we'll send you a text to come pick up the results when they're ready." Harvey said with a warm smile. It was nice that Harvey was a soft and nurturing man because it made the whole process a lot easier than the energetic doctors he would come across in the city. He was just glad that the testing was free because it cost around twenty dollars back home.

Shane knew for the next few days he was going to be worried about the results. It made him want to not respond to Penelo just out of fear he would have to break up with her if it was bad but whenever he opened up a cute message from her like a photo of a flower or a song she would say reminded her of him he knew it was hard to resist.

After work that day he couldn't help but find himself crumbling in his usual corner in the saloon where Emily leaned over and tapped at his forehead while he hid his face under his arms. "Well, how was the trip? I've been waiting for ages to hear."

Sitting up, he felt like he was going to vomit, visibly pale. "Can I have a drink first?"

Emily pouted. "It better be tea or something."

"Emily, please. I need a beer."

"Ugh, alright mister." She pulled away to get him a glass which was enough time for him to gather himself. "Well? The trip? Did you tell her?"

Glancing around, the saloon was quiet for the most part and the usual visitors such as Clint and Willy were far enough for him to feel safe. "Not on the trip no."

"Shane!" She cried, bring her hands up and blowing the hair out of her face.

"But I did tell her." He held up his hand, calming her down. "It was after. I went over to her house and I told her. Well, I didn't really say it at first. We kissed."

"What!?"

"You can't tell anyone about this. Penelo and I are keeping it a secret."

"Who do you take me for? We're friends."

It was nice to hear someone say that. Sipping slowly he still couldn't help but frown. "I went to get STD tested. I worry I might fail."

"What? Why would you fail? Did you used to sleep around." Looking up was enough for her to understand. "Wow, I didn't know you were that type of person. You better not sleep around on her. She's always been so nice to me. She tells me she likes my hair and asks if I'm okay whenever we walk past each other."

"Everyone does that here."

"So what? Shane, I'm so happy you found someone but I can't express enough how much I want you to take care of this girl and especially yourself."

"I know, I know... I'm not like that anymore. But if I have caught something I just have to break up with her. It's just not fair."

Crossing her arms, her accessories swayed and clanked. There was a moment of silence as they both took time to process the thought. "But what if you're fine? Then everything will be good and fine. You've found love and that's admirable. I'm a little jealous. People like you and I are starting to get closer to thirty than twenty."

Shane winced up at her for a moment. "Do you want kids?"

Emily giggled. "Yeah, I guess. Why? Does Penelo wants kids?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "But I've never really liked the idea."

"Well... I guess the both of you have to do some talking. A lot of these things make or break a relationship."

Shane leaned his head against his arm. He could recollect the memories of her smiling at him. The face she'd make when they'd kiss and her nervously talking about her feelings shirtless. The thought of her was enough to make him feel like his body wasn't big enough for his feelings. He hated it, he hated feeling things. But the fear of not being with her was much bigger and for a split second he couldn't help but laugh a little to himself at the words Jas had said about not wanting to be near Vincent sometimes but the thought of not playing with someone was enough for her to miss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some playlists I made for the story if you'd like to listen :)  
ALSO, WOOPS, I posted without preview so I'm so sorry if there are mistakes O_O  
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7G17295qvJSSWF4dO48GtL?si=WDlK3kDISXCjv6xE_pgY5Q  
https://soundcloud.com/luxope/sets/the-little-artist-and-the-alcoholic


	15. Chapter Fifteen - Firewood and Insecurities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I’ve planned to publish chapters every Wednesday (most likely Tuesday for American readers or anyone way behind in my time zone) but I can’t promise that will happen every week. I do promise if something comes up then they’ll be posted the next day or as ASAP as possible to that planned date of the week.
> 
> Thank you everyone who has supported me and let’s hope that this whole pandemic blows over soon. Where I am it’s definitely getting under control. I actually got to see one of my friends for the first time in seven to eight weeks and we couldn’t stop talking.
> 
> If this year has halted your plans like it has mine, just know as long as you’re taking care of yourself then you’re doing the best you can. I love you guys, see you next week :)

Penelo stroked Shane’s hair as he laid in his dark room underneath his soft bedsheets. He could tell he was dreaming and turning to look at her he felt a rush of confidence knowing everything was all a fantasy. “I love you.” He felt a sudden dread in his chest that frightened him as the words escaped his lips.

What if it wasn’t a dream? Despite not being able to understand how they got into that situation and the fact he struggled to move there was still a chance that what was happening was real.

“What do you love about me?” She leaned in a little closer, their noses touching briefly.

“Everything.” His eyes felt strangely dry and sore making it hard to focus on her.

“Okay, well, like what?” She rose a brow with agitated wincing eyes.

“It’s hard to say. I’m not good at talking.”

“Then I don’t think I’ll believe it till I hear it.”

“Well, I like your freckles. They’re hard to see unless I’m up close and that’s another reason why I have an excuse to be close to you.”

“My freckles?” She giggled.

“Yeah, and your hair. I like it this length. I just wonder what it would be like if you didn’t dye it.”

“Pretty plain.”

“And I like how you make me feel alive.”

She looked wounded for a moment making him wonder if he said something wrong. She kissed him softly and comfortably sat back up. “I hope you can feel alive without my help.”

After a hard blink, his vision turned to darkness. The new silence stung at his ears with white noise reminding him of how lonely his room could feel. He twisted in the darkness, bringing his blankets up to his face. His legs pulled up until he was into a ball.

He didn’t understand how when he dreamt of her he always felt sad afterwards. Often times he could barely drag his feet out of bed just reminiscing on her face in the perfect fantasy of his mind. Every time he met up with Penelo in real life he always feel a little lighter on his feet but this was an entirely different feeling.

Forcing himself to sit up, he checked his phone to see it was a few minutes away from him alarm. Turning it off, he quickly dressed in old basketball shorts from his youth and then a hoodie. Exiting the farmhouse to the sound of Marnie’s chickens cawing and crying he began to jog into the forest with the cold Autumn air cutting at his bare skin.

Penelo parked next to the Mullner’s home and slammed her door shut hearing it bounce, refusing to click into place. Groaning, she bumped her hip into the door until she heard it properly shut. Shaking her head, she reached out to grab some logs in the back of her car trailer. She was surprised at how well she managed to drive even in such a quiet town with something added at the back. She always got scared to drive, her mind often wandering in some daydream or deep thought. It wouldn’t have surprised her to forget she had a trailer attached.

Ringing the door, she fumbled and almost dropped the wood. Alex was there to help after opening the door, their hands brushing. She hesitated for a moment before standing back so he could properly take the wood from her. Looking up at the handsome and sweating man in front of her made her feel confused. For the first time since moving to the valley, she didn’t feel so attracted to him.

“You could have just waited for me to get it.” Alex smiled.

“That’s two logs less a job.” She scoffed.

“Right, farmer girl.” Penelo’s face sparked for a moment making him laugh. After getting to know each other better it was easy knowledge knowing they both saw each other as friends now. Alex knew that calling her ‘_farmer girl_’ was starting to annoy her but it only made it funnier for him.

They walked around the house to the backyard so Alex could show her where to store the wood. Walking to and fro from the car Penelo saw his usual mindless smugness on his face but she couldn’t help but frown.

“How have things been?”

“Good.”

She squinted. “How is Evelyn and George?”

He shrugged. “Grandpa is always grumpy. He doesn’t like how it’s getting cold because he doesn’t know how to use the heater remote for the air con. Grandma is always fine. She’s sad there won’t be flowers to take care of in Winter.”

“And Haley?”

His face visibly sagged. “Normal.”

Penelo hesitated to push any further but once they made it to the shed she turned to him, feeling the opposite of intimidating with her shorter height. “Has anything been happening with you two?”

Walking back Alex’s face scrunched up. Alex was never really good at hiding how he felt. Penelo thought there was a certain amount of charm to his obliviousness and typical jock self. “We’re just normal. It’s okay.”

“I just worry. You told me sometimes she’s mean to you.”

“That’s not all the time. It doesn’t happen like every day. We see each other at work so it’s fine. We can’t really stay mad for long. She stays mad the longest out of the two of us though. It’s whatever. Girls are usually like that.”

Penelo tried not to roll her eyes. “Well, I’m glad you two are doing well.”

“It’s just always like this Pen. You don’t have to worry because this stuff will keep happening.”

“You think feeling bad like this in inevitable?”

“Inevi-what?”

“It pretty much means it’ll happen no matter what.”

“Right.” Alex said dumbly, pointing a finger at her. “Yeah, we fight. It’s just whatever.”

Penelo tilted her head and stopped him along the side of the house with a brief grip on his bicep. “I just want you to know that fighting is normal but you should never feel sad all the time over it.”

“I’m not.”

Giving him a once over and crossing her arms she couldn’t help grimace. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He gave a half-smile making her press her lips together.

“Okay, but if something happens you can come over and we can talk about it. I don’t think you know how to sit still for five minutes so we can work on the farm at the same time. There’s no amount of things **not** to do.”

“Right, thanks. I haven’t really, uh... Really had anyone like you to talk to like this before since my mum.”

“Your mum?”

“Oh...” He gritted his teeth and scratched his nape. “Yeah. I mean, aren’t all mums like that?”

Penelo’s shoulders drooped. “Mine isn’t.”

Alex’s tanned skin seemed to redden a little but Penelo wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or if she was seeing it right. “That was stupid of me but I’m always stupid. I know not all mums are like that. It’s just- I um... I’m sorry I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“No, it’s cool. Family stuff is really fucking hard sometimes. Especially for me. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Haley doesn’t take to keep things hidden well.”

“You’re not hiding anything Alex. It’s something you just don’t want to talk about. If it makes you feel any easier, I don’t really want to talk to explicitly about my family with you either. It’s not personal, it’s just... Something I don’t tell many people. It’s really easy for me to get emotional talking about that stuff. It’s lucky if I do with any of my friends and it’s still hard to now sometimes with the ones who know.”

Alex looked away for a moment, his eyes darting at the ivy growing along the fence around his house. His hands were gripped loosely and a dark but cool sensation washed over his body. He never liked when that happened and usually he tried to snuff it out but glancing down at the small green-haired woman in front of her with a curled smile made him feel like it was safe and okay to let it stay a little longer – like it wasn’t such a bad thing.

“My mum died.” He took a deep breath. “She was really nice. I haven’t met anyone that nice my age ever. It’s just... Uh, nice.”

Penelo’s round cheeks rose. “Well, my mum is a psycho who used to kick me out of the house as a kid whenever I cried and would hit me.”

“Woah!” Alex grabbed Penelo by both arms and held her in place. Leaning in Penelo arched her head back, his eyes so close they seemed to blend together. “Do I need to kill your mum for you?”

Penelo giggled in his face before he let her go, leaning down with arms crossed and a hard expression on his face. “No, me and my mum are okay.” She pressed her hand on his chest then quickly retracted it. “God, you’re sweaty. But no, I love my mum. She’s just... It’s hard for her to change. She got sad and never really recovered. All she knew was to be that hard because it was how she grew up. We fought a lot but we have a healthy distance now. To be honest, I worry about her sometimes. She doesn’t really let anyone in. She gets lonely but she won’t anyone near her. It's not like she hits me now.”

“That’s not cool. You don’t hit kids.”

“That stuff used to happen a lot back when we grew up. I’m glad your mum was nice. She sounds lovely. I’m sorry she’s gone. I know that – and I don’t mean to sound awful – that my mother is still alive and I should be thankful but I mean, you had someone who treated you right up to the end it seemed and I’m a little jealous.” Alex’s eyes glistened. “I’m happy you said that I’m like her. That’s a really nice thing for you to say and I really appreciate it.”

“It’s not a problem.” Alex huffed. “Because it’s true.”

“Well, we shouldn’t get too caught up in old feelings now or I think I’ll end up crying. Let’s get this firewood unpacked. I’m supposed to head back home to get the next load to drop off to Robin at one and I tend to slack off so we should get this done.”

“Yeah, of course, I don’t want to keep you. I have work later this afternoon anyway.”

Shane combed Jasmine’s damp hair, her towel resting on his kitchen chair. Her hair was a lot darker than her mother’s, much like how Sebastian’s hair was different from his mother’s. He imagined what sort of family they must’ve looked like at a first glance.

He could recall a time Penelo told him about how she always felt like she wasn’t a part of her father’s family whenever they walked around. Her stepmother was much shorter than her even as a preteen and way younger than her father. Walking around with her half brothers and young stepmother as well as her father with greying hair was a weird sight she was sure of.

Shane never really had that problem with his own brothers and whichever parent he was staying with. But now with Jas and Marnie, he might’ve looked like Marnie’s son and Jas being his own daughter. They both had dark hair and coming from the same family made some of their features match.

“Did you get Mama her present?” Jas asked.

“Mmhm, I had to drive after work yesterday into the town over for a pretty necklace.”

“Is that why we had dinner late?”

“I just told her I had business late. She doesn’t know where I went.”

“Can I see?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m going to give it to her before she goes out with Lewis.”

“Do you like Lewis?”

Shane had to stop himself from instantly answering with a hard ‘_No_’. Sucking in a hard breath, he tried not to cringe in case she turned to look at him. “I’m suspicious.”

“He’s old.”

“Yeah, he’s a little older than your mum.”

“Do you think they’ll have kids?”

“I don’t think he can have kids.” Shane snorted.

“I want siblings but I don’t think I want them to come from him.”

“I don’t know if your mum wants any more kids. It was a miracle you’re here with us today.”

“How come?”

“Well, your mum is a little older. It’s harder the older you are.”

“I don’t want a new dad. I want to see my own dad.”

“Mm, yeah. I know princess.” Shane finished combing and put the brush down. Turning her around and planting her on his knee he tilted his head, a warm smile teasing his lips. “Not all families are perfect. If you ever feel lonely you can still talk to me. I promise I won’t tell your mum whatever you tell me.” He whispered.

“You really won't?”

He shook his head.

“Okay.”

“Children,” Marnie sang from the hallway. “I’m about to head off in about ten minutes. Don’t wait up for me for the next few days.” Coming into the kitchen she wore a gorgeous silk dress. Her hair was done up in an old-styled do-up and with her, she had a duffel bag full of clothes and essentials. “Make sure you give me a kiss and hug before I go. And thank you for the cake again Shane.”

He knew it was just store-bought but he still blushed nonetheless. “The present.” Jas whispered, her eyes sparkled up at him.

“Aunty, wait here.” He held Jas’s hand into his bedroom where he took out a small white box from his desk and opened it up to show her. The necklace was mostly plain. A silver chain and a heart pendant. He didn’t know what women liked and knowing Penelo wasn’t much of an accessory person he was too scared to ask her. Sebastian and Jackie only shrugged at him, saying to get something that was ‘_pretty_’.

“Woah, I wish it was mine.”

“I’m sure your mum will let you borrow it.”

“Last time I borrowed her make-up she got mad so I don’t think so.”

“Well, just make sure she’s there and you asked first.”

“Okay.” She whined.

Coming into the kitchen he held the box behind him before walking over to her aunt tapping at her phone. “Happy birthday.”

Marnie looked down at his outstretched palms and her mouth widened. “I didn’t think... All day I had wondered if it was just the cake. You shouldn’t have. You have to be careful with your money.”

“Aunty, I don’t pay rent, you take care of me and feed me. You deserve something after all the work you’ve done for a burden like me.”

“Don’t say that.” She hugged him tightly for a second making him feel as if all his organs were pressing together before pulling away. Opening the box she put her hand to her chest and her lips curled upwards. “Help me put it on.” She turned around and he took the necklace, carefully fumbling to lace it together.

“Oh, I hope it didn’t cost much.” She added.

“Do you have everything for your trip?”

“I think so. Make sure you feed all the animals before and after work and you get Jas from school.”

“Miss Penny will drop me home mama.”

“Remember where I put the key young girl and don’t think you can do anything silly because Shane will take you right over to Jodi’s house where you can stay with Vincent and get yelled at by another mother.”

“I won't be naughty!” She pouted.

“I hope not. If you aren’t then you might just get a present.” She winked.

Jas’s mouth dropped and her eyes glassed over. Shane shook his head when Marnie looked at her phone and gasped.

“I have to go. Please take care of the animals, Shane. Please don’t be scared to get Penelo over to help. I’m sure she knows a little about farming.”

“She does plants, not animals.”

“Please, it’ll give you a reason to see her.”

“Marnie...” He whined.

Kissing his cheek and bending down to hug her daughter she rushed to the door. “I’ll be back Friday night, okay? Don’t do anything stupid. The both of you.”

“We won’t.” They said out of order.

Marnie opened the door and the mayor in a dusty looking suit was on the other side. He waved at the two of them but Jas was the only one who responded with a small wave. Shane eyed him with no expression planted on his face. Lewis gave a nervous smile which was hard to see with his big moustache hiding his teeth but deep down he was afraid of Shane and was scared to do anything else but put on a good face around him.

“See you guys soon.”

Leah knocked on Elliott’s cabin door. She could hear classical music playing from within, vibrating against the old shack walls. She tapped her foot and waited patiently until he came to open up.

He had his hair down in thick waves making him look almost like a lion, his chest perked up like a bird. She smiled at him. “It’s good to see you.” She put her hand against his bicep. “Your music is louder than usual. I could hear it from outside.”

“I’m trying to get in the right headspace.” He explained, closing the door behind them. “I’ve hit an inspiration spike.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard you’ve been writing again.” She walked over to the kitchen to look at the paintings on the wall. Mostly looked to be bought from op-shops, fading or generic in design. “I wanted to come see if you wanted some working company. I’ve missed you.”

“Don’t be silly, I see you all the time.” He side embraced her and cheerfully walked to his kettle. “Would you like some tea?”

“Do you have any fruit teas?”

“No good house will ever have a lack of tea choices.” He raised his finger. “Berry or mango?”

“Surprise me.” She sat down and placed her bag at her feet, taking out her sketchbook. “Have you caught up with Penelo? She’s been a bit distant lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I feel like she’s in her own head.”

“She seems fine to me.”

“You’ve been cooped up here a lot though Elliott.”

“I’m sure she’s fine. We’re her friends, she’d tell us if something happened.”

Leah played with her braid. “I know we have only been here for a year or two but we saw Shane come to Pelican Town. I can’t be the only one who is worried about Penelo’s infatuation with him.”

“Come now, you know she’s a bit hard with love. I’m convinced she’s demisexual.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It’s like this,” Elliott placed Leah’s cup on a coaster at his coffee table and sat down cross-legged next to her. “She needs to know someone to know if she wants to be with them. I don’t think she cares for gender either because I’ve seen her blush around Sam’s mother no matter how hard she tries to hide it. But even if she’s attracted to someone it doesn’t mean she’s comfortable with being intimate with just anyone.”

“Surely she’s just shy and scared about her inexperience. She could change after having something with someone.”

“Sure, that could happen. But for now, she’s very much in the mindset of being with someone who matters and ever since she’s gotten involved with Shane she’s always brought him up. There’s no doubt she’s crossing a romantic bridge with him.”

Leah tapped on her thigh. “It’s mean of me to say but I wish she’d pick someone else. There’s plenty of people here regardless of gender.”

“Correct.” He nodded.

“I’ve been trying to read how people who are around her because I worry about her. Getting to know Sebastian has surprised me with how tender and considerate he is. From a first glance, he looks like a typical silent type but he shines around his friends.”

“Penelo likes to bring out the best in people.”

“I would feel a little better if she had picked Sebastian over Shane.” Elliott tilted his head quietly making Leah jolt up. “I’m just speaking my mind. It’s selfish, I know.”

Elliott rubbed her arm. “It’s okay to worry about our sweet Pen.”

“I shouldn’t think that.” Leah covered her face.

“Don’t feel bad. It’s normal.”

“Am I a bad friend? Am I not being soft enough? I try not to make any of you feel down whether it be my art commissions or the way I am. I don’t want to make either of you feel insecure.”

“You’re there for us and that’s all that matters. Sometimes we have problems and the only ones who can do something about it is ourselves. That shouldn’t stop you from thriving.”

“Oh, Elliott.”

“We’re here to be your friend too and that means we’re here to watch you grow into the person you want to be. Your successes are something to be celebrated. You’re much further along your path than both Penelo and I. That doesn’t mean you should fall behind so we can catch up.”

Emily watched Shane stare at the envelope in his frozen hands for about five minutes before she couldn’t help but come over knowing he wasn’t going to move any time soon. Putting her hand on his shoulder he slowly craned himself to look at her. His eyes were glassy and wide as a newborn animal.

Sitting down next to him she reached for the envelope and began to rip it open. There didn’t need to be any words spoken to know what to do. Unfolding the paper she scanned her eyes across the report and pressed it down on the counter before glancing at Shane.

“Shane... You’re clean.”

His chest rose making him rise and straighten himself. He blinked for a moment and sucked in his lips before crumbling his head into his hands. He was close to crying but didn’t dare to let it happen.

Emily put her arm around him and leaned into his shoulder. “You didn’t have to worry all along.”

“I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

“Well, even if you had something it wouldn’t have been a big deal. There’s a lot of cures for some and even still, people everywhere live with something. As long as you’re here and breathing and not in any pain then I think it’ll be okay.”

“Thanks, Ems.”

“I couldn’t just watch you sit there looking like you were about to shatter.”

Sniffling, he rubbed his nose as they both sat up and gathered themselves. “I think this scared me good enough to want to be cautious about everything a little more.”

“Don’t go paranoid.”

“If I was paranoid I’d be safer. And that would keep Penelo safe.”

“I beg to differ.” She giggled. “Well, you should tell her the news.”

“I... I will. I just have to feed the animals and make sure Jas gets home if she isn’t at the library.”

“Hey, if you need help or anything, you know I don’t work till 4 pm here.”

Shane shook his head. “It’s okay... I want to prove myself to my aunt.”

Emily sagged and reached over to rub his arm. Some of his hair fell over his eyes. He wished he could collapse onto the floor and let out all the emotions that had been weighing him down out of his system. Having a warm hand pressing against him was enough to feel a little lighter.

Penelo lay on her couch scrolling through her photo album on her phone. She hadn’t cleaned it up for about a year and felt that now was a good time since she didn’t see herself getting up any time soon.

A lot of the recent pictures were of art she had saved off a lot of the apps she used to motivate and teach her any new art skills. She was surprised at the number of cat memes she had but then again it made her smile at old memories.

There were screenshots of songs Shane had referred her to but she never got around to listening. She wrote them down before deleting them.

Feeling her eyes strain, she rubbed them and groaned. She never could get used to Winter and the early nights coming in. Ever since daylight savings and she had to fast forward her clocks she felt her sleep schedule struggle to adjust. She never was good at changing her schedule. It had been about half a year since she left the office and she still found herself getting up early around 6 am.

She missed seeing the sun waking up but now it was cold and dark and it made her scared. She wondered if it was some hidden away insecurity or fear that she projected into the darkness.

She sighed and went back to putting away pictures into new folders and writing down ideas for art from seeing old images and other goals she thought of when seeing the old images.

Nearing the bottom of her “all photos” album she felt her heart shatter finding old images of her ex and her. David wasn’t very handsome but he was a soft-natured man. He always tended to cry and he was childish when it came to a lot of his goals and dreams.

She remembered she liked him because she hadn’t ever seen such a sensitive man before. She knew she would rather have a man that cried than kept his feelings locked away. She guessed that things changed seeing that she had begun dating Shane.

Comparing the two, she wondered what changed about herself.

What was so good about Shane for her to start have feelings for him and why did he like her?

She could see how Shane would like her. They had become heavily reliant on one another and found comfort in each other’s space where they couldn’t find comfort anywhere else. She helped him open up and they both enjoyed similar tastes in music and film. She felt like she was riding a low tide wave when she was with him.

What did she like about him?

He was handsome, she felt safe with him. Although, she did worry about his mental health. He has to try to understand her a lot of the time and it was frustrating to get him to talk sometimes. Feeling her face crinkle, she wondered if it was a good judgement to be with him.

Biting at her nail, she thought about people like Alex and Sebastian. Alex was obviously taken but he put effort into taking care of himself and he always listened intently with full energy. Sebastian was a hard worker and dealt with a lot of his issues in better ways.

Or did he?

Sebastian smokes to relieve his stress and Shane used to drink, still does sometimes. Is there really that big of a difference?

Penelo thought about what she wanted with Shane or what she saw with him. She liked that he was open to doing anything with her, even tedious farmwork. He never did complain and he always got her things or told her she deserved things.

Writing down on her notepad, she decided to write a pros and cons list for him just to feel a little more secure in her emotions. There was a weighing heaviness that came from wondering why she wanted to be with him. Sometimes you didn’t need a reason but just a feeling but when she recalled back to all of her old relationships that was always the case.

There was no reasoning, only feelings and she was always let down.

Tapping at the photos on her screen she saw a notification pop up. Shane was calling.

“Hello? How are you doing?”

“Pen?”

“Hm?”

“I... I’m clean.”

Smiling, she shook her head. “Of course you are.”

“I just... I wanted to say that I was scared. I’ve always been safe about this stuff but if I did have anything I think I would’ve broken this off.”

Penelo didn’t want to admit she felt the same knowing how Shane often felt. Swallowing, she pursed her lips. “Right...”

“I didn’t want to pressure you with something threatening to your health. I just want to say that I’m happy that we can still be together. I’ve missed you.”

Smiling, she took a deep breath. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Can we watch a movie this weekend?”

“Of course. We can finally get around to watching Rosemary’s Baby.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to see you. My aunt’s birthday plans have really been keeping me busy.”

“No, we’ve both got things going on. Don’t worry about it. There’s no rush.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, I know you don’t like the cold and your house gets cold. And you once told me you don’t like the darkness.”

“I’m adapting. Don’t worry.”

“I can come over and we can sleep but I'll have to bring Jas. I just have to get up to go to work.”

“Haha, don’t worry. I’m okay.”

“Alright, well, I’ll see you this weekend, okay?”

“Mmhm, see you.”

The next few days were hard on Shane. He didn’t have time to go for morning jogs with all the animals he had to feed and take care of. Collecting eggs and getting all the cows into their milking stations took up a lot of the morning. Getting up a little extra earlier to do everything before work was a hard adaption but a necessary one.

Often times when he sat down to help Jas with her homework or to try to cook something for her he felt his eyes grow heavy.

Penelo continued to briefly text to him over the period where Marnie was gone but he could only apologise feeling tired and knowing he had a lot of work to do. Even on Friday where Penelo asked him if he wanted to come to the Saloon even with Jas but he said he had way too much to do.

Despite wishing he could talk to her more it strangely felt nice to be the busy one. After finishing all the jobs for the day and knowing to prepare the new day’s responsibilities it felt nice to keep moving.

He could see how Penelo managed to stay motivated even with her poor situation. She had lots of things to do and she had a good mix of things she did to keep herself busy. It was a change he liked and he thought to himself that it would be nice to still help more on his aunt’s farm even when she came back.

Shane sat in his car for a long moment staring up at Penelo’s house. The sun shone against the cabin orange to pink to a dulling purple and as it got darker the more his heart felt heavier. Forcing himself out, the cold was bitter. Rubbing both of his arms he went to knock and then didn’t wait too long to open the door. He didn’t see Penelo in the kitchen or the lounge but it only took about five seconds as she walked into the large room nonchalantly folding up the sleeves of a button-up.

She wore sweatpants, a singlet without a bra on and a hatched long sleeve top. Startled, she screamed in a deep voice before catching herself, putting her hand to her chest. “Jesus, fuck.”

“Sorry. I knocked.” He pointed with his thumb. It was good to see her. The week felt long but being with her again made it felt like no time had passed at all anymore. Placing down the shirt he had borrowed from her on the table he walked over. His hands hovered near her but he couldn't seem to place his hands anywhere.

He wondered if it was okay to touch her. He knew they were dating but he could tell she liked taking it slow. She walked up to him and expanded her arms. She rested comfortably against him, making him smile.

“Oh, it’s felt like forever.” She said.

“How have you been? Can I look at some of your drawings you’ve been doing.”

“Mm, okay. Just let me get my book.”

Sitting down on the couch he wrapped himself up in a blanket nearby. He could see Rosemary’s Baby resting near the box TV in its disk container and waited patiently. She brought over a ripped and stickered art book and kissed his cheek before moving to the kitchen to make herself a drink.

“I’ve been okay. Just a lot of thinking no matter what I do.”

“Me too.” Shane flipped open the pages. “I was scared about the test results.”

“I’m not surprised you’re clean. It was still worth checking though. I worried for a few days if it would have stressed you out.” She wasn’t wrong.

“It was nothing. I’ve always been safe.”

“You’d hope with a past like yours.”

“Who is this?” Shane lifted up the book and pointed to a sketch of a man looking off into the distance with a dark frown.

“A man I had a dream about. Was some sort of wizard. His hair would change from blue to black. Was in love with whoever I was in the dream. Was a bit inspiring.”

“Is he someone I should be worrying about?”

Penelo laughed. “Don’t tease. Dreams are dreams. If you told me you had sex with some hot demon lady in a dream I wouldn’t worry. I’d probably want to know how hot she was.”

“Usually girls get upset when they dream their boyfriends cheat.”

“Well, it’s the subconscious. It’s probably made from their insecurities or fears.”

“So what you’re saying is that it’s their own fault?”

“Right, but you don’t say that in front of them.” She walked over and booped his nose before sitting down next to him, nuzzling into his arm.

“I like the way you draw everything with these round lines.” He pointed out.

“I’m surprised you noticed my style.”

He smirked but she couldn’t see it. Tracing his finger along the lines he shifted to look down at her. “And I like the way you paint hair. The lines are all refined and thin. It’s still weird to think you had to create every single one of them.”

“Yeah. It’s weird that I’ve become an artist for someone who can barely sit still half the time. It’s time-consuming and it’s also something that you have to ready yourself for. I wonder what I would have been like if I decided to get into another hobby growing up.”

“Hey, um, I was talking to Emily and she brought something up that might be important that we talk about.”

Sitting up, she perked and eyed him. “You told Emily? I thought you wanted to keep us a secret. It hasn’t even been a week.”

“Well, I had kept her up to date on some stuff before we decided to start dating. It didn’t feel right not to tell her.”

Penelo sighed which confused Shane. He thought she was angry but seeing the softness in her round eyes brought him back from being defensive.

“It’s good you told Emily because then I wouldn’t have felt guilty telling Abigail.”

“Abigail?” Shane’s face scrunched up. “I didn’t know you two were close.”

“We’re still new to being friends. She’s been trusting me with a lot of things so I felt it was okay. And there’s a sort of feeling that it’s better left with someone who is a bit out of the circle I’m in like Leah or Elliott. There’s half a chance they’d tell the other.”

“Right, yeah.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

Shane scratched at his stubble. “There’s some things we haven’t talked about that Emily suggested that make or break relationships.”

“Okay, like religion? Because I’m pretty sure both of us aren’t really believers of anything. The mighty god or the regional god,” She shrugged. “Sure, there’s proof some existed before but who knows about now. I’m just doing me.”

“Right, I’m sure we’re both aware of each other’s beliefs.” He swallowed. “But what about _future kids or marriage?_”

She felt her heart break for a moment. “Well,” She started. “I’ve always been fond of the idea of having a kid. But probably when I’m older, like in my thirties.” Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked up at him with her head craned downwards. She could imagine Shane as a good father but seeing him as he was now made her doubt. “I’m guessing you’re not into children.”

He couldn’t lie. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted any.”

“Right...” Her expression was enough for him to reach out to hold her.

“But it doesn’t mean I’m not inclined to it.”

“Okay,” She said unconvinced, biting the side of her lip. “And marriage, well, I’ve never cared for it. Watching both my parents growing up has made me not really believe in the idea of it. Maybe it’s because I feel like I don’t deserve anything and the fact that it’s a celebration that’s half about you scares the shit out of me. I never had enough friends growing up to even consider having a big festival. I guess I worry about the idea of hyping up not being alone and then someone leaving me afterwards.”

“Well, I don’t care for marriage either.” He crossed his arms. “But I get it. I feel like I’d even become someone who blends into the background even at my own wedding if I had one.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice? Getting to chose when you don’t want to be in a social situation or not.”

“But I sort of like not being able to control it sometimes."

"That's surprising coming from you." She poked at him. "But it's nice hearing you say that. By the way, I got out Rosemary's Baby. We never did get around to watching it. It's a great horror film. I was really happy I got to dress as her this Halloween."

"I was convinced you were just wearing a cute dress."

"I mean, it was a cute dress." She leaned up to look at him. She began to think about what she liked about Shane again with having him near. As his dark hair fell over his forehead and he glanced down she couldn't recollect any reasons for it. She only knew she felt good next to him. It was a different type of nice compared to the other people she had been with because for once she didn't feel like she was adapting to another person but she was where she belonged. It was a bit of stretch knowing all her relationships started with a feeling and not with any logic but finding the difference was enough to feel comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone.  
I’ve been thinking over the past week about the chapter before this one I posted last week. I wondered if it was a bit anticlimactic considering the chapter before it was the one where Penelo and Shane finally open up about their feelings. I suppose this is all a learning experience for me with writing. But I think it was important to talk about sexual health.
> 
> I’ve met people I used to be friends with who were in relationships and had some form of sexual disease or illness they wouldn’t tell their partner but continue to have sex. I think that’s extremely toxic. You shouldn’t ever be ashamed over something you can’t control but you can control the fact you can tell someone you’re interested in that you have something that could affect them.
> 
> Sometimes people don’t want to sacrifice their health over the person they care about. Penelo is young and inexperienced, there is no doubt in my mind she would have to put a stop to their romance if there was a slim chance he did have something. It’s clear Shane feels more for her at this point of time and he puts his own priorities way before hers. So Shane would have left her too.
> 
> I think what you should take away from it is that you should always communicate with someone over issues and that you need to pay attention to your health no matter what the problem is.


	16. Chapter Sixteen - Grime

Penelo’s eyes fluttered open and the sudden discomfort was enough for her to almost push Shane off of her. Looking towards the TV at the sudden realisation they had fallen asleep during their movie night, she could see that Shane had turned the TV off before snoozing off beside her. He was well aware of her limitations when it came to paying off the electricity bill and he was kind enough to even turn the TV properly off from the wall. Even if it didn’t cross his mind it was still considerate.

Blinking at him for a moment, his hands firmly around her waist, she couldn’t help but think he looked cute sleeping. His eyelashes were pretty up close and his scent was something she still needed to adjust to. She couldn’t quite put her finger on the type of smell it was, she wondered if it was similar to alcohol but it didn’t seem to be. He only ever really did smell like alcohol whenever he drank.

She hadn’t seen him drink for a while but he did tell her he would sometimes drink with Marnie keeping an eye on him. She worried still, knowing that sometimes you just craved losing control.

She thought about what way she could wake him up before adjusting and startled up feeling a half hard groin pressed into her thigh.

_How do women deal with this when they’re with someone?_

If her phone wasn’t so far away she would have texted Eric to see how he handled his boyfriends when waking up beside them. She wondered if she was feeling kind enough or in the mood to help him with it but decided against it, just wanting to drink her morning coffee and to put on socks.

Pinching his cheek abruptly, his eyes darted open and his grip on her got tighter for a brief moment making her flinch. He sat up, scratched his head and groaned.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“No, I should have woke you up better.”

“Yeah, that kind of hurt.”

“I guess we’re even.” She smiled.

Looking down at her, there was a moment of silence. The sound of the wind and spitting rain was enough to make it not so eerie between the two. Her eyes had dark circles and some hair had fallen out of her rough bun.

Leaning in, he kissed her and pulled back. Eyes fluttering, they widened as she parted her lips. “That was sudden.”

“You just looked nice.”

“What if I looked like a goblin?” Shane frowned, making her laugh. “It’s really close to Winter so there are only a few more days to gather blackberries in the forest so I think I’m going to be doing that today. What are your plans?”

“I don’t know, do you need me to do anything?”

Penelo placed her blankets on top of him and pouted at him. “I don’t want to make you some unpaid worker or something. You’re the one who has been helping me a lot, I don’t need you to do anything. I just want you to spend the rest of your time off work doing what you want.” Getting up, she let her hair out.

“I don’t mind.”

“Well, I do. I really don’t like feeling like I owe anyone.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” She shook uncomfortably. “I guess it comes from how I was raised or lack thereof. I just am very comfortable doing things alone. I’m not used to all this relying on each other type of mindset.”

“It’s not like you owe anyone anything. I’m asking because I want to help you.”

“Shane, it’s fine. I don’t really need anything. Right now I’m just in some hibernation mode. I’ve got my art for the next three months and that’s about it.”

Shane didn’t respond and she picked up on that, going into the kitchen. He cradled the blankets in his arms and wondered if he was being a bit too clingy. He understood that maybe she didn’t feel as much as he did in the relationship but that wasn’t really a problem.

He concluded he probably was being a bit too much because he never had learned what it was like to be in a relationship. The only real one he had been in wasn’t ever worked on from both parties, it was just a mellow experience.

Penelo had a lot more emotional experience and that made him anxious - as if he was stupid. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Penelo feeling intimidated about his sexual experience was silly because there was nothing to worry about - at least from his perspective but sitting there watching her walk around in her sweatpants swinging side by side he felt it was much scarier to be the one with the less emotional experience.

What did he have to add to what they had?

“Shane, did you want anything in your coffee?”

“No, I’m okay.”

He wondered if it was okay to feel bad. Was it normal or was it because there was something wrong with him?

Leah, Elliott and Penelo walked through the cold forest during an afternoon. Penelo hadn’t been able to talk much with anyone and considered herself lucky to get two of her friends out of the house with.

Sebastian said he was often busy, especially with his mother’s birthday coming up and just asking what Alex was up to and if he wanted to go for a run or something he said his own grandfather was having a birthday too.

She knew Shane’s schedule well but glancing up at her friends she wondered if spending too much time with him made it more obvious they were dating. She wanted to ask for advice, to know other's experiences to better adapt to this new lifestyle but kept her mouth shut to her disappointment.

The last of the blackberries for Autumn were running dry, many of them small and shrivelled but Leah said it didn’t matter what they looked like because you could use it in baking or blend it in a smoothie if they don’t look that edible or tasty.

Elliott was in his own head for most of the first ten or so minutes of them scavenging, even bringing out his notebook to quickly write down any ideas. Penelo and Leah had to call his name a few times to get his attention.

“We get you’re getting back into writing but your friends are right here.” Leah complained.

“Sorry.” He pouted.

Penelo put her arm through his and smiled brightly up at him. He could tell she was proud of the change but maybe now was the time to focus on what was right in front of him.

“How’s work?” She asked.

“It’s been quiet.”

“Like usual?” Leah added.

“No, it’s gotten quieter. Haley despises it. I hate to say that sometimes I see her wander off with Alex for an hour or two on the occasion. It makes me afraid to clean the bathroom.”

“Ew.” Leah winced.

“I was thinking of talking to Emily or Haley about doing my hair. I need to get it recoloured. I would ask Abigail or her mother but they’re a bit hard to talk to sometimes. I’d hate to be in the same room as those two when they bicker or get into an argument.”

“Emily is a dear, I’m sure she could help. I don’t know if Haley can help with colour but she could do it up for you if you like. She’s good at doing braids or curling it.”

“I just need it recoloured properly. I’ve never done a home bleach or anything.”

“You don’t need to colour it. You know you’re pretty, right?” Leah put her hand on her arm.

“I know I’m alright.” She perked, shrugging. “If spending time in an office that long taught me anything it’s that putting effort into feeling and looking nice is a big confidence boost. Even if not many people see it I still get to see it. Plus, I want to try a new colour.”

“You have an olive skin tone, have you tried something to match it.” Elliott put his hand to his chin and bent down to her level.

“I mean, like what?”

“Don’t listen to him, do whatever you like.”

“It’s just a suggestion.” He threw his hands up.

Leah poked at the tip of his nose and walked over to another bush.

Getting closer to the forest lake, Penelo crouched down to see if she could spot any fish. “I was thinking purple but...” She had to stop herself from saying Shane liked it as blue, aware it might give their relationship away. “Some people like certain colours on me.”

“Well, Leah has a point. Do what you’d like.”

“Hey, Elliott...”

“Hm?”

“Has Leah been acting off to you?”

Elliott turned to see how far away she was. Leah was a good enough distance that if he spoke in a lower voice he was confident that she wouldn’t hear. “Well, we talked recently and she says she feels like maybe she is a bad friend. She’s doing her best and because she is succeeding that doesn’t mean she’s... Well, a dud of sorts.”

“That’s awful. I don’t want her to feel that way.”

“Some things can’t be helped.” Elliott rubbed his hand against her arm and he held her. “Life is just a series of ups and downs. Even if we found a good place to flatline it would be boring, wouldn’t it? We’re still learning about the world and ourselves no matter the age. It’s a bit scary, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely.” Penelo sighed. “Hey, tell me, what do you think a normal relationship is like?”

“Like dating?”

“Yeah.”

“That depends on the people. For you, I’d like to hope a man follows you around doing things for you because you deserve it. Maybe someone who shows he appreciates you and tells you he loves you whenever he can. Someone who you feel utterly comfortable with.”

“How soon is too soon to do certain things? Like kissing or sex?”

“Again, depends. Why do you bring this up? Are you thinking about someone?”

She shook her head, trying to be convincing. “I just... I wonder if I’m doing something wrong or I just don’t think enough before I decide to be with someone. My past relationships which weren’t really relationships were just... I don’t know. A mixed bag. Some I had to really work hard to be comfortable with the other person – like with kissing or being near them. Some it was just whatever. I... I don’t know.”

“All I can say is that you don’t know until you communicate with the other person. If you find yourself still thinking too much afterwards than you probably need to rest easy and not be so hard on yourself. Distract yourself enough where it doesn’t eat you up entirely.”

“Okay...”

“Okay, I love you Penelo. You’re a darling friend. You have to know you’re worth a lot. Don’t feel disheartened when seeing the small population of choices here. The world is large and full of wonderful people. I’m glad even still I found a friend like you and Leah.”

“Thanks, Elliott. I love you too.”

Shane rubbed his cheek, eyes heavy as he cleaned the shelves. The dust and decay at the back of some of the stands were old and disgusting. There was no doubt in his mind that some spots had never been cleaned since the opening day of the store.

There wasn’t anything else to do and Sam offered the challenge on who could finish cleaning a shelf first before closing. Because of how he had grown comfortable around him he couldn’t help but agree, plus, he was incredibly bored. Jackie was right in saying it got so boring at Joja sometimes you just feel like actually doing your job.

Sam was ecstatic when it came to getting to know Shane. He never had much of a harsh opinion on him like everyone else. He wondered if maybe he was naive compared to his friends who had gone through a lot more in their life with the worst of his own reality being his severe hay fever and his father going to war.

Looking over at Shane, he couldn’t help but wonder what he was like and how he ended up where he was. Penelo being the closest to him never did say much about him but then again she didn’t have much time to spare with working on the farm. It was still a mystery to him how Penelo managed to survive when he barely could with his current job and staying at home with his family.

There was a nagging at the back of his mind that usually made it impossible to stand still. He wanted to ask him, but they were in a sort of competition and he could see Shane winning. Shaking the feeling off, he continued.

Sam peered over, glancing over at Jackie who was doing her nails at the checkout. Of course, she wasn’t allowed to do that but the team there had grown used to their boss’s schedule. There was a certain amount of time during each shift where he would go on his break and be away from any of the security cameras. The three of them mutually agreed he went to go watch porn but Sam hoped that Morris wasn’t as bad as he made himself out to be. Maybe be was watching cat videos and writing love letters to some gorgeous woman overseas much too young for him.

Sam heard a small exhaled laugh from across the store and turned his head seeing Shane glancing over at his progress with a smug expression. Sam darted up. Going back to scraping away at the years of dust, he energetically went back into action.

Penelo frowned at her dead plants. She hoped that making a garden for herself would be something beneficial but it just wasn’t good timing. The weather was getting cold and the plants were too young to really have any time to grow. She wished she had a greenhouse or more knowledge but it was too little too late.

Sitting back inside and searching up costs for what she needed to build a proper greenhouse, she groaned. Sure, she had sprinklers that worked but her budget was weak enough as it was. She contemplated the costs of just surviving for the Winter or to take a risk with a makeshift greenhouse to plant some vegetables.

“Ugh, I’m not smart enough for this.” She leaned back in her kitchen chair and looked up at the ceiling seeing the grime and cringing. “Or rich enough.”

Standing up, she arched her head back up to the ceiling and wrinkled her nose. It was probably a good idea to deep clean the house. After all, it was deadlier cold outside when it came to doing anything productive. Her eyebrows creased when she heard her phone ringing.

Reaching for her mobile, she saw Sebastian’s name. Smiling, she put the phone to her ear and wrapped her cardigan tighter around her. “Howdy, stranger.”

“Hey, are you busy?”

“Not really, I’m actually struggling to find things to fill my time with.”

“Mum wants to come over to check on the house.”

“Isn’t her birthday coming up? Shouldn’t she be worrying about that.”

“It’s already passed.” He chuckled.

“Oh, how was it?”

“No fights, strangely enough... I think she’s still sad about my plans to move to the city when I’ve got everything together. Demetrius has been a bit quiet. Maru has seen me working so maybe she said something.”

“That’s good.”

“I guess, but it’s weird not feeling like I’m in jail anymore.”

“It’s weird getting used to being treated how you’re supposed to.”

“That’s one way of putting it. But hey is three a good time? I could give you some weed too if you wanted. Obviously not right in front of her anything.”

“I don’t know, it’s been a long time. I’m alright.”

“I’m only offering because I’ve been worrying about you. I know you’re stressed with the cold season.”

“Thanks, but I’m okay.”

“Tell me if I can help. Anyways, mum says she recalled your grandad talking about the windows dripping or getting wet when it gets cold when he was around. She’ll want to fix your windows if they’re bad. I’m telling you now you can’t say now. She’ll show up at your house every day at 6 am just to fix them even without your permission.”

“I can’t afford it.”

“She doesn’t care when you pay. She just wants to know you’re okay.”

“I really don’t like debt.”

“Pen, rest easy. It’s not debt. It’s a favour.”

Sam put his hands on his hips and smiled to himself. He felt grimy but the job was done. He couldn’t help feel overjoyed at the idea of boasting to Shane about his victory but when he turned around he saw Shane leaning against the shelf behind him watching him.

“Aw...”

“Maybe next time.” Shane tried to smile.

“I’m slow at everything.”

Shane’s eyes creased down. Sam wasn’t sure if it was a look of fear, confusion or discomfort. Sam was used to quiet company with Sebastian being his best friend but Shane was a whole different level of quiet.

“Sorry, the victory is yours. Congrats. I guess I owe you a chocolate bar.”

Shane shook his head, face neutral. “You don’t owe me anything. This was just for fun. This place is boring anyways.”

“Hey, Shane?” Shane blinked. “Where did you used to work before this? How did you end up here?”

Shane eyed him. It was surprising to hear that neither Sebastian or Penelo had told him. He wasn’t sure whether to feel proud that his friends didn’t talk so lively of him or to feel like he wasn’t important enough to be talked about.

“I used to work at Joja Headquarters.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“It’s the truth. I’m surprised Sebastian didn’t tell you.”

“Seb doesn’t really talk about other people.”

“Yeah, I used to work at the head of the company. I’ve talked to my old coworkers and they offered me a pay rise or the manager position but I declined. I said it would be unfair.”

“Bro, you should have raised the wage up for all of us.”

Shane shook his head. “There’s only so few exceptions you can do. Plus, more people from Sunney Town would have found out about the higher wage and I don’t know if I like the idea of any new people to work with.”

“More friends, right? Well shit. That’s a shame. But fuck dude, why work here?”

“It’s the only thing here. If I worked at the station I’d have to see more of Pam and I don’t like her.”

Sam frowned. “Yeah, Penny’s mum is a hard one. It would be difficult working under her. Especially since she... You know...”

“Drinks?” Shane crossed his arms. “Yeah.”

“Guess it’s pretty depressing to be around since you’re getting better.” Sam’s cheeks lifted. “You have been looking better by the way.”

Shane arched a brow.

“I’m not coming on to you, I swear.”

Penelo listened and watched as Robin instructed Sebastian on how to measure the windows around her house properly. He was right, there was no stopping Robin when it came to fixing up the house. She wondered if maybe Robin’s passion for building made Penelo’s cabin some sort of passion project for her.

Penelo couldn’t quite put her finger on what it made her feel. Sure, it was nice having someone local and not so professional to help but then again it felt a little too much at times.

Penelo liked watching Sebastian. He was completely out of his element for most of it. Seeing a man in all black with long hair that covered his eyes getting nagged at by his mother was a sight to behold.

Feeling her phone buzz, she took it out of her pocket and looked down.

“_Can I come over after work for a little bit?_”

Glancing up at the mother and son duo, she perked her lip to the side.

“_Sorry, I think Seb and his mum might be around even when you’re finished. They’re looking at the house_.”

“_I wouldn’t mind seeing Sebastian._”

After the text, she received an emoji of a dancing man. Smiling, she said she didn’t mind then and put her phone down.

Reflecting on her talk with Elliott she wondered to herself if there was a divide or something she needed to think and work on when it came to their relationship. Sure, it was still young, but she wanted to do one right.

“Pen, can you come over here for a sec, I need a hand.” Sebastian’s dark eyes were wide and desperate from the front door. Shaking her head with a brief smile, she got up from where she was and headed towards him, smacking his arm playfully before stretching her hand out to help him with the kitchen window.

“Seb is at Penelo’s house?” Shane looked over at Sam and the image of his puppy eyes was enough to convince him that Sam was a dog himself. It was no longer surprising to see his over his shoulder during work. One moment Sam was mopping up the floors across the store and next he was talking about some rock band or Penny right next to him.

Shane put his phone back in his pocket. If Morris saw him with his phone out he’d get a big yelling at and he just wasn’t in the mood for a headache. “Yeah, I don’t know what they’re doing. Something about looking at the house.”

“God, yeah. Penny- I mean Penelo’s house is sort of... Bad.”

“That’s just stating the obvious. I worry she’ll get cold with Winter.”

“Then you should buy her a heater or something.”

“She’s got a fireplace.”

“Right, but like, for her room or something.”

“What if she already has one?”

“That’s why you find out.” Sam shook his head. “Come on, man.” He tapped his own head.

Shane’s face wrinkled. “Are you some sort of snoop or something?”

“I am not!” He groaned. “Can I come?”

“What? To Pen’s?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, I... We didn’t really have any plans.”

“But everyone is going there. I don’t want to miss out on whatever happens.”

“We’re probably just going to talk and Seb and his mother will probably leave to go have dinner at their place.”

“What if we have dinner at hers?”

“I mean...” Shane thought about it for a moment. Penelo hated not being told when company was coming over with the exception of him. He was sure it was probably because of the lack of locks on her doors that gave in to some paranoia. She couldn’t afford dinner and she usually bought in bulk things to prepare to eat.

“You’d have to help pay. I’ll have to tell her you’re coming.”

“Oooh, okay. What should we get? Pizza?”

“Pizza sounds really fucking good.” Shane said in a low rumbling voice as he got his phone out.

“What should we get? Two large ones? I know what Seb likes, what about Penelo?”

“She likes cheesy garlic...”

“No toppings?”

“Sometimes, but she likes cheesy garlic usually.”

“Guess I’ll share with Seb. I want something with meat on it.”

“Mmhm.” Shane said while texting.

Penelo glanced at Sebastian and Robin after reading the new text from Shane. She liked things at short notice most of the time but it was getting late and she wondered how long they’d stay after dinner. She had planned a nice long shower and to read a book in bed at an early hour.

Huffing, she approached the two and stuttered, struggling to talk. Sebastian remained quiet, Robin doing the same. Both patient enough to let her get her grounding.

“So, Sam and Shane want to have dinner after work. Is that okay?”

Robin looked up at her son.

“Well, if you’re okay with it.” Seb said, voice soft.

“Yeah, no problem. Will you have a way home?”

“I can just walk.”

“It’s getting cold.” Robin fixed his collar. Sebastian crinkled his nose in response.

“You know I like night walks.”

“Ugh, it’s like you’re made of ice or something. Don’t stay too long, I want you home before nine. Preferably around eight. I know you’re working a lot but you could at least get into a proper sleeping schedule.”

“Mum.” He groaned.

“I’m serious.”

“There’s no real-time schedule in the city,” Penelo offered, trying to help Sebastian’s whining. “It’s a 24/7 sort-of place. People working through the night and sleeping through the day no matter the job is totally normal. And plus, he’s quite flexible with his time. He doesn’t struggle with sleeping like I do, so I’m sure he’s fine.”

“It’s just not normal.” Robin shook her head, crossing her arms. “Maybe I’m just getting old.”

“I’ll be home in time, don’t worry.”

“Well, okay... Penelo, is coming over tomorrow afternoon good to check on the back windows? I want to get this done before it starts to snow.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably just be deep cleaning my house anyways.”

“Alright, well, I’ll head off. I’m sure your sister probably wants a ride home from work.”

“Yeah, probably.” Sebastian agreed.

“Okay, have fun. Love you.” He leaned down so she could kiss his cheek and gathered up her tools. Sebastian helped her carry some things over before watching his mother drive away.

Penelo stood next to him, moving her feet in attempts to keep warm. She could feel him sigh heavily beside her. She knew that family could be tiring to deal with but it was nice to see a heartwarming interaction.

“My mum only says _I love you_ like once in a leap year.” Penelo giggled. “I know that you might be tired of all of it, but I want you to know that it’s worth it sometimes.”

Seb sagged and turned to her. His eyes looked heavy and for a brief moment, they looked at each other comfortably until his hand rested on her shoulder.

She wondered if he had something to tell her. There was a look in his eyes, much like when Elliott cried to her about his loss in writing but he simply curled his lips up and took a chesty breath.

“Let’s get inside and wait for the others. You might catch a cold.”

Shane didn’t know how he managed to deal with people for a living. Listening to Sam talk his head off in the passenger seat felt like the guy was playing with a button in his brain, constantly pressing it on and off again.

Parking next to Penelo’s house he watched Sam hop out of the car energetically with the pizzas and run up the steps, almost tripping and dropping the boxes. Shane rested his forehead against the driver’s wheel for a moment and shook his head before following him.

Penelo and Sebastian sat on the couch on both ends resting on the armrests playing on their phones. Shane glanced between his girlfriend and his friend and felt his heart clutch for a moment. There was no doubt when it came to trusting Penelo or Sebastian but a part of him still hurt with a little worry.

He concluded that he was still growing out of the competitive nature that he had with his coworkers at Joja Headquarters. They never shared women but then again, they all didn’t really have anyone female working amongst them that they considered an equal or a friend.

Sam dropped the boxes onto the table and looked around the house with his mouth ajar. “Hey, Penny-, I mean Penelo, could I have a house tour? I hate not seeing someone’s entire house.”

“Yeah, no problem.” She stood up and Sam excitedly followed her into the hallway.

Sebastian got up and walked over to look at the boxes. “How much did it cost? I’ve got five bucks on me if it helps.”

“Oh, cool. That can do.”

Seb handed over the note and went to open the boxes. “Ugh, glad he didn’t get Hawaiin. He knows I despise it.”

“Well, we’re sharing so you’d hope he didn’t.”

“How have you been man?”

Shane tried not to bark back in response. “Ah, I’m fine man. I’m just tired of people asking me that.”

“Alright, I’ll try not to as much.” Sebastian went into the kitchen, knowingly finding the plates. Shane wondered how he knew where they were for a minute before remembering he too would stay over sometimes. “Sam doesn’t eat much so if you want a slice of ours too then help yourself.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m trying to lose weight.”

“Woah, really?”

“Yeah. I used to play a lot of gridball. I’m trying to get back into shape.”

“Hey, bro. That’s really cool of you. I know Alex likes gridball. I know it’s not really a two-player thing but you could talk to him if you wanted to.”

“I don’t think Alex likes me. And I’m good. I know what I’m doing. I used to be pretty fit.”

“Why do you think Alex hates you?” Seb leaned in.

Shane shrugged. Seb wanted to talk more about it but Sam came running in to grab a slice. “Mm, so good. Food after work is so fucking good.”

“At least use a plate. I brought them over for a reason. We don’t want to fuck up her carpet.”

“I mean, it’s already fucked, its got a huge coffee stain over there.” Shane pointed.

“No thanks to me...” Seb muttered, shaking his head.

“Hey, thanks for grabbing the plates.” Penelo smiled. Sitting down next to Shane, he smiled at her without knowing and went back to his meal. “How was work you two?”

“Well-” Shane tried not to smirk.

“Look, look. I know I’m a bit slow sometimes.” Sam put up his hand. “But I didn’t know Shane was some professional at cleaning.”

“What?” Penelo laughed. “He hates cleaning.”

“We had a competition to see who could clean a row of shelves first today and he won. If he hates cleaning so much then how the fuck is he so fast?”

“Maybe he took my advice.” Said Penelo covering her mouth as she chewed. “I mean, cleaning helps clear the head.”

“Cleaning is overrated. It’s boring and my mum always makes me do it when I talk back.”

“I mean, it’s your home too. You should be helping.”

“Yeah, Sam.” Seb’s lip quirked. “What are you? Eight?”

Sam smacked him hard on the arm. Seb erected himself in his seat and gave him a hard look that Penelo could only tell was danger.

“Look, bro. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit that hard.” Sam yelped as Seb slapped the top of his thigh. “Come on!”

“Hey, I’m going to use the bathroom. I feel a bit gross after working.” Shane spoke softly to Pen.

“Yeah, no problem.”

Once Shane was in the hallway Sebastian went back to quietly eating. Penelo could tell that once he was in a group he often kept to himself, staying silent and listening more than talking.

“Hey, we’re almost done with finishing our EP.” Sam pointed out.

“Oh, that’s cool.” Penelo gave a toothy grin. “I haven’t been paying much attention to the group chat. What did you guys go for? A mix of all the sounds or?”

“We tried our best trying with the differences,” Seb said before Sam could speak.

“Right. We started out the album with some rock and did our best to transition throughout the whole thing. Rock, to heavy lyric-based songs then tech.”

“All of them sound good last I heard.” Penelo shrugged. “Are you guys going to post it online?”

“Yeah, we want to also perform at bars or something in the city but we don’t know how to go about it.”

“I used to go to a lot of low-key stuff when I lived there. I could write down some places in the chat later?”

“That would be a big help.” Seb responded.

“Yeah, we want to make a name for ourself.”

“Yeah, of course. You guys did really well at the festival. They’ll probably try to seek you out.”

Shane winced at himself hard in the cracked mirror. He stared hard at his dark circles, his hair at his chin that needed to be cleaned up and the tints in his hair. Feeling like vomiting, he exited the bathroom.

Shane could hear the chatter in the lounge as he exited the bathroom. Carefully looking around the corner of the hallway, he sneaked towards Penelo’s bedroom and looked to see if there was a heater anywhere in sight. He found a small one that looked to be dusty at the back of her closet which looked more like a fire hazard and hoped that his investigation was enough to know she needed a heater.

She might’ve had one hidden away in the water cupboard or in one of the spare rooms but decided that it was best to head back into the living room to not cause too much suspicion at his time away from the table.

Joining back in the fun, Shane could see just how much Sam loved being around people. It reminded him much of his old self which he wasn’t sure if he missed or not. Penelo tended to bicker back the most but Sam easily tended to dig himself into holes making him an easy target for some teasing.

Shane learned more about what everyone had in common and he learned that Sam was dating Penny. Glancing over at Penelo because of the similar-sounding names, he blinked rapidly seeing that no one else seemed to feel just as surprised as him.

“You mean, Pam’s daughter?”

“Yeah, she’s rad. She’s super smart, unlike me. She’s cute too.”

“You two are totally different,” Penelo added. “You dress like you’re going out of style and she dresses-”

“_Like she is out of style._” Shane added. Seb gave him a warning look, telling him that what he said might come off as rude. “I mean, it suits her.” He put his head down and grabbed a new slice.

“She does suit it. But I wonder if she dresses that way because she doesn’t want to be like her mum. Maybe, I don’t know... I mean, I don’t have much money if any but I would like to see what she’d look like in a different style. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with her hair down.” Penelo sagged.

“Don’t you have a bunch of clothes?” Seb asked.

“I do, yes Sebastian. But I’m not just giving it away.” She pointed.

“Okay, okay.” He said leaning back.

“Clothes does cost a lot back in the city. Especially high fashion.” Shane added in a rumbling monotone voice.

“Yeah,” Penelo sighed. “Working in a professional setting can be a curse." Her eyes flickered down as her phone screen lit up. Before anyone else could add to the conversation it began to vibrate and sing. “Sorry guys, give me a moment.” Penelo watched as her phone rang, eyebrows creasing down at the word, ‘_Unknown_’.

Walking into her room, she half shut the door and picked up. “Hello?”

“Pen?”

“Yeah, who’s this?” Only people close to her ever called her that. If it was someone she knew, why was the number not recognised?

“I need your help, it’s Liam.”

Her eyes widened. No wonder the young voice sounded familiar. It had been at least a year or two since she had last seen him, but he was practically a teenager now.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, stress hit her like a heatwave. If he was calling that meant there was a big possibility that she would have to deal with her dad and stepmother.

“What’s wrong? Where are you? Where’s dad?”

“Look, can you come pick me up? I know it’s a long drive from the city but I need a place to stay tonight and I don’t know who else to talk to. I don’t want anyone from school to know.”

“Know what?” She brought the phone away from her face and looked at the time lit up on the screen. It was half-past five and knowing that she was about two hours drive away from her home town she grimaced. The drive would probably be longer considering the traffic in the city with after-work rush and buses.

“Pen, can you please just come get me? I don’t mind waiting.”

“Where are you?”

“The library. It closes at eight though.”

“Look, I can’t get to you for two hours. Stay there until it closes and then go to a McDonald’s or something and text me. You’re using your own phone, right?”

“Yeah, I only have five dollars though so I don’t know if they’ll let me in unless I buy something.”

Tapping her foot and shutting her eyes she sighed heavily. “I’ll leave soon, but if something comes up just wait somewhere safe where there are lots of people. Just sit in the mall or something. If anything pops up just tell me okay?”

“Okay.”

“Love you, I’ll see you soon.”

Hanging up, she groaned from her throat and tossed the phone on her bed. Putting her hands up to her eyes and felt an old rage boil up from her stomach. She tried to push down the urge to hurt herself, her nails nearly tearing at her skin. Crouching down she hugged herself for a moment. The tears fell quickly down her face but she brushed them away quickly and gathered herself. Standing back up, she picked her phone up again and put it in her back pocket, angrily pulling the door open.

Seeing her boyfriend and two friends laughing at the kitchen table, she almost felt like crying again but swallowed hard and cleared her throat as she approached them. Her hands shook as she grabbed at the backrest of one of the mismatched chairs.

“Hey, guys. Something has come up and I’ve gotta go on a long drive to pick up my brother. You can stay here as long as you want, I don’t mind. But just clean up before you go.”

“You have a brother?” Sam arched his head.

Sebastian and Shane looked at each other for a moment, knowing the seriousness of the situation. “Let me come with you.” Sebastian quickly offered, standing up. Shane watched him, wanting to decline him and say that he should go with her instead but shrivelled at the idea of giving away that they were dating.

“Look, it’s fine. You guys have fun. Shane, if there’s any leftover pizza can you put it in the microwave?”

“Yeah, okay. But I should come with.”

“You have work tomorrow.” She frowned. “You need proper sleep.” She walked over into the kitchen and opened up her pantry where a small bag hung. Taking it and swinging it around her torso she looked inside to see if her wallet and keys were in there. They weren’t.

She groaned, making Shane stand. The air seemed to shift, something that Sam was oblivious to. “How old is your brother?” He asked.

“God... How old am I?” She muttered, trying to count. “Like, fourteen or something.”

“You don’t know your brother’s age?” He laughed.

“Penelo, I’ll come. I can drive, I know you get tired on drives.” Shane’s eyes followed her as she frantically looked around the house for her keys.

“Shane, she’s right. You have work. You need proper sleep. You’ve got to take care of yourself more man.” Sebastian crossed his arms, genuine worry in his eyes. “I’ll go.”

“Why is everyone leaving?” Sam whined.

“Sorry, Sam. I just haven’t seen my brother in years. I’m not exactly... I’m not close with that side of the family. The trip will be at least two hours. It’s dark and I worry something will happen to him.”

“Oh, sorry.” Sam tightened in his chair. “If everyone is leaving then I don’t mind staying to clean up.”

Shane softly stopped Penelo and leaned in to whisper. “I don’t think I can sleep knowing something is going on.”

Penelo softened. “I’ll be okay. It’s just Liam. I’ll tell you when I’m back home but it won’t be till midnight. Try to take a few sleeping pills. Trust me, I’ll be okay.”

“Look, if you get sleepy on drives I’ll help drive, my eyes are pretty good.” Seb offered.

“Ugh, fine, but tell your mum. And Sam, thanks, I’d clean up but I don’t want to waste time. I just worry if there’s any rats in the walls or something so make sure all the food is put away and the dishes are at least washed.”

“No problem.”

“And Shane, try to sleep okay.” She rested her hand on his arm and smiled at him. He wanted to kiss her but refrained, simply frowning down at her.

Sebastian gave a confident nod to Shane in attempts to tell him that he had the situation under control but it only made him feel useless. Seeing Sam wave goodbye to them, he sagged back into his chair trying not to have a crisis in front of anyone. Sniffling, he put on a stern face and approached Sam in the kitchen offering him a ride home considering they were only a few minutes drive away from each other. Sam was thankful but was too into his work happily distracted to pay any notice to Shane who was very bothered.

Penelo hopped into the driver's seat and shivered, reaching in the back for a spare coat. Seb sat next to her and watched her face crease into a harder expression as time went on. Clearly this whole thing was a lot more serious than he could comprehend. He knew well enough of how much her father had hurt her growing up by just not giving her enough attention but he had never really seen her so uncomfortable and pale in his life.

"God, I don't have enough petrol." She smacked the car wheel when Sebastian reached out to calm her down.

"We'll just self-checkout at the station. I've got it."

She looked close to tears but nodded, turning the car on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, if there are any small mistakes please comment down where they are :)


	17. Chapter Seventeen - Young Minds

Seb offered to drive the way there _and_ back but Penelo refused. Seb could tell she wasn’t very comfortable with driving but it gave her some sense of control in the situation.

He glanced over and wondered if it was a bad idea to ask more about her family life. Once reaching the bright city, he was distracted for a little while staring at all the people and imaging what his life would be like soon.

“Hey, wanna stop and get something to eat before we keep going?”

Penelo looked offended. “We can get something on the way back.”

Sebastian wished he kept his mouth shut. Swallowing at how awkward he felt, he opened his mouth but was hesitant for a moment. “Don’t you have two brothers? Is Liam- I think that’s his name, one of them?”

“Yeah.” Penelo scratched her head frantically and quickly put her hand back onto the wheel. “Liam is the youngest twin of the two. I don’t know what’s going on for him not to want to talk to his brother or dad or his mum but if he needs me I’m there for him.”

“You said it’s been two years since you’ve seen them?”

“Ugh... I just...” Penelo’s face tightened hard and her hands gripped until it hurt, bringing her back to her senses. “I just, I don’t like seeing my dad, you know? I’ve been feeling guilty about it for a long time. I wonder if I’m a let down as a big sister because I don’t spend any time with them because of how I feel about it all.”

“I mean, I get it.”

“But do they get it?” She looked over, teeth gritting tightly. “They’re young. I mean... I don’t know.”

“He sounds old enough where you can just talk to him.”

“At fourteen I was a fucking idiot. I wouldn’t understand anything. And he’s a boy, all boys I grew up with were fucking gross and idiotic.”

Sebastian wondered what he was like at that age. He was crushing on Abigail hard and hanging out with Sam was, well, he guessed was a little gross and it wasn’t like he knew what he was doing back then. “Everything at that age is a bit gross. But he’s becoming a man, he’ll understand.”

“If he doesn’t then I’m sending him on a train ride home because I do not have time to deal with any fucking bullshit right now.”

Seb wasn’t sure how to comfort her. He didn’t know if it was good to touch her because she looked very on edge. The idea of putting his hand on his shoulder gave him an easy image of her flinching and getting startled so bad she would crash the car.

“I’m driving us back home though. Okay?”

“Okay.” She swallowed hard, eyes tearing up.

Liam sat at a table, cold and staring at his phone screen. It was quiet in the mall and being alone was scary. He never did stay out late and if he did it was always with Peter.

His eyes darted up about twenty times for every minute that passed, nervously looking for his half-sister who he remembered as a taller woman who often wore tight skirts and wrinkling dress shirts.

His stomach grumbled and as he looked one last time into his school backpack he frowned at an empty muesli bar wrapper.

“Liam?” He heard a frantic voice and glanced up, hoping it wasn’t his mother.

A pretty woman wearing a baggy sweater and sweatpants rushed over and hugged his head close to her chest. He was startled for a moment, wondering who it was when he looked up and saw her familiar face. She was a lot different from the person he knew way back when with her now bleached and dyed hair and dressed in more casual attire.

“Oh, are you okay? Sorry I took so long.”

“I’m fine. I guessed you were working late at the office anyway, I just played on my phone after the library closed. I think it’s running low on battery though.”

“What sort of phone is it?”

Her brother shrugged. “A cheap one.”

“Then my charger will probably do. Did dad buy it for you?”

“Yeah, who else?”

Penelo eyed him. “Your mum. Is she still jobless?”

“Yeah, she just stays home all day playing on the computer.”

Penelo tried not to show her disgust. It wasn’t like she ever told Liam her distaste for his mother. Taking a deep breath she stroked his back lovingly as Sebastian walked over, dressed in his typical all-black attire.

Liam and Sebastian took a moment of silence to look at one another. Sebastian noted how similar the two looked alike. It was a bit uncanny. He had medium brown hair that was cut tidily at the back with a little hanging over at his forehead. It looked easy to comb, the hair seeming very tidy and straight although it did tilt more to the side much like Penelo’s.

Liam wasn’t sure what to make of the tall man in front of him but his instincts told him he didn’t want to be near him. Only the fact that he was friends with his sister was enough for him to tolerate his existence.

“This is Seb.” She pointed out. “He’ll be driving us back home.”

“Cool, I can’t wait to see your apartment, can I have the bed?”

Penelo leaned back and gave him a dirty side-eye. “You ask me for help and now you want to steal my bed?”

“Fine, the couch I guess.”

“Oh, so you don’t wanna share the bed with your big sister?”

“Ew, no.”

“What do you mean ‘_ew_’? Look at you. Grimy looking toe-man. Bet you can’t even wash your face properly. Hey, is that a... _A pimple?_” She teased, pointing at his chin.

Liam corrected his posture. “Pen!” He huffed and whined.

Penelo smiled widely and Seb glanced over, unsure whether to smile too. Despite not seeing each other for years, they were very close. It was nothing like him and his sister. It made him a bit sad but then again, it was sadder for Penelo to have been away from him for so long. Sebastian didn’t really have an excuse for his lack of playfulness with Maru.

“Let’s go, have you eaten?”

“No...”

“Well, why don’t we have something here before we leave?”

“Yeah, I’m starving.”

“McDonald’s?”

“Man, I remember when we used to go to McDonald’s all the time growing up. It would be nice.” Liam remarked. Standing, he noticed he was the same height at Penelo and his eyes widened. “Woah, did you shrink?”

“Pardon me?” She winced at him.

“I remember you being taller.”

“Maybe because you were fucking tiny.”

“Was not.”

“Bet Peter is way taller than you.”

The look told it all. He was.

Penelo smirked and signalled Seb over to follow. Following beside her he spoke quietly. “I’ll pay if you want.”

“He’s my brother.”

“Look, you can make it up to me later.” Penelo wanted to argue but looking up at the strangely solemn expression on his face made her keep mouth shut. Seb sighed. “I uh... You two are close.”

“If you say so.” She laughed.

“I don’t mean to sound depressing but it’s nothing like me and Maru. It’s like you two haven’t spent a day apart.”

“Well, I used to play a lot with them growing up when I visited. I had to make most of my time with Liam and Peter. I suppose I knew I’d leave them eventually. I didn’t want to give that up.”

“It’s just nice to see.” Seb glanced behind them to see Liam trailing them a meter behind. “Hey, uh, are you going to tell him you don’t live in the city anymore?”

“I mean... I guess. He’ll find out anyway.”

“Do you think he’s trying to run away from home?”

“I would if I had to live with that bitch.” Penelo snarled.

Sebastian crossed his arms as they walked and looked back again to Liam. This time Liam looked right back up at him with wide eyes and then quickly glanced away. Seb sighed, wondering what he got himself into.

It wasn’t like he was mad at where he was but he just wasn’t sure what to prepare for.

“Thanks for the ride.” Sam waved as he got out of the passenger seat.

Shane shook his head. “Nah, it’s cool. You helped clean up at Penelo’s house so it’s the least I can do.”

“Yeah, hey... Isn’t it weird our names are sort of similar? Sam and Shane? Both start with ‘_S_’ and only have one syllable. It’s kinda cool that both our girlfriends have similar names too.”

Before Shane could argue that their names didn’t sound similar he paused to process what Sam had just said. “W...What? Penelo and I aren’t dating.”

“Oh? You two seem close. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“I mean, Sebastian and her are close too. She’s close to a lot of people.”

Sam scoffed. “Yeah, doubt he’d ever make a move though. He’s always been bad with women. I’ve asked if him if he likes her but he only gives me nasty looks. I guess maybe he wants to find a lady in the city or something. It’s easy to imagine him with some girl who also wears a shit tonne of black and probably likes getting choked in bed.”

Shane tried not to grimace, remembering how some women he slept with liked getting choked and he was never really against it since he was into things like that.

Sam crossed his arms. “Well, it’s not like it would work out anyways because he wants to move. Long-distance sounds rough.”

Shane looked down. He wanted to go back to work at Joja Headquarters but declined it all just so he could be with Penelo. Shane could’ve been the same, but from the sounds of it, Shane wasn’t quite sure if Sebastian liked Penelo. From the way he saw them interact she treated him like every other friend in the valley that she had.

Shane wouldn’t have noticed Penelo’s feelings if he didn’t say anything to her. She wasn’t good at hiding her feelings but she was just too nice to everyone. Now that they were dating it was easy to tell. The way she looked at him knowingly like they had some sort of secret language and the way she got nervous around him whenever they kissed.

She didn’t kiss him as much as he did with her. Maybe he _was_ intimidating...

“I’m sure he’s fine with girls. He knows what he likes.” Shane added.

“Maybe. But I’m not too hopeful. He barely talks. Especially when there’s a lot of people around. I can’t imagine him in the city. Anyways, good night man. I’ll see you at work next week or something. Or maybe we can hang out before then.”

“Yeah, maybe man. See you later.”

“Did you not pack? Ugh...” Penelo grabbed Liam’s bag and tore it open once they got into the car, both sitting on opposite sides in the back.

“Hey! That’s rude.”

“Oh, shut up.” She looked through the bag and saw his school books. Looking across at him in the back-seat, he knew he was in for some yelling. “You came straight from school?”

“Yeah...”

“What the fuck happened? Why not just tell dad? It’s not like he wouldn’t do something for you.”

“I don’t want to say.”

“Why? Because it’s stupid? Probably your fault?”

“Pen.” Seb warned.

Pen closed her mouth and Liam sagged, looking down at his hands. “What happened?”

“Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“No. I want you to tell me. And don’t worry about Seb.”

“I uh... I did something stupid. You’re right. I just, don’t want to be near anyone who knows me.”

“Well, whatever it is, does Peter know?”

“Probably not.”

“Whatever it is,” Seb interrupted with a soft voice. “We can help you with it.”

“Do you feel unsafe or something?”

“No.” His eyebrows creased.

“What the fuck was it!?”

“Penelo, he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’ll tell you sooner or later.” Seb glanced at the glowing numbered time to see that it was about 10:32pm. “I mean, he has to, you’re bringing him in.”

“Yeah...” Penelo frowned.

“And on that note... Where we’re _going_.”

Penelo put his bag down. “Right. So, uh, I don’t live in the city anymore.”

“Huh?”

“I quit working at the office ages ago. I moved somewhere new.”

“Where?”

“Look.” She stared right into his similar brown eyes. “You can’t tell dad.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want him to know.”

“He talks about you a lot, you know?”

Penelo went quiet and Seb looked into the rear-view mirror to see that she had frozen up, clearly not feeling well at his words.

“You know what, you’re right. We can talk about this stuff tomorrow or something.”

“Ugh, you’re annoying.”

“Yeah, and I’m also tired. So shut up because I’m closing my eyes.” Penelo said turning her head to the window and shut her eyes tightly hoping not to cry.

Shane turned his phone on and off again, pressing the button to the point that his fingers felt numb.

Glancing over again, he pressed the screen to see no texts, the clock on the screen changing the time. Sitting at the edge of his bed hearing the air conditioner letting out warm air into his room, he let out a long sigh. Looking down at his legs, he wondered if it was unattractive that he was on the hairier side.

He wondered if he was Penelo’s type. Sure, she had called him handsome a few times but it was still hard to believe considering he wasn’t as he used to be.

His phone buzzed and he rushed over grabbing at it and put in the pin code.

“_We got Liam, going to nap in the car until we’re home. Will tell you when we’re back. Make sure you go to sleep too._”

Shane frowned and let out an exhausted exhale through his nose. Collapsing onto his back he shut his eyes and then stared up at the ceiling. He blinked, feeling like he wasn’t really real.

He wished he was the one to have gone with her. Maybe if everyone knew they were dating they would have let him, but then again, Sebastian and him had both become good friends and he doubted that Sebastian would have stood by and let him not get enough sleep for work.

Shane forced his tired hands to reach for his phone again and he began typing to her, oftentimes deleting what he was writing before going to send something. He wanted to tell her he loved her or tell her openly how much he cared about her but if someone saw the text then maybe they’d figure it out. Was saying only ‘_good night’ _too cold of a reply?

He grimaced and typed a message that said _sweet dreams_ and _talk to you soon_ and closed his eyes in attempts to go to sleep. The stress lingered in the back of his mind making his heart race, impossible to slow down to resting level. His tongue felt dry, wanting a drop of beer...

Liam stared at the back of Sebastian’s head for a majority of the ride after driving through the city. He was curious to know where they were heading if not in the city but no matter the contemplation it wasn’t like he was going to know till they were there or if he asked.

His phone was almost dead and he didn’t want to spend the last few minutes of its life it potentially had on a small distraction. If Penelo was awake she’d tell him to try to do his homework but trying to read in the dark or write in a moving car wasn’t worth the effort.

Seb glanced over at Liam in the back seat from the mirror. He was constantly fidgeting and he knew without a doubt the young boy was looking over at him and staring at him from time to time. Penelo seemed to be sound asleep, mouth slightly ajar despite breathing through her nose. Her neck looked uncomfortable as she tried resting her head against the window but it didn’t seem appropriate to stop the car to readjust her in a more comfortable position.

“Are you two dating?” Sebastian’s eyes widened as he tilted his head to try to look at Liam before doing a confident double-take peeking over his shoulder. The street lights flashed crossed along Liam’s face, his brown eyes seeming to glow whenever they brushed over them.

“No, we’re not dating.” Sebastian forced his eyes along the road.

Liam couldn’t make sense of it. Why would he be here then?

“Are you two a thing?”

“No, we’re just friends,” Sebastian said, his chest tightening. He was afraid he might press down on the pedal without realising and tried to calm himself.

“So, like... Where are we going?”

“I don’t know if it’s for me to say.”

“But Pen won’t tell me.”

“You won’t tell her what happened, so I’m sure it’s a fair trade.” Liam huffed in response and Sebastian swallowed, the new silence feeling uncomfortable. “So, are you close with your sister? She told me you haven’t seen each other in two years.”

“I don’t know, she never visits.”

“Do you know why?” Seb’s voice raised, shoulders raising.

“I used to think about it a lot,” Liam admitted. “Dad doesn’t really say much about it despite saying he misses her. I think there’s something going on.”

“I’m sure Pen will tell you as long as you keep an open mind. She’s talked about missing you guys a lot. It’s a shame that your brother isn’t with you too. I’m sure she’d be happier to see the both of you.”

“Mm, I don’t know. I don’t know how Peter would react to what I had done. He’s been acting different, it makes it hard to talk to him sometimes.”

“Acting different?”

“Yeah, he’s gotten quieter. He hangs out with new people and he gets angry sometimes when I talk too much. I know I can be annoying, I just don’t know when to shut up.”

Seb sagged. “I’m sure it’s just weird growing up. Being your age isn’t exactly easy. I’m sure he’s just trying to figure himself out.”

Liam didn’t quite get what Sebastian meant. What was there to figure out? He didn’t know. All he did know was that Peter didn’t spend as much time with him anymore and that made him scared. He always had someone and that someone was Peter to rely on but now he felt like he was alone and he didn’t know how to live with that feeling.

The rest of the ride was quiet, Penelo snoozing against the glass. Liam’s phone buzzed a few times throughout the ride and whenever he looked down at it he saw most of the texts were from Peter warning him about their parent's reactions to him running off and phone calls dominantly from his mother.

He only texted Peter saying he was safe with someone but not saying who and left it at that. Once they reached a petrol station Sebastian leaned over to look at Liam before filling the car up to say they were five minutes away from her house.

Liam looked out of the car and only saw pine trees and old, wooden street lights. For all that he knew, they were out in the middle of nowhere. Liam shook his sister awake once Sebastian restarted the car to turn into Pelican Town and she glanced over, rubbing her neck.

They drove slowly on the old roads until they reached the end of Penelo’s driveway and going through the always-open gate.

Yawning, Pen went to open the door once Sebastian parked near the cabin. “This is...” Liam followed after his sister. “This is _grandpa’s house_.”

“Yep.” Pen’s eyes blinked out of order. “Do you need to shower or anything? There are spare toothbrushes under the sink.”

“You live in this?” Liam grimaced.

“It’s this or nothing. Now get inside or I’m beating your ass. I have to talk to Seb.”

Liam eyed both of them before strapping his backpack on and walking up the steps, surprised to find that the door was unlocked.

Penelo turned to Sebastian and gave a tired yet cute smile that made Sebastian shrivel. “Thanks a lot. I’m pretty fucking tired. I think I might sleep in tomorrow.”

“Will you be okay? I mean, I can tell this is hard on you.”

She waved her hand at him. “I’m not too bothered. I almost feel like this is an opportunity to make up for lost time. Whatever happened I’m sure I can yell at him till he learns his lesson. I’m happy as long as I don’t get to see my step-mum. My dad, well, I suppose I don’t mind as long as she’s not there.”

“Alright. Make sure you’re not working too hard.”

“Of course.”

“Cool, I’m going to walk home now, so make sure you hop in bed before you get too cold out here.”

“What? You can borrow my car to drive back. It’s like a hike up the hill to get to yours.”

“I like walking during nights. This is nothing. Don’t worry about me.”

“Seb...”

“I’m fine.” He grinned at her. She stood awkwardly feeling sheepish and tired. "Look, I mean it, don't worry." He reached out to hold her for a brief moment. He rarely was the one to reach out first but she wasn’t going to decline the closeness and warmth. Hearing him groan out of exhaustion he peeled back and smiled lightly at her, looking all over her face for any signs of stress.

“Good night Seb. Thanks again. I really mean it.”

He shook his head. “It was nothing. Now go to bed, it’s chilly.”

Shane stood in front of the alcohol cabinets with dried eyes, fingers itching to reach out. Feeling the heaviness of his head, he glanced over at Penny’s mother, Pam. Her dark blonde hair in the usual messy afro of a bob wearing a stained pink shirt.

With a wavering inhale, his senses came back to him. He didn’t want to end up like her and so he gripped his hands firmly and strutted over to Jackie at the checkout. She blinked rapidly at him with surprise. “What’s up? Morris is just over there at the help desk. If he spots you then you’ll get in trouble.”

“I needed to tell someone I’m feeling on edge.”

Jackie relaxed. “Okay. Just go into the back and if he comes over to check on what you’re doing just say you’re looking at the stock, you know? I’ll back you up if he asks me where you are.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem, Shane. Look, it’s okay. Just go calm down and you'll be fine."

Penelo felt a finger poke at her cheek. With eyes that blinked at different times, she looked up at her young brother who hovered over her bed. Her eyes stung but she forced herself up, instantly hating it and turned to him.

“What?” She asked with a hint of agitation.

“You’re out of bread.”

“I have like two cereal boxes.”

“I don’t want to eat cereal.”

“What is this? A fucking diner? Starve or eat cereal.”

“I like having a morning toast every day. You only have the bottom and top slice left.”

Scratching the side of her face she felt the bitter cold bite at her bare arms. “Ugh, okay. We can stop at Joja or something. How about you make a banana smoothie or something so you’re not so hungry before we leave. And brush your teeth, I don’t want to smell your bad boy breath when you talk to me.”

He exhaled in her face and ran out the door.

“You fuck.” She groaned, cringing at the smell.

It didn’t take Penelo long to get up, wash her face and put her hair back in a bun. Liam complained about the old mattress their grandfather used to sleep on which she wished she didn’t care for but did, worrying if it was comfortable enough for him to rest on. She made her morning coffee and tossed her brother some clothes to borrow from her closet which were mostly band shirts and sweatpants. It was good he was her height because otherwise finding something for him to wear would be a different story.

“Can we please get some bread now?” He whined once Penelo started rinsing out her cup.

Rolling her eyes, she put on tights and a hoodie then signalled him over to the car. She glanced over at the clock inside and saw that it was around 10 am. She never did sleep in this late but she knew how emotionally exhausted she was last night.

She was excited to see Shane though and excitedly walked into the store, telling Liam to hurry up. She told him to grab a small cart while she went on ahead which made her brother look ready to rant to her about manual labour or slavery.

Spotting her boyfriend she couldn’t help but smile. He was wiping down the rectangular poles that help up the shelves with his back turned to her. Bouncing onto him she wrapped her arms around him which didn’t startle him as much as she wished.

Shane felt his lips curl as he turned to meet her eyes. She looked tired more than usual but seeing her was enough to feel lighter on his feet.

“What are you doing here?”

“Liam wanted to get some bread. Said he has to have his morning toast or whatever. I’d argue with him but I know what it’s like to have a routine breakfast every day.”

“Where is he?” Shane perked, eyebrow raised. It wasn’t hard to spot him, Liam stumbled after his sister with a cart that had a broken wheel which Penelo smirked at devilishly but Shane couldn’t help but grimace from second-hand embarrassment.

“Liam, this is Shane. He’s a close friend.” She pointed out. Shane eyed the boy, he was the same height as her and looked almost identical to her. He wondered if they truly were half-siblings but then again Penelo wasn’t one to lie.

“Hi...” He frowned.

“Hey,” Shane gave him a once over, towering over him stiffly with his arms crossed. “You should be thankful your sister came and got you like she did.” His voice was stern and it made Penelo take a step back, feeling a little turned on.

Liam shrivelled and put his hands together. “I know.”

Penelo stared at Shane with a look of thanks and surprise which Shane tilted a corner of his lip up for a split second to acknowledge it. With a bare expression, he inhaled slowly. “Well, was the ride okay?”

“Yeah, I slept on the way back. Rides just make me so tired.” Penelo scratched the top of her nose.

“Yeah, I know.” He huffed a laugh.

“Liam, go find some things you need, I need to talk to Shane.”

Liam skirted the cart awkwardly until he trucked along a far away aisle. Penelo sighed and put her hands up to her waist, visibly exhausted. “How is everything?” Shane leaned close.

“It’s fine. He’s as annoying as I remember. Hasn’t told me anything, although he says it’s his fault.” She scratched the back of her neck and frowned, eyes drifting.

“It’s a shame our night ended early.”

Penelo turned her head swiftly and glanced at his expression. “Are you flirting with me right now?”

“Maybe.”

“Hm... I’m sad it ended early too. But I guess things always seem to pop up.” Her shoulders fell. “I mean, Liam is worth it though.”

“What of his brother?”

“I haven’t heard from Peter.” She shook her head. “Liam has been keeping in contact though. It seems Peter is the middle man for him and the parents.”

“So you haven’t spoken to your dad?”

“No.” Penelo’s eyes blinked heavily. “And it’s making me nervous.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He rubbed her arm and she lifted her eyes at him in thanks.

“I suppose I should get back to him.”

“What are you going to do with him?”

“I don’t know. Depends how long he wants to stay. I know he’ll have to go back eventually, but even still I can’t rework my schedule around him. He’ll just have to follow me around or go with Penny and the kids to do his homework. I don’t want him to think he’s on some holiday here.”

“Do you think he’ll keep the fact you’re staying at your granddad’s place a secret?”

“I really don’t know. I’ve never had a serious conversation with him or Peter about my feelings about the family so I can’t think of how he’ll react. I told him to keep it a secret but who knows. They’re old enough now, maybe it’s time to sit down with him and talk it out.”

“I think you should.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to find the right timing. Not because I’m scared of what he’ll say or anything but mostly because I’m scared of how I’ll be. It’s still very sensitive to me. I don’t know...”

“It’ll be fine.”

“I hope so... Anyways, take care of yourself, okay? Let’s spend time with the others at the saloon tonight.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

"Oh, and do you guys sell underwear? I'm not too keen on letting him borrow my lingerie."

Shane laughed and pointed her into the right aisle. Shane watched her leave hoping she’d do a second take at him but she didn’t turn to look at him, instead, going to bully her brother who yelped angrily. Shane couldn’t help find comfort in how close the two were but it was nothing like him with his brothers. They never were playful except for when they were children.

Sighing, he turned back to his job, his hands feeling numb. He couldn’t help think about where the night could have ended up if things just went the way he wanted.

“_Mum is coming over to finish the rest of the windows_.”

Penelo sighed at the text. She had completely forgotten about Robin wanting to renovate her house. Swallowing, she glanced over at Liam putting away the groceries as she sat at the table.

“Sebastian and his mum are coming over to look at the house.”

“Okay.”

“Do you like Seb?”

Liam hid his distasteful look. “Um, I don’t know. He wears all black. Is he emo or something?”

Penelo couldn’t help but laugh. “Not really. He just happens to have an all-black wardrobe. He’s really cool. Likes reading and games and stuff. He’s into programming and designing video games.”

“Woah, really?”

“Yeah. You should talk to him about it. You still really like playing stuff, yeah?”

“Yeah, but Peter and dad don’t really play games with me anymore. I have to play games by myself.”

“Those story ones?”

“Yeah.”

“By the way, how long do you think you’re staying here?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, can you figure it out? Because I had a budget to last me the Winter and if you’re moving in or staying over the season then I need to rework it or get out a loan or something.”

“I thought you were rich from working in the office.”

“I did have a lot saved up, but it went to making this house a little more liveable.”

“This isn’t liveable.”

“I suppose that’s how grandpa died then.”

Liam laughed. “That’s not nice.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Penelo sighed.

“Stop sighing. It’s getting annoying.”

“Stop _whining_, it’s getting annoying.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“So, like, are you going to tell me what happened or what?”

“I, uh...” Penelo looked at him and his face began to burn up. Penelo’s eyebrows creased and she stood up to walk over and hold him reassuringly.

“I guess it’s still hard on you whatever it is. I’m just glad you’re safe, yeah?”

“Am I a bad person?”

Penelo leaned back and scoffed. “That depends. But hey, tonight is Friday so we’ll go to the saloon tonight. You can meet some of my friends. I’m sorry there’s not really anyone your age here. The only kids around are like eight. If dad complains I might have to send you to that homeschooling program my friend Penny does so I know you’re doing your homework.”

“Penny?”

“Yep, not me.”

“Coulda fooled me. But, I mean... I’ll try be good.”

“Yeah?” Penelo smirked.

“I may be annoying back home but it’s hard to be good when you’re getting yelled at constantly to do things. I just don’t like being told what to do all the time.”

“Mm, yeah. It’s like whenever someone tells you to do the dishes as you’re doing the dishes. You just don’t want to do it anymore.”

“That’s what I mean.”

“Okay, then I won’t be too hard on you.”

“If um... If things get complicated, is it okay if I move here with you?”

“What?”

“I know you said you might have to get out a loan or something but I’ll help out around the place. If anywhere close wants to hire me then I’ll get a job. I know I’m a little young but I don’t want you to struggle because of me.”

“That’s sweet of you. I wouldn’t be declined to you being here. It might change things up but I’d prefer you to go back home. It’s not nice being away from your twin or parents. Even with my mum being crazy back when I was growing up I think life would have been scarier without her.”

“Do you still talk to your mum?”

“Yeah, sometimes.” She shrugged. “We catch up every now and then. At least once a month. She’s doing okay. She spends most of her time alone.”

“That’s pretty sad.”

“There’s no changing her though.”

“So, how come you don’t talk to dad then?”

“Oh.” Penelo crossed her arms tightly, feeling instantly uncomfortable. “I just don’t really like dad.”

“Why?” Liam’s eyes winced.

She raised her shoulders. “It’s mostly your mum. She’s never liked me, especially when you guys were born. I mean, she really messed me up.”

“Yeah, she never did like you around. I hated hearing her yell to dad about taking you home early.”

“Right... Yeah, she’s really fucking cruel. I think she’s a bitch, no offence. I know she may love and care for you guys but I will never _not_ hate her. She made me feel like I wasn’t a person for the longest time. My childhood isn’t something I look back at fondly and most of it was because of her. I know she’s your mum, but she really just... She hurt me badly.”

“Like, mentally?”

“Words can do a lot more damage than you think, Liam. I don’t really hate dad, he’s just a pushover. He never fought for me, never tried to really get to know me.”

“Do you wish dad never met mum?”

Penelo frowned. “No, I don’t.” Putting her hand on his shoulder, she reached in to hug him for a moment. “Because then you and Peter wouldn’t be born.”

“If you didn’t have to worry about us, do you wish they never met?”

“I’m not going to imagine that.” She grimaced. “Once there’s new life involved there’s no regretting. I just wish that maybe dad didn’t do things so halfheartedly. Maybe if he never tried to be apart of my life I could look on this a lot easier and just conclude dad is an asshole. I mean, he’s just a coward in my eyes.”

“I’m glad you told me this.” Liam rubbed his arm. “They never really tell me anything. I’ve always wondered why you never came to visit. Peter and I miss you a lot, but I think I say it more often. He’s a lot quieter these days.”

“Mmhm.”

“Mum doesn’t seem too bothered to see you gone. She is kinda a bitch about it though. Sometimes I overhear her talking to dad about how she’s glad you’re not with us anymore. Dad gets angry sometimes and they fight about it but she always wins.”

“I think dad is scared to be alone.”

“I don’t think so. I think he does love mum.”

Penelo frowned. “I can’t lie and say that’s disappointing.”

“I know. But I’m not mad they’re still together. I just wish they wouldn’t fight so much.”

“What does dad say about all this?”

“He just says he misses you and that you don’t talk to him.”

“Well, I have to admit that the relationship is dependant on him. If he wants to fix this giant hole between us then he’s gotta do something about it. He has to acknowledge how he hurt me growing up and has to take a stand to your mum Steph because I am not going to be so easily persuaded into letting him back in after everything. I didn’t feel like a person for so long and he could have done something about. He should’ve. He’s my dad too and he didn’t do anything.”

Liam stared at her as her eyes reddened and her hand trembled. He felt awkward, suddenly feeling the weight of Penelo’s hurt for the first time in his life. Reaching out his arms, Penelo slowly leaned into him and cried quietly.

Liam never did understand why she never did come to visit. Some nights he wondered if she even cared but now seeing her shattering, he finally understood it.

He still couldn’t stop loving or caring for his mum but his tolerance for her cruelty had lowered. Penelo clearly missed Peter and him for some time and he couldn’t help but feel guilty for being born or for stealing all of their dad’s love.

Penelo never did live in the same house as him for longer than some weekends and he had him for his entire life. Suddenly, his problems felt tiny in comparison to her’s.

Penelo told Liam to focus on any homework he had and that he could play with her paints as long as he was careful with her brushes while she helped Sebastian and his mother look at the windows in the back of the house. Liam was surprised to see that his mother had ginger hair but they both looked similar if you looked hard enough.

For the most part, Liam walked around the farm, seeing the massive changes that Penelo had done to the place. There weren't any horses like from what he remembered when visiting their grandpa when they were young but it was so much cleaner. No weeds, trees cut down for the most part near the cottage, he even spotted a wild hare running through some of the wild grass once nearing the fences.

He couldn't focus on his homework, mostly because he felt dumb and tried not to play too much on the internet with his phone since she warned him of her cheap plan that she was on and the budget she had. So he did what any boy would do and sat down to look through her movie collection, picking anything to do with action or horror with an R rating.

Robin concluded that she'd get the right fitting windows in for Penelo in by next week and Sebastian waved her goodbye, telling her that he hoped to see her at the restaurant later tonight and to bring Liam so that he could meet Sam who would hopefully bring him out of his shell.

“Okay, I’m going to be drinking so don’t tell on me for drunk driving us home tonight or you aren’t ever allowed to move in with me.” Penelo pointed at him.

“As long as you don’t kill us.”

“Of course.”

“Ugh, is this what being an adult is like? Drunk driving?”

“Hey! Don’t drink and drive.”

Liam cringed at his sister. She dressed in a warm dress and wore leggings that looked a lot like stockings. She put in a nice pair of dangling earrings and even put on a clean look of makeup. Liam hadn’t seen her dress in her old attire since coming but he was surprised to see how well she could change from some pop-rock looking singer to a millionaire's wife.

“Are you dressing up for a boyfriend or something?”

“Ugh, no. Ever dress because you just wanna feel nice? I guess you boys never care.” Penelo shook her head as she looked down at her phone to check the time. “Bet that’s why girls probably don’t like you.”

Liam’s nostrils flared and she smirked.

“Let’s go. You’ll like Sam.”

“A beer please.” Shane said, getting comfortable in his usual spot in the saloon.

“Sorry, no can do.” Emily said, not looking over at him as she dried a glass.

“What? Why?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“What if I asked Gus?”

“He’d probably allow you one, but I’d punch you if you did.”

“I’m sensible.”

“Mm, I don’t know. You’ve been looking a little stressed tonight. I’m following my instincts.”

“If I don’t drink tonight I’m going to probably lose it.”

“That sounds like a you problem.” She smiled at him.

“Emily, I’m serious. It’s just one drink. It’s not like I’ll even get tipsy from it.”

“You could seriously harm your liver if you keep this up. I like you when you’re sober anyway. I mean, you may be grumpier, but at least you’re you.”

“There’s no use in arguing, is there?”

“I’ll give you a free lemonade on the house. You look like you need to stay hydrated more.”

“Alright.” Shane tried not to sound so angry anymore, but he felt his hands itch and his throat go dry. Emily always did look out for him, but tonight she was being harsh by putting her foot down. If he complained he’d probably get his way but that wouldn’t be very good for his image as an alcoholic trying to get better.

Hearing the chime at the door go off, he turned in hopes to see Penelo but only saw Abigail. Their eyes linked and hers seemed to lift knowingly, making him feel self-conscious as Emily came over to drop a lemonade on a nearby coaster.

“What’s wrong?” It was as if Emily could always read his mind.

He tried to act cool, adjusting himself to look back at her as if it was nothing. “What do you mean?”

“What was that with you and Abigail?”

Shane gave in. “Penelo said Abigail knows about us.”

“Okay, so what’s the problem? I know you two are keeping it on the down-low but she has no reason to tell anyone.”

“I don’t know, I guess it’s because I don’t know her.”

“You don’t need to worry. And plus, try to get to know her if Penelo trusts her with your secret.”

“She’s intimidating.”

“Because she’s attractive?”

Shane opened his mouth to argue but it clicked to know that was exactly it.

“Well,” Emily stated in his silence. “Knowing a little of your history, surely it wouldn’t be a problem now that you and Pen are together. You’re not a harlot like you used to be.”

“_A harlot?_”

Emily snorted and shook her head, walking off to dry the rest of the dishes nearby.

The chime went off again as Shane took a sip of the sour yet sweet drink and saw Sam, Maru, Sebastian and Penny coming in. Sam waved over-enthusiastically with one arm around Penny as they walked into the pool room while Maru followed after them. Sebastian walked over and sat down next to him and sighed.

“Tired?”

“A little. I think I rest too much. Need to go for more walks or something.” Seb replied.

“Mm.”

“Now is the season. Winter is my favourite.”

“Mine too.”

“Penelo must hate that about you.” Seb smiled.

“Why?”

“She loves Summer and hates Winter, didn’t you know?”

“I mean, I guess I did. I don’t think she knows I like it though. I can see why she wouldn’t like it by living in that cold house.”

“Yeah...” Seb agreed. “Have you been playing the game I lent you?”

“Yeah, Resident Evil has been fun. I can only play an hour or two after work but I’ve been trying to help my aunt around the farm more now. I’m starting to really like caring for the animals, makes me feel a little better.”

“That’s cool dude. And no worries about finishing it quickly, I really don’t care.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Have you met Penelo’s brother yet?”

“She came to get him some things at Joja today. They looked practically the same.”

“I know right, it’s uncanny. But yeah, he seems like the nervous type. It’s actually... It makes me a little jealous to see them so close. It’s weird to imagine them not having seen each other for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve never been like that with either of my brothers.”

“Neither me with Maru. Well, not since we were kids.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s made me open my eyes a little. I brought Maru tonight, I hope she has fun tonight, otherwise, I might leave early to walk her home. I don’t like her walking alone at night even if this place is safe.”

“I’m sure she’s walked home at night plenty of times.”

“She’s clumsy, might trip on her own feet.”

Shane smirked when he spotted Penelo at the entrance with her brother wearing one of her familiar band shirts and baggy sweatpants that seemed to be tied around his waist tightly. Sebastian saw the change in his expression and looked over at her too. Keeping his mouth shut, he tapped the back of Shane’s shoulder and said he’d go meet up with the rest of the gang in the pool room.

He waved briefly at Penelo who smiled brightly back at him. She raced over to Shane once seeing him in his usual spot and Liam stormed after her, scared to be left alone.

“Hey, you’re not drinking! Yay.” Shane couldn’t help feel a little confident at the remark but it also stung, making his mouth dry, reminding him of his cravings.

“Emily insisted.”

“Hey, sober looks hot on you.”

“Can I have a milkshake?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, okay.” Penelo gave him an angry look for interrupting her. Waving over at Emily, the two women began to chatter almost instantly, telling each other that they both looked good.

“One chocolate milkshake and blackberry cider coming up.” Emily winked at Liam who turned his eyes down feeling embarrassed.

“Come, I’ll introduce you to Sam. I’m sure you’ll love him.” Penelo signalled her brother and boyfriend to follow after them. Shane quickly finished his drink and soon after began regretting doing so considering it was a nice distraction from wanting to drink alcohol.

Once in the room, Abigail got up from the couch and embraced Penelo warmly. Shane looked down at Liam who seemed like he couldn’t hide how enamoured he was with Abigail the instant he saw her even if he tried. Shane found some amusement in that and went to stand close to Sebastian who was easily beating Sam at pool.

Seb glanced over. “Hey man, wanna join in?”

“I’ll beat you if I do.” Shane smirked at Seb.

“Is that so?” Seb scoffed, shaking his head and handing him a cue stick.

“Sam, this is my little brother Liam. Make sure to take care of him.”

“Of course, hey Liam! It’s nice to meet you.”

“Thanks...”

“Wanna play pool with us?”

“I don’t really know how to play...”

“That’s cool dude. I’ll teach you.”

“Don’t let him teach you, he’s never won a game in his life.” Seb remarked.

“Hey!” Sam’s face reddened.

“I’m going to sit down with Abigail and Penelo.” Penny commented quietly.

“Of course.” The two pecked making Shane a little jealous before clearing his throat and aiming. Everyone waited for him to take his turn but when he went to hit the white ball, the rest of the balls seem to go in all directions as if he had missed but slowly two of them seemed to drop into separate holes.

“Woah, where did you learn that?” Sam asked.

“I told you, I’m a professional.”

“Is that girl going to play with us?” Liam asked in a small voice, referring to Abigail.

“Ha, look out Seb. The little dude is going to steal her away.”

Seb didn’t do well in hiding his discomfort. “Come on, man.”

“Little dude, she’s way too old for you.” Sam laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I was just asking.” Liam's face reddened.

“You’re not good at hiding your feelings.” Sam giggled. “Now, come, hold the stick like this...”


	18. Chapter Eighteen - What You Can't Change

“Do I have to?” Liam sagged against the kitchen table, his hair is a soft mess, lips in a pout.

“Either go do school work with Penny or you’re coming to hang out with me and the girls.”

“Can I just stay home and watch movies?”

“No, you’ll use up all my internet if you’re not supervised. _And_ you haven’t told me what’s going on or told dad where you’ve been for like four days so you’ll have to listen to what I say.”

Penelo was more upset at the fact that her weekend was given up taking care of him instead of being spent with Shane but it was something she wasn’t willing to spill.

“Can I hang with Sam? Is Sam free?”

“No, Sam and the others are finishing recording their EP in Sunney Town. They’re not here today.”

“Do you have to hang out with girls today?”

He was poking at her last nerve and she felt her shoulders fall. Trying not to roll her eyes she gathered her thoughts and turned to him with a serious look in her eyes.

“Unlike you, adults have to be responsible for their social life. We don’t have school to force us to interact with others. And look, you’re just too young for my liking to leave you on your own.” Penelo frowned at him. Shaking her head, she turned to make herself a coffee now that the jug had turned off, steaming hot. “And look, if you told me what happened then this whole thing would be sorted out much quicker. We all have problems. You’re fourteen. It’s not the end of the world.”

“It feels like it.” Liam said, deflated. Penelo could tell every time she brought it up he would wither in response. Whatever it was, he clearly felt guilty and awful from the whole thing. She could understand that maybe he wanted to run away and forget about what happened but thinking back on a conversation she had with Shane she knew it would be almost impossible for her brother because you can never run away from yourself.

“Well, that’s not my problem. Now, if you’re bored, then go over to Shane’s home to help his aunt with the animals there or something. Otherwise, read what books I’ve got.”

“I’m illiterate.”

“You’re lazy and small-brained. And look, they’re not even educational books, they’re adventuring novels. They’re exciting.” Glancing over to her brother while taking a sip, she saw the strain on his face. He was too young to know how to handle things like boredom it seemed. It made her worry he was getting a bit philosophical with what even was there to do in the world.

Frowning at the thought of her brother sinking into some void, she felt her eyes roll, giving in. “Look, I’m sure they have a DVD player or something. Go pick out some movies to watch. We’ll be there for two hours tops anyway.”

“Okay...”

Shane could see the smugness of Jackie’s face as she hummed along to the music in the store. The music was the same playlist played on repeat every single day. Sure, it might have been on shuffle, but Shane had almost every song that played memorised in his head at this point.

Glancing over to see if their boss was at the information desk and seeing that it was empty, he strutted over and eyed her. “What’s got you so excited?”

“Booked in to look at apartments this weekend.”

“Wow, really? In this city?”

“Yep, going with all my siblings. We’ll be taking the train. They’ve never been outside of Sunney Town. It’s so exciting.”

“Do you have enough to pay off the bond and shipping costs?”

“Mm-mm.” She shook her head. “But that friend of yours at Joja seemed very eager to help me. I don’t care what you did to him, but he has been generous lately.”

Shane winced, thinking back to Arthur.

“You know, I was worried. Like... He went cold on me after offering me an interview but ever since like a week or two ago he’s been keeping me in touch with things. He’s offered me a loan. He’ll take out like fifty dollars out of every paycheck if I need any help with moving to the city.”

Shane blinked quickly and crossed his arms. “That’s really nice of him. I didn’t know he offered you that.”

“Right, I mean, I thought all businessmen were all stuck up and only cared about money or something but wow, it’s been really good.”

From Shane’s perspective, she was right about businessmen only caring about money. He rarely found someone excited about working in management or an economic type job and when he did come across those types they always seemed to never be at the top of the pyramid.

“When do you think you’ll be able to start working over there?”

“It’s already been put in place. I’ll be starting January 2nd. So I’m hoping to find a place before Christmas.”

“Best of luck to you.”

“Trust me, you’ve given me enough luck.” Jackie smiled, her tired eyes rising into a genuine smile. Shane felt good for a little while, but he questioned it. It wasn’t like Arthur wasn’t capable of being a good person or giving away favours, but reflecting on how selfish he felt in the past he couldn’t help wonder whether Arthur was putting on a friendly face or actually cared.

“Hey, last time we talked you were stressed about drinking. How are you feeling now?” Jackie brought him out of his daze which he was glad to be taken out of.

“Strangely, it has lessened.”

“Do you ever get cravings still?”

“All the time. But it’s not so hard anymore now that I’m not alone.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

Emily hummed while coating Penelo’s wet hair with the white mixture. Penelo couldn’t help but think about how Emily was good when it came to hair. She never felt her hair being pulled or tangled.

Her house was also beautiful. It was colourful, girly and most of all warm. It was nice being in a house with proper heating. Haley sat in a recliner, legs up looking through a magazine. Liam would often glance her way, obviously attracted to her but Haley didn’t pay any notice so Penelo wasn’t sure if Haley was just simply ignoring it or was oblivious to it.

Liam had picked a dark fantasy movie with vampires and ghouls. Haley cringed once it was put on and Liam couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed watching it in a room full of intimidating woman. Hearing the screams and fight scene made Haley fidget in her seat and Penelo found some childish joy in watching Liam get uncomfortable at her judgement.

“I could trim it straight once it’s all done.” Emily offered.

“Yeah, sure.”

“No problem.”

“You two have a really nice house by the way,” Penelo added quickly. “It’s so nice and cosy. How did you get a place like this?”

“It’s actually our parents but they’re both on a spiritual overseas journey.”

“Were you two raised here?”

“We moved here very early,” Haley said from across the room. “Which I wasn’t very happy with, we had lots of friends where we used to live but you get used to it here.”

Penelo couldn’t help think that she was okay with living in the valley because of Alex but she kept her mouth shut. Trying not to be pessimistic, Emily sighed and whispered, “_She’s the only one who had friends back home_.”

Penelo smiled and Emily could tell she found some comfort in what she had said. Joyfully coating her hair, she took a step back and eyed her work.

“I think I’ve got it all covered, we’ll just have to wait at least half an hour.”

“Yeah, alright, thanks.”

“No, of course. I was happy when you asked me to do your hair.” Emily smiled brightly.

“How often do you do yours? It’s always touched up, even at the roots.”

“Maybe once every two weeks or something. It’s just a touch up though.”

“Have you ever tried other colours other than blue?”

“She used to dye it brunette. It looked a lot better on her.” Haley added.

“Haley...” Emily grimaced.

“Sorry, I’m just saying.” Haley waved her off. “But you did. You looked really good.”

“Well, thanks.” Emily huffed. “Wanna watch me make some cookies in the kitchen? I’d ask you to help me but I don’t want you to move too much with your hair.”

“Yeah, sure. Hey, Liam, why don’t you help?”

“What?” Liam whined, eyes darting to Haley.

Penelo widened her eyes, threatening him. His head swayed, lazily pulling himself up off the couch. She sat herself down at the kitchen table and placed her head into one of her hands. Her eyes peered out the window watching it pour down. No snow yet, but the chill was sure coming into the house.

It actually worried her a lot watching her brother shiver, obviously having not adapted to the cabin yet. She didn’t want Liam to get sick and the thought of spending more of her budget on medicine made her feel ill herself.

Emily pointed to where to get certain items in the kitchen to Liam who sheepishly followed her orders. Penelo smiled lightly at watching him having missed him for a long time.

“I do wish Evelyn would give me her secret recipe. All her cooking is divine.” Emily sighed happily.

“I know, she’s been very generous with me since coming here. I can hardly cook myself so it’s always nice to get whatever she has to offer.”

“Have you tried her jams?”

“Yeah, they’re really nice.”

“A perfect texture and just the right amount of sweetness.” Emily’s lips curved. “Even still, I can say confidently that I still make a nice shortbread. Have you baked anything before Liam?”

“Um, not really.”

“How come? It’s so nice and people your age love sweets.”

“Every time my mum attempts to bake with us she just ends up yelling.”

“Yelling? About baking?”

“More about how we’re not capable.”

“Of course you’ll lack talent when you’ve just begun!” Emily fumed.

“I don’t know. I don’t really like doing things with anyone except Peter.”

“Can’t say the same with Haley.” Emily shook her head. “She’s a hard one. It’s never easy doing something with her.”

“But you two live in the same house.” Penelo frowned.

“It makes it easier with being in the same house. But we both are too distracted with our own hobbies I suppose.”

“Yeah...” Penelo agreed, thinking to her friends Elliott and Leah who she sometimes wouldn’t see for a week due to their own hobbies.

For the next twenty minutes, Emily helped Liam and was patient with him when it came to instructions. Penelo hadn’t spent personal time like this with Emily before and watching her be sweet and considerate with her brother made her someone she knew she could trust. When it was time to turn off the oven, Penelo went to the bathroom where Emily helped her wash out the dye.

Seeing herself in the mirror, it just looked dark and black despite the purple swirling down the drain. Once Emily helped dry her hair with Penelo’s old white towel covered in dye stains, her hair looked nice and matte.

“Wow, this colour really suits you.” Emily smiled. “What do you think Shane will say?”

“I don’t know...” She said touching her damp hair as they entered the kitchen. “He said he liked blue.”

“He likes you though, so he’ll love this.”

Wanting to talk to Emily more about her boyfriend, her eyes drifted to her smiling brother at the table. He complimented her on her hair which was strangely wholesome but she felt her chest ache knowing that her relationship was meant to be a secret. She wasn’t so upset about it, she more-so preferred it but having to tiptoe around it made it frustrating.

Waiting for the cookies to cool down, Liam was prone to being talkative. Laughing as he told his sister stories of the past few years and what his friends were like made Penelo feel comforted. She wasn’t declined to having Liam live with her but she wanted him to go back.

She couldn’t put her finger on what he had done for him to have run away. He had told her it was his own fault and asked her if he was a good person. Whatever it was, it was clearly something he wasn’t proud of and seeing him run away from the issue made her immensely uncomfortable. Knowing that she was more of a confrontational person made watching him something that tested her patience.

Haley entered the kitchen at some point, standing at the archway. Emily and Liam were busy talking at the oven poking at the cookies that they didn’t spot her. Penelo tried to hide her puzzling expression towards her.

After becoming friends with Alex her opinion seemed to shift constantly when around her. She knew that Haley was sometimes cruel to Alex when it came to arguments and she had a prickly exterior. But then again, Penelo knew she only had one side of the story but even so she couldn’t help contemplate if what the two had was healthy.

“You look good.” Haley said, lips in a firm line.

“Thank you.” Penelo said, going to touch her hair. “Have you ever dyed your hair?”

She shook her head. “I’m pretty content with being blonde. I don’t want to damage it.”

“Yeah, that’s understandable. That’s why I only do my ends.”

“I wish Emily would do the same. I worry she’ll just shave her head at some point. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. She wouldn’t see the issue in that.”

“There’s not really any issue with it.” Penelo felt her nose crinkle.

“Yeah, for her. But she’s awfully pretty when she tries to look good. At least, to my standards.”

“It doesn’t really affect you though, does it?”

Haley shrugged. “She’s my sister. It does.”

“Well, fuck what anyone else says. She’s your sister.” Penelo huffed.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment and Penelo wondered if she made her bias obvious. She guessed that Haley was just once to clash with people and that was okay.

Haley exhaled slowly from her nose and looked over at her sister and Liam. “I admire you.”

Penelo slowly turned, questioning if whether she had heard what she said correctly. Haley looked sad. Her tidy brows creasing down, her shoulders tightly locked, it didn’t suit her.

“Alex really likes you.” She forced a smile. “You manage to get along with everyone too and when you dress up you look really hot. I’m never jealous of anyone but I might be jealous of you.”

Penelo’s mouth opened. She wasn’t sure what to say making her aware of her own breathing as time passed on.

“You shouldn’t be.” Penelo replied. “There’s a lot wrong with me. I always feel like everything I have is about to be taken away from me. I suppose I just try to make the most of things out of fear.”

Haley’s eyes withered down to her slippers. “I see.” She turned her heel and headed down the hallway, escaping to her room.

Penelo was left stunned but she wasn’t able to think much about what had just happened as Liam approached her, happy to have a small container of cookies with him. He was ready to go and Emily went in for a hug. Penelo thanked Emily for her help and her time but Emily waved her off.

Entering her run-down car with her brother, she felt a numbness that she couldn’t decipher or understand.

Sebastian tapped at his computer finishing an email with a zip file of his completed work. After sending it, he relaxed, stretching back in his gaming chair. Scratching his head, he picked up his phone after having it on silent throughout working.

Sam asked in the group chat how to upload their songs to a website which Abigail quickly responded asking if he was an idiot. Sebastian huffed a laugh and scrolled, reading through the two arguing. Penelo gave good instructions on how to do it which Abigail was obviously upset with, wanting to make fun of their friend for a little while longer.

Sebastian wondered what would happen to the band once he moved, his plan being to move in about six months during the Summer. With his lips pressed tightly, he wondered if it was a good decision. Was really leaving his friends a good idea?

Despite the early Winter darkness, Shane quietly cleaned the chicken coop with the blaring white light blasting down in the room. It buzzed loudly, annoying him. He wanted to drink some beer, but he had started going a few days without it, breaking the chain of having on every night. His mouth felt dry but it wasn’t a severe sensation.

The chickens cooed, some already resting while others quietly clucking, playfully running around. “Shane...” Jas stood at the stone steps, her eyes big and wondering.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

He stopped and raised a brow at her. “Yes?”

“Okay...”

“Wait, why? Am I acting differently?”

“Um... You’re not drinking and you’re not in your room a lot like you used to.”

“Well, I’m trying to get better.”

“It’s just weird.”

“Change is weird sometimes. But Penelo says it’s good.”

“Hm...”

“What?”

“Mumma says you stay at her house sometimes. Are you two married and you’re not telling me? Is it because I didn’t tell you about Vincent and me?”

Shane laughed. “No princess. We’re just really close.”

“Is she the one making you weird?” Jas frowned. Shane kneeled down next to her and tilted his head. He could tell that she was a little frightened.

“I suppose she helps me be weird, yes. Is something wrong about it?”

“I don’t know how to talk to you like I used to.”

“Well, just talk to me like normal. I’ll still buy you candy rings and take you to the park. Maybe not now because it’s been raining and it’ll snow but hey, I’m still your cousin. Your _favourite_ cousin.”

“Well, okay. Ms Penelo Blackbear is cool anyways. I just don’t want you to forget to play with me.”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry if I’ve been busy.” He pet her hair.

“No, it’s okay. Mumma says you’re working lots now and I couldn’t imagine not spending time with Vincent.”

“It’s good you understand.”

“Thanks.” Jas smiled. "Can I help you clean up the coop?"

"Of course."

While making dinner, Liam sat on her couch covering himself in a light blanket. He was watching the third movie for the day and was starting to get exhausted by it. He even attempted to touch the novels his sister had offered him to read.

It had been about five days and his mother had given up on spamming his phone with texts. In the beginning, she threatened him if he didn’t come home but over time she just wanted to know where he was or if he was safe.

Sighing, he got up after pausing the movie and trotted over to his sister. “Hey, Pen...”

“Hm?”

“I’m going to tell Peter that I’m staying here. Is that okay?”

“I mean, yeah, it’s Peter.” She eyed him. “I just don’t want them to know I live on grandpa’s farm.”

“I wasn’t going to tell them you moved out of the city.”

“Then go ahead.” She ruffled his hair and went back to chopping up vegetables.

Walking into his room he tapped at his phone to call Peter. The slow ringing made him fidget. He could see his breath in his room and his hands felt numb.

“Hey, man.” Peter answered.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“I mean, people are asking about you.”

“What are they saying?”

“I mean, word is out about how you smacked that kid. Our friends don’t hate you or anything, they get it, but you’ll probably have to apologise once you’re back.”

“Ugh...”

“Yeah, but hey, you should come back. Mum is starting to turn quiet and you know how scary she is when she’s quiet.”

“To be honest, I’m staying with Penelo.”

“Really?” Peter’s voice rose, something that Liam hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Yeah, I was thinking about moving in with her. I’m scared to come back.”

“Dude, it’s nothing and you know how rocky dad has been over Pen. It’s not hard to come to the conclusion that there’s something up and I don’t want to make this family anymore unstable as it is.”

“I’ve talked to sis about it. It’s okay as long as mum isn’t around.”

“I see...” Peter mumbled. “But even still, do you think it would be fair on Penelo to force her to talk to us?”

“Hey, I mean, she said she misses us.”

“Well, that’s nice but what about mum and dad?”

Liam went quiet in response. He felt his nose crinkle, making him itch to throw something or stamp his feet.

“Look, come back man. All you got to do is apologise and maybe do detention for a week. The kid is fine, he’s back at school and as talkative as ever.”

“I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be, I’ve got your back.”

“Okay... I’ll talk to Pen.”

“How is she?”

“Um,” Liam considered the question. The last time he had seen her she wasn’t very happy and was working at Joja in the city. Penelo had reluctantly agreed to meet up with their family who decided to go on a trip to Zuzu but she didn’t exactly look content to be there. For most of the trip, Pen had talked more to him and Peter while giving short answers to their mother. He even remembered their mother asking their dad about why it was important to even invite her.

She wore tight clothing that looked very professional. Her hair was brown and hung around her shoulders. Her eyes always looked tired but she was financially stable.

Seeing their sister now, she looked happier but she was also more stressed. Overall, she just expressed herself a lot more. He hadn’t seen her as happy as she was with the friends she had made in Pelican Town and it was nice to see her smile and it reaching her eyes.

He only really liked Sam but he could see that her friends had her back. Hearing Peter say that his own friends didn’t hate him after what he had done, it was comforting.

Peter was right. Moving in with Penelo because he was scared to move back wasn’t fair on her. He saw her struggling with her budget and had even pulled out extra funds just to take care of him. Feeling his heart hurt, he swallowed with a tight throat.

“Penelo is good. She’s made a lot of friends. She looks really happy and I’ve even seen her painting again.”

“That’s good to hear. I miss her.”

“Yeah, she wishes you had come too.”

“That’s nice.” Peter laughed. “But hey, come back, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll tell mum and dad you’re with her.”

“Kay, cool. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, man. Stay safe.”

After hanging up, Liam stood in his bedroom for a long moment gathering his thoughts. The cold was bitter in the silence but he felt he deserved to feel it as some sort of punishment. With his lips quivering, he decided it was a good idea to finally talk to Penelo about what happened.

He was scared, sure, but after spending so much time with her over the past few days he knew she wasn’t going to yell his head off like their mum.

Stepping through to the living room, he stood back near the table, hands hovering over the back of a chair.

“I think I should tell you what happened now.”

“Oh, okay.” Penelo finished putting vegetables into a pot and washed her hands, coming over to sit down, offering her brother to sit with her.

“I... So...” Liam grunted, angry at his stuttering.

“Take your time.” Penelo assured him.

“I um, I punched this autistic kid and he got seizures.” He looked across the table at his sister, hoping that she would get angry at him just as he was angry at himself but her face was soft, listening.

“Well, how did it happen?”

“It was after school.” His fingers fumbled under the table. “Peter and I oftentimes either walk home together or catch the bus. That day he had hockey practise though, so I was walking to the bus stop. There are the school buses and then the city bus that goes home faster if you make it on time if you cross the field. I was rushing over the field but this kid in the year below me kept calling out my name. Everyone is always patient with him despite how annoying he can be. I tried to ignore him but I felt bad so I told him I was in a hurry.

“But he kept following me so I stopped and asked what he wanted so he would leave me alone. He was just talking about some game or something since people know I like games. He just wanted to have a conversation. I was upset that day, I got yelled at a lot by teachers over small stuff and some of my friends were bullying me during the breaks even if they thought it was just messing around.

“I told him that I was going to miss the bus and as I turned around I saw it drive by. I got angry, knowing that I had to rush to the school buses now but he got in my way. I yelled at him and said he was always annoying and to leave me alone and I ended up punching him.”

“And then he had a seizure?” Penelo tilted her head.

“Yeah, he fell on the ground and started freaking out. I got scared, I didn’t know what to do. So I ran into town. I was scared to go home, I just sat outside in the cold for a while trying to figure out what to do. I got your number from dad, just like Peter once we got phones. I didn’t want anyone else to know, so I called you.”

Penelo exhaled loudly and rubbed his arm. “Thanks for telling me. I can tell it was a mistake. I understand that sometimes people aren’t easy to tolerate and it wasn’t smart to hit him. _**But,**_ you’re clearly upset about what you’ve done. Have you heard if he’s okay?”

“Peter says he’s fine and back to normal.”

“Then be thankful,” Penelo said clearly and softly. “Learn from this.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“No, I don’t think I ever could hate you.”

Her smile was comforting. “I think... I think I should go home.”

“Oh...” Her face fell. “Okay.”

“Will you have to drive me back? Will that cost a lot?”

“I can look up the train times. I know a train comes through Pelican Town. Surely one will leave this weekend.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, I love you kiddie.” She reached out and hugged him as he sat in his seat awkwardly. “You’re not a bad person. Sometimes you make mistakes but that’s a part of life. Just don’t be stupid and learn from it, okay?”

Smiling weakly, he took a deep breath. “Okay. Thanks, Pen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's a day late. I will say here that I have been very busy trying to sort out going into a university in a new city. Looking into moving and figuring out paperwork and stuff can be very draining and takes up a lot of my thoughts. I'm sorry if the other chapters are late in the near future but I don't want to rush any chapters and make them something I'm not happy with.
> 
> To be honest, I've been thinking a little bit about how things that age well are so much better than something that's just in the moment or trending if that makes sense. So I want my story to at least age well and actually be something I'm proud of.
> 
> Stay safe everyone, the sauce will come pretty soon ;)


	19. Chapter Nineteen - Midnight Dance

Penelo had bought her brother a train ticket home for Saturday morning which would be in two days. Being Thursday, she had offered them a one last night hang out at the saloon where Liam could spend some last-minute time with Sam who he liked a lot.

Both Penelo and Liam often watched movies together while she sketched on the couch but during the days where Robin and Sebastian came over to help replace her windows, he offered to help where he could, obviously at ease with telling his sister about what happened and wanting to make up for it.

She wondered if she should’ve been harsher on Liam considering his reaction to causing an ill person to break down into seizures knowing that the child could have possibly died. The kid was safe, but it still irked her. It was a mistake and she hoped he had taken into serious consideration what she had said about learning from what he had done.

Watching him eat a toastie at the recliner near the window she sipped her afternoon coffee, taking in the image so she could crystallize it in her mind so she would never forget it. Feeling her phone buzz in her hoodie, she reached down and looked down at it, hoping it was Shane.

“_Would you like to go shopping for appliances?_”

It was Elliott. She frowned, thinking of her bank account. She texted back that she worried about surviving the rest of the winter but he replied back it was for important things like electric blankets, new pillows and other important things.

She couldn’t help feel comforted by buying the type of items he suggested and agreed, asking who was driving who. He said he would be there in ten if it was okay with her.

“Hey Liam, are you keen on going for a drive to Sunney Town?”

“What for?” He raised a brow.

“Elliott wants to go shopping for some things.”

“Okay.” He shrugged.

Abigail walked through the forest staring down at her boots as they stepped over dead leaves and through puddles. Her purple hair swayed with the cold air. She was sure if she wasn’t wearing a scarf it would itch at her neck making her shiver.

Sniffling, she felt as if she was moving like she was possessed. She would always wander into the forest throughout her entire life all alone. It was like something called to her, telling her she needed to go somewhere or to find something.

Snow started to float its way down and she stopped to look up, enamoured by it. She remembered Sebastian loved the snow, loved Winter. She always felt a sting in her chest knowing she was the one to end things with him.

It wasn’t like anything was wrong with him. He loved her, treated her right and they had lots of things in common. But she felt like she was carrying around this baggage that just wasn’t fair to put on him especially knowing his family conditions. She didn’t even know what it was she was carrying around but it made it hard to breathe at times and make her head ache with white noise.

In her dreams, she would sometimes be walking through the forest as she did now and she would find a large tower upon a cliffside that was hidden away by the growing pine trees. It was ivy and weeds the grew along the stone with peeking flowers and fruits. The steps leading up to it were engraved into the earth and were perfectly cut bricks with mismatching clay colours.

She wasn’t sure if it was even real or if she had been to that place before but she always tried to backtrack the same exact path she took in her sleep.

After about an hour, she sighed and gave up. With the snow starting to pile on the ground she sat down and leaned against a tree. She brought out her flute and began to play a slow and wistful tune longing to understand the part of herself she felt was missing.

“Is your bed a queen size or king?” Asked Elliott flipping through the electric blanket bundles.

“Queen.” Penelo replied as she touched the different pillows to test out the thickness and softness. Liam was staring at himself through the different mirrors in a different aisle which Penelo rolled her eyes at. “How’s the writing been?”

“Very good. A lot of it is still planning but I’ve been starting to draft the chapters.”

“What’s the story like?”

“It’s a medieval fantasy.” He replied. “It stars a young man with a curse that worsens as he comes closer to adulthood.”

“Sounds just like real life.” She remarked, throwing a couple of pillows into the cart.

“He’s got another spirit in his body and it’s starting to replace his own slowly. He needs to find a cure to get the other person out but he starts to become friends with them the closer he gets to finding the cure.”

“That’s sad.” Penelo raised an edge of her lip. “But it sounds lovely. How will it all work out?”

“I don’t want to spoil it.” Elliott winked at her. “And I also haven’t figured that out. I think my best plan of action is to fully plan out the story up to the middle and let all the cards fall into place after that.”

“Well, if you need any help I’m sure any one of us can help you. Especially Sebastian. He’s pretty cultured when it comes to fantasy stuff in video games or novels and comics.”

Elliott paused for a moment and gave her a once over. She didn’t seem to notice as she looked down at decorative pieces. “What is your relationship with Sebastian? You always bring him up.”

Taken aback, she looked over at him. “We’re friends.”

“It’s just, you talk really highly of him.”

“Because he deserves it.” She inhaled. “I talk about a lot of people, don’t I?”

“I mean, Shane, sure, but usually it’s you worrying about him. Not exactly putting him up to a high standard like Sebastian.”

“Leah said the same thing.” She sighed. “I don’t think I’m good at this whole socialising thing like I thought I was,” She shook her head and walked closer to Elliott so she could mutter more quietly. “I think Shane is sweet and I care about him a lot. He’s amazing. He’s a fighter. I don’t mean to make it sound like he’s a burden. He isn’t. I love him, he’s a dear friend.”

“Love him like you love me or Leah?”

Her heart thumped. “Yes.”

“What exactly do you like about Shane?”

“Well,” She started. She thought about it for dragged second and crossed her arms, shutting her lips. This was something she had been struggling to think about for a while but ever since Liam appeared she had been too distracted to bring it up again.

“I feel like we’re on the same wavelength, does that make sense?” Her eyes widened up at Elliott. He nodded with a firm listening expression planted on his face. He leaned closer, giving her his full attention.

“It’s like when he looks at me... I mean, this might sound a bit silly but I feel like I’m special or like, amazing or something. Like I’m this rare thing or whatever. I know I’m not, but he makes me feel that way when he looks at me. And I do love his eyes. Did you know they’re green? They’re so dark I didn’t notice for the longest time.”

She crossed her arms and sucked in a breath.

“And his voice, it’s really like dark and smooth. I could listen to it all day. And he’s always interested in what I do. And when I talk to him I don’t ever feel annoying and I always feel annoying. He also likes the same movies as me. We share music as well and when I listen to what he shows me I feel like I understand him more. It’s not like he’s this sad guy anymore but it’s just this philosophical dude who’s getting his bearings.”

Elliott smirked at her. “It almost sounds like you’ve got a crush on him.”

She darted up. “Elliott!” She didn’t want to lie to her friend. It was hard trying to hide her relationship with Shane and it wouldn’t have been fair to tell someone without talking it through with him first. She also felt guilty not talking to her best friend about it but then again she felt like she talked too much about Shane and it was always on a sour note.

She took a deep breath, deciding to shut the topic in the conversation down so that talking about Shane would end on a sweeter note. “He’s a great person, I admire him. That’s all.”

“Hm... I suppose I wouldn’t be too opposed to you being infatuated with him. It seems like there’s a rare connection you have with him. Just take care of yourself. I mean, you’re usually optimistic so it wouldn’t be too hard on you. Maybe in some way, opposites attract?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She said in a flat out tone. “Anyway, what colour do you think I should get for my duvet? Purple or green?”

“Purple helps you with getting dreams.” Elliott smiled lightly, reaching over to rub her back sweetly.

“Wanna go for a late-night drive?” Shane leaned close to Jas. “I’ll buy you something you want.”

“Really!?”

“Hey, hey... Watch yourself.” Marnie’s face twisted. “And what about dinner?”

“We won’t be long.” Shane said shaking his head. He was still in his work uniform having just come back home after a shift. “And I wanted to buy someone a present.”

“Penelo?”

Shane gave his aunt a glare and she smiled, knowing to stop teasing him.

“Well, is it?” Jas asked, utterly confused.

“Maybe.” Shane said with a playful tone. “I’m going to go have a shower. Why don’t you try to finish your homework while you wait? I might even buy you a little something extra if you manage it.”

Jas gasped and ran to her room which made Marnie roll her eyes. “Don’t spoil her. You do that enough as it is.”

“I’ve got the money saved up now that I’m not drinking as much.” He smiled lightly. “And plus, didn’t she say something about wanting to learn to dance? I could get her some ballet shoes.”

“They’re very expensive Shane. I don’t even know if I can afford to get her into weekend classes.”

“I could help. I mean, I could even drop her off if you needed me too. I know how much time and work goes into taking care of all the animals. I could even help you when I come back. I’m starting to really like the chickens actually. A lot less drama than the rest of the bigger animals.”

“Don’t overwork yourself.” She walked over and placed her hand on his arm. “You’re still getting better and now that you’ve found someone you should do your best to put some of your spare time into that.”

“I know.” His eyes lifted. “But I want to make up for all the time I’ve sat around.”

“Listen Shane. Put yourself first more than anything else. I’ve managed to run this place as a single mother for many years now. Whenever you have the free time I’d appreciate it but I mean it when you say it’s not a necessity.”

Shane went in to hug his aunt which surprised her. Pulling away he kissed her cheek and told her not to worry before heading to the bathroom.

On the drive to the store that was in Sunney Town, Shane was sure he saw Penelo sitting in a car that drove in the other direction. Shaking his head, he was sure that it was just his love for her projecting into the real world.

When they reached the large warehouse store, he held onto Jas’s hand as they crossed into the parking lot. She wore a puffy jacket with a fake fur trim around the hood. It was pink, one of her favourite colours.

“Okay, I’m going to let you explore in here but you have to be where I can see you, alright?”

Jas nodded and went trickling into the places where there were toys or things that were a girly tone. Shane got a basket and trotted around, calling his cousin to follow him every few minutes. He looked at mugs, wondering if Penelo would find any of them cute. She didn’t have many glasses at home and decided to pick out one for her that had some sort of cartoon otter on it.

Sniffling, he glanced over at Jas who pointed enthusiastically to a giant unicorn toy that was double the height of him. Frowning, his eyebrows creased and he took a deep breath. He almost considered it but looked down at the three-digit price tag and shook his head.

They reached the appliance section and he looked at all the small floor heaters. Kneeling down, he decided to pick out the cheapest one which oddly looked better than the rest. Walking around, he found some art supplies but wasn’t sure what Penelo would need.

He reflected on any information she had told him. She had enough with pencils and small items like erasers and sharpeners. He remembered a time she complained about always running out of yellow and white with paints but glancing over the selection he could see a bunch of different types.

“The watery ones...” He muttered to himself. His eyes found watercolour and slid some of what he could find into the basket. Once he felt done enough, he followed Jas around who decided to pick a few small girly toys she could use for her toy house and bought her a small marshmallow type snack.

Coming home for dinner, he was excited to see the big meal Marnie had made. She was a brilliant chef and considering a lot of the ingredients were homemade or from the farm he found them a lot more tastier and healthier.

He knew for a fact that if he spiralled into depression in any other household he would have gotten a lot heavier. Kissing his aunt on the cheek, she jolted in surprise but appreciated it. He told her he would wash the dishes tonight and she simply smiled at him, refusing the urge to tease him.

Liam sat on the other side of the couch as both of them watched the movie in front of them on the tiny screen. There was a bowl of popcorn duds in between them and the smell was starting to get to Penelo.

She shifted, getting out of her blanket and walking over to the kitchen where she stuffed the bowl into the microwave. Getting a glass of water, she made one for her brother and sat back down, getting closer to him as she placed the cups on the coffee table.

“Thanks.” He said quietly.

Resting her head on his shoulder she took a deep breath, her eyes feeling dry. The movie was blaring and it was as if all the pixels were screaming at her. It was a Victorian-style fantasy movie and Liam seemed to be enjoying it a lot more than the adventurer or gory stuff he always insisted on watching.

“Are you tired?” He asked.

“No, I just feel weird. I thought drinking water would help but watching this movie just seems to hurt my head.”

“I think it’s good.”

“No, no, I mean... Just looking at a screen.”

“Maybe you should go to bed and read a book or something?”

“Maybe.” She muttered. “I wish we had more time together and I wish that Peter was here.”

Liam felt his hands fumble under his own blankets. “I know.”

“I’ve been thinking about what I said once you told me about what happened,” She started. “And I wondered if it was worth being harsher on you. I mean, I can’t express enough how dangerous it was for you to run away. I just want to make sure you realise that.”

“I know... I at least know that at the very least.”

“And I get lashing out, yeah? But it’s always a win when you can stop yourself from doing that.”

“I guess its a trait I got from mum.”

“Well...” She frowned. “We both share the same dad and he has passed down awful traits too. My own mother is quite toxic a lot of the time but the good thing about being human is being capable of understanding what we’re given and what we can change.”

“I keep hearing people tell me things about changing. I don’t think I quite get it.”

“What do you mean?” She asked as she sat and glanced at him. He could tell her eyes were red and strained and he frowned, wishing that she felt a little better.

“I don’t get why people want me to change or bring it up so much.”

“It’s just life. I mean, we’re always changing. We’re not meant to be stagnant. Of course, you don’t want to be completely different. For example, you’ve met many of my friends. I wouldn’t want Sebastian to change or Leah or Elliott. But I do want them to keep trying to be better.”

“That makes more sense.”

“Mm. That’s the whole reason for schools. Just getting better at things.” She smiled widely with her lips pressed together. “On that note, what do you want to be when you’re older?”

“Ugh, really? Adults always ask that stuff.”

She shrugged. “Look, it’s fun to think of the future.”

“I don’t really know. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought of it.”

“You like video games and sports, right?”

“Mum says if I want to make video games then I’ll fail in life.”

Penelo pulled her head back. “Doesn’t she play video games like... All-day, every day?”

“Yeah.”

Penelo huffed through her nose. “I remember once I was playing on the computers at dad’s one weekend when I was your age and she told you guys not to be like me or you’ll ruin your eyes.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“It really messed me up. She said stuff like that to you two all the time.”

“I can recall a few times. I wouldn’t know the exact words she said though.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She crossed her arms.

“If it makes you feel better, I mean... Maybe I want to get into playing gridball?”

“_Whaaat?_” Penelo sat up. “Why didn’t you tell me you liked gridball? I would have got you to talk to Shane or Alex about it!”

“It’s nothing!”

“Shane used to play it all the time when he was younger and Alex wants to get into the Zuzu City team.”

“Really?”

“Uh, yeah! God, maybe then you wouldn’t have been on your ass following me around for a week.” She eyed him. “You’ve got a lot of work to do though if you want to be in shape.”

“Ugh...” Liam turned away from her.

“Hey, I’m excited for you.” She brushed the side of his cheek with the joints of her fingers. “I want you to follow your dreams, whatever they are.”

“Thanks...” He pouted.

“I love you, little man.” Her voice turned quieter as she leaned against him again, shutting her eyes.

Shane walked with his chest out, taking in the cold air with long takes of breathing. Walking into the saloon, he knew soon he’d see Penelo who he had missed beyond belief. Even with being busy and distracting himself by helping out his family he still felt like something was missing.

Now that he had what he wanted it seemed to hurt a lot more the longer he stayed away from her. He thought that he would stay over more, see her more with his time off but ever since her brother had come into their lives it seemed to halt. She even told him how Liam asked if he could live with her if things turned bad and he couldn’t help but feel disappointed if that came to be.

Thankfully, she texted him that on Saturday morning he would be taking a train ride home. He felt selfish for feeling good about it but he wasn’t ever going to admit he wished such things.

Shane sat down in his usual spot and felt settled with the fireplace heat on his back.

“Hello, my sweet friend.” Emily blossomed, bouncing behind the counter.

“Hey, Emily.” He could see a sense of smugness on her lips. “What is it?”

“Hmmm, just a surprise.” She winked.

“What do you mean?”

“Just a little something I did with Penelo.”

“Huh? You two hung out this week.”

“Yeah, I recommended telling her not to say anything to you.”

“What? Why?”

She trailed off which made him groan. He could only think of the worst things to expect. Emily talked a bit with her boss Gus while Shane turned to look at the fire, feeling like his chest was throbbing waiting for Penelo.

He could hear Emily trotting back and went to turn at her before she could bombard him without preparation “So, have you been doing any reading lately? I remember when you first came here and would just read by the fire. It’s almost been a year since you’ve been here, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, just about.”

“Thing is, I’ve been wanting to do a little more reading. I mean, I read enough but I want to try genres I’ve never really gotten into.”

“I usually just read things online. A lot of essays and poetry. I couldn’t really direct you into a certain thing.”

“Poetry? I didn’t know you liked poetry.”

Shane felt uncomfortable and shrugged.

“What’s with hiding all these cool things? You’re so interesting but you never show it.”

“Thanks, Emily.” He said in a flat tone.

“I mean that in a good way. And look, Abigail likes poetry. I know you’ve been a bit iffy about Abigail since she knows about you and Penelo but you could bring up this stuff with her.”

Shane winced. “I think I’ve read her poetry before.”

“Really? Where? Was it on the notice board?”

He shook his head. “Somewhere secret in the valley.”

“There’s a lot of secrets here I guess.” Emily sighed. “Did you want to order anything?”

“A beer.” He winced, hoping she wouldn’t refuse him this time.

“Yeah, okay.” She raised her shoulders and skipped away.

He smiled lightly when he heard the doorbell go off. Glancing over, he saw Penelo and quickly got on his feet. He rushed over and outstretched his arms to kiss and hug her. Once she was close, he saw Liam in the corner of his eyes and jolted, stopping himself from kissing her as he wrapped his arms around her for a split second, wishing it was longer.

“Hey.” She giggled. “I didn’t expect that.”

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” His eyes were sad and she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“I know...” She turned to Liam who pointed quietly to the game room. He wanted to see Sam and she could tell. Nodding lightly, her brother walked away.

“Your hair is purple.” He said dumbly, just noticing.

“Yeah, Emily helped me do it. I’m really happy with it. I haven’t got it done since I quit my job.”

“It suits you.” He said as he reached for her ends. “A lot...”

Sucking in a nervous breath, she felt her heart flutter. “How have you been?” Her expression was soft and it was something he missed seeing. He couldn’t help but embrace his selfishness now that she was in front of him. He couldn’t help but think it was unfair for Liam to just pop up when something between him and Penelo just started. It was like a hiccup during a speech or an unexpected pothole in the road. It was just a frustrating stop in time.

“I just really missed you.” He whispered.

Her torso felt like it was going to expand. A compliment from him or the fact he acknowledged wanting to be with her was enough for her to feel explosive.

“We’ll have a lot more time in the next few months. I don’t have any farm work and Liam is leaving tomorrow. Ugh... I wish I didn’t have to send him back to his mum.”

“I suppose it can’t be helped until he can take care of himself.”

“That’s one good thing about growing up.” She looked up at him and felt a sense of comfort just being near him again and seeing all the little things you only ever noticed by being up close. His dark green eyes and crease in his nose.

They walked over to his spot where Emily came over to give him a beer. She wanted to call him out for drinking when Emily sparked a grin. “Did you know your boyfriend likes poetry?”

“No... That’s really nice.” Penelo stared hard at him.

“It wasn’t something I thought was important.”

She tilted her head at him, showing some visible disappointment. He scratched the back of his neck feeling awkward.

“Want anything Pen?”

“A chocolate milkshake for Liam but that’s it, thank you.” Once Emily walked away Penelo turned to him. “You should have told me you liked poetry. Elliott writes poetry all the time. Do you not like him or his stuff?”

“You know how I am with people.”

“Then you don’t hate him?”

“Elliott is fine.” He grumbled.

“And you’re drinking.” She pointed out. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Pen...” He dragged. “I haven’t been drinking much lately. I haven’t drank any alcohol in the past few days. I’m really fine. I just missed you. And I don’t really talk to anyone about shit like poetry. It’s not like a big hobby. Emily just asked me for recommendations when it came to reading and I told her I just find stuff online.”

“Ugh, yeah, you know what? I think it’s best you didn’t tell me because if you’re anything like Elliott when he talks about stuff that he’s read than you’ve already lost me five seconds in.”

“I expected as much.”

“But hey, send me some stuff you read. I want to know you more.”

“Here you go.” Emily smiled as she walked over.

“Thanks, here.” Penelo handed over a note and arched her head at Shane. “Let’s go to the others.”

Walking into the game room, both Liam and Sam were screaming at an arcade screen as they both shared different nozzles, both shooting at little creatures. After getting distracted by Penelo offering the milkshake, both of them died but only Sam seemed sad since Liam was smitten to get a drink.

Shane sat down on the couch with Sebastian beside him and Abigail on Seb’s other side.

“Hey man, how’s it going?”

“Busy.”

“Work?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah...” Sebastian sighed. “It’s often like that. I hope it’s not getting to you.”

“I’ve been okay,” Shane said, surprising himself. “It’s a little weird. I was feeling bad about a week ago but now it’s been a lot easier.”

“Yeah, the whole Liam thing was a bit stressful so maybe it was that. Or maybe you finally got over a hurdle.”

“Yeah...” Shane said as he looked down at his half-finished beer in his hands. “Penelo got a little upset with me after Emily told her I like reading.”

“What? Why?”

“I guess she didn’t really know.”

“I mean, she’s into that stuff. Isn’t that like, stuff she wants to make a career out of?” Abigail said, a popsicle in her mouth.

“She wants to be an artist, not really a writer or anything.” Sebastian corrected.

“So that’s mostly Elliott.” Abigail nodded to herself. “I mean, art is just visual storytelling. It can be important.”

“And her best friends are really into that stuff too.” Sebastian added.

“Yeah, I used to write a lot of poetry as a teenager. None of it was good but it helped.” Abigail tilted her head. “If you’re into it you should write some if you don’t. I bet she’d like it.”

“Do you think?” Shane’s face was stern but Abigail wasn’t that scared of him standoffish nature.

“Yes. I mean, it’s even a bit romantic.”

“Woah, calm down. They’re not even dating.” Sebastian said, staring hard at her.

“Yeah, so?” Abigail said trying to be convincing. “It’s still a cute thing to do.”

“Don’t force something on someone.”

“I’m not! I mean, I used to share my writing with you before, remember?”

“Yeah...”

“I’ll write a poem talking about how you’re a dickhead.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes but a smile tempted his lips. “I’ll look forward to it. Anyway, Shane, want to play some pool?”

“Mm, yeah, okay.”

“Cool. Don’t get in trouble while we’re gone Abby.”

“What? I’m just sitting here.”

“Exactly.”

Sebastian was always impressed by Shane's skills with playing pool. He always won when playing with Sam so it was nice to have some competition. Shane looked calm when he played which was the opposite of how Sebastian knew he felt. It was good to see him in a calmer setting and the only other times he really saw his friend act that way was when he was high or with Penelo.

Penelo wanted to spend more time with her brother but he looked to be having a lot of fun with Sam at the arcade machines. She wanted to squeeze her way into what they were doing but she lacked the coins to pay to play any of them. Instead, she sat next to Abigail who happily showed her some of her recent drawings. Penelo asked how the camgirl business was going and Abigail just said same old.

"Do you ever get any creeps?"

"I mean, yeah. But I feel relatively safe since I hide most of my face. I don't use my real name either. I don't know, it's not exactly something I'm not used to. Guys creep on any girls with coloured hair online, especially gamers who live in their parent's basements - no offence to Seb of course. Haven't you ever come across weird dudes?"

"Not since I was a teenager I guess. Too busy trying to get out of my toxic household." Penelo answered.

"Ah, makes sense. That's good. Make sure you stay safe if you ever get into online gaming stuff, yeah?"

"Yeah... I hope you're safe too."

"Always on top of it. Don't worry." Abigail replied.

Eventually, the two decided to go and join in with playing pool where Shane was quick to be at her side to properly teach her. It made Sebastian wince knowing that both of them could've given her a hand but instead he pushed himself into being closer to her. He held his breath, feeling his skin crawl on his arms. It didn't bother him for long, all of them standing around the table booming with ever time one of the balls went into the holes. Even Sam and Liam came over at all the laughing and hollering.

The night was going by quickly and Shane even offered to buy Liam and Penelo something to eat for dinner since Penelo commented on her quickly depleting budget. Liam wanted to get some mac n cheese while Penelo just wanted some fries with bacon toppings. Abigail was the first to go home and teased to Penelo that she wanted to go do some live streaming for an extra dollar.

Penelo and brought Liam over to dance to the music but he got tired easily, wanting to sit down after ten minutes. "How will you be a famous super sports guy if you can't even dance with your sister?" She remarked.

Sebastian sat with Sam and sipped a coffee, clearly not going to sleep any time soon. With the others busy, Shane walked over to talk to Penelo but she quickly grabbed his hands whirling him away with her.

“Let’s dance!” She grinned widely, teeth showing.

“Penelo...”

“_Look_, everyone knows we’re close. It’ll be fine.”

He took her hand and followed her into the wide-open pub. She grabbed both his hands and started taking big steps and swaying movements.

“Is this dancing?”

“It’s something.” She smiled. "And I don't care, dancing doesn't really ever look good in times like this but it's all about having fun."

"It makes me feel awkward."

"Then you're doing it wrong." She stated. "Did you never do this back when you were a big wanted player?"

"Not really." Shane frowned, trying not to be as showy as her, moving from foot to foot.

"How sad." She sighed. "Dancing is one of the most fun things to do."

"Yeah?"

"Of course!"

Seb watched them dance and looked down at his sore hands. He realised it now and was almost humbled by their relationship. All the clues had seemed to line up and despite his wants he wasn't declined to the idea of the two of them being together. Shane was the happiest he had seen him and Penelo enjoyed his company. Even still, he felt hollow enough to want to leave just because it hurt to watch. Telling Sam and Liam he was going to leave to go play some videogames, he didn't bother saying goodbye to the other two who were obviously enjoying themselves.

Closing the bar door, he felt the edge of his lip raise but his eyes lingered down to his black shoes.

Penelo felt groggy in the morning but she was in a better attitude than she had been in for weeks. The house was a lot warmer now with windows that weren't broken or had leaks. She didn't have to dry down the condensation or check for mould, instead, she had more time to relax. Liam had already packed, but now he had a grocery bag with some extra things to carry like some sketches Penelo had given him and some other small gifts she offered him. 

She knew she'd miss him but it didn't hurt so much knowing she could spend the rest of the weekend with her boyfriend. Sharing a household with someone for so long was draining even if she enjoyed the company but it was mostly because the other person wasn't old enough to care for himself. He looked scared to go back home but he didn't look as frightened as he did when she came to get him. Rubbing his arm, she helped put his bags into the car. They reached the train station in ten minutes and had about another ten minutes to wait for the train to come through.

Penelo hadn't really come up to this side of the mountains in Pelican Town. There was a bathhouse that looked abandoned nearby which was surprising considering that bathhouses were more of an olden day business that died down once proper plumbing became more affordable. Waiting in the car, she spotted a familiar face but someone she didn't know. It was the local homeless man that Sebastian noted lived near their house in a tent. He had a thick white beard and hair that hung down to his shoulders. He looked like a wholesome man but she didn't know him and therefore told her brother to stay inside until they could hear the train.

"Hey, I'm gonna call Peter to tell him I'm about to get on the train."

"Yeah, okay." Penelo replied while rubbing her gloved hands.

There was a quiet second before Liam boomed into his phone, happy to hear from his twin. They didn't talk about anything in particular except for the fact he was at the train station and that it was cold. Soon, he offered Penelo the phone if she wanted to talk to him which she gladly accepted. "Hello?"

“Hey sis.” She could tell Peter was smiling through the phone. “It’s glad to hear your voice again. How’s work?”

She sighed heavily. “Quite stressful. Winter bills and all.”

“Mm, dad has been worrying too.”

“I miss you.” She quickly said, feeling like she needed to say it.

“Yeah, me too.” His voice darkened. “I’m glad he was staying with you. No one in school seemed to know where he was. And the kid he punched, well... He’s fine but Liam will have to apologise and the teachers say he might be in trouble for a little while. But his friends don’t seem to hate him or anything despite how he thinks they feel.”

“Yeah, he’s worried he’ll be alone.” She said as she poked at Liam's cheek.

“He’ll never be alone, we’re brothers.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve heard you’ve been getting a bit sentimental lately.”

“Yeah. Life is getting a bit overwhelming.”

“It definitely can be at your age.” Penelo put her hand to her waist, tired at the thought. "I want you to know you're not alone, okay? That this is normal."

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

"Adults might say it a lot but I mean it. And hey, next time Liam comes to visit you have to come too. I have to make fun of Liam for being the shorter one."

"Haha! Yeah, of course. Although, mum won't be very happy hearing about it."

"Her opinion doesn't matter. I just want to see you."

"Hey... I've been thinking a lot and I wanted to say sorry for mum. I... I've been recalling all the things she did to you growing up and I know it's not fair."

"It's cool and it's not your fault."

"I still can't help but feel bad. You're my sister."

"Peter, look, I love you man. It's all fine. I just want to see you again, yeah?"

"Yeah..."

"The train is going to be here soon but text me sometimes, okay?"

"I will."

"Okay, want to say anything else to your brother?"

"No, it's okay. See you soon."

"See you." Penelo smiled before handing Liam's phone back. "Wanna wait outside now?"

"Okay."

Penelo got his shopping bag while Liam put his backpack on. They climbed up the steps to the waiting area where Penelo looked over at an old and busted ticket machine. Faded stickers informed any readers about getting tickets in town or online but even still, it looked lacklustre.

"I hope you catch up on any homework you missed."

"I will."

"It's important to be smart."

"I don't really feel like I'm learning. It's more like remembering stuff for exams and tests."

"I felt the same way." She sighed. "I wouldn't blame you if you dropped out like me. But I hope you find out what you love, even if it isn't gridball."

"It was just a thought."

"I know." She frowned. "I'm going to miss you."

"I know."

"Ugh! Say it back." She shoved him.

"**_I'll miss you too!_**" Liam groaned. Sniffling, she reached out and gave him a side hug. They both heard the train whine and they arched near the railing to see it coming through a tunnel. Liam rubbed his back and handed him his other bag before waving to him as he stepped inside. His brown eyes were wide as they followed his sister, obviously scared to be alone. He found a seat to himself and took out his headphones, smiling sheepishly at Penelo who mouthed to him about the novel she gave to him, telling him to read it.

Looking at the other people on the train, she noticed Jackie, the cashier at Jojamart along with some other teenagers and children. She was surprised to see another familiar face and they smiled briefly to each other.

Feeling her lips curl down, she stared at her brother, unsure of when she'd see him again. She was happy enough that she didn't have to talk to her dad or her stepmother, but she still feared it for the future. She always wanted Liam to go back but she was starting to regret that feeling.

The train started to leave and Liam waved once last time, leaving her standing at the platform with the snow falling on her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I just wanted to say that life has been hectic due to my plans on moving and joining into a university. I might not be able to post weekly which has already shown with me being a day late for the past two weeks. I really am sorry if you look forward to the next chapters, especially since both Penelo and Shane are now together and has smut tags. The slow burn can really hurt when there are big pauses.
> 
> I hope you're all staying safe considering 2020 is being horrible right now. Stay safe and on top of things. Love all of you and again, if you see any mistakes I am really thankful for any comments pointing them out.


	20. New September Update

Hey, I'm in the process of moving and for the next week to two weeks, I am going to be very busy.

I have a lot of paperwork and preparation for study and living in a new city to work on. Again, I'd like to say that I do plan to finish this story and it can be frustrating to wait continuously for something. I care so much about everyone who reads and enjoys my work and I really appreciate you sticking with me.

I hope you're all taking care of yourselves.

_____________________

Heya, this is an add-on to the "update" chapter I suppose. I know it's been a few months, I just want to say I haven't died and I still think about this story and plan to finish it. I can't promise a good schedule right now as life is so much more hectic than I thought it would be. University sucks up so much more time than I thought it would and it's hard to have a schedule in mind despite the fact I strangely am always very good with that stuff.

I am on break from the **28th of September** to the **4th of October** so you can absolutely grill my ass in the comments over that time to communicate and upload chapters.

Because I don't want to put false expectations on any of my readers, I would suggest checking on this story probably like, once every two weeks and once a new chapter pops up (I will change this "update chapter to an official Chapter 20) then I will most likely be uploading weekly again.

I really appreciate the support and the comments I get by the way and I know I often say that but I think about them quite a lot. One of my goals for this story was to promote safe sex or just like, communication between couples in general. It's actually very common for people not to do any of that which is very silly but hey, I mean, live your life I guess - BUT, when I get comments where people are thankful I brought it up I can't help but feel really good that it's, I don't know, being recognised. I just don't really see actually functioning couples in media all that much??

When it comes down to my life as of now, I've said that university has been keeping me busy but lately they've been really up my ass with everything. I have to finish a film assessment within two days and despite working rigorously on it I truly only feel like I'm halfway done with it. Considering a student life in the city, well, people weren't kidding when they said you'd cry yourself to sleep from hunger some nights. 

Anyways, my country is doing pretty well with the pandemic but I know many people aren't as lucky as I am in that regard. I mean it when I say you're always better safe than sorry. Wear a mask, think about your circle and literally just don't be a dir-tee pig innit.

I love all of you, I still think about you and this story again, I just have to double down on the fact that this is very much for my own enjoyment and to get back into writing, I'm not afraid of any mistakes being pointed in my writing (I would really insist on pointers) and I know many of you enjoy it but I seriously don't want to rush something, you know? So I apologise if you are quite serious about a reliable writer who posts like every week for like a year because I simply just can't do that in this moment of time even when I want to be that.

Stay safe, drink lots of water till you piss like a waterfall and tell your friends that you love them!


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